| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/19/2008 9:17:31 AM | I feel bad for you on this. You seem to be a very giving person and this guy (as much as you loved him) is not right for you. You can tell he was hiding some dark secret from his past, as he seemed to want to control you in all aspects. You are better off -trust me, if you had given up everything and changed your life to suit him you would have been trapped. And that would have been even harder for you to escape if things went wrong. Just remember that you are a great person and there is someone out there that is your perfect match, someone that will treat you the way you deserve.
Chin up and keep smiling...best of luck... | |
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| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/19/2008 2:12:25 PM | rentahusband:
If you read what I wrote he did go into counseling. I also had a child that was very young and it was hard to just pick up and leave. I stood by him at the time because I thought I could help him get through what he was dealing with. Isn't that what a good wife/husband does? You stand by your spouse and help them, through good times and bad times? Isn't that in your mariage vows? I also am well aware of Al-Anon. As far as this guy, he wasn't concerned at all about my ex, he was concerned about controlling me. | |
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| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/19/2008 2:35:33 PM |
unless you walk in someone else's shoes you have no idea how you would handle the situation.
Then why did you ask for a man's point of view?
Rather than write an in depth response to your OP,
I picked what I thought was the heart of the difficulties you have with men.
You make excuses for them.
So I wanted to know what the excuse was for the new guy? | |
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| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:08:28 PM | guy: I am NOT making any excuses here. You took a paragraph and totally turned it around to what you wanted to make out of it. I'm not EVEN going to respond. Reread what I wrote. I ask for a man's point of view as to why some men ( NOT ALL) don't have the balls to tell a woman to her face that they aren't interested instead of playing mind games. And...if you read what I wrote, I didn't have any difficulities with men. I was married for 23 yrs before he past away and knew this person for 6 yrs. I have only been with my husband and this gentleman. I'm not the type of person who have "men" in my life. Your profile reads that your non-judgemental, then why are you judging me with wrong information that you read? And...what was YOUR reason that you divorced? I would love to hear your ex-wife story.
I am NOT by any means stating that I don't want to hear what anyone has to say. Good or bad but, before you write your opinion, make sense and understand what was written.
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| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:38:17 PM | **Pisces**
Everything you have told us here, is just and true, and you do NOT have to defend yourself here. This is your bubble. Take the positive energy/feedback given, and cultivate.
The only discrepancy I see, is that while you have done all things noble, by your actions as a mate, you have been quite un-noble to the one who is most important. You!
To try and help someone is wonderful, and empathetic; but to try and help someone who hasn't proved desire for help, well, that's making their decision for them, and that can't be done. We can't help those that don't want to be helped.
I feel that your sympathetic, natural nurturing nature overcame you logic and reality ism.
What I am trying to say is, you have very little negative karma to worry yourself with this, for the energy, both positive and negative, shall return to you both.
I see you in a much brighter light than he... (Respectfully)
Don't sweat it, take control, and be born again.
Live as if today were your last...Think about that, A LOT!!
God Bless,
Scott | |
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| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:43:21 PM | Firstly you have to recognise that love is like an addiction in itself and getting over someone you love is a form of grief.
It really does sound like you're a little depressed, and it can seem like parts of you are missing.
The hardest hurdle to overcome is finding the motivation to do anything about your situation.
Having a good friend or family member you can confide in will do you the power of good. Someone to drag you out of yourself.
If you don't have someone like this then just take baby steps to begin with.
Light exercise will do you the power of good.
Simple things like taking a brisk walk or running up stairs when your thoughts start to turn inwards.
Eat well and don't drink alcohol and these baby steps will soon turn into strides.
If you look back over your life I'm sure you'll see that you've dealt with much worse and just like you found the strength then you will find it again. Time really is the greatest healer. | |
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| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:49:39 PM | **Bearheart**
Very nice!!! Well put, and will feeling.. Now I have something to ponder, something a little more basic, and down to earth. Babysteps says a lot too, a definite compliment to your whole post....
Awesome DUDE!! 
In Light,
Scott | |
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| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:57:01 PM | Eaglescry68:
Thank you for your words and I know your 100% right. I am trying to deal with all of this the best I can. I know my choices weren't right, but my heart was in the right place. I guess being in the medical profession does that when all you want to do is take care of others.
I do know that life is short and we are blessed with everyday that God gives us. I know I deserve more than what I got. I just feel that now is the time for myself and whatever life has in store for me. This is his loss and I am sure someday he'll realize what a great woman he lost. Then maybe again, he might not. He is the one who has to put his head on the pillow every night and think about how he treated people who came into his life.
