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| The whole package
Posted: 5/19/2008 3:03:57 PM | It's great to have a general idea of what you want. You have a very specific idea so be careful that your fantasy is attainable or it will always be a fantasy and you will always be disappointed when no one can live up to it. Like any other fantasy, it shouldn't intrude so much into the real world that you can't live in it.
The odds of finding all the things you listed specifically are incredibly low. It's not that he doesn't exist. It's that he likely has what he wants already and no shortages of opportunities to find it if he doesn't.
Hahaha.. your whole package is much, much different than mine. Which is excellent because if we all wanted the same thing we would all be SOL. | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:48:22 PM |
..Is it too much to want the whole package? I still want it. The handsome guy with his life together. The guy that has a great deal of self control in his sex life. He's not desperately oggling all the ladies naughty pics b/c come on let's face it....he's smart and knows how to treat a lady...so he's had no shortage of sex in his life thru the years and he don't treat the ladies like an object...Sex is not a problem with him either...He knows why his relationships may have ended and doesn't hold bitterness...he's not desperately insecure and thinks all ladies cheat b/c that one lady did....He' s intelligent and sexy....He's sowed his wild oats and I have too we are looking to settle down together....He's not just suddenly coming alive at the age of 40 and suddenly trying to make up for lost time in his sex life and ditching his leash from his collar....He's had relationships of mutual respect....He's satisfied...He's got his act together....He may or may not be rich. The main thing is he takes pride in what he does and does his best at his occupation....He's very confident....Let's not forget he loves his mom and respects her alot...but he's a big boy now...lol...and she's proud of him...I'm hoping he will bump into me somehow ; somewhere....Don't we all
Is my dream guy too big a fantasy? Isn't it good to have an image of what you want?
The problem I see with most women's description of an "ideal man" is there is often a lot of cheese but very little meat.
Try this on for size
1) At what age range will you date. At what age ranges will you not date no matter what?
2) Will you date a man who does not own a car?
3) Will you date a man who does not own a house?
4) Will you date a man who has certain long term health issues? If so, what would those be?
5) Will you date a man shorter than you? If not, will you date at man at your height? If not, how tall does a man have to be to date you? What is the minimum height requirement you have for dating? Does this height requirement include wearing heels that are X inches tall?
6) Will you date a man who already been divorced? Has already had children? Has children at a specific age like 6 years old versus 15 years old?
7) Will you date a non Caucasian man? Which races will you not date if any?
8) Will you not date a man if he makes less than a certain amount of money per year? ( Be honest about it, seriously) At what point would the salary earned by the man be a deal breaker?
Etc, etc, etc
There is nothing wrong with an "ideal" But if you want to have an ideal, you have to create ceilings and floors of what you can and can't live with and make that known. Only then do you have a chance at finding what you want.
Whatever your tangible list might be, whether or not it's realistic given what you have to offer yourself is something no one can answer but you and the person you want.
Is your dream a fantasy? I don't know. I do think it's "unspecific" and that's more damaging to you than any ideal you have. | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/19/2008 6:33:14 PM | UnstoppableLoveMachine wrote
The problem I see with most women's description of an "ideal man" is there is often a lot of cheese but very little meat.
Try this on for size
1) At what age range will you date. At what age ranges will you not date no matter what?
2) Will you date a man ...
Most of these details are covered on systems that you pay money for, that have programming teams, database engineers, software testers, etc. POF is run out of a guy's apartment in Vancouver (although it supposedly makes him $10,000/day, so I'd expect some of that $ to get reinvested into making the site a bit more powerful in terms of matching... but I am getting off topic).
I think it's wrong to blame the women on POF for not following a process that POF doesn't really support. You're right that if those things are important to people, they should write it in their profiles. Most profiles I see for women who are looking for long term on POF have less than 4 lines of text! I think it should require you to write an amount that is proportional to the length of the relationship you're looking for. If you only write a short profile, then you only can search for short-term.
eHarmony "forces" you to say what it is you are looking for, by asking questions and making you choose things you "must have" or "can't stand". People can still fudge it, but at least there's no vague answers like "prince charming", "the right one" or "cuddle partner"... I stay away from people who can't say what it is they want. I don't want to be the person who helps them find it out.
Match.com allows people to specify most if not all of those things you mentioned, and you can search on those criteria. Women can specify which religion, race, eye color, hair, whatever is important. Of course, they can also say those things don't matter.
Like I said before, you can learn as much about people by reading what they're looking for (looking at their search criteria) as by reading how they describe themselves. | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/19/2008 7:21:16 PM |
What is the minimum height requirement you have for dating?
What am I, an amusement ride? | |
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