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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/20/2008 7:21:34 AM | I think my biggest problem in this specific situation is that I tend to dislike uncertainty. It bugs me. I'd much rather people just come out and say what they feel. If she didn't want to see me, just say so! It's not hard. Honest communication seems to be non-existent these days. Aren't we adults here? Have people completely lost the ability to communicate?
Oh, I don't know about this. I'm a pretty frank, honest communicator and do I get thanks and appreciation for it? No. On the contrary I get called a bytch a lot. Go figure...my inbox is never filled with accolaides for my quick and clear honesty about being uninterested. Why is that? Personally I'd rather someone get the message and hate me then try to be nice about it and have them not get it...per THEIR request of course as a gender that women be straight with them (and my sanity dealing with someone who takes a softer approach as a sign of hope).
I propose that men who don't get honesty say they want honesty, and men who get honesty complain because they wanted more of a sugar coated ego tolerant response. Men who get told no immediately complain they were judged too quickly, and men who get given another chance or two complain they were lead on. But deep down, I really think they are all just pissed off that the answer was no.
OT: If she was your type in personality she would have kept in touch with you or been forthcoming about what was going on. However, even if it was something out of her control, she still did nothing to explain that. I suspect she didn't care to at this point, so don't give it any more thought than she did. Who knows why people do what they do? All you can do is move on. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/20/2008 8:44:51 AM | As a final epilogue to the story, I did get an email from her this morning (from a different email account that I knew about). She apologized for not staying in contact. She said she felt really bad for not even calling me on my birthday. She says that she definitely is not married, but is under an extreme amount of stress dealing with her ex-husband. She said that she thought she was ready for a long-term relationship at first, but she's realizing that she simply isn't at this point. She said she was emotionally drained all weekend and wasn't handling things well.
So, that's the end of that story. It's nice to finally get a response.
As to whether guys who ask for honesty actually want it, I'm one who absolutely wants honesty. You have to be tactful, of course, but I'm not into BS. It's very possible to be compassionate, understanding and tactful while being honest and forthright. When breaking "bad" news to someone, you have to be honest but try to understand how they'll feel about it and try to phrase it in a way that gets the point across without sounding too "b*tchy".
You're probably right, though. Some people don't really want people to be honest with them. I don't understand that attitude, but it seems to be rather prevalent. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/20/2008 10:56:16 AM | Wow, that was a great soap opera and waste of time.
Honestly, she seemed pretty good at excuses all along so...
It is up to you what you want to believe but there were still too many inconsistencies in her story. So, what have we learned?
All along it was weird that she claimed she created the account just to meet you , then had 2 more favorites.
She had a date with you on Mother's day and has 3 teenage daughters.
"Man sees what he wants to see and disregards the rest" and it is a tendency of women also, maybe more so. Ya know, all the warning signs were there and I just did not see them.
If you were important to her she would have called you to cancel.
I do get that the main point to all of this was confusion. I hate when people just cut off contact for no "apparent" reason. Honestly, when people do that they are doing you a favor. Anyone who just terminates contact with no explination is selfish and a coward. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/20/2008 4:59:16 PM | well.... seems she is being honest about her pof profile.
and her ex, she cld very well be having problems with him, like she says.
i think, and agree with you, there was time for a telephone call, but u have to realize, if her wx, is somewhat "freaking-her-out" by means of her passwords and such, it explainss her not wanting --her-ex to know about you./ which does confirm he cld go all psyco.
hmm,
i suggest you give it a bit - then ask her out / and talk to her ......
u need to know where she stands with her ex, how long have they been apart,
a phyco can , and is , all u can deal with at a time.
i'm getting the feeling , she does like you, but make sure it is not an "instant fix" to her troubles.
i see it 50/50. only she, can tell you!!
it just seems she is not in order, re: the re-turn of an "important" phone call.
time WILL tell!!/ guard YOU, first!!
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/27/2008 2:23:23 PM | Sounds fishy to me BUT you're coming across as needy and that will just suffocate her. Give her some space to sort out issues with her past life.Stop chasing her.If she's genuinely interested she will soon come swimming back.  | |
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