| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/23/2008 8:15:22 PM | Is it only me or did Salty hit the nail on the head . . several nails, in fact.
Now obviously I'm not looking to date anyone but have met a couple from here and they were exactly as I expected them to be. I often wonder about these horror stories of first meetings and am surprised it seems to happen quite often. Maybe it's just that the horror stories are the only ones that get a mention . . dunno.
I also think there's a lot of unmet expectations involved in these horror stories, so I question whether the person actually had a decent handle on who they were going to meet in the first place. Maybe there wasn't enough contact beforehand? . . again, dunno.
The other thing about 'expectations' is that probably many people have rather inflated ideas about what a dating sight might offer. Personally, I can't think it's much different to the folks lined up at the checkout at Safeway . . and half of those will be the wrong gender. 
As I say, you'll find out a lot more about people from their forum postings than they could ever write in a profile.
Some things they say will gell and some won't.
Some people will click and some won't. | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/24/2008 1:02:23 AM | Faux I seem to be agreeing with you a lot lately lol ,I think you hit the nail this time .
Imainly read the forums and might I add enjoy them heaps ,but I think it gives you a gr8 insight to people and the way they think and the way they view the world .I have been shocked and have also laughed my head of at some of the things written . | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/24/2008 2:15:31 AM |
Is it only me or did Salty hit the nail on the head . . several nails, in fact.
No it's not just you, I pretty much agree with everything Salty said, quite honestly I resent it when people say men are only after sex. When I think about it, I have more close friends that are female than male, a few of them I've had sex with but most of them I wouldn't even consider it.
As for people having bad experiences with meeting someone off the net, I reckon it's because they don't get to know each other enough before they meet. I hate the idea of 'cold canvassing' for dates I prefer to exchange a few emails and get to know someone...maybe chat online or on the phone then meet more as friends and see how things go. I can't think of anything worse than meeting someone I know nothing about, only to discover we have nothing in common and spend an awkward hour or so staring blankly into space.
Of the few people I have met from the internet they've all been just as I expected them to be. | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/24/2008 3:46:12 AM | Roses ,I think you have posted that before haven't you ? Why don't you lighten up and be a happy person and not so negative .
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/24/2008 5:21:55 AM | | I think that a lot of first dates go horribly wrong because people suffer from stage fright and they stick to a script when they message people instead of just being themselves. I remember this friend of mine who met a guy on hear and it turned out he was just running through the same jokes that he memorised and didnt have a sense of humour at all and the other other guy was great on the phone but was paralysed with fear when they met and getting words out of him was like drawing blood from a stone lol. Some people just dont seem to think they will get caught out and then get a rude shock when the truth comes out on the first date. | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/24/2008 1:28:11 PM | Some people are also naturally nervous when it comes to meeting new people and freeze up in fear.
Me personally have never had that problem but because of my job I spend so much time speaking to strangers that when I'm out on a first "date" I treat it more as an opportunity to chat to someone new rather than a date as such - I think if i overanalyzed it too much I'd probably quiver in fear too lol. | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/24/2008 4:50:10 PM | {roses} ....indeed, that is a familiar comment, so... a familiar response?
I would love to go on a date... but... i need more respect from the opposite sex.
I believe you are sincere... but are you serious about wanting to improve your chances?
For instance, you have said before "I also need to work on my social skills."
And I've seen many people give you suggestions which you seem to ignore, or reject.
Two of the better ones have been -
Joining in with POF events in your area. You've said in the past that shyness is a problem, but that way you'll be among people who will know you, from the forums, already. You only need make contact with the organizer and I'm sure they would help you get started, introduce you once you got there, and maybe even keep an eye out for how you were going during the evening.
Develop an interest or join a club. It could be anything. A knitting group, a book club, the local bowls club, a group planting trees, the volunteers maintaining the cemetery... any of these will get you out and about, socializing, meeting people... and maybe meeting their friends too, some of whom will be male.
Developing friendships is a good first step to developing other relationships, and to have friends you first have to be one.
Both of these suggestions are safe options, for someone with limited social experience.
What are your comments on, or objections to, either of these ideas? | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/24/2008 7:15:59 PM |  I'm doomed! Doomed I tell you!
