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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 1:05:41 PM | IMHOP she playing you. If she were for real she would make more an affort. That's just my gut feeling. Good luck and slow down a bit. She may also just be shying away because of the speed of things. But in still think she's just not into you.  | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 2:33:22 PM |
But in still think she's just not into you.
That could certainly be the case, but she went out of her way many times to tell me how into me she was, how fantastic our date was and how glad she was that I responded to her. Not just once or on one day. She said that sort of thing many times over the course of three days. I don't know why she'd keep saying it if it weren't true. Very bizarre.
An interesting side note to the article about the shooting. I still don't have a name of the victim, but one report says that it happened on Saturday afternoon, not Sunday afternoon like I thought. That's kind of a spooky coincidence if it actually happened on Saturday afternoon. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 3:08:58 PM | | Okay, I don't have a name but I have more details of the shooting incident. It's definitely not her. :) I guess that means I don't have a homicidal (ex)-husband to watch out for. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 3:58:12 PM | Moral of the story: Don't contact someone that you've only just met every single day (for two weeks on the run). In my opinion, you can chat on email as much as you like, but when it comes to telephone/meeting in person, once a week only if it is someone you have only just met, dude.
Too much too soon. It loses all sense of mystery & excitement, all interest goes, nothing to look forward to, familiarity breeds contempt, it comes across as too keen & the other party will just panic & run. Natural defenses. It comes across as being stalker-ish too, even though you are not a stalker.
The same applies to both women & men. As with everything else in life, like the cliffhanger at the end of the TV drama "always leave them wanting more"... | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 6:21:23 PM | I thought only women thought up such excuses as maybe he's been hit by a bus so that's why he didn't call me... or he has a critically ill parent and is pacing the hospital floor so thats why he hasn't called me... or what if he dropped his cell phone in the toilet and lost my numbers so that's why he hasn't called me???? Trouble is they turn up at your favorite haunt with another woman hanging on his arm three months later and you realize what an idiot you are for worrying over his health and cell phone...
She never called you knowing it was your birthday... and she flaked on you prior to that... she's got issues you don't need to concern yourself with... just move on... You have to much going for you... | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 7:12:38 PM |
she's got issues you don't need to concern yourself with... just move on... You have to much going for you...
I agree, but it is kind of sad. We honestly seemed like a fantastic match. I wish I knew what caused the abrupt turnaround, but I suspect I'll never know. Of all the dates I've gone on in the past year, she was the first that really knocked my socks off, and acted like I knocked hers of, as well.
I'm tempted to send her an email or voicemail in a day or so and just ask her to tell me what happened. Then again, her life really isn't any of my business. But I do wish I had even some inkling of why she went from so hot to so cold so quickly.
Oh well... her loss.  | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 7:46:40 PM | "I agree, but it is kind of sad. We honestly seemed like a fantastic match. I wish I knew what caused the abrupt turnaround, but I suspect I'll never know. Of all the dates I've gone on in the past year, she was the first that really knocked my socks off, and acted like I knocked hers of, as well.
I'm tempted to send her an email or voicemail in a day or so and just ask her to tell me what happened. Then again, her life really isn't any of my business. But I do wish I had even some inkling of why she went from so hot to so cold so quickly.
Oh well... her loss. "
You're still there, still rehashing it...long after she's closed the book and moved on. This mindset, all of it will just keep you strung along and absorbed. No good can come of it until you cut yourself loose and turn the page.
Dating and particularly internet dating is not for the "faint of heart." Seriously and honestly this is probably the worst for you. You need to learn to strike that balance between your head and your heart, both are necessary in all realms of life. Your head tells you this isn't anything good (or even there) yet you're still going on about it and wanting to communicate..."prove" something, when she hasn't thought about you and proved she doesn't care.
It's only hurting you, that's your choice. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 8:44:46 PM |
It's only hurting you, that's your choice.
That's an excellent point and 100% true.
On a related note, three of my friends suggested that I email her one last time just in case something reasonable was going on. I sort of preferred to just drop it and move on, but I sent one anyway. She had two email addresses, so I sent it to both on a whim. The email to the Yahoo account we had used the most has been canceled. No longer in existence.
I think my biggest problem in this specific situation is that I tend to dislike uncertainty. It bugs me. I'd much rather people just come out and say what they feel. If she didn't want to see me, just say so! It's not hard. Honest communication seems to be non-existent these days. Aren't we adults here? Have people completely lost the ability to communicate?
You're right. Internet dating may not be for me. :) But I'll keep at it. I'm in no hurry to get into relationship, so I might as well give it a shot as long as it's enjoyable more often than not. This is just a speed bump in the road. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 8:56:31 PM |
You're right. Internet dating may not be for me. :) But I'll keep at it. I'm in no hurry to get into relationship, so I might as well give it a shot as long as it's enjoyable more often than not.
The Internet has NOTHING to do with it. You have emailed, and IM'd and phone-called, and voice-mailed to an extent that any woman might call stalking. I believe your motives are good, but dude....TOO MUCH! It's NOT the Internet's fault. If you met her at a salad bar and she gave you a phone number, she'd say "This is my personal cell phone I only use for dating, it's not my home number." Then a week later the number is no good. Same scenario, different technology.
The point is she dropped you and you're left hanging and for some reason YOU are unable to get over it.
