| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:31:29 PM | | I think that there is a fair amount of consideration exchanged when two people arrive at wanting to be intimate. You both should be driven by more than physical attraction for a good sexual encounter to take place. For some it's a friendship that leads to it, for others it's mystery, challenge, curiousity, or stimulating conversations. I think you're taking a chance of disappointing yourself by treating sex as a commodity for a commitment. By the time you get to that point where you both want to be intimate (not necessarily a couple yet) you should have already established that you are interested in knowing each other more-- and a sexual attraction is a signal of interest. It is possible to make him wait a long time for a commitment-- but with men not exactly treating sex as a sacred exchange you are risking that his behavior and submission to what you want is just to get what he wants. I have platonic male friends who started out as prospective dates/boyfriends. We never slept together because I wasn't feeling them. Years later-- we are still natural friends. Doesn't matter if we ever moved forward or not to an intimate relationship, I controlled what I was willing to give for their attention and accepted that another woman might come along and capure their interest. For you to get what you want you have to remove sex out of the equasion and just pursue a friendship with willingness to let each other pursue what it is you want. If you don't want to have sex without a relationship, don't. Just don't limit yourself to getting to know one guy. The one who is worthy of you will go after what he wants if he wants it. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:39:48 PM | Once again, I cannot figure out why everyone has this phobia about sex, mostly women. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having sex just for the enjoyment, whether you are in a committed relationship or not. Just do it safely and stop worrying about the philosophical bulllshitt. It is all a smokescreen because of the anglo/Christian taboo crapp that has been fed into our minds all of our lives. And further on the point, I am another guy who definitely would NEVER marry without knowing that my love is sexually compatible with me. In fact, seeing no need for the obsolete ritual of marriage, I see no real need for it whatsoever, but would probably do it if I loved someone enough. However, there would definitely be a prenup.
As far as sex being "special," of course it is. All the more reason to get as much of it as you can before you die. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/22/2008 10:09:09 PM | I do not want to end up with another man-whore.
I want someone with character and morals.
Someone who don't have one night stands or the fwb.
Just as some men don't want to have a woman who's shared herself with many........I do not want a man who's shared his all with every one.
I don't believe anyone mentioned no sex before marriage...........it was a committed relationship that was mentioned.
As far as phobia, the only phobia I have is with getting a disease..........one out of five adults have herpes.
And that ain't the worse thing a person can get.
Free love = free herpes or worse = death
Special, would be sharing my life/body/soul with the one I love and want to have in my life, and no one else.
Beginning again, everything new, with a one and only love.
ceeceekitty | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/22/2008 11:09:20 PM | It really does make sense that you would have sex before commiting to the person 100%. It isn't the only thing in a relationship or marriage but it is very important. If two people are way off for example in how often they want to have sex, it will never work. The person that wants more sex will start to feel like they have to beg for it, and that would just suck.
How are you putting your heart on the line more because you have had sex? If you love the person wouldn't it hurt just as much if they stopped seeing you without having sex? | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/22/2008 11:14:34 PM | And you didn't smack him one for the 'test drive' comment? I'm half kidding...
This whole concept of try before you buy is really distasteful to me. What am I, a toaster oven on special?
Comparing a potential SO to an inanimate object says something about a person's perception of what a relationship is to me. It seems that the guy is trying to manipulate you and has no intention continuing of hanging around if you were to give him what he wanted.
Ivyowl, I think that every woman or man deserves to be treated with respect in a relationship.
It is not 'reasonable' to 'test drive' and I don' think that all men think they are being reasonable. It is a test of your boundaries; a test of how far you are willing to take things before you say no. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/22/2008 11:40:28 PM | Ceeceekitty, I also share some of the same standards you list when it comes to a potential SO. No men like that for me, either.
Are there many men or women left out there who still embrace this supposedly naive and phobic practice of waiting until marriage?
Personally, I believe that sex is about the emotional connection two people share; its a physical expression of that love. Perceptions and expectations have been blown out of proportion (sometimes literally ha!) by what is seen on the internet and in movies.
I know many wouldn't agree with that particular viewpoint, but hey-- its my view!