I dont go to PoF events.
Well ok I went to one and stayed about half hour then wandered off with another PoFfer to find some music.
And re interests? Check out my profile. I dont have any!
Doomed. Absolutely dooooooooooooomed.
I am indoobitably undatable 
Having said that, I seem to meet people and make new friends all over the place. (lots of them are women and I'm not Bi so I guess they dont count but.....)
There's a lot of good people in the world just waiting for you to say 'G'day. How ya going?"
I can just imagine walking through the world saying GET AWAY FROM ME you sleezy penis packing freak show!
Coz....they will ya know 
There's this weird SELF ESTEEM thing (cringe) going round
You cant love others til you learn to love yourself
I'd like to turn that around just a smidge
You'll never be able to appreciate yourself (as a whole human being with good bits, bad bits and all the other bits) until you can recognise every other person you meet is just the same.
People dont expect you to be perfect
Dont expect them to be either
And quit trying to BE perfect
Or pretend you are
No-one is and its just hard work trying to keep up a facade
Look at the next bloke and realise he TOO has headaches and has possibly had heartaches. Might even have knock knees and a granny in day care.
He's just as human as you.
And he is much more than JUST A PENIS
Heck if a bloke made comments inferring a woman was nothing more than a _________ he'd be in real strife.
Keep it real.
So anyone want to date a slightly over middle aged, long haired slightly hippie looking dreamer with a very wide nerd streak and sagging boobs?
Nope? Oh well | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/29/2008 9:07:17 PM | Now I k ow why people like the forums so much, I have been reading them rather than writing an assigment, much more entertaining
I have been on lots od dates, made some great friends even dated on lady for a few months, and we are still good friends...better friends than lovers ...but thats life I guess
I agree with Salty some of you need to get a life or something....do I like sex you bet...is it all I want know why...but I am not a monk either...no offense intended but what century are we in, that people still have the attitude that men take sex from women or am I so blind that I cant see that nothing has changed in relationships between the sexes?
I go with what feels right for me, nothing else, I dont want to sleep with someone I wont...just because they do does not influence that choice..and yes I have said no and more than once, as salty so rightly puts it having sex with someone is sharing the joy of friendship and a closeness that cant not be expressed so perfectly in any other way.
Maybe the reluctance to go on dates has more to do with fear than how men behave in general, some of it is reasonable fear based upon this crazy society we have built.....and one does need to be mindful...but its also worth remembering that not all men as sex crazed loonies looking to score at every chance
Cheers
losenut | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/30/2008 11:30:08 PM | I have avoided 'internet dating' up until now and then thought what have I got to lose? Met half a dozen people and think I must have been lucky I met really nice guys who were very well mannered and respectful, we just didn't have that spark and left each other on good terms. That's what it is all about. In any other social situation say a party, bbq or whatever, you might meet lots of people and in a few seconds your brain has sized someone up as to if they are attractive or not. That is usually based on what you see first off, then you might get to chat and think, oh hell what a shame, a honey but nothing between the ears or whatever. So you have to get around that somehow on the net.
My feeling is no amount of amusing, witty profile, even photo can give you as good a picture as meeting someone in person. So to save both of you wasting time emailing endless emails, pick up the phone, chat, make an arrangement to meet (doesn't have to be an official 'date'] !! and for me I can tell on the first meeting if it is going to go any further??
As far as the sex goes as I say, if I meet someone, we hit it off we are not likely to be still at the holding hands stage in 12 mths time?? That is up to the inidividual as to how soon or when.
As far as your personal safety goes, don't give out your home address until you feel OK with someone, meet somewhere instead. Use a mob phone no if you have to, you can always switch that off.
But give it a go, don't sit back and wait for it to happen.... a bit of rejection never hurt anybody, especially if you haven't even met.
And I agree with some previous thread, going on the net to meet someone is casting the net really, really wide. Think back to High School and the boys that were in your last yr. would you have wanted to date all of them?? Probably not, so nothing has changed. | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/31/2008 12:52:40 AM | I simply don't go on dates because I am male, I ask women to go out for a coffee, to see when meeting for the frist time if she and I mite have things in common, but all I get when I send a flirt or a msg to a woman I think I mite be the one, all I get is "SORRY YOUR NOT WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR" what the hell is that shit all about.
