| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/20/2008 10:22:19 AM | welder...you are lucky. Up here you would have been charged....not only with a firearms offence but with abduction. You had the right to leave...no gainsaying that. You did not have the right to steal children. (That is the LAW talking....I think you did a great thing myself, and I give you full kudos for it!)
Many don't have that option...your sister should have her head examined...many times maybe!
My mom was much the same though. I tried...hard...but, had my own life too, and always left the door open for her. Sometimes she used it...sometimes not. But the abuser always had some excuse that she'd buy or feel sympathetic for. Like having cancer...which he did.
Anyways, the upshot being, mom is dead. The investigation could not prove he did it. The apartment was torn up...broken lamps, etc, and she was in the hallway, face bruised and on the floor. COD was determined to be "congenital lung failure". Did someone get away with murder? Maybe. It doesn't take much for someone to put more sleeping pills into someone else....and have them drinking alcohol too. Perhaps mom didn't remember taking her pills, and when he started yelling "Take your pills and go to bed, she would. Till he started again...then repeat as necessary. Perhaps. I figure this was more likely the scenario. Where was I? About 500 kilometers away. Setting up a home. Hoping mom would get it into her head to move in with me again. Yes...again. Too late though.
Anyways....there are sad tales all around. | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/20/2008 10:28:30 AM | I didn't read page 2.
OP,
Could you live with yourself is he hurt one of the children, and you had the ability to possibly prevent it right now by picking up the phone.
Here is maybe an out for you. Go to the school, where their kig go, and talk with the guidance counselor. | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:25:07 AM | | OK whoever told me NOT to called Shild Protective services? Your kidding right? I guess my only other option is call a good funeral director. Im sure this guy wont take care of that. | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:39:04 AM | | We're not making excuses, we're trying to help you understand the dynamic of domestic violence. | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:40:41 AM | What gets me is that the op continues to keep posting here, just to call the guy a wimp, rather than calling the police or the child protective services.
Does he assume that the readers of this forum will somehow intervene and do something ?? Isn't that the job of the authorities in his area?
Is it possible that he doesn't actually care about the safety and/or well-being of the woman and her children, and he just wants to feel superior to his wife-beating neighbor by going to an internet forum and continually calling the guy a wimp??
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:48:38 AM | | who said I didnt call the cops? when did i say " I didnt". and youre definitety wrong ferruginous. I do call these guys wimps, over and over, because theya re! Any guy who beats a woman, is a punk! I hope he goes to prison and they announce to everyone , what he is in jail for. | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/20/2008 12:03:27 PM |
who said I didnt call the cops? 
You're opening post asked what you should do, and many of the replies you recieved advised you to call the police.
Rather than aknowledge any of those posts, you simply chose to continue posting comments about the guy being a wimp or a punk.
If you have already called the police, and/or child protective services, I fail to see the point of this thread?
I assume you just want to post here because it makes you feel superior when you're calling your neighbor a wimp or a punk.
As another poster already mentioned, on paage 2: I also get the impression that you're actually quite insensitive to the woman and children involved. | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/20/2008 7:06:10 PM | He never mentioned her making any excuses so how do you know? Just because you've been there does not qualify you as an expert on domestic violence. In fact, you're far from it. She could be staying to protect her kids, ever think of that?
Because I know the OP.
And quit justifying the abuse with a nice cliche name like "the dymanics of domestic abuse".. Sounds so nice and maneagable. It's not. It's nasty, dirty, and down right terrible and we have a real bad habbit of puting "cute" politically correct names on it. Call it what it is and see the reality of it.
I expected to get beat up for my attitude. If you don't like my opinion, too bad. This is one subject I won't budge on. You know my opinion, no reason for me to come back here and please borred people with an argument.
Call the cops, quit sugar coating it and parents, get some balls and protect your kids!
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/20/2008 7:44:39 PM | The OP emailed me and in none of those exchanges do I recall him telling me that. Odd. Anyway...
I'm using the proper terms. You know, just like a doctor wouldn't say "wee wee" he'd say penis. If you can't handle my intelligence then don't read my posts. I am not trying to change your mind. I'd rather provide accurate information so that other people (hopefully) don't choose to take on the same narrow minded, insensitive, stuck up "opinion" of the subject that, unfortunately, too many people still have.
