| Feedback or Criticism?
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:41:41 PM | Apolinary, I have read many of your posts, and you are a very wise man. Wish more were more like you. Be a lot less relationship problems. | |
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| Feedback or Criticism?
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:24:12 PM | kd,
so... you first gave the guy thi essay about the things you consider to be positive traits that your dream guy hould have? Thi essay also listed the negative traits that you find offputting as well?
So it was sort of a Turn ons? and Turn offs? sort of thing but in essay form.
Since thi was before your first date, you may have sent it to him.
AFter reading it, the guy says to you " This sounds like a job description!"
That is odd as someone wrote that what he put you through was more of a job interview than a date.
You half admit that perhap you set yourself up by having a list of have and not haves.
So he may have been sitting there thinking to himself ' I wonder how I amdoing on this job interview?" . He may have been sitting there thinking that you had your checklist in your head ( since he knew that a checklist of sorts existed) and were marking him 1-10 on each point.
This is a strange game you two are playing. You SHOW him your checklist??? most people have some idea of what they are looking for and what they can't tolerate but showing them before the first date seems odd.
You both seem somewhat socially awkward. The essay must have seemed like a grocery list to the guy.
you don't SHOW it to your dates beforehand.
You probably should have told us before 20 or o posts go by that you had given him this list/essay to read. that would have have been a help. Did you forget about this list that he read or did you figure it wasn't important?
And your analytical musically gifted /physically enhanced genius guy seems out of it too. Does oblivious come to mind? Unless of course, you asked for his opinion. People who give unsolicited advice of a very personal nature to essentially strangers are not looked upon favorably.
he may have thought that you were going to size him up according to this list of yours.
Good luck with your dating. YOu both seem to need to work on things. Don't show the guys the list. Keep that to yourelf or between girlfriends.
You had the work requirements/ job description; not a bad idea. ................... + 5
YOu let him see the WR JD before first date- very bad idea. ............................-10
He thought that he was on a job interview. - seems like a fair judgement to make. +2
He gave you his perception/impression of you on first date- not a smooth move...-15
He gave you his assement of your work on the job. He became the boss givingthe employee the 3month assessment.. on the first day of the job.
you are a negative 5. you have some work to do.
he i a negative 13.... loads of work to do.
There' your job assessment of your relationship.
YOur score card.
Oddly enough- your honesty would probably work to your advantage. Both of you seem willing to tell the other the truth ( he especially to you) whereas you are more comfortable with telling him your truth via the words of other people who are complete strangers.
since they both are negative, it could work. other than your sensitivity to cruel insults and innappriate comments. that could get in the way.. If there was just some way that you could stop being human and accept these things into your life, I see a good future in there.
That is an odd dance.
pepperidge farm dough boy -- welcome to the club.. we have jackets! it's a huge club though as EVERYONE is in here. everyone is a little to a lot misunderstood. | |
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| Feedback or Criticism?
Posted: 5/17/2008 3:42:36 AM | While you are a mere novice, I am in my fifth reincarnation. See my posts under Mr Ultimo, Mr Peabody, etc...
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| Feedback or Criticism?
Posted: 5/17/2008 4:59:27 AM | | I would simply tell him if he has to change anything about me then go find someone else. sounds like you dated a jerk who thinks he is better than eveyrone else. | |
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| Feedback or Criticism?
Posted: 5/17/2008 8:49:18 AM | Ace, Apolinary: Will you marry me? You can submit your applications through my POF profile, where you will find the job description...(just kidding–sort of)
Mo- I think you hit the nail on the head.
You both seem somewhat socially awkward. The essay must have seemed like a grocery list to the guy.
Hello, welcome to Geek World. Where we use our considerable intellects to solve all problems, even emotional ones. Kind of like building a house using only your laptop. You can get the first few nails hammered in but after that things start getting shaky.
OMG-- I just wanted to know what people thought about the post date critique and I’ve gotten hours of free psychotherapy. Which I do appreciate. Really. It usually costs me $80 per hour.
You will all be happy to know that on the advice of my therapist and the gentleman who is the subject of this thread I have BURNED the “essay.”
I may have the emotional IQ of a tree but one thing my relationships have taught me is what DOESN’T work. The essay was my attempt to save time by scaring off anyone who was grossly incompatible, thus saving us both a lot of time and grief. You can say a lot of bad things about me but you can’t say I’m not efficient.
And you, all-knowing-enlightened-one (I won’t mention screen names, you know who you are)-- I will see you in Nirvana. | |
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| Feedback or Criticism?
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:14:30 AM | | What a perfect situation, being criticized about who you are and your choices after a first date, that makes the decision to move on so easy, because why on earth would you ever consider being with someone who will be constantly looking down on you in your future...... this is a very clear sign of someone with control issues, the future would hold only attempts to mold you into the perfection that they think they are.... | |
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| Feedback or Criticism?
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:35:47 AM | After our first date, someone sent me what he thought was some constructive criticism, a list of areas in which he felt I was lacking.
He asked me for the same.
Well, all you need to do is respond by quoting his post and saying:
-- One piece of feedback, don't do that.
Then if you feel so bold, you can continue by telling him he chooses to date women who are too good for him. | |
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| Feedback or Criticism?
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:36:54 AM | I wouldn't have gone out with him again. I'd lose the 20 lbs for myself, not him. Congratulations on the healthy change... losing 20lbs is not an easy task.
I wonder what his response is to all of this??? | |
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| Feedback or Criticism?
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:03:44 AM | | When I first read your post I thought what a creep to do that but as I read through I thought okay thats me! I will sometimes see something holding a person back and just loose it on them (in a very nice polite sugar coated way of course) Its like they have so much talent and beauty and greatness in them and it is all held back by something. I think it was feedback. Maybe he is a Virgo. | |
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| Feedback or Criticism?
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:17:37 AM | | Just tell him that you can't make any judgements because YOU ARE REALLY NOT THAT INTO HIM. This will certainly make him want you more. The more aloof and distant you are, the more he will want you. Just think of all your good attributes, and tell you these thing about yourself over and over again. These are who you are.... the other list of things he wants are only demands, in order to seek someone else's approval. The best thing on the list is that you know who you are and you make yourself happy. And guess what? You really are not that into him. | |
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