I am single and have been for two years, they take a look at my photo and must say to themselves " WHAT A ****ING UGLY ****ER, I'M NOT GOING TO BE SEEN DEAD WITH HIM"
So I am of the opinion that I am not worth the effort to meet, or I simply don't earn enough money for all those GOLD DIGGING ****'S WAITING FOR THEIR MONEY TRAIN TO COME ROLLING IN TO THEIR PLATFORM OF LIFE.
I don't own a B.M.W. or my own HOUSE. So I must not be GOOD ENOUGH FOR WOMEN or their MOTHERS.
I am who I am so now.
I have a good HEART, I am kind, I am loving, but don't count for shit in this day and age. Money talks and UGLY people like me have to masterbate.
I don't DATE because I simply can't get a woman to respond to my msg's so I can set one up........... | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:00:59 AM | You dont think it could possibly be anything to do with your attitude??
No offense meant but you come across as very angry and cynical about women. Possibly thats what they find unattractive not your looks......just a thought!
Im not going on a date tonight cos im flooded in......yet again. Damn living in the boonies!! Anyone got a tractor to get me out?? | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/31/2008 2:26:28 AM | Hilly1971, I have been single for two years, I'm sorry if i come across that way, but I simply just keep getting turned down. I have a 100% strike out rate when it comes to women in todays world, you women are too damn picky on what it is you want in a MAN.
I just can't compete with women today, I am NOT good enough for you all.
I'm not after sex, i just want to be excepted in a woman's life, for them to SEE me as the GOOD man I AM...........
I'd like a woman to come home to at the end of the day, to say " hi HONEY how are you" or someone to cuddle up to on the lounge on a cold winters night, someone to share my time with, go to a movie , go out to dinner.
But NO I can't have that. Why? I want the same THINGS you women say you want to find in a man, well here I am, I'm here for the taking. But NO, I'm still alone in my life, like the last DENTED can on the shelf at the supermarket, no one wants the dented can they want the fresh one from the NEW box on top of the shelf.
I have NO friends in brisbane, I left them in melbourne. And a single guy in a bar is not a good thing to be, there is NEVER a single woman in a bar, you all hunt in PACKS... | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/31/2008 2:29:44 AM | I think sometimes people agree to things that don't interest them or they aren't comfortable with just to go on a date, so that discomfort is there from the start.
My last date we met at Maccas (only cos it was easy to find...You can't misss Maccas!!). I had driven past a couple of 'cheap' shops on the way there and thought I might check them out on the way home cos I needed some Wiggles stickers to finish a project at work. We found each other and he asked what I wanted to do. I had sort of got an idea in my mind of how the afternoon would run but then thought "stuff it' and asked if we could walk up to the shops so I could look for stickers. I explained what it was for and he agreed. The first shop had none but he knew of some others so we walked around half the afternoon talking and looking for Wiggles!! In between we had lunch as well of course....
I'm just wondering how many people are prepared to adapt to change or just try something new or totally insane (like looking for Wiggles Stickers).
This is definately not how either of us had planned the day but it turned out to be fun.. | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/31/2008 2:41:01 AM |
I think sometimes people agree to things that don't interest them or they aren't comfortable with just to go on a date
I agree with that. I have been single for over two years now but im not going to date someone just to say I am part of a couple. I can count on one hand the number of men I have actually met from here in the last two years. I get the impression that many on here are so unhappy being alone that pretty much anyone will do. As far as im concerned its not something you should have to try so hard at......when its meant to happen it will happen and in the meantime concentrate on you and learn how to be happy alone and appreciate the rest of your life.
I sound like the eternal spinster I am now!! | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:18:44 AM | I'm with hilly on this one, to me.....the longer your own.....the less it seems to matter. That's not to say....if someone compatible/interesting came along you wouldn't entertain the thought.....it's being comfortable with yourself in the meantime.
