| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 11:14:41 AM | | Op it's like everything else...one has to do alot of shopping before settling for what you want. You had three relationships and found out that they were the wrong men. That means that you are ahead of the game. You should feel fortunate that you found out what these guys were like before you became really involved. Why do you assume you did anything wrong? From what you have said, the only ones who acted in a deceptive, immoral manner were those men! How do you find a genuinely faithful partner? You keep fishing, and never settle for less. And I do not think that cheating is strictly a male character flaw...many women do the same. These are extremely insecure, cowardly people and you are much better off without them. You should be celebrating that you didn't become more entangled than you were. NEXT!!! | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 11:14:47 AM | | Good Luck Finding Him On POF! If you do he must be a real peal among swines . Same goes for women they cheat also. Which makes it hard for the honest men/women to find honest people in here, to date. | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 11:37:44 AM | | What will become of the Children? Fathered by this cheating ways? Wow we all have **stards. No thanks not for me. I rather live alone then cheat or be cheated on. | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 11:48:22 AM | yes they are here.....
I have made numerous friends from here that would not cheat ever...at least I don't think so...as soon as they decide on who they are dating they dropped their profiles from here (or just quit coming here)and they are totally focused on the relationship............there are lots of good people on here..
and by the way...the guys ask exactly the same question pertaining to women....
online dating gives people too many options...they are always looking over the fence at those greener pastures, thinking, yeah this one is good but maybe, just maybe, that one is better...decisions, decisions.  | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 11:51:55 AM | | That questions makes me laugh - we are out here, but I think no one wants a decent man who won't cheat, maybe because he's not so good-looking. Both my marriages failed because both women cheated on me while I was 100% faithful every time. I honestly don't like other men because they continually pursue women who they know are taken (my case, for example) or when they have a woman at home. I don't have male friends and I will never bring a man around my house if I ever do find another gal... | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 12:36:17 PM | ^^^^^You are going to be one lonely person, so I guess your future wife will never be allowed to visit her married friends!!!!
Msg 2 why would you assume these guys all looked like Brad Pitt.
Sorry to hear about your situation OP, what could one possibly say to help you out except that there are some angels without wings. | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 12:53:06 PM | Sorry for your experiences Needinluck, but it isn't just on here. I dated a guy for several months. We were already friends for a couple of years and decided to give it ago as a couple. I found out later that when we went to visit his family out of state that he had actually called some woman in town to meet up while we were there. Not only that, but I mentioned his name in a local chat room later on after we got back, and some women IMed me personally. Come to find out he had called her that same weekend while we were at his parents too. He had been talking to her for over a month, claiming to be single and not seeing anyone. He never mentioned to her that while at his parents at Xmas time, he had me along to meet his mom, dad, sister, and daughter and granddaughter!! He was making plans to go visit her in MI and plans to move in with her she said!!!!
Needless to say, he got it from both sides of us ladies, and I haven't heard from him since. The woman in MI couldn't understand. But hey, some guys just aren't ever going to stop playing the field. And BTW, women pull this stuff on the men also a lot more than we realize.
I have no advice, except maybe look inside you and see why you didn't see what was happening and be a lot more careful next time. I sure have learned a lot in the dating scene in the last 6 years. Good and bad.
Dating isn't easy anymore. Too much going on that you can't see and don't know about. But, if you want someone in your life, you just have to keep trying. Best too you and all of us who are real out there. May you never be scammed again!
Linda | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 1:22:01 PM | I may have posted this on another thread a few weeks ago but it applies well here, too, so...
I recently met a very nice couple who were talking about a friend of theirs in Texas who was cheated on constantly by the women he dated. After some soul searching, he finally figured out what it was. He was attracted to the type of women who were most likely to be cheaters -- the type who constantly craved excitement and adventure. He'd get in a relationship with them and as soon as they'd think he wasn't exciting enough they'd cheat on him.
So he came up with a solution -- if he was instantly attracted to a woman, he automatically dismissed her as a potential mate. He eventually found a woman he initially thought was quite boring to him. But over time he grew to love her, and they got married and have been happily so ever since.
The simple truth of the matter is -- most men and women do *not* cheat. So if you're finding that partner after partner you're with ends up cheating on you, then you need to do a little soul searching of your own and find out what about them attracted them to you in the first place, and whether those traits may correlate to their likelihood to cheat.
You may, like the fellow above, have to rely on looking for someone who isn't necessarily as attractive to you in the first place and be willing to forego that "spark" that people expect to feel from a mate.
Perhaps you could even go so far as to make a list of what attributes of a person you really care about -- be *very* specific -- and cross out all those attributes that aren't necessary for success in a long-term relationship. If you find someone who meets those criteria, then instead of lumping them into the "friend zone" as so many people are wont to do, actually try starting a relationship even though you don't feel that chemistry initially. You may find that the chemistry grows over time. | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 2:02:40 PM |
Just wondering if is possible to find a man on here who says he wont cheat that really MEANS he wont cheat (or is definitely a ONE woman man)....
