| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/18/2008 3:41:37 PM |
It would appear she's ALREADY off like a shot. And too damned bad if she doesn't like the OP asking for advice here on the forums with regard to HER crappy behavior. Maybe if she acted with some common courtesy she wouldn't BE the subject of this post, now would she?
^^^^^^^^^^Yeah right!......people can give opinions that they think her behaviour is crappy solely based on the info that the OP has posted....maybe if the facts of this issue surface first...
The OP wouldn't be recieving CRAPPY advice based on assumptions...JMO | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/18/2008 4:43:57 PM | | That's very true. I tried to give a complete picture based on my viewpoint, but this is still pure conjecture. The fact is that we don't know why she's acting the way she is. However, I do know that I don't have to participate in her strangeness. She's got my phone number, my IM info and my email address. She can contact me anytime she wants. She still hasn't responded to the voicemail I left yesterday morning. That's a pretty clear sign that something is up. I'm just not going to concern myself with it. If she contacts me later with a plausible explanation that passes the BS test then perhaps I'll give her another chance. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/18/2008 5:43:43 PM | | Ugh. Ok, so I do it, but I HATE IM--I always feel like I'm being stalked. I have TWO open right now, from guys who just want to chat and I'm too busy to do that (or just don't feel like it), you know? Give her a call, leave a message, and call it a day. Stop pressuring her. She's on the fence--starting a relationship (she has kids, right?) is a HUGE step up from "going out on a date". Give her time, and if her decision is "no", leave her alone. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/18/2008 6:00:01 PM | | I'm not sure why people are getting the impression that I'm pressuring her. For the first few days, she initiated most of the communications. I simply reciprocated because that seemed to be the way she liked to communicate and I enjoyed it. It was the change from that to no communication that didn't make any sense to me. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/18/2008 6:51:21 PM | I'm always a bit wary about people who say their ex partner has stolen their password and is messing with their profile or messages. I guess it's possible with a real jealous psycho - dunno - perhaps a Moderator with experience of this kind of thing could comment in a general way?
It's a really difficult situation for you as I can imagine you are worried about her, given the ex husband situation. She may just be an erratic person though. Some people are erratic on dating sites and it's a real pain. She has responded before, after these odd breaks, so she did have some control over the situation then.
She could be a blatant liar, maybe someone paranoid who truly believes what she's telling you. One might ask why she would put a profile on and then say she was going to take it off again. What does that mean for you - that she couldn't care less whether she met anyone?
It could also be that she genuinely likes you but wouldn't go out of her way for you, in which case it's best to give up on her. She could be just playing the field and enjoying several admirers. Whatever her reasons, it's just rude not to respond to messages. Although having said that, I did do that once when someone got my details because they knew me anyway from friends. This person was mentally ill, definitely creepy and kept making advances I didn't want. I made it clear I wasn't interested, but he still wanted to come and visit and kept leaving messages. I have to say I avoided responding because I didn't want to engage with him at all. That was pretty extreme though.
I feel for you as this situation would drive me mad too. Sometimes things happen online and we will never understand them. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/18/2008 8:34:52 PM | She had a new profile when she contacted me. Her story is that she created that profile just to contact me, so she didn't need the profile any longer. That story nearly passes the BS test, but not entirely.
The thing that bothers me is that I'm usually very good at spotting liars in person. I remember pretty much everything people say and I'll spot an inconsistency as soon as it comes out of their mouth. We talked a LOT about her divorce, her kids, her job situation, the stuff her kids do at school, etc. Never once did I catch her saying something that contradicted a previous statement. I never once got the impression from watching her eyes and body language that she was anything but honest and forthright. If she's a liar, she's a damn good one.
And I do know someone else who's ex-husband did actually break into her online accounts somehow, so it definitely happens. It's a stretch, but it's still plausible.
I still haven't heard from her, though, so unless she's in a hospital somewhere without her cell phone, she's not interested or something else is happening. It sucks because based on what she was saying, we seemed like a superb match for each other. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/18/2008 8:37:49 PM | That's the problem with really good liars, they're very careful not to say anything TOTALLY implausible, which would set off the BS-o-meter, so they stick with things that might POSSIBLY be true to keep you off-balance enough so you doubt your own reasoning.
