| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 8:50:23 AM | | If a man is to be condemned for wanting to test drive a woman physically, should a woman also be condemned for wanting to test drive a man emotionally? | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 9:54:09 AM | Continuing the car analogy...:
Well, you don't always buy the same car you test drive, you order the one you want,
And as well, once you've driven a few, you still often order a new one... One that's NOT been driven before! | |
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| car anaologies
Posted: 5/20/2008 10:26:38 AM |
once you've driven a few, you still often order a new one... One that's NOT been driven before!
If you don't have the money for the payments on the new one, you go with the one your friend isn't using anymore because he keeps getting an infection from the rusty shell.
My dad's second marriage was a family exactly 10 years in the past. The new wife was 10 years to the month younger than mom and looked like she could be a sister. The kids' genders were switched, but their ages were the same as my brother and I were a decade ago... Why would you trade in your old model for the same old model? | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 10:30:44 AM |
This has happened to me several times where I was dating a guy and told him I wanted to wait till there was a commitment (and mutual agreement of combatiblity) till we had sex . He would disagree saying he wanted to test drive the car before buying.
(snip)
So I need to know. Is it truely a reasonable request for a guy to "test drive" before he commits to not breaking somones heart in the name of determining combatiblity?
Edited to Add: On the flip side, would you enter a sexual relationship with someone who was dating or having sex with other people?
I consider the act of sex very special and it is something I do with people I really like alot. I don't want to just get played.
I know exactly what you mean. Fortunately, most of the guys I meet aren't that shallow, however, my husband was. That was a HUGE red flag that I stupidly ignored. His morals and feelings about sex were clearly not in the same place as mine. After we were married, I found out he'd "test driven" at least 50 "girlfriends" and dozens more one night stands. To him, STDs and antibiotics were a way of life. I think sex is sacred and special to be saved for people with whom you have established emotional intimacy, trust and understanding. Physically, we were compatible, but emotionally, we were not. That fact, and the reality that he'd lied to me about his past, was a huge factor is destroying the marriage.
This "test driving" crap is not reasonable or required. It is a selfish, shallow jerk's way of sleeping with a girl, probably using her and getting his way. If waiting for a relationship is important to you, there are definitely good guys out there who are willing to respect you and your beliefs. I know from past experience that you don't have to settle for low lifes who only want sex. If a guy wants to "test drive" you, he is NOT compatible with you. Clearly, he does not think it's as special as you do. Physicality isn't the only or even the biggest part of compatibility- emotions come first. Most sexual problems come from emotional blocks rather than physical. Such a difference of opinion and morals is a HUGE block that is worth running from! | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 10:42:14 AM | Spending time with someone is the test drive.
You test drive a car by taking it around the block, or thereabouts. You don't load it up with all your bags and take it on a road trip across the country in anticipation of your holidays.
Treating a person like a machine rather than a human being seems terrible until you realise that many people show more care and consideration towards machines than human beings. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 10:52:47 AM | | The language just turns me off. If a man spoke to me that way, I'd just advise him to go to the local auto showroom. But that aside, no, I wouldn't get sexual with someone who is dating other women. Been there, done that, doesn't work for me. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 10:54:33 AM |
MSG#54 PIXELEEN Wrote:This "test driving" crap is not reasonable or required. It is a selfish, shallow jerk's way of sleeping with a girl, probably using her and getting his way. You know I find it shocking after reading some of your posts how you seem to always squeeze in a little "Male Bashing". As the way you put it that it's only a male that could be the jerk and not use someone for a booty call.I think your a bit narrow minded when it comes to the "male" gender.From reading your posts you always make mention of your X in many of the postings. Maybe you need to move on and quit finding ways to bash your X. After all. When people bash their X's they are usually one of two things. Either still in love with them and feel rejected. Or the other is you "hate" your X. Which shoe fits PIX ? | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:01:52 AM | Any man who compares me with a car is not the man for me. You want to sleep with me and "try" me out? Fine. But don't say it to my face. Some things are better left unsaid in my opinion, and this is definetely one of them.
Same thing goes for "why buy the cow when the milk is free"...please...someone change the record already...I'm sick of being compared to a cow and I was never for sale. 
JMO | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:04:26 AM | First of all, you aren't a car, and I would be insulted if someone compared me to an "object". He is already demonstrating where his interest lies.
On the other hand, the good old female double standard is working full force here: You have to "earn" the right to sleep with me. Why? What have you done for me? I have already paid my dues and never got much in return. On top of that, most women aren't near as good as they think they are in bed.
I guess what I am saying is: I won't try to push you into sex, but don't try to push me into a "relationship".