<--------------- Theres one. | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 2:09:01 PM | needinluck
Just wondering if is possible to find a man on here who says he wont cheat that really MEANS he wont cheat (or is definitely a ONE woman man)....had 3 relationships from online dating & everyone of these men ended up back on the on line dating looking for someone else behind my back!!!! Where do I go wrong?? And how do I find a genuinely faithful partner? Been hurt badly this time-fell for him big time (lived with him 18mths only to find the texts on his mobile-he'd been looking for someone else on here and planned meeting them this weekend (whilst we still together!).....
-Mezz It so happens that every WOMAN I've been with "off the net" (ironic isn't that? seems like they've already been caught.  ) has done the same, and a couple have not even bothered hiding their treachery!
Here's how it generally works, and I'll be gender-unbiased.
- If you want someone to be faithful, they won't be.
(If you don't, you're faithless.)
(The only logical solution here, is to always be faithful yourself. If everyone was, tada!)
- If you suspect perfidy, it's because it's there.
(If you don't, you'll be bored.)
(The solution: Cherish people and appreciate them no matter how little they offer.)
- If you call someone out on cheating/lies, they'll get fractious and petulant, and damage relations, opening a can of worms... or is it Pandora's Box?
(If you don't, they play/use you, and get green light to walk all over you.)
(The solution: Trust while keeping your eyes open, head under clouds, and heart in good hands.)
I don't know what else to say but that people are spineless b1tches with no emotional strength. Give em your heart and they panic - they feel trapped ("Oh no, someone actually cares about me - that can't be good, I must escape! But how? They're too nice. I know - treat em bad!" ), when all they need to do is embrace.
So people have this insecure notion of cheat or be cheated, and the game goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on...
I myself am not only genuinely, but fiercely loyal - my devotion knows no bounds (which is why I get abused). I've never cheated, and I am completely monogamous - a one gal man who's all or nothing. Now who believes me, and who thinks I'm easy? Grow up people. 
the next poster
The answer is yes, but women will generally avoid them, as they do in real life. If all you go for is the "Brad Pitt" or whoever look-alike then that's what you'll get. I resent that - it's this mentality that keeps me lonely. Just cause I'm a looker, gals overlook my heart of fvckin' gold. And worse, those who see it are afraid that I'm the real McCoy.
I gotto go.
- Excog. | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 3:13:28 PM | Women are attracted to opportunistic men. Men who operate under the guise of smooth talking them, telling them what they want to hear. Men who act like they can do anything and have all these plans and prospects. Usually it is all talk.
I know several guys like this and they have no problem picking up women and they will lie to them and cheat on them if the opportunity arises.
Most women just don't get excited by the boring old reality that is life. Which means a genuine, honest man is usually boring to a woman. They just don't realize it.
My old man use to say "Locks on the door only keep the honest people honest."
I have come to realize that a woman's defenses only keep the good guys good. | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 3:14:20 PM | | That all summed things up well, did seem to make sense to me-the better you treat someone the more likely you are to get shit on it seems! Thanks, sounds good advice.... Thanks to veryone else who posted help and suggestions also....will take note and try to remember the good advice....-M | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 3:22:32 PM | | Hey, I like your sense of humour blueeyedbaldman at least! But if you are saying you are one (that doesnt cheat) on here, why should we believe you? (us girls been told that all before, as the question poses.. sorry!).....I like the note posted earlier about being allowed to name proven cheats on here.....tho I guess that not fair as may be used by dishonest people as well (how could we be sure the person posting it isn't lying for whatever reason?) Trusting soul, aren't I!!! -M | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 3:28:15 PM | I can offer documentation or afidavits that I have never cheated Iam43 years old never married and havebeen in many lobng term relationships,,Never once wavered
And I know of a few friends married and single who are in the same boat,, | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 3:34:36 PM | | Well obviously needinluck, I CANT prove it. I know I haven't , and thats all that matters though. I totally understand your having a hard time believing it though. Many men do it, and so do many women. Better luck to you. | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 3:45:23 PM | "why would you assume these guys all looked like Brad Pitt."
Cheating has nothing to do with looks, it has to do with character.... | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 4:33:32 PM | What you really mean is that the men you are attracted to are cheaters. What is the common factor here, you, or the many men that you dated? You picked each and every one of them, so you have nobody to blame but yourself. The honest guys, the ones who have the characteristics that you (and every other woman on the planet) say that you want, are seldom the smooth charmers who know what to say and do to turn you on. In most cases, the guys who instinctively know how to be attractive to women are just abusive jerks. You go with your gut, and these are the ones you'll almost always end up with. The nicer the guy is, the less likely he is to act in the way that attracts women. Even good-looking guys don't have much chance. Next time decide with your head instead of your gut. Be very suspicious of smooth-talking charmers.
