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| unsure but curious should I tell?
Posted: 5/17/2008 10:37:14 PM | Should I say anything?
When should I tell?
My opinion is that there's no need to discuss this in extremely early dating situations, but also no need to "conceal" it if, by chance, you make an early emotional/intellectual connection. In the first case, it's just a date. Shrug. Enjoy it, and get your mind off the worry. In the second case, no harm at all in sharing a significant part of your REAL LIFE with a compatible person, as long as you're also willing and emotionally strong enough to accept his honest and sincere reaction.
I'm sending you best wishes. I had the best news possible, just this week, under slightly similar circumstances. Though in my case, obviously, it was less significant and less important, because of my age and the nature of the fear (a skin cancer scare), but still ... a uniquely strange period. Life-changing, perhaps. I was SO ready to hear the worst (in an odd way, I've been WAITING to die these past few years, since the only man I've yet loved died under my watch), but when I was told I'm NOT going to die (of this, at least), I had an epiphany.
I WANT to live. Ah, we're such weak, strong, simple, complex little creatures. Really we are. Be strong, lady. Allow yourself to be weak, too, though, when stuff gets overwhelming. And be silly. And be complicated. Frig 'em and forgive 'em. It's all about you, right now. | |
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| unsure but curious should I tell?
Posted: 5/18/2008 6:13:18 AM | This thread is the wake up call for all of us who are prone to whining about the small things in life. Myself included, which is one of the reasons I read the forums.
OP, there is nothing uncommon within the first few dates to ask a man if he likes children and if he has thought about having one or more someday. That could give you an idea of what his reaction may be depending on your test results.
It is sad to see so many (and so young) on this site with these worries.
And again, not to preach, but with adoption, you would still be a parent and a mother.
The child would still call you "Mommy", come to you when crying, make you miserable when they are teens LOL and then come back to return your love to you many times over when they are adults. | |
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| unsure but curious should I tell?
Posted: 5/24/2008 10:02:10 AM | Hi there all,
Just wanted to give you an update.
I had a date arranged with a guy from here.
I decided the night before our meeting that I would tell him.
He said he really appreciated that I had been so honest with him and he admired me more for being such a strong person and for having told him even though it must have been hard for me (it was).
We had a fantastic date, (I'm hoping for many more).
Although it wasn't the conversation I wanted brought up on a first date, it was nice laying my cards on the table up front.
It was good that he knew where I stood , what was going on and he was able to ask questions.
If it doesn't work out I don't regret telling him at all.
But I am really hoping for this to continue and turn into some thing so much more.
Wish me luck | |
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| unsure but curious should I tell?
Posted: 5/24/2008 2:22:18 PM | | I'd tell him straight off. I prefer straight and to the point. After all when would be a good time to bring up any number of items. You'll be amazed what subjects can be brought up in a 'conversation'. Don't be afraid to bring it up, you can of course soften it with any line you want but at the heart of it will be.... this is the situation are you up to facing it...... | |
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| unsure but curious should I tell?
Posted: 5/24/2008 7:18:42 PM | Not on the first date, but definitely if things start to go somewhere.
Being a father is important to some guys, some guys don't know, and some guys don't care.
I would hate to eliminate a great relationship because you can't have kids but I would probably avoid starting something serious if you told me before anything had time to develop.
I was actually in a position like this with a woman a few months back. We had been talking for months and she seemed really cool and I thought it had chances of becoming something more serious - then BAM - she tells me she probably can't have kids and it was like a board to the back of the head. I felt betrayed because she waited so long to tell me, and then I started wondering what else she wasn't telling me.
I think you should tell the man as soon as things seem like they may be getting serious. Establish a connection, see if there is a mutual attraction, and if the relationship arrow swings from casual dating to something more serious it's time to break the news. Please don't just spring it on him in the middle of a conversation, let him know that nothing is set in stone (at the moment) and you felt like it was something you needed to address before both of you decided to pursue something more serious.
If the guy is decent he will be understanding and appreciative that you both cared about him and have enough respect for him not to hide the fact.
John | |
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| unsure but curious should I tell?
Posted: 5/24/2008 7:29:21 PM | I don't understand why you consider this topic something to NOT talk about on a first date... I'm not saying it should be an 'agenda' on the date....but, dates are about BEING YOURSELF....not thinking of a strategy to HIDE yourself.
It would seem to me that any man worth a shit would admire the 'survivor' in you. I certainly would.
I don't know what happened to our world that we have to always play some acting role and present a 'facade of fun' in order to attract somebody else, when the true attractions to me are those that show a connection in human spirit and will. Maybe it's all this bullshit we hear in the forums from armchair experts who allow us to believe that NONE of us should have a care in the world, and that to present a 'problem' when trying to establish a deep relationship is the kiss of death.....when it's the CARING that we're looking for in the first place by HAVING a relationship. FUN is the EASY part..... Maybe that's the problem... all most care about it FUN. But when the fun is suddenly impeded, the person hits the road.
OP.... I think you should just be proud of what you've already endured. It shows true strength. It shows REAL courage. It shows WHO YOU ARE... and WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF!! You should talk about your life AS IT IS..... NOT what you feel you need to PRETEND it is.... If a guy wants to bail after you tell him something, then he's just a COWARD....PERIOD. You're not the problem........HE IS.
I think you're very courageous..... and I hope it all works out for the better for you..
peace
hey...maybe I'm not so DUMB afterall.....I read this from ya after I wrote what I wrote....
I hope it works out for ya...... peace
Hi there all,
Just wanted to give you an update.
I had a date arranged with a guy from here.
I decided the night before our meeting that I would tell him.
He said he really appreciated that I had been so honest with him and he admired me more for being such a strong person and for having told him even though it must have been hard for me (it was).
We had a fantastic date, (I'm hoping for many more).
Although it wasn't the conversation I wanted brought up on a first date, it was nice laying my cards on the table up front.
It was good that he knew where I stood , what was going on and he was able to ask questions.
If it doesn't work out I don't regret telling him at all.
But I am really hoping for this to continue and turn into some thing so much more.
Wish me luck | |
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| unsure but curious should I tell?
Posted: 6/5/2008 6:25:43 PM | Ok I have now mentioned it in my profile, I think your right at least that way I can filter out the guys who find it an issue.
I've just put cancer survivor, If they want to know more like where? and how? etc they can message me | |
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| unsure but curious should I tell?
Posted: 6/5/2008 6:29:18 PM | | Don't tell them nothing at all. In that situation you're in applies to all of us, something is either trying to get us or certainly shall no doubt. Besides, a rightfull mate for anyone will take them no matter what is possible. | |
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