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| Had sex with him, help, feel so vulnerable!
Posted: 5/20/2008 4:19:11 PM | Just relax. You didn't rob a bank together, you just had sex. Enjoy the euphoria and tenderness the moment brought you. Don't worry about judgement or whether you are meant to be together forever. Be yourself, continue to get to know one another and be happy you are a healthy adult female with normal urges who met a nice man.
The fact that he proudly introduced you to his daughter is a good sign. | |
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| Had sex with him, help, feel so vulnerable!
Posted: 5/20/2008 4:32:35 PM | Sex on a second date can work out just fine. I met someone when I was 18. We went out on our first date on a Friday. On the following Saturday (a week and a day later), we had sex. We ended up eventually getting married and were together for 14 years.
You're feeling vulnerable because you are falling for him. That can be a very scary thing if you let it. The best thing would be for you to just enjoy this and enjoy your feelings. | |
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| Had sex with him, help, feel so vulnerable!
Posted: 5/20/2008 4:34:56 PM | Fear not...its completely normal to feel how you are feeling. The best thing you can do is be honest about your emotions...he introduced you to his daughter...thats pretty big. At the end of the day...what do you have to lose by being honest with what is going on with you?? Nothing at all because if he is a good man he will take it in stride.
You are not needy and never deny your feelings. | |
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| Had sex with him, help, feel so vulnerable!
Posted: 5/20/2008 4:40:14 PM | Lorelei,
Your heart-felt posting has elicited some wonderful advice from so many caring respondents......it's a pleasure to witness such supportive comments !!
Most would agree that you can easily deal with your doubts or fears, since it's obvious that you really care about him.
Perhaps you should listen more to your heart.....that soft inner voice that never lets you down.
Consider:
"Love is like a butterfly, chase it and it eludes you, but be calm and patient and it will land on your shoulder"
One thing I DO know is to let love "flow"......
"How in hell can you handle love without turning your life upside down? That's what love does, it changes everything"...Lauren Bacall
Be patient and your reservations will quickly evaporate  | |
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| Had sex with him, help, feel so vulnerable!
Posted: 5/20/2008 4:49:07 PM | I wouldn't worry so much a out "coming across" a certain way. Whatever way you will be if you end up dating this guy, be that way now...don't try to impress or plan your moves based on how to get/keep him - it's like false advertising.
Honestly it sounds like moving really really fast. I know these whirlwind things sometimes feel right but the circumstances you've described, esp both of your mindsets, seem to be screaming just slooooooooooow down, what's the rush. I mean emotionally more than physically - some ppl can separate physical and emotional r'ships, nothing wrong either way, but it just sounds like both of you are letting things go way too fast, which could real easy cause the whole thing to implode. There's all kinds of time, why rush. | |
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| Had sex with him, help, feel so vulnerable!
Posted: 5/21/2008 1:40:44 AM | Wow, thanks for some more lovely posts people - never again will I spend money on counselling! "Love is like a butterfly, chase it and it eludes you, but be calm and patient and it will land on your shoulder" - that is wonderful Steve and I'll try to remember it.
And waytoonice, I agree, it is going too fast - when I got home from our weekend together he'd immediately sent an email saying he'd had the best weekend of his life and thanking me for being in his life. Then one yesterday saying he just loved everything about me, and that me having sex with him had made him love me even more! And then I made the mistake of not exactly responding in kind but letting him know that my feelings were building for him and I was a bit scared of getting hurt and then of course he mails back and says "Lets have some fun together and not get too wrapped up in worries, doubts and uncertainties". Although in the same email, he's talking about us going on holiday and has asked me to meet his son.
So have decided to calm down, should I ask him not to be so over the top as well in what he says to me until we know eachother a bit better? It's not that I think he's talking utter crap but really don't know him well enough to trust everything he says and it did annoy me that when I opened up like I did, I got a bit of a brush off. | |
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| Had sex with him, help, feel so vulnerable!
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:15:20 PM | | I know just how you feel...I was ALONE for much longer than you and I met a man recently and a similer thing happened. I am so worried I'll be hurt that I am probubly going to come across paranoid or needy which IS NOT me at all.I am just an honest loving person looking for love not a Hook -up. | |
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| Had sex with him, help, feel so vulnerable!
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:47:48 PM | This lament is so classic for women that it deserves being etched in stone and preserved in a time capsule.
On the flip side, for men, there are the feelings of guilt and entrapment.
These are costs of sex, of which there is a long list, including some really bad ones.
BTW, guys are not going to warm up to a discussion of your vulnerabilities because what you need is commitment. Their vulnerabilities run opposite--feeling guilty and trapped. You're not going to want to hear them open up on this.
So, a lot of lying takes place, often mixed with alcohol.
The only real solution is love and marriage. Either that or a total mind shift and I don't think most people are capable of it. This scheme is embedded in the DNA.
Best wishes. | |
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| Had sex with him, help, feel so vulnerable!
Posted: 5/21/2008 1:01:40 PM |
I made the mistake of not exactly responding in kind but letting him know that my feelings were building for him and I was a bit scared of getting hurt and then of course he mails back and says "Lets have some fun together and not get too wrapped up in worries, doubts and uncertainties". Although in the same email, he's talking about us going on holiday and has asked me to meet his son.
So have decided to calm down, should I ask him not to be so over the top as well in what he says to me until we know eachother a bit better? It's not that I think he's talking utter crap but really don't know him well enough to trust everything he says and it did annoy me that when I opened up like I did, I got a bit of a brush off.
yes, i think that would be a perfectly great request to communicate to him. truly. in fact that was what he was saying in his suggestion not to get too wrapped in your fears (for you told him you were afraid you would get hurt)....