God Bless You Also,
Barbara | |
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| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/19/2008 5:01:32 PM | BearHeart:
Thank you so much for your kind post. Yes, I do have friends that are there for me. I am trying to keep my mind occupied with things that I enjoy and my daughter is my biggest strength in all of this. I will survive since I've been through much worse. I'm not the type that drinks or does drugs so I'm not going to go that route. I have the will power to bring myself up for how bad this persoon beat me down.
Thank you so much for your kind words. | |
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| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/19/2008 6:31:43 PM | **Pisces**
I guess being in the medical profession does that when all you want to do is take care of others.
Your words only enforce what I believe true to my being. My mom was a nurse, and I used to go to nursing homes, where she preferred about hospitals, and I would help her. We had her great aunt and uncle at home with us, and when all others were playing softball or riding bikes, Frank and I were tending to these aged family folks.
Losing my best friend, my dad a few years later took until recently to spiritually interpret. But losing my children and 4 brothers made the interpretation a little more understandable.
Walking mom to the hand of Jesus in 2002 really enlightened things that were already evident within; alone, my children gone, she made her transition in their room, alone with me and my mate at that time.
This is his loss and I am sure someday he'll realize what a great woman he lost.
Please allow that thought to leave your mind and being, like spiritual garbage. Just throw it away and ask Jesus to go with him, and not you.
Call on me anytime, and for this, I feel rewarded as well. I feel we are kindred, and I will always be able to reach, should you or anyone ever need me.
I fail to see why though, I'm just me, nothin special. No different.
God Bless you, and you ARE blessed.
Scott | |
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| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/19/2008 7:50:12 PM | Scott:
Thank you so much for your kind and gentle words. You have me crying. I just feel so alone at times. I too lost both my parents, my husband (even though we had problems) I did care for him. I just have my daughter that I am raising. I really don't have family and I guess because I was just so tired of being alone this person made me believe everything would be ok. I know now, deep in my heart that he isn't the person I fell in love with. Because, the person I knew would have never done what he did. There are times I really want to just send him a letter and let him know the heartache and pain he caused me but then I think, what is the use.
I too am here for you. You are a very special angel that was sent to me My God watch over you and Bless You for coming into my life. There is a saying I would always say to people and it goes like this..."Some people will come into your life for a while, leave footprints in our hearts and we are never the same.
Take care and please feel free to contact me anytime...
Barbara | |
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| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/19/2008 7:58:37 PM | Cry Angel...Cry as hard as you can!!
This is bleeding to the spirit, and cleansing to the soul, mind and body..
Cry until you wake up in another world, for that world is tomorrow.
I will be waiting to show you this world....
You'll be fine, you are strong, I am but an influence. Nothing more.
I await your progress report.
In Light and Love, God Bless you, and you are...
Scott
I'm tired, where's the Mac n Cheese?? | |
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| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:10:43 AM | You are more than welcome my friend...
As for the Mac-N-Cheese!!?
It happens to be 1 of 3 obsessions in my life...
And better yet, I experimented with it; I used turkey stock instead of water, to boild the pasta, and only drained it, no rinse..
The rest, done directional.
OMG!!! 
Ahem!! Sorry, I digress....
You're more than welcome, and thanks is best left to reciprocation, even for simplicity.
Anytime!!  
God Bless,
Scott | |
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| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/21/2008 9:10:28 AM | | passive agressive disorder.there was a reason he was single.you saw this from jump street but your heart wouldnt let you see it.i feel bad for you.but you have to pick your self up bye the boot strap.please please dont make nkew men pay for what he did because when that speacial guy comes along be trusting but take your time.good luck to you may god bless you i will pray for a good guy for you. | |
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| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/21/2008 9:34:23 AM |
My sense is you will continue to have difficulty being in a healthy relationship until you develop a greater sense of self and independence.
Bingo. That's the key issue here. OP, the reason you feel so badly about this situation is that you don't have a healthy and intact sense of self that is not based on external things. You are deriving part of your identity from those around you or those you care about. If those things cause you turmoil, or if they go away, that leaves you feeling like part of yourself is gone.
The only way to solve that is to focus on fixing the part of you that *needs* someone else. You must develop a sense of self that comes from within and is not affected by external events. This is easier said than done, I realize, because I've been doing this work on myself for the past year, post-divorce. It's hard, but essential. | |
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| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/21/2008 10:32:42 AM | I just feel so alone at times. I too lost both my parents, my husband (even though we had problems) I did care for him. I just have my daughter that I am raising. I really don't have family and I guess because I was just so tired of being alone this person made me believe everything would be ok. I know now, deep in my heart that he isn't the person I fell in love with. Because, the person I knew would have never done what he did. There are times I really want to just send him a letter and let him know the heartache and pain he caused me but then I think, what is the use.)
