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| Forgive or Forget?
Posted: 5/16/2008 3:30:30 PM | Miz Understood. I think you should stay exactly where you are and who you are with.You say you are happy.If so why rake up the past and all the bad memories that go with it UNLESS you are prepared to deal with them one by one.
I dont think,from reading your post,that your mother deserves you.You wont be able to get any form of apology out of her and all you will do is get hurt and upset.Is her life worth yours?
Is blood thicker than water? Something i have learnt is that family ties are only used when they want something from you,i will make the exception of my mum from this.I am not sure if i can say the same of my father,and when you want a small amount of help they are as the morning dew on a summers day. My friends are my TRUE family.We have chosen each other.The ties are stronger with passing time.
If you feel guilty about your mother then you can do something about it.
If you do not feel guilty then why drag up the past.?
Your mother discarded your son.That to me says it all.
Its your choice.Do NOT feel guilty about making it. | |
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| Forgive or Forget?
Posted: 5/17/2008 2:36:05 AM | Miz,
I've been pondering on your post for a while. So I'm gonna give things completely from my view, as if it were me, rather than what I 'think' you should do, if that makes sense?
It occured to me that a similar thing may well happen to me at some point, I've not seen my mother for 12 years, and thats the way I like it. Like you I had given up any hope of her changing and being a mother to me, and there was no way I wanted her near my children. However there is always that pang of wanting a mother there in the same way other people have, and in the same way I am to my kids. Im guessing yoy have felt the same in the past, and this is why you are in a dilemma now.
I had a lot of counselling and therapy to help with my childhood demons, so I guess in a way I said 'goodbye' to my mother years ago. I've been putting myself in your position, would I go and see her?
No I wouldnt. Id like to think I would, but I know deep down I couldnt. There would be no acknowledgement or peacemaking from her, and certainly no apology. But to make peace with myself, I have already come to terms with that I dont need her to acknowedge how wrong she was to make my feelings valid, I have done that for myself. And you have done that too by the sounds of it. I stopped letting my mother make me feel guilty a long time ago. Forgiveness brings peace, thats true, but also accepting that you cannot forgive can bring it too. You hear so many tales of people not saying goodbye or not making it up with parents before they die, and all the regrets that go with it.And thats is what piles the pressure on.
I cant tell you what I think you should do, only what i would do in that position. I know I wouldnt go, there is nothing I can forgive, there will be no peacemaking, and making up with someone is a two way street. For me I said goood bye and ha the closure a long time ago, Im a different person now, and happy with it. Why should I chance any of that being shaken?
I hope my personal reflection has helpd Miz.  | |
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| Forgive or Forget?
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:59:56 AM |
People say that blood is thicker than water but it seems to be an excuse for treating family members in a poor way that you know other people would not put up with.
Yep totally true! | |
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