I don't think his response was a brush off at all, but a great reminder - and it mirrored almost exactly what so many here told you.....so absolutely you can tell him to calm down on proclaiming the greatness of it all just yet for that is what is scaring you. okey dokey?
truly, op, it sounds great. tell him to calm down so you can both let it grow organically and beautifully, if only you both will let it. he's just as excited as you, that's all and isn't it a wonderful thing. | |
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| Had sex with him, help, feel so vulnerable!
Posted: 5/21/2008 1:05:30 PM | | Ok, would someone please tell me what it means to "feel vulnerable" in this context? I mean, you made love. I assume you were alone in private. He didn't try to strangle you or try to rob you then. So why now do you feel vulnerable? He's gone isn't he? If I felt vulnerable, I would get a baseball bat and threaten to club him if he made a false move. And what about him? Couldn't he be on another thread somewhere saying how vulnerable he feels? Why have I never heard a guy say, I just had sex for the first time and now I feel vulnerable? At first I thought this might just be a British thing but ladies from all over seem to know exactly what it means. I'm so confused. | |
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| Had sex with him, help, feel so vulnerable!
Posted: 5/21/2008 1:25:29 PM | It means our hearts and feelings have been touched - it means we have exposed ourselves and taken the shell off to show our inner sides - it means our decisions or thinking are not quite so clear....and it means we have to be careful that the one we have exposed ourselves to is not going to turn us over and leave us helpless. (staying with the turtle theme:)
Basically, it means we have opened ourselves up and feel a bit unprotected now. (all imo) | |
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| Had sex with him, help, feel so vulnerable!
Posted: 5/21/2008 3:10:08 PM | | WeAre1, it is great, we texted a lot today and just had a lovely bed-time chat. You were right about how he responded to what I'd said and the more I get to know him, the better it feels. Slowly but surely I think I'm seeing that the only real obstacle here is my impatience and insecurity and I keep coming back here to read all the great posts telling me just to relax and let it unfold. | |
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| Had sex with him, help, feel so vulnerable!
Posted: 5/21/2008 4:34:23 PM | exactly sweet heart. i'm so glad you're feeling happier again. definitely keep reading the posts here, for now you've got all of us backing you so it's not quite like the only person you can talk to about it is him.
one more thought (having been there myself and had a hard time not jumping ahead), try as much as possible, both of you, to stay completely in the moment, in the present. try not to project the wonderfulness into the future too much. stay here and now, for if you start thinking too much where this is going or might go, you will miss the magic of this moment.
i wish you much love in this relationship, or whatever is meant to be....for that of course is what will be! :) | |
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oshan
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Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 64 | |
| Had sex with him, help, feel so vulnerable!
Posted: 5/21/2008 5:46:39 PM | OP, this is exactly why it is important to wait until there is a solid foundation of real love built before having sex. When that foundation is there you know that you are "....safe in the arms of love..." Having sex prematurely in a developing relationship, because of all the emotions it evokes, is unwise. I recommend that you only share your body with someone you KNOW, without a shred of doubt, will be there over the long haul if that is what you want.
Ok, in this case, this would be all hindsight, but you can talk to him about how you're feeling and conduct yourself accordingly in the future. It seems clear to me that the relationship has not developed and/or evolved far enough for you to feel completely at ease with the sexual part of it which I believe should always be the last frontier, so to speak. Feeling insecure and vulnerable after having sex with someone is unnecessary when you are trusting your own inner voice, because that voice will tell you when there is a green light for this to happen. In order to know what is best for you, listen inside yourself and never abandon your own inner wisdom because this is where you will find peace and happiness always. To thine own self be true...good luck!! | |
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| Had sex with him, help, feel so vulnerable!
Posted: 5/21/2008 5:54:41 PM | | The thing to do, I hope, when lovers, is to make love, with your heart and soul, your body, your words, use your words. The thing to do is not hide behind some wall and have your private fearful thoughts as if you can open your legs but not have a simple heart to heart conversation. Grow up, geez. To huddle confused in self-imposed silence is too juvenile. I mean, if you aren't comfortable talking, don't get naked in the first place. Emotional maturity should be a precursor to sexual involvement. | |
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| Had sex with him, help, feel so vulnerable!
Posted: 5/21/2008 6:05:22 PM | | I don't see why it is necessary to tell him that you are feeling vulnerable. I don't see what that accomplishes. If it only accomplishes you getting it off your chest, but you still want to continue dating him, then just tell your friends. Guys can sometimes jump to conclusions about how vulnerable a woman really is, especially is she says things like that, and then will cut a relationship short because they are afraid of hurting the woman, when in actuality she could handle things just fine, and the relationship just needs space and time to naturally develop. | |
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| Had sex with him, help, feel so vulnerable!
Posted: 5/21/2008 7:44:08 PM | | Are you feeling guilty? Don't! Give yourself permission and tell yourself that it's allright and you're not seeking permission from the folks? LOL.. I was told the same thing so I don't know if this will ring a bell with you? You deserve something good, just take it for what it is and enjoy every moment you spend together with him. If it's good it is, if not, at least you tried and you're human. All the best to you.. | |
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| Had sex with him, help, feel so vulnerable!
Posted: 5/22/2008 10:54:42 PM | | OP, I just wanted to wish you the best of luck. You took a giant risk with a guy you don't have much history with, just going on feeling. It's always scary to risk, but it's the only way to get the great rewards. I hope he is on the same page you are. Either way, you can never lose by being yourself. Sometimes the best relationships just start out with a bang (pun unintentional--lol). That doesn't necessarily mean the guy will run away. I think when you meet the right guy, you don't need to play it safe or play any other games. He will accept you for who you are, fears and all. Here's hoping he's the right one. You better let us know, okay? :) | |
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