| Are women turned off when you start to care about them?
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:05:56 AM | Re post 79:
1) "Sounds to me that she just wants to play the field."
To me too!
2) "Its women like her that give us serious ones a bad rap."
Hang on, that is a tad anti-pluralistic!
The argumentation could even be reversed! That it is "serious" ones that give the rest a bad rap! lol Seriously!
3) "When you were "taking it slow", she had time to date Tom,**** and Harry at the same time, so she could take full advantage of all of you."
Define "taking advantage of", please!
Is she was having 5 Os to each 1 of his, maybe then one can talk of "taking advantage", but even then, who is counting?
4) "Just dont let those 2 experiences make you give up hope, there are some of us out there who want just one man to be with and spend time with. And with patience you will find her and be much happier."
There are many groups of women and men in terms of what they want or what they do not want. Pluralism is good! | |
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| Are women turned off when you start to care about them?
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:40:09 AM | Did you tell her you were developing feelings for her? If not, maybe after 3 weeks of being intimate and seeing each other more often, and you not saying..."I like you and want to see only you"...she figured you were getting what you wanted from her, without investing any feelings in it, and didn't want to continue that way.
The chase is exciting, but it's also nice when you move on to the next phase, where you feel like you are the only two people sharing things together. Women want someone who cares about them...but somtimes, it takes some convincing that you are serious and really do care. Mainly because, most of us have been hurt before and are cautious. Men can be good at saying what we want to hear...and saying it to several of us at the same time...lol
But in your case...it could really have been that she just didn't want to be involved with someone at that point, and was honest about it. | |
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| Are women turned off when you start to care about them?
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:50:47 AM | "There is also the possibility that you were not particularly compatible in bed because that seems to be about the point when things changed."
I doubt seriously if this is true. So don't go worrying about yourself. Divorced only a year is what I think it is. Just way too soon for a serious relationship. | |
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| Are women turned off when you start to care about them?
Posted: 6/23/2008 3:03:20 PM |
You hear this all the time. You kind of ignore the girl, and she's all over you, then the moment that you start taking her serious, then she becomes aloof and dismissive. Part of this problem is that while the guy has no vested interest and have a take it or live it attitude, when he shows interest for the girl, he turns clingy, or starts to call the girl way too much or now is on her face so much. So while the girl first found some attraction to this dude, now she can't get rid of him.
I have had or rather seen this happen before. Some women do react inversely to how much attention you show them. Show them attention, and they shy away. Pull back and be more relaxed, and they come back, the cycle repeats.
When you notice the pattern, it's best to step off that rollercoaster.
OP, you did mention somewhere in one of your responses that she was divorced last year. How long was the relationship/marriage? Likely she has not fully moved on from the marriage, and likes the freedom of being with you to do stuff, but not of being with you in a relationship. She'll need some more time. Seems you're a FWB at the moment, until she decides that she wants to get involved in a new relationship. | |
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| Are women turned off when you start to care about them?
Posted: 6/23/2008 3:09:55 PM | OP; You are better off sitting back putting in a movie grabbing a beer or two or three, smoke some pot than write down what you think about this one, it will probably make more sense to you the next morning and I'm not joking Have a nice night | |
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| Are women turned off when you start to care about them?
Posted: 6/23/2008 3:11:52 PM | Your pushing things too quickly.
Just let things run to her pace and things will work out fine.
Women must have control of relationships, or at least think they have
Next time, just take things slowly and see how it goes. | |
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| Are women turned off when you start to care about them?
Posted: 6/24/2008 2:59:07 PM | | I can,t understand why people get sleepless nights and ulcers about people going cold and flaky. The PC brigade will probably give me a hard time but i don,t care lol. There are billions of women in the world and i havent time to meet them all. First sign of flaky behaviour, goodbye, delete, next please. Also it helps to learn to love being independant. I do think the present world makes most relationships fail so learning to love being independant certainly helps as does having plenty of hobbies. | |
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| Are women turned off when you start to care about them?
Posted: 6/24/2008 3:06:06 PM | In my opinion, no. It's more of a turn on.
People are just sort of self-defeating and totally unaware of what they really want sometimes. There are some that think they want a relationship, but they don't...so you see behavior like that. | |
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| Are women turned off when you start to care about them?
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:52:54 AM |
I, for one have way too much of a rebellious streak in me and at the first sign of someone thinking they have me dialed in and figured out, they might wind up with a huge surprise. I think it's about guys always remembering that they have a pair of balls and should not be afraid to use them on occasion.
