| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:38:20 AM | Ok
Well if you reaaaaaaallly loved her then the thought of sex with another woman would be a definite non starter even if she NEVER had sex with you .. Understand you are frustrated but also know what will happen if you do this
She says to you now .. yes I know how you feel so go play with someone else but come home to me when you've done it
There are so many potentially bad situations that can come about from this course of action and I would advise you think long and hard (lol) before you decide
It is admirable that she is putting your feelings first and understands where you are coming from .. but ... us woman say .. yeah sure go ahead .. and the minute you do .. WOOOOOOOAH .. what you actually did it?!?! .. see it as some little test of how much you really do love her
She would love you to say .. no way honey, I only want you ... but then you say hmmm ok I'll think about it .. she's walked away and thought 'oh sh*t'
Even if it isnt a test and she does generally feel you should do this .. what about after .. what about the trust and what about when she does want to have sex with you on occasion
there are so many ifs and buts ... what you have to ask yourself is this
Even if my wife is cool about this now .... could this potentially ruin our marriage ... and if so is dumping my load in some tramp really worth it??
Harsh yes but a highly likely scenario Im afraid
One more thing .. There are hundreds of men in the queue waiting for some woman to readily jump into bed with them for some no strings attached fun .... ALOT of these men are mid 20s FIT and great looking and (from what I've heard) are not too fussy about who the do it with ... So I think you would have alot of competition in finding the sperm bank in a bra you are looking for.
And if you do find her I hope for your sake you are a big boy as having sex with her will feel like jumping up and down in the Albert Hall lmao | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:42:21 AM | It's up to you and your wife, and how you want to handle this. I'm not going to say "right" or "wrong", but ... if you are going to seek other women to fill your sexual needs, you might want to look at the "rules" that are in message #6.
If all else is good with your marriage, why is it not strictly sex partners you are seeking?
If I were to give my permission for my guy to "fulfill his needs" elsewhere, I would be thinking more of prostitutes ... not "dating". Otherwise, we might as well divorce.. for both our sakes.
I kinda wonder why a woman (who is capable of having sex) would rather give you persmission to screw others instead of just having sex with you more often? | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:45:54 AM | Not sure I even believe your wife knows anything about this, sounds like you devised some man-made fictional bullpuckey to me. Mister You are Rationalizing. Its what people do when they know they shouldn't do something and yet do.
Work on your marriage. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:48:46 AM | I couldn't even imagine loving someone and wanting to have sex with someone else. It just doesn't work that way. Regardless of how seldom you have sex with your wife, if you truly loved her you wouldn't be looking around even with her permission. On the flip side of that, if she really loved you, she wouldn't want you to.
Did you ever think your wife might not be telling you the truth, and is not sexually attracted to you anymore.....
That would be my guess as well. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:03:56 AM | | I'm for nixing this simply because the wife wants this ONLY to ease her guilt. Even if someone else fills the bill perfectly, she'll still have her guilt cause it's not her. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:16:31 AM |
She is too lazy and selfish to take a few lousy minutes a day to get you off?
Put it on her "to do" list. I'm sure it will have all the eroticism of cleaning the cat box. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:30:06 AM | On another thread, you say that you have to take testosterone shots for erectile dysfunction... Does it occur to you that perhaps you could remain satisfied with your wife if you weren't?
In the FWB relationship, people are normally free to go have sex with anyone they choose without it de-sanctifying the marital vows. What you are talking about is having affairs where you don't want to have to pay for the romantic stuff that normally goes along with dating. You also don't want to have to give anything in to the FWB relationship.
If you were truly honest, you would be asking who wants to be your sperm receptacle... Most of us can see that...
Just another player....  | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:34:08 AM | On another thread, you say that you have to take testosterone shots for erectile dysfunction
all i can say is  do you think another woman can fix your dysfunction? | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:34:26 AM | I can hear her now...........Look if your not satisfied here then go look somewhere else.
Uh huh and you took that as her permission. As her "wanting " you to. Hearing what you wanted to hear instead of what was really said.........................
And lazy and selfish? Do you know her????? And if he just wants to "get off" he can do that himself........................ | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:38:52 AM | The OP states in his profile that it is his wife's idea for him to be seeking a F*ckbuddy.
