| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 10:30:33 AM | Yes. What Beachy said.
You just over analyzed why you're not getting any replies and posted this thread with your thoughts about it. There is nothing wrong with that, but the end result is still the same. You can think about it and analyze it to death, but basically the women who didn't reply are just not interested.
Like Beachy said, that doesn't mean they are not friendly outgoing people and are lying on their profile.
Just keep fishin'.
Krys | |
|
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 10:32:50 AM | I do see same complaints coming from men and women about non-replies. And, sure it happens to both genders. Yet, there are couples semi-objective criteria by which one can measure the differences. And they are, IMO:
1) When you send initial contact, it tells you that 26% of them are made by women. That means, assuming equal number of men and women on POF (an assumption that is probably incorrect, but I would not know by how much), that average woman is getting 3 initial contacts for every 1 that average men gets. Now, if one gender is getting so many fewer initial contacts, would it not stand to reason that they are far less likely to ignore the ones they get?
2) Favorites. Both random samples and "top" numbers show the same story. Women have a lot more favorites on average than men do.
So, what happens? Women complain about men adding them to favorites and not sending them a message. Saw many such complaints, always from women. Hello!!! Being added as a favorite is a form of contact, albeit a meek one. It says "I am not sure what to say to you, but I liked you enough to keep track of you". So, what do women do? Yep, remove themselves from the favorite list if they don't get a message. In other words, a contact rejection.
And then there is my impression (which I am not sure if it is shared) that most people who post "why no replies" are men. Do other people see same pattern? | |
|
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 10:57:56 AM | I haven't lost faith because I don't give it to everyone, maybe I do have trust issues but if I wouldn't hand my car keys over to any dude on the street, why would I risk my heart?
I always respond to message I receive (unless they are inappropriate) because forums made me realize how rude it is not too. But most of my responses are a "No thank you". And the reason I gave few men a chance is based on the amount of effort they put into the message. A short general message says to me horny desperado seeking any woman for anything.
I think there are people on POF who say they want a relationship but are afraid of one and others who view this as a fantasy world where they are always desired. They are also the predators, male and female lurking for their next mark who disappear once they figure out you can't be conned.
| |
|
| |
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 11:11:35 AM | 1. this is complete bunk, plenty of women have posted that they get very few if any response to initial emails, and I'm one of them.
2. "Favorites" have ZERO to do with anything else. Just because someone is on a lot of favorites lists doesn't mean they are in contact with all those people. If men are on fewer favorites lists it's more likely because women are more likely to "favorite" each other than I imagine men are. I have both men and women (from the forums) on my favorites lists, and I'm on quite a few women's favorites list also.
It also could just mean that many men will favorite anyone they like the looks of and most women only favorite people they actually know and like. I don't consider "being added as a favorite" a form of contact, meek or otherwise. If someone wants to contact me, they are going to need to use the email feature on my profile, as that's what it's for.
And then there is my impression (which I am not sure if it is shared) that most people who post "why no replies" are men. Do other people see same pattern?
The pattern is that it's an ego thing for men, and the simple fact is that it just doesn't bother most women as much as it does most men. | |
|
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 11:23:28 AM | "The pattern is that it's an ego thing for men, and the simple fact is that it just doesn't bother most women as much as it does most men."
The other simple fact is it doesn't bother most women because they have an active audience.
 | |
|
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 11:28:57 AM | Krysteene, this isn't one of those no-replies threads. At least I did not see it that way. He didn't say he wasn't getting replies, just that he was confused by the replies he WAS getting.
Anyway, who's meeting for margarittas now? :P | |
|
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 11:30:47 AM | | Well where can I get my "active audience?" I seem to have been absent the day they handed those out! What part of "men don't reply to emails either" are you not grasping? You just don't hear women whining about it nearly as much as you do men. | |
|
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 11:36:11 AM |
even if a womans profile says lively, outgoing, talktative, friendly. Most do not reply at all. Some do, but with a single sentence
Still Hunting,
This is where I drew my conclusion about the "no replies" thread. It's in there, but it's buried in the first paragraph.
Of course, everyone is free to interpret the OPost as they wish and reply accordingly. That was just my take on it.
 Margaritas? Where?
Krys | |
|
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 11:58:15 AM | Men:
Just as you would write in your profile, a woman's specifications about what type of men she likes is based on established attraction - it's not specified there because silly us, we actually think you know that without us mentioning it.
As well, we may also describe ourselves within the context of an exchange or relationship where interest has been established. Therefore a woman who says she is talkative, friendly and outgoing usually means with people she knows well or people she's attracted to.
If possible, like a fortune cookie game - wherever you see descriptions of any kind in a woman's profile - assume she's talking only to the men she's going to be interested in. It's not supposed to be extremely literal...especially if she's here looking for dating, long term, anything that would indicate a relationship that's not platonic.