I'm not saying SHE is a liar, just making an observation about good liars in general.
Maybe she hit her head and has amnesia..? It could happen! | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/18/2008 8:53:01 PM | | I think basically you were stood up on your birthday... It's possible she's married and her husband has gone through this before to figure out so soon her profile and password which I doubt the validity of that explanation...there are all kinds here so you really need to read the body language as well as the speak talk...but it's frustrating when you get swept off your feet... | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/18/2008 9:25:19 PM | I think basically you were stood up on your birthday... It's possible she's married and her husband has gone through this before to figure out so soon her profile and password which I doubt the validity of that explanation...there are all kinds here so you really need to read the body language as well as the speak talk...but it's frustrating when you get swept off your feet...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ OP, don't fall for this bullsh*t.
Don't give up on her yet...
She may be in hospital or maybe she might have a major issue happening in her life...
If that's the case....she is not obligated to give anyone an explanation or race to the phone to call someone she has dated briefly to justify her reasons for not getting into contact..
Like I keep saying....get the facts first, before passing judgement on her......
If you keep staying on this thread and keep listening to other posters who have already judged and condemned her on the basis of their assumptions.....you may lose something you may regret.
If and when you get into contact with her and the reasons don't justify her actions.....well then it's your call..
But, don't let negative opinions on a public forum to sway your judgement... | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/18/2008 9:35:14 PM |
What's up with the Yahoo account?
According to her, he got in there and deleted a bunch of stuff including emails from me. She said that throughout the divorce, she's been keeping a record of all the crappy things he's done. She would just make a note and email it to herself and store it in a folder. She said he even deleted that entire folder and then emptied her trash.
The account still exists and I'm sure she's changed the password by now. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/18/2008 9:37:22 PM | Like I keep saying....get the facts first, before passing judgement on her...
I do agree with this, but the facts INCLUDE the fact that she stood the poor guy up with NO explanation ON HIS BIRTHDAY! That's pretty crappy, no matter what. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/18/2008 9:41:08 PM |
If you keep staying on this thread and keep listening to other posters who have already judged and condemned her on the basis of their assumptions.....you may lose something you may regret.
That's absolutely true, and I understand that. This is all just speculation at this point. It is weird behavior from my perspective, but there may be a completely rational explanation for it. Even the marriage explanation has some holes in it. If she were married with kids, why would she be available on Mother's Day for a long date? Her explanation that her ex refused to reschedule his weekend with them is more plausible. That also fits in with her description of him as being a vindicate jerk who is still very upset at being dumped by her.
She also had previously told me about how he doesn't pull his weight with the kids and how he doesn't support them financially. She even told me a lot about the stuff she has to pay for on her own because of him being a deadbeat. Her story was fairly elaborate and I never caught her in a contradiction. The story she has told me is almost entirely plausible. She may be a world-class liar, or maybe something came up. Even if something came up, though, it only takes 30 seconds to send a quick text message in reply. And I know she uses texts a lot. She said that that is her main method of communicating with her daughters.
It's just a strange situation. I'd be overjoyed to find out there was a good explanation for it all.
Maybe I should start asking for women to bring their divorce papers with them on first dates. :-) (Obviously joking, folks...) | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/18/2008 10:01:18 PM | Right. People don't act like flakes, stand each other up, play headgames or treat each other poorly in any other country but America.
What a keen observation. Wow. I'm impressed. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/18/2008 10:15:23 PM |
Right. People don't act like flakes, stand each other up, play headgames or treat each other poorly in any other country but America.
^^^^^^^^^ For fuk sake.....Iam just teasing....too many sensitive people without a sense of humor
Tsk tsk....we don't know that headgames, acting like flakes or being treated poorly is the case here yet.....that's only based on people's assumptions | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/18/2008 10:36:02 PM | is there really any rational reason these days that someone can't make a 3 minute phone call to someone who has been calling them for days?
(the horrible accident/emergency situation aside..)
She didn't even call him to say she couldn't make the date that night as previously scheduled, that's just bad manners, her *husband*needs to smack some sense into her (sorry , trying to keep things light here...)