Well if that is true, you need to post a signed and notarized statement from her saying she sanctions and wants you to have sex with 21 yr old?  Somehow I highly doubt she would do this 
Like others have said, if you truly love her, you'd take her to the doctors to make sure it's not just pre-menopausal hormone issues or other issues within the marriage causing her lack of interest... Healthy women, have healthy sex drives  | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:42:03 AM | | For what it's worth heres my 2 cents on the subject. Find a new hobby that does not involve your hands and lubricant, combined with limited repetative motion. Perhaps burn all that excess energy off on home repairs, adding on a room- maybe start collecting things of interest or find your family roots back to the 1700's. Keep away from all online porn. If all that fails, dish out some money and get a hooker who you can set up daily meeting with at a discount price. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:43:16 AM | | I would say, even though she suggested it, it's walking into a fire... it's going to probably ruin your marriage, can you handle that? She probably feels guilty about not being in the mood, and will be deeply hurt if you actually go through with this. I say jerk off more often, you'll be fine. Or leave your wife for someone who shares the sex drive, but don't cheat. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:03:21 AM |
So I see you have another thread you started today. You are a troll poster seeking validation to cheat.
Bingo.
Reading post history gives you more of the story. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:03:53 AM | Ok OP, I've read all of your threads. I'm guessing by your ages (I could be wrong here) that the two of you have been married a long time and it could just be that she's no longer sexually attracted to you - not the sex. No offense OP but you're a big guy. Maybe that has something to do with her lack of interest? Do you still find her sexually attractive?
Its obvious you've gone to the doctors, has she? As someone else has stated, what's the purpose of the weekly shots if you're not having sex anyways? Why not just stop the meds and then use the Cialis once a month when she's in the mood? I'm sure the testosterone is making you feel like you want it even more than you used to-which isn't helping your problem.
Its funny how all of the women/men come on here stating that healthy women have healthy sex drives, and yes its true - with new partners. If you've been married for 20 yrs, sex can and does become routine after awhile. Add to that the ED problem you have and the meds you're taking and the possible hormonal shift your wife is undergoing and I can understand why she doesn't want it as often as you do. Perhaps she needs to have some female hormonal replacements or even some testosterone suppliments.
FWB isn't the answer. Maybe if you could figure out why she doesn't want the sex as often it would be a bigger help in the long run. Like many have said, your relationship is doomed whether you seek an outside encounter or not. She's going to be hurt - even if she did suggest it. You may 'pick up' something and bring it home to her. How would your marriage weather that storm? How would your ED work with condoms? At your age & weight, could the ED be tied into heart disease? Hopefully the docs have screened you enough to know that your heart is in good enough shape to withstand lots of sex before they gave you the prescriptions.
Part of the problem with outside encounters is that if you really like them, they could be addicting. What if you found 1 or 2 women that would be willing to be a FWB and the sex was awesome. Could you then limit yourself to only once a week?
As far as finding someone to be a FWB or even an intimate encounter, you don't appear to have a lot going on for you. If I wanted something like that- it would be with a younger man who was in shape and sexually attractive to me. And God knows, there's plenty of them on this site. So you have a lot of competition with men who have far more to offer and they're not married (well most aren't).
HR | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:12:21 AM | Interesting how may people suggest the OP should just take matters into his own hands & be satisfied.....implying that he eat his dissatisfaction at only being intimate once a month because to expect otherwise is selfish.
Wonder how many would answer " Just go hug yourself & quit being selfish" to a woman who's husband gave HER the type of intimacy she craves (say hugs, snuggling, , that kiss when leaving the house, etc.) only once a month & suggested she find it elsewhere?
I'm betting their actual answer to that scenario would be "He obviously doesn't love you, dump him..you deserve better." 
Can anyone explain why expecting sex on a regular basis in a marriage is any different than expecting physical intimacy in it's other forms on a regualr basis?