BTW---You are DEFINITELY in a HURRY to get into a relationship if you're freaking out about no messages and it hasn't even been a week!! | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 9:13:03 PM |
The Internet has NOTHING to do with it. You have emailed, and IM'd and phone-called, and voice-mailed to an extent that any woman might call stalking.
Not even close, actually. Even at this point, she has emailed, called, and IMed me more than I have her. More often than not, she initiated communication, but mostly in the first few days. It was the sudden personality change that concerned me. I'm really not a stalker nor am I nearly as obsessed with it as it may appear from these posts.
I'm most definitely not unable to get over it. It's not that big of a deal, seriously. I just don't understand people who behave that way. Simply stopping communication out of the blue is weird in my book. If I don't want to see someone, I tell them.
There's just some bizarre disconnect between her words and her actions. Why would someone tell you that they're so happy that they met you, that your date was amazing, that they melted when you kissed them, that they look forward to long walks in the future, that they want to kiss in the rain (her deal), that they want to lie down in a hammock and take a nap while holding each other, etc., only to immediately stop communication after that? It's just weird.
But, enough about this. :) It's being beaten to death and I'm contributing to it. Let's all go for a beer and switch to another topic! | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 9:37:04 PM | You had one actual meet/date. Previous contacts via email, phone, IM. Then she vanishes into thin air.
It happens OP. Join the club. There comes a time where you just have to say "whatever" and quit trying to figure out the reasons or the whys. It will drive you crazy.
I think she just wasn't that into you and didn't know how to tell you, since you were so obviously interested in her. To some people, vanishing or ignoring is their easiest way out. Not right, but it won't stop people from doing it. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 9:41:07 PM |
Not even close, actually. Even at this point, she has emailed, called, and IMed me more than I have her. More often than not, she initiated communication, but mostly in the first few days. It was the sudden personality change that concerned me. I'm really not a stalker nor am I nearly as obsessed with it as it may appear from these posts.
I stand corrected. You stalked each other. Okay, she did it more, but at least she quit. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 9:43:42 PM | | Just from what you've said I would expect that kind of behavior from a 15 year old but not from an adult. I would have suspected something from the beginning by her saying she was just on there and decided to make a profile just to contact you. If she was really divorced and on the dating scene her profile would have been available for anyone to view. Besides, why would someone let their ex get on their computer and play around on it? Most people limit contact to their ex to a minimal. It sounds to me that she was just using you for attention while her husband was out of town. There is no telling how many other guys she's done this to. I feel sorry for the family, her daughters see this behavior and will think it's normal to do and most likely will do it themselves. Did you pay any attention to any of her daughters behavior when you met? | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 9:45:53 PM |
Why would someone tell you that they're so happy that they met you, that your date was amazing, that they melted when you kissed them, that they look forward to long walks in the future, that they want to kiss in the rain (her deal), that they want to lie down in a hammock and take a nap while holding each other, etc., only to immediately stop communication after that? It's just weird.
Because she was trying to run away from reality..but then it probably smacked her right back in the face...imho, what is weird is that she said all that in a matter of what, a weeks's time?! | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 9:54:20 PM |
imho, what is weird is that she said all that in a matter of what, a weeks's time?!
I would typically agree with you. But in this case, that's really just how well we hit it off. I was quite surprised by it. It was a bit disarming and I probably let my normal defenses drop a bit too soon. :) | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 9:57:06 PM | Neiby, can I just say that I'm impressed by how calm, patient, and rational you've been throught the entire four pages (so far) of this thread?
A lesser person might have become impatient or defensive at some of the comments (as I would have).
So, kudos to you. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:01:33 PM |
But in this case, that's really just how well we hit it off. I was quite surprised by it. It was a bit disarming and I probably let my normal defenses drop a bit too soon. :)
Well, it happens to the best of us..Nothing is a wasted experience if we take the lesson from it that is there for the taking...  | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:02:35 PM |
Did you pay any attention to any of her daughters behavior when you met?
I didn't meet the daughters. I just saw their pictures and we talked a lot about them.
Yes, her behavior is strange, but it seems even stranger in hindsight. I think I was too trusting initially, so I didn't realize how weird some of it was until I had had time to think about it. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:06:00 PM |
Nothing is a wasted experience if we take the lesson from it that is there for the taking...
That's absolutely true. I'm already applying the lessons I'm learning here. There are a handful of good lessons in this experience. :) | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:10:08 PM |
I stand corrected. You stalked each other. Okay, she did it more, but at least she quit.
Fair enough. :) But I wouldn't characterize what happened as stalking. Now, if I'm still trying to talk to her next week? That's stalking. If I try to find where she works? Major stalking. That's just not my thing. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:15:57 PM | She's 34 and has (3) teenage daughters? Yes, I guess that's possible, if she began having kids at a pretty darn young age?
The thing with her profile, that she blamed on her ex husband makes no sense. Why would an ex hack into her acct and add people to her favorites list?
The yahoo address you were writing to her at has been closed.
The fact that she made a date (with you) on Mother's Day - that's kinda bizarre don't you think?
So many strange occurrences in a short period of time. I'm thinking she was (is) married, thought she'd see if the grass was greener on the other side and either got cold feet about proceeding or else she just plain got busted. Sorry you had to go through this, though. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:23:31 PM | | Oh, it's most definitely weird! Like I said, I was too trusting and wasn't being objective at the time. In hindsight, it sure looks like she's actually married and got caught. | |
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