If she's here looking for friendship, hanging out, talk/e-mail - then you're right to ask why she's listed those things. | |
|
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 1:11:58 PM | Well I'm not really clear on the op's original post so instead I'll answer the op's subject question. Have I lost faith in men... I'll change to have I lost faith in Human and the answer is no I have not lost faith in human. But I have lost faith that the population that modern society has created is Human. People are so insistent on self-destructive behaviors and justifying them on our "animal instincts" that I'm becoming convinced that Humanity is devolving into people and people into animals.
I mean its getting to the point that people have so abandoned personal responsiblity for their decisions that now, its personal responsiblity thats the excuse. It's not their fault for catering to animimalistic impulses and urges, but someone elses for not adapting themselves to them. Why have the ability to reason and see that there is more to a person then their appearence and thereby more to their "fitness". When you can just say (albiet completely wrongly) someone should just conform their appearence to your comfort level. Why have the ability to reason and have compassion for that which is different or less fortunate. When you can insist there is every just one way to think and to be. It's ironic that in this modern age people are more desirous to be modified apes then to choose to be human.
To be human is not to rely on instinct alone, to think rather then just react, to adapt rather then to succumb. Its getting so much harder to find humans, just keep seeing people. | |
|
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 1:29:52 PM |
Beachy's my friend. She doesn't deserve to be treated that way because she's a descent person. Some of the men around here could use a good ass kicking for being that way toward her. Courtesy of me.
Bring it on old man. 
Just teasing. | |
|
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 1:35:56 PM | My question is, and I ask because I hear horror stories every day about this from female friends.... Have the men here hurt women so badly that all faith has been lost for some of you?
I know I still have faith.... | |
|
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 1:41:50 PM | I never lost faith..men are all different..losing faith is kind of useless and energy draing IMO.
I don't reply to weeny 'hello gorgeous' messages..I have no clue what to say back apart from hello..but then..I'm not single at teh mo so it makes me think they haven't noticed my status.
I do get back to most people..but I am pretty busy just now so some things I need to catch up on..including one or two forum friends.. | |
|
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 1:44:01 PM |
I don't consider "being added as a favorite" a form of contact, meek or otherwise. If someone wants to contact me, they are going to need to use the email feature on my profile, as that's what it's for.
Thanks, beachybunnie , for pretty much confirming what I am saying. Contact starts with "viewed profile" (think about why ability to see who viewed you is even part of POF at all). Being added as a favorite is a next stage for some (not all) men, as in "I've seen profile and I liked what I saw". And email is the stage after that.
Now, it is perfectly fine attitude to say that you want email. Just don't complain about how your attempts at contact are being rejected when your attitude is that contact with you needs to be done your way, and your way only.
Forums are obviously an exception - I am on both men and women's favorites list because of what I post. But, except for forums, people don't browse too many of same sex profiles. So, I am also not buying the whole "women are more likely to "favorite" each other than men are".
FWIW, if I saw that a local woman I never talked to add me to favorites, you bet I would consider it an expression of interest and an attempt at contact. But, then, I am not into the whole "rejecting attempts to contact me unless it is done my way" attitude. | |
|
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 1:45:22 PM | i lost faith in the world cause of all the stupidity that happens now ....and all the stupid emotional ppl just make me hate it more 
but as far as men go there is no real men out there
i think there cowards cause they need emotionally healthy chicks to be happy!!!
a real man doesn't need the emotional end to keep a relationship going...its a pity that theres no men in this world anymore  | |
|
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 1:51:57 PM | The pattern is that it's an ego thing for men, and the simple fact is that it just doesn't bother most women as much as it does most men.
That probably has to do with vested interest.
If a woman's ability to pick up a man is futile, it is not some big concern for her because she knows she can rely on men to approach her.
Where as most men do not have any such assurance. If their attempts at picking up a woman are futile it can mean their genes will not be passed down. Which would be not fulfilling their biological prime directive. A definite cause for concern.
It's kind of like how men don't care if the community knows of his promiscuous behavior because it will not have any dire consequences for him.
Yet, such allegations will send most women into a state of panic. Is it right to say it is just her ego and she needs to stop whining? | |
|
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 3:27:04 PM |
Have you lost faith in men? No, I haven't lost faith in men. I have lost faith in mosts aversion to treading past their 50 mile comfort zone.
Most do not reply at all. Some do, but with a single sentence and it makes me wonder Wonder what? I would say that the ones who don't reply simply aren't interested. If you think they haven't received your email then try a second time. Then, if no reply, let it go, they aren't interested. This shouldn't be rocket science at all.
If they reply with the one sentence then try to bring her out with a more chatty email. Then if that doesn't get you what you want to your satisfaction, let it go. Don't sweat the no-reply or short reply emails. Just move on.
But it is now becoming clear that a lot of women do not seem to be the way the describe on their profile (I realise men do this too). There is no indication of those qualities they mentioned There ya go. Yes, there are many PEOPLE who do not seem the way they describe in profiles. All I can say is, if you do not like the woman you are conversing with then end it and .............move on. Don't let total strangers hurt your feelings. You need to grow a thicker skin here in cyber-world.
