| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/31/2008 5:57:21 PM | | I don't know how old you both are, or how long you have been married, but I met someone who frankly told me that their live in girlfriend told them to "go explore" because she has totally different sexual interests... so I guess you could call me the friend with the benefits. To be honest, I don't know if I feel good about it, because she gets him all the time, and I get him only sometime. In otherwords, you and your wife have to be careful about the other people you bring into this, because someone else may get hurt. Just because she is selfish and doesn't want sex, or if she wont or cant have sex with you, that doesnt mean she should encourage you to do something outside the marriage. What is marriage all about anyway, what was that committment: I know some guys get fed up with no sex, and go find it elsewhere, but, you may meet someone else and fall in love, and vice versa: then what? Would your wife mind it very much if you left her for another then, would she be okay with that? It sounds a little screwy. In my situation, the girlfriend wants to go out with othe women, so the guy likes me when she goes out, and she has him all Saturday afternoon to go out for lunch, go to movies, and get treated good. ... its not a good situation for the outsider, or the guy. (you) It sounds like the wife is a little selfish and has ulterior motives. Find out. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/31/2008 6:25:42 PM | | Tell her that the only way you will be interested in doing this is if the other woman moves into the house and you marry her in some way. Also tell her that she will have to give her to him at the wedding. If she still is interested in talking about this then she is serious, if she does not, then be VERY careful. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 5/31/2008 6:32:16 PM | No, a friend with benefits would not be advisable at all - too close to having an affair - but perhaps paying for the services of someone professional might actually fulfill the goal for each of you and it's the only possibility I can see that will least likely destroy the love you and your wife have for each other.
The one down side I could see is hearing that you like to have sex daily. Well, that will get really costly and I would definitely not recommend you have sex with anyone, professional or not, daily if it's not your wife. There's no way that intimacy will stay within no emotion boundaries with so much contact. In fact, you better be extremely clear on that side of things - hence my idea of a professional for I imagine she would know not to let you fall in love with her, or vice versa. But, perhaps you could see one maybe twice month or something to just ease things.......hmmm, actually it sounds like your sexual needs are a little insatiable and that could be a big part as to why your wife has decided to stop providing that for you.....
Maybe sex therapy for you and your wife and counselling to help with the deeper issues (like I said before) might be a better idea, actually, for it sounds like you're at opposite ends of the spectrum for your sexual needs.....so just like any other area of incompatibility, if you love each other - really try and find the solution within your relationship because you do realize you're playing with fire here otherwise, basically. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 6/1/2008 4:00:44 PM | ^^ Custis 
OP there is probably more than 1 reason why she's not so interested in sex with you. If you take others advice & seek counseling you might get to the bottom of it since. I think she's taking the easy way out & may just not be attracted to you anymore or you may be lacking in certain skills. I agree she either has or is looking for a friend with benefits for herself too. Remember, you can't make her do it but you can make her want to do it. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:03:11 PM | To me, this is an incredibly offensive suggestion and if it were me... I would be searching my feelings and hers as to the ultimate destination of this relationship... there seems to be a general consensus on the direction it's heading...
Everything about this is wrong... I'm not saying people, both men and women, can't go through stages or periods of time where their sex drives take downturns... But, is this what is happening? I can't answer that... you need to really get to the bottom of this crap, even if it leads to an uncomfortable conversation... or series of them. Don't be overbearing or anything.. just be like you have been... calm. Remember, she is the one who has made this situation even more uncomfortable... remember that and learn from it.
If you are not an open relationship kind of guy, this is going to end poorly... even if you are... it has a fairly good chance of ending poorly. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:43:12 PM | Taken at face value:
Your wife has a low sex drive, and you have a high one. That's it. A bad sexual match. It's pretty common.
Not taken at face value, you could go through hours of pointless wondering. "Is she not attracted to me, is she messed up, is this permanant" yada yada yada.
Ask her to go to a sex therapist with you. If there are worms under the rock you might as well find out about them as soon as possible.
Being told to go f*** someone else is pretty insulting. Don't tell her this, it's pointless.
Just figure it out. Go to a therapist and fix the problem.
Good Luck man. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:55:21 PM | I think this is a mistake. Even if she thinks she could handle this, chances are when it's a reality, her own feelings of jealousy and rejection will surprise even her. This wouldn't happen in all cases, but it is such a strong possibility, I don't think it's worth the risk. I think that you can deal with your sexual needs in so many other ways that don't jeopardize the marriage that this would just be a silly route to take. Not to mention the possibility of the "fwb" relationship developing into something where at least one of the two has feelings for the other, which is always a difficulty with fwb relationships (because it is human nature to develop emotional attachment with the person you are having sex with - the bonding is part of why frequent sex is so important to humans in the first place! duh!).
Okay, so here are just some of the options for dealing with your sexual needs:
- masturbation, masturbation, masturbation! Involve your wife in these rituals if she is willing. Change up your routine. Use whatever toys, porn, etc. you need to make this more of an enjoyable event, rather than just releasing pressure.
- lose weight, get a makeover, and read up on alternate sexual techniques, and surprise your wife. I'm sure she loves you, but little changes might be the thing to make her more sexually attracted to you. Have a frank discussion about her ideal sexual encounters and mood, make sure she is fantasizing, and encourage her to ask you fulfill her fantasies. She may not even know the sexual desire that she has inside her that could be awakened. Example, someone can have a partner who is very submissive and resistant to their partner's desire to be submissive and be with a manly man. This can result in what appears to just be a low sex drive, but is really about not really enjoying sex that much in the first place, so never getting that turned on.