"A man ends up loving the woman that he is attracted to; a woman ends up being attracted to the man that she loves." Don't try to fool Mother Nature by lunging for the attractive man instead of the lovable one. You've seen what the results are. | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:14:28 PM | | I think people give up their souls too fast; in this I mean they give up their body. Bad mistake, how about this ( if you are still here in 6 months ) then I can see it. I can not believe people are not more careful with their being, if it happens even once and you do not learn ( being cheated on ) then I do not know what the answer would be. My Dad used to say " THE CHASE IS BETTER THAN THE CATCH" Make it a long chase and you will know about that person; a wolf can not hide in sheeps clothing forever. | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:20:07 PM | Had I seen this thread when it first came up, I'd have voted for deletion... Troll post - attention seeking... At the very least very redundant. However, since it has survived... don't take this wrong needinluck; you asked and I feel inclined to add my .02
3 relationships from online dating & everyone of these men ended up back on the on line dating looking for someone else behind my back!!!! Where do I go wrong??
3 guys all went back into the pond behind your back. Without knowing more it's hard to know why; but looking at your present profile, my guess is that you've made choices not knowing what you want.
Not sure what I'm lookin for...last relationship gone bad, so maybe friendship, casual dating if/when I feel ok about you. Need company, someone to lean on (your shoulder would be nice) and an ear to listen..snuggles on the couch by the fire
Looks like you're setting up the next guy you make friends with to lean on and snuggle with; because you need company.
And how do I find a genuinely faithful partner?
Do some soul searching; take some time to find out who you are and what you want from a partner.
Best to you,
Jack
"Ah, what a dusty answer gets the soul when hot for certainties in our life!" --George Meredith, Modern Love
EDIT: Soul Union \/ Right on! | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:22:41 PM | And how do I find a genuinely faithful partner? - needinluck
> The finest friend you could ever meet, the partner of your dreams, the one who will never cheat on you - as you call it - the one who will be with you always, who will treat you with kindness, consideration, thoughtfulness, compassion and care, who will listen to your worries and concerns . . . is the person gazing at you in the mirror.
> Get to know her. Cherish her. And remember that she is with you always, until your last breath.
> Best wishes - Soul Union. | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:25:38 PM | | define cheating? Like emotionally such as when women watch soap operas and sex and the city or read love novels? | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:49:02 PM | Well, I won't tell you that I don't cheat because as you've said, you wouldn't believe me anyway. If you asked my last ex, she'd probably tell you I was cheating, but she secretly had access to my main password (only found out later after it was over), and she didn't find anything to prove I even contemplated cheating. She was the type to automatically suspect the guy she is with will be looking for someone better, and nothing I could've done to assure her otherwise would've made a bit of a difference. I feel sorry for the guy she's with right now 
Only 3 relationships from online dating? Great sample of the online community. As much as it probably pains you to do it, look back at those relationships, and make a list of the qualities that attracted you to each. Check to see how many qualities those guys shared. The next time you look for someone, find someone who doesn't necessarily have those qualities (unless they are something that obviously every guy will possess.
But, as has been mentioned already, it is the person looking back in the mirror at you that is attracting these cheaters. Try to figure out what signals you're sending out that the guys you don't want are picking up on.
But it should be said that:
- Some men cheat, some women cheat.
- Some men don't cheat, some women don't cheat. | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:59:46 PM | | I don't think it's particular to any one gender. Statistics seem to show that there's cheating going on with both men and women...takes two to tango. I'd like to think I'd be faithful in the right long term relationship but I haven't ever been in a serious relationship yet so I can't say for certain. | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/17/2008 8:25:54 PM | Never cheated. As far as I know, I've never been cheated on.
I think a lot of it depends on what you are attracted to. I think loyalty was a big part of why I was attracted to my ex-husband. Even though the marriage didn't work, fidelity had nothing to do with it.
You want a guy who doesn't cheat? You have to choose a guy who doesn't cheat. | |
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| Genuine NON-Cheatin Man
Posted: 5/18/2008 5:47:55 AM | | I hope you find your genuine non cheating man.That is all I want in life.I had similar experience to you.My EX partner had been doing the same looking on dating sites on my pc in my home when I was at work. We had only been together for a year and he had no reason to look for other women. But I think he had it all planned looking for his next victim.In that year I had leant him £5000 which I will obviously never get back. So he is out there now probably with another vulnerable woman as I was. I only wish I could warn other women about this MAN. Question is if I meet someone else will I ever trust again. Wishing you luck for your future happiness. | |
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