There are women who use sex as a commodity. They are called hookers. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:15:30 AM | FWIW, if the sex is lousy, it just isn't going to work.
"If there are self-made purgatories, then we all have to live in them.
Mine
can be no worse than someone else's."
Spock, 1967, "This Side of Paradise" | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:19:10 AM |
On the other hand, the good old female double standard is working full force here: You have to "earn" the right to sleep with me. Why? What have you done for me? I have already paid my dues and never got much in return. On top of that, most women aren't near as good as they think they are in bed.
If I become sexually involved with someone I want to enjoy it with a special friend who will never do anything to hurt me or betray me and who considers me important and worthy of consideration. Also someone who respects me as a person.
Men are less selective generally. We women learn that the hard way sometimes, so the mire fact they would like to have sex with us isn't enough.
Yes you have to earn the right to sleep with me just like you have to earn my respect and my trust. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:22:41 AM | | They're saying that if you suck in bed, they'll dump you instead of working to improve the sex. If they're not willing to work on that then what WILL they work on? A relationship requires more than compatibility - it also requires compromise. Consider yourself lucky that they dumped you sooner rather than later. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:28:04 AM | Are you saying before marriage or are you saying before being in a committed relationship.
Personally I will not marry someone till Ive lived with them you dont really know how compatible you are with someone till you live in the same home and I would say the same with sex you want to be as compatible as possible in all aspects of your relationship. Or at the very least be willing to learn how to please your significant other.
But if your talking about in the first few dates then no get to know the person first and sex will come later when you feel the desire to give yourself to someone. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:32:58 AM |
They're saying that if you suck in bed, they'll dump you instead of working to improve the sex. If they're not willing to work on that then what WILL they work on? A relationship requires more than compatibility - it also requires compromise.
Also I NEVER worry about that. Why should they? If I meet a guy I like I never have a doubt I'd enjoy him sexually. I don't need to try him out. I know.
You can just tell if someone would be good in bed or could turn you on. Well I can. I think so. To me it is true.
I don't get these guys not having an imagination. When you gain sexual experience you can just tell about a person. Cant you? | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:49:12 AM | The female brain can sometimes concoct for its own purposes an entire universe, an emotional playhouse, where it wants to bring a man into and have him play certain parts as her companion. She would have him spend a month or twelve on the sofa there, rejoining for pastimes of emotional interest to herself. She is after how it makes her feel. She calls this "our relationship". The true nature of the man, his feelings, his thoughts, his needs, his sexual drive are not accounted for in the concocted universe of emotional self-indulgence. The woman first geared up to have Our Relationship as a young girl, getting a head start on the man by several years, playing at house while he was a boy playing at "hit that tree with a rock". The Marriage turned out to be unsatisfying because the man was never playing his part right. The feelings did not come and so she struggled alone in her playhouse resenting the bad actor for flubbing his lines and missing performances altogether on bowling nights. Finally disgusted with how he had wrecked her, our, relationship, she trades it in for a new dream of true love and a better man better able to properly play his role by her script. And so she waits unwavering, dismissing the unworthy men whose vulgar curiosity brings them sniffing at her door.
The man wants to go for a ride in the hills of happiness. He wants to get on his motorcycle with his woman behind him, and head out to enjoy life's winding road. He wants to have a good companion, and so he invites her for a run, to go up in the hills and stop for lunch, and if he really likes her he'll ask her to go for the weekend, and stay at the bed and breakfast and have drinks and go dancing and make love. Then if he wakes up happy and she does, and she seems like she'll be a great companion, he is glad to make it work out between them according to the needs and habits of each. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:52:30 AM |
Tell him "Oh, I agree, now come over here and let me kick your tires."
Bunnie, you're a genius!
Ivy
From speaking with lots of ladies, found that all too often
women encounter guys who feel they can just waltz in
simply because they think they are God's gift to women.
A male who figures this remark is 'clever' tells this point
quite clearly.
Trust your instincts.
You full well deserve respect, command it. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:56:01 AM | | Ivyowl: [message 64] I'm pretty sure we're in full agreement. Perhaps you didn't understand my post... I'm saying the men who want to test drive focus too much on compatibility and not enough on compromise. If men aren't willing to improve the sex, then would they not be willing to improve the relationship in other areas? This is why an emotional connection must be made before a sexual connection. If the sex is below par the man might leave, instead of working to improve it. It's pointless for him to improve the sex if there's no emotional connection. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 12:32:21 PM | Any two fools possessing a d*ck and a c*nt can have sex. To experience true intimacy, to really MAKE love, requires an emotional,caring component that would never dream of pressuring for a "test drive". If however, your primary reason for being in a "relationship" is an easily accessible source of physical sexual gratification,then by all means a demanding "test drive" is in order. I will not comment on whether either type of involvement is "right" or "wrong". It's my belief that real love will strive to make the sex good for both. But for those who are looking for sexual gratification first and foremost, I suppose that one would demand a well trained and proficient partner.