I mean other than being able to play the victim card when your partner complains of the lack of intimacy? | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:14:23 AM | | She just wants to test you to see if you really love her. If you do, you won't need a friend with benefits, but I guess a man's sexual desires are stronger than what any wife can offer. I allow my husband the same freedom he desires as I feel I do not want to chain him even though his true love means the world to me, but then at the end, I will have lost all the special feelings that makes me want to be true and faithful to him forever. I understand exactly how she feels. Just do what you want, she will find her own happiness. Although she will be in much pain and do wishes that you will always be there to be her savior, she really has all she needs to save herself and make herself happy...and that is the strength within her. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:51:25 AM | The biggest risk in finding a FWB is that, if you find a really good one, you'll develop an emotional attachment. That, coupled with the fact that your sexual desires are being met, will eventually lead you to leave your wife - if not with an official divorce, then in every other way. This is where prostitutes come in handy. Ask your wife if your household budget can swing a weekly romp with a hooker. You can have a different one every week, which will satisfy your sense of adventure and variety, and you won't run the risk of forming an emotional attachment!
But, seriously, if the marriage is important, I wouldn't recommend the FWB. Ask your wife how she would have things if she could wish it that way. If she says she'd love to be sexual, you can start to work from there and find out what would help her feel more amorous. Maybe she's just tired, and needs a break from her routine. On the other hand, if she indicates she will never feel more sexual with you, you might take that as a sign that the relationship is deteriorating and it's time to go. I don't think it's fair to ask you to be content to masturbate in a situation like this. Sex is part of the "contract" between marrieds and for one person to unilaterally decide to end the sex life is unfair (if not due to a health issue). | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:08:11 AM | Its obvious you've gone to the doctors, has she? As someone else has stated, what's the purpose of the weekly shots if you're not having sex anyways? Why not just stop the meds and then use the Cialis once a month when she's in the mood? I'm sure the testosterone is making you feel like you want it even more than you used to-which isn't helping your problem.
I have to have the shots becase my body dont make testerone at all and you have to have normal levels to be able to function. Too little Is as bad as too much. Before I was tested I couldnt figure out y I was so mean and nasty, after I found out what my level was the doctor was amazed that I wasnt in worse shape than i was.normal levels in a man my age run from 700 to 13oo parts I was at 7. not 700 just 7. I f I go bslow 700 by very muck I start to ach and get real mean. I keep it as close to 700 as I can just so it doesnt add fuel to the fire. and as for the ones that think im trolling you are dead wrong. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:23:42 AM | To OP, being in a 7 yr and then being single for 2.5, I can tell you first hand.. when sex is going to hell the relationship is most likely going to go to hell as well..
I do tend to agree as human beings we are not naturally designed to be monogamous, instead we are instinctively designed to be polygamous like all animals but humans overcome the need to for fitting round peg in the square hole and follow this monogamous tendency to conform with society and obligations deemed as " the right way to be" its natural for you to think about friends with benefits but it will most likely damage your relationship.
Its often natural to have varying sexual desires and needs not everyone is the same, and thats perfectly natural.
But... this sounds like a sexual dysfunction on her part a medical problem something beyond the scope of behavioral therapy or talk on here.
Consult your doctor for a female version of Viagra and feed it to her daily., then f u ck the sh t out of her.
Or divorce her, cause she is obviously not into you anymore. whats next... ooo honey.. do you might living in the garage... now.. oo honey do you might moving your stuff to the cottage... ooo honey do you might moving to another state? | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:34:09 AM | Hey OP. Imagine if it was the other way around. This is the woman that you love and married. Forget the fact that this is the woman that you pledged your life and love too.
How would you feel if she had a FWB and saw them everyday?
You are going to poison your marriage. Don't cross that line. Once you do, you can't go back. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:34:11 AM | | that is not what anyone is implying mr nightwing. we are implying cheating is wrong. if he dont wnat it once a month then divorce. thats what is being implied. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:42:31 AM | OP,
I noted your age and wonder if your wife is going through menopause? I have heard of some women who just don't want it like they used to during this period--and after.
I'm not sure what you should do, stepping outside of the marriage for something as basic as sex, I think, is a step toward trouble. As long as you and your missus know the potential ramifications of initiating such a relationship then do what you need to. You are both grown.
At least, you helped define what 'other relationship' actually means. Thanks! | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:48:43 AM | OP ~
Just because she gave you verbal permission doesn't mean do it.
There are two options on why she gave you "permission"
a) She needs help and is scared to go to the doctor.
b) She's cheating herself and with you cheating too she doesn't "feel" as bad.
But have a really good talk with her and see what she is feeling.
Best of luck to everyone
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