| If your ex is 18 years old as well, he may view it as normal
Posted: 5/26/2008 8:31:09 PM | Zombie geek,
It would be so easy to lecture you and point out that by accepting any of your ex's irrational conditional childish control tactics that you were voluntarily feeding the beast, but you would feel attacked and quite possibly disregard any pearls of wisdom that may follow. I am going to take the same proactive approach with you as I do with my child who is two years younger than you so you will be able to see the situation for what it really is-
~Fast forward 20 years. Pretend YOU have an 18 year old daughter who is living with a guy. You do not want her to feel judged, because you know by helping her to develop self respect and build her self esteem, she will have the tools to make wise decisions.
As her role model who only wants the best for her, would you tell her that she SHOULD allow her BOYFRIEND to have POWER over her?
"My ex claimed to trust me unconditionaly, however, I was subject to major conditions including
1) not allowed to be on the computer with out him standing over my shoulder reading what i was doing
2) all my emails, test messages etc were opened before i got into them, even though i was changin my passwords constantly
3) i was not allowed to leave the house unless it was spotless (by my own doing)
4) not allowed to go for coffee with anyone other than 2 friends that he approved of
5) not allowed to have a job
and so my question is, is this something that people who "trust their partners" usually do? is there something im missing here?"
Best wishes ~ | |
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| Is this normal?
Posted: 5/26/2008 9:46:40 PM | | No! This is not normal behaviour, I can speak from experience on this as my ex started along the same lines, time to put your running shoes on and run like the wind. its called being a control freak. and born from being a very insecure person, given time it will get worse as he tries to control you more and more, these type of people have an attitude all of their own making, you have to realise this chap does not like who you are. so he is doing his best to control you run as fast as you can as the next stage for this type of person is agression when you don't comply even in the slightest with his wishes. get out now while you can. and be safe. | |
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| Is this normal?
Posted: 5/26/2008 10:26:16 PM | | RUN...RUN....RUN.....AWAY NOW !!!!! ............ | |
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| Is this normal?
Posted: 5/26/2008 10:39:05 PM | | Well, you've got your answer. Run, hard fast and as long as it takes, and don't look back. ABUSIVE IS HE!!!! | |
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| Is this normal?
Posted: 5/26/2008 10:40:11 PM | | Sorry quick silver 217 but you are so wrong although I do agree with a lot of what you are saying about building her self esteem up. But this must come later and their are people at womens refuges that are trained for this and will help her with that ,but that has to come later now. Unless you have been in this kind of relationship you just have no idea, should she try to confront this guy she is going to be hurt and hurt badly what you dont seem to understand is that in his mind he is already her Lord and master and she will be made to comply with all his wishes by force if neccessary and he will see it as being neccessary. This is a very dangerious situation for this lady she needs Immediate Help Now! not from trying to read books on the subject she seriously does not have the time for that, She needs to get herself to a womens refuge as soon as possible, for her own safety. This is a very explosive situation she is in and needs to get away from that as quickly as she can and that will not be easy either, as he will be watching her like a hawk especially if he is monitoring her mail. although this guy is basically a coward he will anger extreemly quickly and start hitting out if he feels he is losing any control over the situation. | |
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| Is this normal?
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:57:56 PM | No it's not normal, and I had a gf who would've wanted to be able to do what he was doing and demanding.
I have no idea if she had installed a keylogger here on this computer, but I used one password, and she discovered it which would've actually been easy with how relaxed I was regarding security on my computer, since I had nothing to hide.
The guy (and my ex) has no concept of what the word trust means. | |
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| Is this normal?
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:19:49 AM | So... basically you were his slave.. if you dont like being treated that way leave.
all there is to it. | |
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| Is this normal?
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:26:46 AM | and yet you still do find time to come on a dating site looking for men to date! Is he standing behind your back reading what you write here?
Sounds like he has reason not to trust you!!
If you dont like the way he is behaving while you were out on the prowl for other men...then just leave! | |
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| Is this normal?
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:35:07 AM | Your boyfriend is practicing his prison guard skills on you.
Tell him to go get a job in the pen and bring you home some bacon while he's at it or you'll spank his ass out of the house.
Edit: Oh he's your EX. Well thank goodness for that. Now wise up and read these posts and don'd do that again ok? | |
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