I don't know what "dialed-in" means, but if it means the lady in your life knows who you are, is starting to feel comfortable, and you try to blast her out of that comfort zone to show her you have "balls" it's no surprise if she doesn't want to see you anymore. There is a huge difference between being a doormat and a prick. And personally the only place I want to see a man's balls is in the bedroom. Any man who tries to "put me in my place" will find that he AND his balls are bye-bye from my life. A mature man doesn't have to show his "manhood" in that fashion.
There is a lot of bad behavior in the dating world, I probably have perpetrated some of it myself.
You think?
I think keeping an open line of communication and finding a mature person to date in the first place is the challenge.
Absolutely, but you also have to be mature yourself.
A mature woman is not turned off when a man starts to care for her, if she feels the same way. On the other hand, a mature woman will not string along a man if his feelings aren't returned. She will respect that both of them deserve to have a person in their lives who really cares. If she knows she's not the one for him, she will release him to find a better match.
As far as the OPs original question goes, my take on it is that the woman decided she wasn't really as attracted to the OP as she originally thought, and therefore no longer "had the time" for a real relationship. "Not having time" is a time honored code for disinterest when a woman is too immature to directly tell the man what's going on.
The OP is only 26, and so I'm guessing that the woman he is speaking about is around the same age. While there are women in their early and mid 20s who are mature, there are still plenty who aren't. Unfortuantely, it sounds like our OP found one of those.
I concur with his assessment. | |
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| Are women turned off when you start to care about them?
Posted: 6/28/2008 4:48:34 PM | | she might have legitimately liked you to start off... impossible to say... She might have just been into it for the challenge/chase... But I'd guess you didn't hit a home run when you guys had sex... If she was on the fence with how she felt, a couple of shabby, sub-pair bedroom performances could have killed it for her... It also could have been when you became more available, the challenge was gone... One thing to think about though... women don't stalk guys with small peckers | |
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| Are women turned off when you start to care about them?
Posted: 7/11/2008 10:45:20 PM | | I have wondered the same thing myself.I have also had women I really liked and they ended up hating me and then other ones I didn't want to know wouldn't leave me alone.Sometimes I can't understand women. | |
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| Are women turned off when you start to care about them?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:27:27 PM | I have wondered the same thing myself.I have also had women I really liked and they ended up hating me and then other ones I didn't want to know wouldn't leave me alone.Sometimes I can't understand women.
^^^^there's nothing difficult to understand. the women for whom you had the hots weren't all that into you. the other women were (whether or not you were into them). same reason men do it women, hun. | |
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| Are women turned off when you start to care about them?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:31:27 PM | A mature woman is not turned off when a man starts to care for her, if she feels the same way. On the other hand, a mature woman will not string along a man if his feelings aren't returned. She will respect that both of them deserve to have a person in their lives who really cares. If she knows she's not the one for him, she will release him to find a better match.
^^^^replace the phrase "mature woman" with the phrase "man or woman with integrity" and i totally concur! (nothing to do with maturity and everything to do with integrity. it's also gender-independent.) | |
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| Are women turned off when you start to care about them?
Posted: 7/12/2008 11:30:47 AM | | They are not turned off if you care about them...they are turned off if you are too mushy and have to keep telling them you care. The best way to express that you care is to just listen to them and be thoughtful in your actions, gestures, and mannerisms. Don't be overbearing by too many calls, texts and emails. Use those terms of endearment wisely. And don't start using many of them till you know you are romantically involved | |
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| Are women turned off when you start to care about them?
Posted: 7/12/2008 3:58:21 PM | Hello OP.
Well, it seems quite simple to me. You changed the parametres of the relationship.
If this has happened to you a few times previously, its because you're advertising yourself as a 'casual, take it slow, see what happens' type of guy. So, you attract women who want that 'casual' type of relationship. You cant then start to change the goalposts a few months in, ...just because your feelings have changed, why would you expect hers to?
If you want a LTR, say so, if you want casual, say so,.. just dont try to flip it half way through.
Morgana. | |
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| Are women turned off when you start to care about them?
Posted: 7/12/2008 4:13:50 PM |
So could it really be a turn off to her when she noticed that I cared and wanted to be around her more?
