|
|
|
|
|
| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/23/2008 1:22:06 PM | "I could never be a victim in an abusive relationship, I'm a guy."
Sorry to burst your bubble, but you're wrong there, buddy. Men CAN and ARE subject to abusive relationships. I have several male friends who had either girlfriends or wives who were physically/verbally abusive towards them. The problem is most men don't report it. Why? Because of that societal stigma of men being the "stonger" species. And if a guy is the victim, then somehow he's less of a man. It's total bulls**t of course, but until people start changing their views on gender, I'm afraid things like this will continue.
And for those out there who say to just mind his own business.....it's all well and good until somebody turns up dead, isn't it? It's difficult for someone who has not been through an abusive relationship to understand why someone would put up with something so terrible. I used to have that "well, if a guy hits me, that would be it! I'd be out the door! If you stay then you deserve what you get!" attitude.
But then I went through it and I know better now. Abusive relationships are gradual--most abusers start off by tearing down your confidence and self esteem, little by little. It starts off with just little comments they make, nothing that would raise alarm. But over time it gradually eats away at you--abuse victims feel they have to stay because they have been made to believe that they are no good, that they can't stand on their own, that without the other person, they are nothing. THEN it gets physical.
It took me years to break away, and even longer to get my self-confidence and self-esteem back. And when I did, yes, I felt stupid for staying so long. I felt foolish for letting it go on as long as it did, and idiotic for the ways I justified his behavior. And I feel anger and frustration when I see other people (women AND men) who are in the same situation but can't break away. But it's easy to see it in retrospect. At the time you couldn't have told me. It takes years for people to realize what's right in front of them.
OP, I would advise you to contact the police. If something fatal occurs and you were just sitting there, pretending you didn't know what was going on, then you will feel more guilt and shame than humanly imaginable. Unfortunately, in the long run, you can't help this woman if she doesn't want to be helped. But you can at least show you care about her well being. | |
|
| my neighbor is beating his wife
Posted: 5/23/2008 1:49:38 PM |
But then I went through it and I know better now. Abusive relationships are gradual--most abusers start off by tearing down your confidence and self esteem, little by little. It starts off with just little comments they make, nothing that would raise alarm. But over time it gradually eats away at you--abuse victims feel they have to stay because they have been made to believe that they are no good, that they can't stand on their own, that without the other person, they are nothing. THEN it gets physical.
It took me years to break away, and even longer to get my self-confidence and self-esteem back. And when I did, yes, I felt stupid for staying so long. I felt foolish for letting it go on as long as it did, and idiotic for the ways I justified his behavior. And I feel anger and frustration when I see other people (women AND men) who are in the same situation but can't break away. But it's easy to see it in retrospect. At the time you couldn't have told me. It takes years for people to realize what's right in front of them.
EXACTLY!!!!! 
The verbal and emotional crap DOES start first. It's not like you go out on a first date with a guy and he smacks you around and you stay. It usually starts with a shove or something like that. (After the verbal/emotional stuff starts.) You write it off as "just" a shove and he won't do it again, because, well, he didn't HIT me, he just shoved me.
It happens to ALL kinds of women. Well educated ones, poor ones, middle class ones... it doesn't matter what your education level is or how well off you are. Abuse shows no prejudice. | |
|
|
| Page 5 of 5
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5 |
|
Home
login 