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/23/2008 9:29:24 PM | Somehow most people posting think it is only going to be men who want to take a test drive and that he will be the one doing the rejecting. Think again guys many women are going to want to rate you. Stud or Dud how will you be scored?
As an older woman dating older men there are a very many good reasons for wanting to know if he is going to be a stud or a dud. Viagra is not a cure all for many of the causes erectile dysfunctiuon. If penetration is an important part of sex then you either have to be upfront and ask the man if he is has full sexual function. You will want to know does he need drugs, will they helpand how often on average for sex? Or else you will risk being very dissapointed after forming any kind of emotional bond. Society has taught us that those things are very unlady like to ask a man you have just met.
I think a lot of older men would prefer to put off the physical test drive out of fear of failure. If they can get the woman emotionaly involved first they know they will be better off in the long term. I would have to say it is easier for older women to be successful in a test drive than a man. Life does have its little ironies. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:28:52 PM | | I was married to a women who was sexually incompatable with me for many years. In general I'd say that she never learned or wanted to learn how to please me. It is this sharing that goes back and forth that is important. In the beginning I was big in just pleasing. Over time I found that I wanted pleased back and never got it. Coversation after conversation with her did not budge her on this. I found that I want to be very open about sex and talk and share and explore together. We had many other factors that were wrong with our marriage but that was one and it was intertwined with the others. Test drive? As I've read it goes both ways. Men and women want a partner that is compatable in those ways. Of course the others ways are improtant too. Well we just keep looking and talking and being honest with ourselves with what is important. No partner is perfect. If six or seven out of ten factors are a great match and you can be happy with them GREAT! | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/29/2008 1:24:33 PM |  29 years ago this Aug. I had one of those, "across a crowded room, love at first sight" experiences................. I shoulda ran.
But instead, after an evening of laughter, dancing (well, one of us was  ) and conversation; I said, can you just hold me tonight.
I musta been crazy out of my mind cause I wasn't drinking.
And that pushed me even closer to him when that's all we did was snuggle together.
Less than a week later, we moved in together.
Less than two weeks together he proposed.
Less than 4 months of knowing him, we got married.
Now that I've gotten to know his first wife.............he had serious problems at an early age.
For me, I know I should have waited to know more about him.
I was the "crow" and he was the "shiny object" that held my attention.
The time we spent sexing it up should have been the time to get to know each other better.
He did the, one week anniversary handmade cards..........and three week and on and on for a long while.
My attentions were diverted by all the little romantic things he did ( I'd never been treated like that before).......and bedroom wooing. 
I didn't know until years later that my boys reminded him of my birthday every year.
Our conversations were totally about money, his job and the kids.
Nothing else...........because we had nothing in common.
Our interests were different........he was a klutz at fixing things including the car.
Took over 12 hours to replace a water pump.
He hated camping and would whine when we went....that sucked the fun out of it.
Same with fishing...............snagging his line or trying to get it out of a tree...........got so mad once he starting beating the water with the fishing pole because his line was hung up.
So much for trying to catch fish after that outburst.
I used to tie my own flies for fly fishing and it was a profitable hobby.......but I gave that up when he broke my fly pole..shoved it into the back of the pick-up, without taking it apart in his flurry to leave the river..........snapped like a twig.
I try to learn from my mistakes and this time I want to know about the person first.
I strive for all round compatibility...........instead of just the double back push-ups in the bedroom.
I think if people are considering long term relationships, getting to know the person first is necessary............take time to discover if they're the right person to share your life with.
If you can't talk to them and hold a conversation other than what happened at work or what do do an a Friday night.........how awful to be trapped in that kind of relationship.
I want a lasting relationship and hope to create a sturdy foundation to build upon.......