I have also lost both my parents, who I had the privelege of leading to the Lord just before they passed away. One from lung failure and the other from cancer. I had to divorce my husband because of his drug addiction and alcoholism, amongst other things. I basically lost all contact and anything close to a relationship with my 6 brothers and sisters , except for one, once they decided to oppose the will my mother left behind.
Beleive me, I know what pain, loss, grief, sadness, depresseon and feeling alone are. However, I found that writing a letter to God , just pouring out my soul to him, saying everything I feel and think.. does wonders to the soul and ones healing process.
Also, that as I have learned to make God the center of my attention and not men, relationships , work, etc. , and falling in love with 'Jesus', has totally changed my life around for the best.
Remember, friends, parents, children, husband, wife, may forsake you , but God will never forsake you nor abandon you. Psalm 37:4 "He will give you ALL the desires of your heart" Now tell me, who on earth can do that?
God Bless You.
Estrella | |
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| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:41:23 PM | Estrella, I'm glad you found an approach that works for you. My approach is a bit different. Finding strength in religion, in my opinion, still avoids the problem. The issue is that we don't feel a true sense of identity internal to ourselves. We look for others to make us real, to validate us. We feel like we don't exist unless we're part of someone or something else. But gaining your identity and your sense of self-worth from something outside yourself, whether religion or relationships, is unhealthy.
True strength comes from learning to understand our true internal strength that can withstand any external events or situations. External things are mostly neutral. It's how you think about them and react to them that causes pain and suffering. If we all knew who we really were, deep inside, without all the false crap we pile on top, we'd all be happier and more complete. We could enter into relationships as whole people looking to complement each other, not as incomplete people looking for someone or something to fill an emptiness. | |
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| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/21/2008 2:33:24 PM | good guy:
Thank you for your words. Someone told me that they feel he has narcissus personality. He does have all the traits when I think about it. He always told me that when he was ready he would get in touch and things always had to be his way.
I know it's 6 months down the road and I should move on but I just feel I have the right to let him know how he hurt me so much. But, everyone tells me don't call, don't email. | |
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| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/21/2008 3:39:36 PM | Well said, Von Eric!
OP, this is only the beginning of the relationship; can you handle this guy doing this to you all the time? This is the way he will manipulate you throughout every phase of your relationship, and you will dwell together on Misery Lane forever hereafter.
Or, the next time you meet a nice guy, keep in mind that your husband and this guy are the likely alternatives. | |
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| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/21/2008 5:00:22 PM | Neiby:
Thank you so much. You are right on the point. I think when people put you down so much in your life, you just start to believe your not good enough for anyone. I made a promise to myself to start focusing on myself and just let the past be. It's his loss.
I wish you the best and I pray you get through what your going through also. | |
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| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/21/2008 5:07:30 PM | | Amen to that! I couldn't have said it any better. It is not that I believe in the Lord, I just feel I need to work on myself. You really hit it on the nail. My problem is I always put others first and myself last. I can't and won't do that anymore. I need and want to let go. I think the shock of my husband with us separating, his getting sick and dying and this person whom I've known for 6 yrs to do this without allowing me to get my say just threw me over. IF he never cared, he should have bailed out 6 yrs ago. Not keep playing with someone's mind like he did. | |
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| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/21/2008 5:32:21 PM |
I wish you the best and I pray you get through what your going through also.
I did get through it! It took a LOT of hard work, but I'm a very different person than I was a year ago, in a good way. Everyone can do it, but it's never easy. | |
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| I would love to hear a man's point of view about this situation
Posted: 5/21/2008 6:54:24 PM | Neiby wins the prize....the idea is to care what "you" think of you, rather then basing your self esteem on what "others" think of you.
Here's my take....I think that your b/f's mother probably re-married, and the new Daddy was given all the attention, and he was basically ignored.
So, he gets real upset about any sign of other men in his woman's life.
Look up Borderline Personality Disorder, and see if you think it might be a possiblilty.
I think the staying with the ex was good for non-abandonment, but you eventually did leave...so, it was dicey.
If you think I might be right, move on with your life.
He can't have a relationship, because he's too afraid of losing it.
I wouldn't contact him.
Please let me know what you think....this is not meant to be a diagnosis, it's meant to help you understand what happened | |
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