Happy belated bday OP, dating is a crapshoot... or just crap sometimes.. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/18/2008 10:36:45 PM | OK, I am going to give my input on this situation of her ex getting into her account.
The only possibilities would be....
1. He did put the tracker in her computer.. but then he would have to access to her house and computer to see what was logged. So if he is like that, she should of had the locks changed.
2. He breaks into her accounts with passwords. Ok, she should have one that he would never guess. Plus he would have to know her email address. So you would think she would of made up a new one just for those purposes.
For an ex to be that way and have access.... I find quite odd and sounds like too much drama to deal with anyway. IMO | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/18/2008 11:27:41 PM | I'm just not having much luck. Another woman messaged me and wanted to chat, so I did. She has basically nothing in her profile. She almost immediately wants to meet and trade phone numbers so we can text. I suggest that we stick to email for a few days before we decide to meet. She went into high-pressure sales mode. I backed off and said that we just were not a good fit and she completely wigged out on me.
What the heck is up?? Why do I suddenly attract these women with huge issues? Much more of this and I may go back to being a hermit. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 1:45:02 AM |
What the heck is up?? Why do I suddenly attract these women with huge issues?
Who the hell knows mate.......maybe give the paying date sites a try.
But, like someone said, " dating is a crapshoot" | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 7:31:14 AM | Yeah, there must be something in my profile that says, "Women with serious issues, please contact me." I don't remember writing that, but it must be in there somewhere! I suppose we all have to wade through a few of those, though. That's been two good learning experiences in a row, I guess.
Back to the first woman, I still really wonder what's going on in her life that would make her behave like this. I also wonder if she is a serial one-dater or, assuming she's married, she just happened to get caught. None of it makes any sense. Even the marriage explanation doesn't completely fit. It's a bummer because we seemed like an amazing fit. She even liked my poetry and music. :) Which is always a plus...
Oh well. Perhaps I'll never know what happened. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 7:55:42 AM | I just happened to see this in the news. This is perhaps a bit morbid, but I sure hope this report isn't about her:
http://www.reporterherald.com/news_story.asp?ID=16862
That would be just my luck. I feel bad for whoever it is, though. Their luck is obviously worse than mine. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 8:17:32 AM | OP, I can't tell you how many people out there just do a 180 without warning - seems to be the way of the internet sometimes. I've been online since 96 or so (just generally) and it's just common for some reason. I actually compartmentalize all conversations, plans and meetings - and until enough run together that it matters or until something materializes, I always enjoy stuff in the moment and expect never to hear from people again - until I do. Just adjusted to it over time I guess.
Chances are there was something going on that had nothing to do with you, and you just happened to meet her during that time...maybe there's an off chance it's just a bunch of crap happened and she'll call when she can, but it's not hard to take 5 mins and drop a line - and sending a text is even easier, so I dunno.
I agree with the poster who said you should be taken pretty quickly - you seem to be a decent person, intelligent with a sense of humor, a sense of confidence that few around here have and you ain't too shabby in the looks department either - so no worries. This will be something you look back and laugh at.
I'd just chalk it up to a weirdo - you'll get a lot of those when in the dating process - you're probably better off not knowing what happened (or not getting involved). | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 11:48:06 AM |
She went into high-pressure sales mode.
She didn't have "huge issues" - she was a pro looking for customers. Maybe for her out-call servic,e maybe for her website. Ya never know.
As for the newspaper account, I wouldn't worry unless you know what street she lives on. Now, if it's the same, that WOULD be creepy. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 12:10:56 PM | Well, I don't seriously think that newspaper account has anything to do with her. It was a weird coincidence, though. Loveland is a small place. This sort of thing doesn't happen often there. It's just a bizarre coincidence that a woman gets shot and taken to the hospital the same weekend that a women I know stops communicating to me.
If it actually turned out to be her, though, I'd be worried. That would mean that her psycho (ex)-husband is a potential murderer and knows my email address, from which I could easily be found. Not good! I'm not worried, though. That's the sort of story you see in the movies, not in real life.
On the other hand, if this is real life, I'd love to hear some ideas about who should play me in the made-for-TV movie about it. lol | |
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