My question is, and I ask because I hear horror stories every day about this from female friends.... Have the men here hurt women so badly that all faith has been lost for some of you? No, not me they haven't . I'm blessed with persistence and patience most of the time.
I'll admit I have been hurt, but not by an online _picture_ on the screen, words in an email or IM box. It was someone I met in person, yes, from this site. But hey, there's no guarantees in life.......ever. When you, (me) have been given a second shot at life, (I"m thankful too)then everything else pales in comparison as far as any problem, some person on the Internet could throw at me. Would I have loved for the above mentioned to have worked out? You betcha, more than anything. But, hey, like I said, it just wasn't meant to be. That's how I look at it. Tomorrow is another day. I'm not gonna roll over and die because of it.
I'm utterly confused these days as to why people don't even have it in them to say hello and suss a person out before making up their minds See above. And don't let it confuse you by overthinking it to death as to why they don't want to "suss a person out". Just accept it for what it is...and go on. Good luck to you OP. I hope you can keep your chin up and stay on course on your expedition. | |
|
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 3:28:50 PM | have you lost faith in men?!
then the answer is yes - it is slowly eroding as the years go on. c'est la vie | |
|
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 3:53:02 PM |
My question is, and I ask because I hear horror stories every day about this from female friends.... Have the men here hurt women so badly that all faith has been lost for some of you?
No never. Because I know that every person is an individual, and so my faith in them is based on their actions as individuals. Because my last hubby was an ass, doesn't mean every guy is an ass.
For every person that is a loser/jerk, whatever.....there are ten more that aren't.
Don't be so quick to judge those who don't reply.....ask Jim, Kyn, and many others on this forum....I am not a bad person. Yet I don't always reply to emails sent to me by men...why? Because I am not interested. I told a few "thanks but no thanks", and didn't like the response I got back. I am in control of my life, and if I decide I don't want to put up with that behavior, then I don't have to.
I also don't feel any obligation to respond to an email where the sender believes there is a connection, but I see absolutely none. I have dealbreakers...they are not listed on my profile, but they are there.
I also don't expect a response from someone if I send the email first. I thought I saw something in their profile....but they don't see it. That is fine, they have the same rights as I do.
It doesn't make me a "faker"...it makes me honest and true to myself. | |
|
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 4:21:33 PM | "You just don't hear women whining about it nearly as much as you do men."
That's a load too.
Because:
- Women don't generally complain in public, because they have their little female-friends support groups to do their complaining about men.
- Men don't sit around together and discuss their feelings like women, so they have to do it elsewhere.
And:
- Men are usually the pursuers... i.e. they're doing most of the initial work.
- It's expected by women in general for the men to do the initial pursuing. | |
|
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 5:31:46 PM |
That probably has to do with vested interest.
Vested interest in what?
If a woman's ability to pick up a man is futile, it is not some big concern for her because she knows she can rely on men to approach her.
Rely on these men who approach us for what, exactly? If we don't have any interest in a majority (if not all) of the men who approach us, what's the difference?
Where as most men do not have any such assurance. If their attempts at picking up a woman are futile it can mean their genes will not be passed down. Which would be not fulfilling their biological prime directive. A definite cause for concern.
LOL the cave days are over - if women can decide that not only do they not have to procreate, but they don't want to which is NOT fulfilling what's supposed to be natural (and they look happy to me) - men can certainly control their urges to pass genes down. More genes have been passed to Trojan than in past years, to be honest. Most of em end up in tubesocks....lol | |
|
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 5:42:02 PM | This is a great post; I think men have been jerks for a long time, and unfortunately younger women are kind of being like that. There is so much craziness and cheating that its insane.
It's messed with the good women for sure. I mean they are not completely victims; I know several women who chose terrible guys, but they are attracted to them and they put it in their mind its romeo and juliet and the guy walks all over them. They then say men are dogs, but in reality the men that they choose are dogs.
I've really lost all faith in men and I'm a man. I dont know how many women I talk to who first think I want to use them, hurt them, or whatever. Its' created an atmosphere of great mistrust and anger.
Love is action. It isnt' intentions, or thoughts, or vibes; its action. We all should look at the actions of the person, and make sure that they are for us.
I have to be honest; I dont really care how society is or how others are. I'm going to be myself and do my best to treat people right and eventually people will get it that there are good guys out there. Good post OP. | |
|
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 5:45:29 PM |
No never. Because I know that every person is an individual, and so my faith in them is based on their actions as individuals. Because my last hubby was an ass, doesn't mean every guy is an ass.
For every person that is a loser/jerk, whatever.....there are ten more that aren't.
Great post Simplelady; I think you have a very healthy way of thinking and your attitude is exactly right on. When we get hurt we try to justify ourselves as victims by vilifying the opposite sex. Nice post. | |
|
| Have you lost faith in men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 5:56:25 PM | | no, but it's so hard. Can't seem to find anyone to just be honest and be themselves. | |
|
Home
login 