If it was a turn off for her, then she wasn't really into you THAT way to begin with. You could have mistaken her friendliness for interest when in fact all she wanted was something casual. When she saw you wanted more, she backed off, simple as that
I can tell you for a fact that when I'm totally interested in a man, I'm thrilled when he contacts me, and shows he feels the same. I certainly wouldn't be playing games and risk losing somebody I like.. | |
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| Are women turned off when you start to care about them?
Posted: 7/12/2008 5:56:50 PM |
Maybe she saw something in your character she hadn't noticed when you weren't together so often. Whatever the reason, the best thing to do is just accept it and move on to the next person.
I'm not gonna pick on you Pamperpooch , but I'm starting to feel like I must be missing something about this mentality that keeps coming up here. Maybe you can help "kimbo with this.
So, the logic is....that if you notice something about a person that you didn't notice when getting to know them....which, would only seem like a natural occurance over a period of time,to me , for we can't know everything about a person in a short time....then, forget it...we move on to the next person. OK....got that.
Then, we notice something about the next person that we didnt' 'notice' the day before...and , forgetaboutit, we move on to another person.
and then another...and then another. ??? I just want to be sure I'm getting this.
But, hey, wait a minit......
What if you really dig that person, and know, as we all should by now...just 'know' that you will be discovering lots of different things about each other in time...what about talking about it...working through it...or with it...what if it is actually not a problem with that person at all, but rather some of your own shit leaking out......I dunno, maybe it's me, I just thought that's what relationship is about.
Now, I only say this, because I have a strong hunch that the 'next' person will have 'something' as well, to deal with. Moving on and on and on...actually sounds like not dealing with, or not really wanting to be in a relationship
But, that's just me and how I think.
Huhhh? Well, ya learn something new every day, I guess
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  'Kimbo ``````````````````````` | |
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| Are women turned off when you start to care about them?
Posted: 7/17/2008 11:21:46 PM | ^^^^^
Then, we notice something about the next person that we didnt' 'notice' the day before...and , forgetaboutit, we move on to another person.
and then another...and then another. ??? what if it is actually not a problem with that person at all, but rather some of your own shit leaking out..
I take it the "forgetaboutit" kind of girl seems rather common these days.
There is a commonality among a large number of women who have found it easier to just drop one possibility for the next. I'd even say there's a coefficient that the more caring a man is, the less attractive he is to the woman. He's dropped his 'bad-boy' self, his independence, and begins to allow vulnerability, only to have his softer side shunned because he's apparently not a challenge anymore.
There must be a correlation because we have struck a common chord. Otherwise, why are we here having this debate.
Oh wait, ...... it must be because there's something wrong, some unwanted aspect about each of us men, who have brought us here. 
Whattheheckever | |
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zonea
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Joined: 2/14/2008
Msg: 98 | |
| Are women turned off when you start to care about them?
Posted: 10/2/2008 5:56:00 AM | I have read heaps of threads about this topic. That women love it when guys play hard to get and lose interest once they "capture" the guy. BS!
Look, I'd never lose interest in a guy I am genuinely interested in if he reciprocated my feelings. Au contraire, I'd be over the moon if he shared my feelings. However, we women sometimes lose interest when we get close to a guy because it's as you get closer and closer you start to learn what makes this person tick. And some of these things we learn make us realise that this person is not right for us.
Then we sometimes just look for friends, like in my case. But when you get close to a guy, you realise you're getting attracted. I panic and turn tail and run because I was only looking for friendship and this guy is dangerous because he wants more, which due to my circumstances I cannot handle.
These are the reasons why we generally cool off when things get too hot. Not to tease you, but to stop it before it becomes painful for both. Hope this makes sense. | |
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| Are women turned off when you start to care about them?
Posted: 10/2/2008 6:05:08 AM | You moved TOO slow .
With someone that looking to fast track
Sex was the period on the end of the sentence
Sorta a " let me see if he's any good ..I might keep him around"
Yeah woman do that too | |
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| Are women turned off when you start to care about them?
Posted: 10/2/2008 6:11:14 AM |
Well anyway she really seemed to respond to the fact that I rarely called her and only saw her every once in a while.
You know, I've heard that from a LOT of people, and found it to be true myself to a point. I had a girlfriend who I wanted to see all the time. Seemed like the more I tried, the less time she actually had to spend with me. We broke up at one point, and during that time my friends told me that if we got back together, to basically act like I didn't care if I saw her or not. So we did get back together, I backed way off and basically told her to give me a call when she wanted to see me, and I ended up seeing her sometimes MORE THAN once a day.
It does seem to work, but to me, that's called "playing games", and I HATE playing games! | |
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