Oh, and you still have a question that someone else asked you that you haven't answered. (Just in case you missed it.  ) | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:51:52 AM | Children learn from what they see - if she has sons and they are seeing their father beat up their mother there's a greater chance they will grow up and do the same thing
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/21/2008 8:33:38 AM | Go talk to him , tell him that everytime you hear this going on ,that you are going to call the cops. If it happens again, then call the cops and wait on his step for them to come. Let him know that this isnt a little secret anymore.. That people know whats going on and are watching ! ...let him know that he is exposed , perhaps the shame and embarassment will come into his mind before he does it again...if that dont work , watch his routine , have a couple people go break his arms and legs...that seems to slow down even the biggest of idiots.. | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/21/2008 9:52:02 AM | | Not everyone is aware that this never changes. Not everyone is emotionally strong enough to leave. Not everyone has grown up with enough self esteem to demand to be treated better. These are learned behaviours. I would really like to see everyone quit judging and blaming the victims. Not one of us is saying that she should stay with this man. Some of us are saying that we understand why sometimes it's hard to leave. We understand that not all people have the same tools, for whatever reason, to deal with difficult situations. I continue to feel badly for women and men and children who live with this and hope they get out before any lasting damage is done. | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/21/2008 11:15:59 AM | | twister::: if I do that, then I go to prison and he goes free.no thanks! But I can see now that I look at it, why it would be hard to leave. I imagine being a woman, and being beautiful. YOU can have any guy yo u want, so of course an abuser is going to sound really good. So when it starts happenning, and the kids see it, they cry out loud every day. You have black eyes, and bruised ribs. yeah it would be really hard to leave that. As far as "blaming the victim"...is she not at fault for staying? Yes or NO? | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/21/2008 11:18:10 AM | | politically correct terms such as " dyanmics" are nothing more than flimsy excuses, you are right pasquel. Ther eis ALWAYS an option to leave. If she doesnt leave, she needs to lose her kids PERIOD! because she obviously is a bad mom, just for staying. Thats right, I said it! Staying is another form of child abuse! | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:23:29 PM | Whatever dude. I'm tired of trying to get it through your thick freakin head that it's more than being hit. Some of you watch too many Lifetime movies. Go REALLY live it and then get back to me. I've given you plenty of resources to learn about what goes on (yes, the dynamics) and you choose to ignore them and remain blind to a HUGE problem in our country. But you'll go fight a ridiculous war. Imagine that.
When you spend two nights a week for 18 months attending victims groups, speaking for a charity event and volunteering at the shelter, then you can tell me I'm wrong. Until then, you have no clue as to what you are talking about. I know first hand what women have gone through AFTER leaving. Some lost custody of their children to the abuser because they left with nothing and he had all the assets to fight them with. Then who is there to protect them? No one. One woman I know lost her life at his hands after leaving. That piece of paper the exparte was written on apparently wasn't bulletproof. Another woman was married for 17 years (no kids) and he just went crazy one night and attacked her with a baseball bat. 17 YEARS- but she should have thought about the kind of partner she picked in the first place, huh.
I told you part of my story. I told you how NO ONE helped me leave. Not one person. If that makes me weak and a bad mother in your eyes then so be it. Last I checked your approval wasn't needed.
Bottom line is, what did you end up doing about it? | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:33:24 PM | Not everyone is emotionally strong enough to leave. Not everyone has grown up with enough self esteem to demand to be treated better.
Then they have no business getting married and having children
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:37:54 PM | | poor white girl...i have done ALL I CAn. if shes going to stay with him, that is her CHOICE, yes CHOICE!!! No one is forcing her to stay. As far as going and living it? No thank you, I am above beating women!! I wont do it, and the thing is, no ons has to live it..not you, not me, not her...period!!! I choose to ignore them? What an ignorant statement!!! As far as losing the kids AFTERWARD...what do you think will happen if she stays? Shes being abusive to them by staying | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:51:45 PM | I agree with you that she's choosing to stay. What my point is, is that you don't know WHY she's choosing to stay unless you buy into the she LIKES it mentality. You don't know if she's being forced to stay or not. I know that I don't have to live it, but when I was IN it, it wasn't that clear. It's an ignorant statement? Well did you read anything I gave you links to? Did you try and comprehend what goes on? Physical abuse is never the only kind of abuse going on. Go visit an offenders group. Or at least read Lundy Bancroft's book "Why Does He Do That?..." As long as the kids aren't being abused, they normally won't take them for witnessing it. Right or wrong, it's just the way it is. SHE isn't abusing them. HE is. Where the hell is HIS responsibility in this?
What have you done? Did you call the police? | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:55:02 PM | My assumptions are
1)the cops have been called
2)DSS is automatically notified
3) The abuse continues.
Is this correct?
If it is, then the only thing that can legally be done is continue to call the police until the situation changes. But I really like the idea of making sure the abuser knows he's got everybody in the neigborhood watching and waiting. | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:56:19 PM | | No woman ahs ever stayed, because she had no choice. ther eis always a choice. yes I read the links, and anyone can write a book and rationalize it. Lets face,it, if you are at the edge of a cliff, and ther ear ejagged rocks at the bottom, are you going to jump, because you dont know whats in the other direction? NO!!! Your going to turn around! she is NOT being forced to stay. the guy works everyday, and is gone everyday. She has every opportunity to go. Ther eis nothing but flimsy excuses for staying PERIOD!! It's common sense whether youve lived it or not! She will probably LIe and say good men who treat womenw ell, ar hard to find> Yes I've called the cops. Guess what? SUPRISE, she doesnt press charges and says he never touched her | |
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| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/21/2008 1:44:15 PM | When I went through it, I wish that my neighbours would have called the police instead of banging on the wall, which just winded up my ex even more...
So that's what I think you should do... | |
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