- wash the dishes suddenly or do whatever around the house that she usually does that you may take for granted. Set aside a fantasy day, and do all sorts of things to make her feel romantic (including doing the dishes and just generally treating her). Nothing is sexier than feeling loved and attended to. Make sure your relationship is on track, and not derailing. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 6/1/2008 9:17:46 PM | OP...
In my opinion, she is really telling you in many ways that your marriage is over. It could even be that she wants you to find someone else so she could justify finding someone else too.
But, I don't believe in cheating, and I don't care the circumstances. If you aren't happy at home, it's time to leave before you do anything that could hurt anyone else. Do you have kids who could be effected if they found out?
Has your wife gone for medical help with her issues? If not, why? I would do anything, move heaven and earth to save a marriage if it was a good one.
Sharzi | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 6/1/2008 9:31:21 PM | Have you tried doing the dishes? That can have a miraculous effect on a woman's sex drive.
P.S. Work on your marriage. Don't take the easy way out. Sometimes marriage is hard work. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 6/1/2008 9:35:53 PM | Seriously now, I think you should ask yourself a very important question....
How would I feel if I knew that I could not perform as my partner wanted and they get someone who does?
I think marriage is a vow you take for better or worse, sex or not. With all of the new technology out there today, you can't tell me that you would actually take a risk on a fatal disease or emotional trauma.
You are forgetting one big thing (of course unless it is intentional) and that is what about the other person's feelings? If you don't care about that and the emotional bonds, then what you need is a prostitute not another relationship!
Just my opinion  | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 6/2/2008 12:37:07 AM | | Sound's like one of two thing's...either she is tired of having sex with you...or there is something wrong...maybe menopause or something.Even if she asked you to find a friend with benefit's Dont Do It.If she is not giving you sex because something is wrong physically and feel's guilty for not giving you sex...Then it will break her heart to know that you really went and had sex with someone else.If it's because she is bored with having sex with you..then she maybe be looking for a way out.If you need sex everyday like you say you do...Then it may be time to spank the ole monkey. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 6/2/2008 1:20:23 AM | | OP - did you ever think that you are taking pills to get hard and horny- is your wife or should I say soon to be ex wife? Maybe you should stop taking pills and shots and be normal just like your wife. I have a feeling she doesn't know you are online on a single site looking around. It looks like a cheater thing to me that you are doing. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 6/2/2008 4:28:55 AM | Don't do it!!! I would suggest your wife get a complete physical, to see if there is anything medically wrong. If there isn't, then see a sex therapist. There are many avenues to take, before making a move you both will regret for the rest of your life. Please give this some serious thought, and good luck to both of you.
Sunnie | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 7/27/2008 1:26:51 PM | | Your right you opened a can of worms. And like worms this is slimey. Look into medical and herbal ways to increase your wifes libido. Don,t go look for someone to wreck your marriage,they,re fragile enough. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 7/27/2008 1:26:53 PM | So this is your wife's way of telling you she wants to use you for what you DO provide, while excluding you from what she should?
OK - well, if you don't mind being used for her purposes...and providing for her...
It seems a silly and foolish way to waste your life - but if it's what you're into?
I wouldn't suggest you take her up on it however, until you have checked the divorce laws in your state....
Many women have said the same thing knowing that once he DOES get the FWB, and she comes up with evidence of it, she can present that in court, take what you have, and additionally be awarded (in certain states) alimony payable to her for the rest of HER life, as well as being entitled to half of anything you continue to earn in the way of life insurance premiums, inheritances and retirement money.
Now, do you really want to do all that AND not get laid?
Watch your back, your wife is done with being married to you, and the fun is way over. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 7/27/2008 1:37:42 PM | Sounds to me like she's looking for a reason to get rid of you, and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Give her a reason the relationship is doomed.... | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 7/27/2008 1:40:00 PM |
She still loves when we fool around and has great orgasms
I'm amazed that no one has brought this up. It seems to me that someone who is capable of enjoying great orgasms would want to experience more. Maybe she is just tired of faking. Maybe you need to make better efforts, and not just in the bedroom. Most important...you two need to communicate or your marriage will end. Ask yourselves seriously if this is what you really want. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 7/27/2008 1:52:37 PM | well OP...kinda a new one. Maybe SHE should find you a friend with benefits...that way she can't be jealouse. Also, she'd be setting the "ground rules" and feel better about the whole thing.
Good luck! | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 7/27/2008 3:48:37 PM | I wouldn't do it - Either she has a guy on the side, maybe some health issue....but this proposal reminds me of Jeff Foxworthy and Bill Engvall when they talk about sex with their wives and those open-ended questions that a guy can't win. Example: JF was asked, "If I die will you remarry so the kids have a mom?" JF says, "Can the new mom have hooties out ta here?" Then the joke goes on into their argument. This..."find another woman" is seriously open ended and dangerous.
Folks say seek counseling. That's a great idea.
Or you could you watch Swingtown on CBS on Friday night, take notes, and the two of you could have an open relationship together or something. The entire series - you can watch it on cbs.com starts off because couples get bored with each other. As long as they are open with each other, it's not cheating and nobody's bored. I personally would not do this kind of thing, but obviously it happens or else Vegas, where I live, wouldn't have businesses where couples pay to do this (Green Door and Red Rooster both have this - pay for an orgy kind of thing). Maybe you just need to liven things up a bit as a couple - not you flying solo. | |
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| Wife wants me to find a friend with benifits
Posted: 7/27/2008 4:31:34 PM | | Ummmm did you ever think your wife is just testing you to see if you will go find the pleasure somewhere else. Like honestly, do you really think she wants to see her husband getting it on with someone else who isnt her. You married her, so have some respect and deginity, and dont go out and do something like that. How would you feel if she did that to you? like you have 2 hands, use them, and respect her, and than when she wants it, make her happy, but other than that use your hands, not someone elses that isnt your wife. | |
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