I get the impression, that people who "have to be with someone", hope to be reincarnated as a calender......because they always have dates. | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:09:03 AM | I agree with the comment that the longer you are on your own the more you get used to it. The gap in your life left by the departure of the husband/wife/SO gets filled with other stuff.
I have NO friends in brisbane, I left them in melbourne. And a single guy in a bar is not a good thing to be, there is NEVER a single woman in a bar, you all hunt in PACKS...
Just a thought....using capitals in emails is commonly thought of as shouting. If you have a habit of typing like this, using capitals to emphasise points, it might be giving a negative impression without you realizing. | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:07:11 AM | There seem to be a lot of people declaring they are happy with themselves, which I'm sure is a good thing. Also many quite content with their single lives. I can't help but wonder why those people would join dating sites though? Which I guess it what prompted the OP's question.
When I joined this dating site, I really was tired of my own company, and wanted to make some new friends, with the possibility of meeting someone special.
I'm now enjoying that. I'm making new friends with the hint of potential romance in a new meeting. It's fun, interesting and it's what I came here looking for.
To those who can't maintain friendships with guys, how do you ever truly expect to love one? | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:55:41 AM |
There seem to be a lot of people declaring they are happy with themselves, which I'm sure is a good thing. Also many quite content with their single lives. I can't help but wonder why those people would join dating sites though?
Speaking for myself, when I first joined PoF a couple of years ago I was desperately lonely after my husband left and wanting to fill that gap left by his departure. I did go on a date with someone I met on the internet and talked to many others but came to realize that trying to replace a partner/friend/lover isn't possible or healthy.
So I stepped back a bit and have found the forums interesting and educational!!
Time has allowed me to process stuff and participating in the forums has actually been useful in realizing that my issues are often common. Its reassuring to find I'm not the only one and helpful to see how other people deal with situations. | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/31/2008 2:12:56 PM | ^^Have to agree there. I joined not too long after my husband left because I had no idea how to be single. I had spent my entire adult life with one man and the thought of being alone was unbearable to me. As time has gone on I have learned a lot about myself and finding someone has become less and less important. Im sure even we who reckon we are happy on our own, would still jump at the opportunity of a relationship if the "right" person came along. I guess the difference is, if you are content on your own then you are waiting for "the one" rather then "anyone".
Personally I think this site is about friendship as well. I have been lucky enough to meet someone who I consider to be one of my favourite people in the whole world through here. An internet friend who actually turned out to be even more amazing in real life and who I consider myself incredibly fortunate to be able to call my pal. Without POF I would never have met her.
Could "the one" please hurry up though.......I dont want to be the longest serving inmate here.
Wonder if they make t-shirts or badges?? | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/31/2008 3:54:20 PM | Zesty.. 3 points..
1. In one of your profile pictures you look angry, certainly not approachable at all
2. The ages you specify.. 23 to 38, you want a younger woman but not one who's even a year older than you?
3. A lot of women don't find football interesting, so having that in your profile along with the angry pic, means a definite no.
It has nothing to do with money | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/31/2008 4:18:46 PM | Scanned through the posts and didn't read them all, but Saltytowers, you hit the nail on the head.
You've got it sussed........
To take the first step in a relationship is realizing what you bring to the party not just what you get...
A true partnership is not give and take, it's give and 'receive' and that is a subtle difference imo.
Mind you a divorced 42 bloke......what do i know???javascript:smilie('')
Cheers
Fisho
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/31/2008 6:48:40 PM |
Personally I think this site is about friendship as well. I have been lucky enough to meet someone who I consider to be one of my favourite people in the whole world through here. An internet friend who actually turned out to be even more amazing in real life and who I consider myself incredibly fortunate to be able to call my pal. Without POF I would never have met her.
Surely, that is the gift... sometimes we find love in not only the most unexpected places, but also in people we may never have expected to love at all.
I think many of us arrived here feeling lonely. Making friends, exploring relationships, and learning that we are both loving and lovable through friendship is an important part of the whole dating scene that is often minimised. Dating doesn't have to be about scratching people off a list, as "no good" or "unacceptable"... it can be about accepting people as they are and enjoying what everyone is sharing as individuals... just making friends, and learning to be a good one. | |
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