However, to speak directly to the OPs question, I find that kind of attitude ( I need a sex 'test drive") therefore making the potential relationship ALL ABOUT sexual performance, to be the mark of an immature, selfish man, at best, but most likely it is a man who likes to meet his sexual urges with "free samples".
Cindy O | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 12:40:19 PM |
MSG#8,Funny Girl Wrote:If a guy can't connect with you sexually, he's just your friend.
I think maybe your problem is the huge value you're placing on your body that you're using as a reward..."If you'll do this, I'll do that". Making love/sex is about a shared connection/attraction, and it shouldn't be about guiding or controlling the relationship. It isn't the prize, it's only a part of the prize.
Do it when you wanna because you wanna, and not for gain. Really, I think the connection oughta exist before sex and sex is an expression of that...it's not a tool to create the connection, or keep it all together. You couldn't have said it better FunnyGirl.I agree with you 101%. There are "some" women out there that use sex as a bargining tool to get their way or seem to think it's a pot of gold. When in fact sometimes it's not even worth going there. I'd prefer to have a best friend and companion than a good bed partner. But if you could have both it would be like a dream come true !
Yes the mention of test driving is a little disrespectful. Talk like that's not a bit romantic. A good back rub and some good kiss's speaks louder than words. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 12:42:59 PM | | I agree...i would have to test drive a girl before marriage ...i don't want to end up miserable | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 12:53:04 PM |
.i would have to test drive a girl before marriage ...i don't want to end up miserable
I KNOW I would be miserable if I was married to a woman who let every guy 'test drive' her... | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 1:00:10 PM | It's never alright to be forced into having sex or doing something against your will. It's your responsibility to make the decision to have sex or not, it's just game playing to blame a man and pretend he forced you just because you don't want to face up to your own actions. Why do guys try so often, because of the things you put in your post, you say you want to wait but oh don't think you can if you really liked a guy, come on, stand up be a woman, make a choice and mean it or don't say it in the first place. Men must be awfully tired of hearing how they forced some poor woman to have sex after she jumped on top of him and almost kissed him to death!  
If you aren't sure of your own convictions, don't blame men for thinking you just want to be pushed a bit so you don't have to take responsibility for your own actions. Even if I wanted to have casual sex with a man I wasn't in a committed relationship with first, I would not do so with a man who had so little respect for women as to call it a test drive, etc. Open your eyes & ears, listen to how people talk about others, how they treat others, how much respect they show others, and how condescending they are to others....then make your choice based on if that's the kind of person you want to have sex with or not. Personally, I don't have sex with men who think women are stupid and easy to fool and say anything including insults in hopes of hitting on an insecurity. 
This really depends on you and your morals and your goals. If a man's does not match yours, then how compatible can you be? What are you going to end up with if you don't follow what you believe and if you do something you think is wrong in hopes of hooking a man that you hope will then become someone different than he's already shown himself to be??? It's really pretty simple; don't go where you don't want to be, and if you do, don't blame anyone but yourself for being there. If you don't like the aftermath of having casual, uncommitted sex, then do have it. It isn't about the many men who approach you, it's about you and what you choose to do. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 1:33:32 PM | First of all, what the hell are you doing with a man that compares you to a car? This is the twenty-first century. You're a person, not an object and he has no right to say something like that to you. You do not -belong- to him, nor is he going to 'buy' you. What a ridiculous person! Seems like you need to fish some more and find a man that respects a woman, and all her choices.
I've done the 'no sex' gig. I was going celibate for awhile due to some sexual trauma and most men didn't understand or didn't want to. They said I just needed some 'positive' experiences to change how I felt. I dropped them all. What a load. As an individual you are entitled to be yourself and hold your values. If you give in, then you're putting their wants and needs before your own spiritual and emotional needs. If they love you, or really like you, they'll wait. If they don't want to wait, try to find a middle ground. Heavy petting or something of the like. If they're still not happy, ditch em. You're worth so much more than that. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/20/2008 1:35:23 PM | For men sex is a big part of a relationship.
Whats the point of moving in with someone only to find he wants it everyday and she is happy with it once a month ?
I wouldnt dream of moving in with someone until I knew them really well and we had been having sex for a number of months. | |
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