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| You say no games... but is it even possible to play no games?
Posted: 5/17/2008 10:44:22 PM | James Baldwin used to say that those in power will never, indeed *can* never, understand those they have power over (nor do they need to), but on the other hand, it is the powerless's very life breath to know what those in power are likely to do.
While women have gained some modicum of power within my lifetime, no doubt a few million years of evolution aren't going to fall anytime soon. Therefore, we're suck with games or dances or whatyouwill.
I found this a while back, and liked it so much, I leave ya'll to ponder it:
That’s very unfair because most men are totally clueless about women. I explained how things really work to my boys with this Aesop-like fable I called the “Lions and the Antelopes”. The lions don’t know that [they're] actually disguised antelopes whereas the antelopes know they’re really lions in disguise. Hence I told the boys no point in chasing women. Just stand still so they can more easily find you.
— MARK KLEIN, M.D. | |
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| You say no games... but is it even possible to play no games?
Posted: 5/18/2008 6:35:37 AM | Erm..
I can have feelings for someone without getting busy with them (too soon or not), just like I can get busy with them and not have any real feelings for them... beyond attraction and liking them.
How the hell is that a game-playing? Game-playing includes things like manipulation, misleading and the like. If you're a girl who DOES NOT sleep with a guy quickly, then that's you being you. If you are.. then again, that just you being you.
Being "the loving being you are" doesn't automatically mean you'd put out on a first date.
I'd be more inclined to agree with the "dance" analogy than the one where love means playing games. | |
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| You say no games... but is it even possible to play no games?
Posted: 7/13/2008 6:22:55 PM | A dance is not a game, it's a way of living. Tango is a good example for me, the man leads and the woman follows. If the man leads the wrong woman, he gets his feet stepped on. If a woman accepts to tango with the wrong man, she is led astray. A woman knows how to politely decline an invitation. The man should know how to tango well. It is rare to find an harmonious tango couple......let's say it is all a matter of rhythm. If the man is too pushy, the woman can't follow. If the woman is too rigid, the man can't dance. Isn't is easy? Now, a man, able to lead well, can easily dance with a woman that is not too skilled. But the woman needs to trust the lead.
Initially, it is all in the hands of the woman: To accept an invitation or not to accept it. In the end, it is all in the ends of the man. Once you start dancing, you run your risks, unless you have picked well or you have an extremely capable leader. My intuition always tells me whom I should dance with and whom I shouldn't. I really don't like to get hurt. | |
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| You say no games... but is it even possible to play no games?
Posted: 7/13/2008 6:51:41 PM | Usually when people talk about "playing games" they seem to mean that the other person acts more interested than they really are. For example:
1. Guy acts like he is interested in being serious with a girl and she's the only one...but he isn't really ready to be serious and wants to play the field.
2. Girl strings guy along with the promise of a date or sex when she has no intention of either...and may be using him for his money or something else.
If that's what we're talking about, then ya, it's possibly to not play games. Just be honest about what you want and don't lead people on. A lot of people have responded with stuff like that and I don't think that's what this thread is really about at all. This post seems to be more about the "push/pull" dynamic that happens between a man and a woman. THAT can't be avoided, imo, and SHOULD'NT be...because that has to do with being tuned in to the other person and where they're at. It's just about sensing where someone's at, and their level of interest, not pushing further than their ready to go, and sometimes pulling back just enough to let them chase you a little bit too. That's not really playing games in my mind. That's understanding how relationships work. Pull too hard and they may pull away. Pull away too much and they may let you go. Push too hard and you may push them away. Don't push things forward enough and you may end up going nowhere. I don't think the original poster is over analytical as some have suggested...I think she takes a more intelligent approach to dating and relationships.
The one's who scream "no games" the most, are usually the ones who are the worst at playing games...and they lead people on and manipulate people without even knowing it because they are ignorant of their own motives, the other persons feelings, and how social dynamics work. | |
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