I'd be willing to bet the sex would then be fan damn tabulous......
ceeceekitty
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/29/2008 4:35:22 PM | | i have to disagree with the test drive first statement. lol, i know i dont put out until i know that she is ready, and that i like her. I dont think that is anyway to start a relationship. Start with getting to know each other first. If all you want is sex, get a hooker | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/29/2008 5:20:01 PM | | LOL; unreal; its not a reasonable request. You need to do what is comfortable for you. Guys nowadays are like dogs; they just want to get off and will do and say whatever to do it. Don't believe the hype. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:09:09 AM | When discussing romantic relationships the importance of compatibility in a number of things is frequently mentioned as being more important than sex. For those holding that belief I submit the following:
If seeing your partner laughing at your jokes means more to you than seeing a condom and a hotel room receipt in their jacket pocket then a sense of humor is more important than sex. If the joy of spending Saturday morning on the golf course with your SO overrides your disappointment in knowing they spent a few hours the night before having sex with the neighbor then shared activities are definately more important than sex. If knowing your partner voted for a different political party causes more rage than knowing they slept with your best friend then, by all means, holding similar political beliefs are more important than sex.
I am unable to see how anyone can fully commit before determining sexual compatibility. While "test drive" is a somewhat crass term the bottom line is sex is very important to most people even if they are reluctant to admit it or are unable to understand the implications. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:45:10 AM | I want to get to know a man on every level......including sex.. I don't expect to invest a lot of time into a relationship before we have sex.......just enough to be comfortable with each other and know we want to explore all our possiblities and compatabilities. However, he had only better be making love with me! That is just respectful....and mature.
~Sexy Vixen 4u~ | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:47:21 AM | OP, you have stated a conundrum for many people.
Sex before or after commitment.
So, what if you commit and then find out you hate having sex with someone, or their wants and needs are vastly different from yours?
What if you like someone, and think there might be a chance, so you have sex, but then the whole thing falls apart for one reason or another?
What if you say "To heck with morals, I'm horny" and just go for the gusto?
Your choices seem to be slut/manwh***, prude/frigid, gulliable/naive, or the all encompassing term "player".
Here is what I've decided; When the person, time, and place feels right for me, I'll end my celibacy and joyfully jump into the maelstrom, and to heck with the consequences. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/30/2008 9:31:04 AM | | Since this is something thats important to you , I think you should let the guys know your beliefs even before you start dating. If his thoughts on that are like yours then go ahead. Personally, I like to see how we are sexually before I would get into a serious relationship. What people like, want & need vary so you never know how compatible you may be in bed. You can't always work the differences out. If I invested alot of myself & opened myself up too someone seriously then sex didn;t work I'd be just as hurt as the opposite. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/30/2008 10:08:58 PM | | OP. nah dont believe that.Youre not a car, youre a human being youre a woman.At the end youre gonna be a used car and worn out. If every dates or relationships you would have are you going to let men test to drive you?And what would be some men think of you who value sex in a serious manner, if youve been used too much for a driving test?? | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/30/2008 10:27:07 PM | | Wrong. Make him want you more. If you give it up, he will not want to pursue you any longer. When you turn him down, it will make him frustrated, but a bigger part of him will be glad you did, because he will respect you more. He will want you more than ever. He may even fall head over heels with you. If you give it now, later down the road, he will never experience the strong feeling that "holding back" gives him. This feeling he will always remember, and when the times get rough down the road, he will have memories of these strong feeling attached to you, and he will retrieve that part of his memory, in staying in love with you for many years, maybe a lifetime. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/30/2008 10:39:58 PM | OP, we're on the same page.
On the flip side, would you enter a sexual relationship with someone who was dating or having sex with other people? Nope. Absolutely not. I'm not jumping into bed with someone until we are exclusive. If a guy can't deal with that, he's not the one for me anyway. Sex is not something I take lightly. I'm not saying it would take forever to get me to that point, but there's no way I'm going to start a sexual relationship with someone who's sleeping with others. I don't share. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/31/2008 12:08:47 AM | Ivy owl, Compatibility ( no offence but you spelled it several times combatiblity, also not spelled right but means something totally different) is achieved through the process of getting to know someone. The guys who use the line "test drive" is a jerk!
If you date someone and find that you are compatible in your values and your goals and if the relationship is a comitted exclusive , monogamous one ,sex will be great because it will be with emotion.
To your second question.......NO.....remember exclusive and monogamous..... | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 5/31/2008 7:09:27 AM | This is such a matter of degree....the argument used to be "why wait until marriage" without a test drive...then of course it was why wait until you're engaged....now it's why wait to be exclusive?
Of course it's always up to the individuals involved. It seems that if both people are looking for a longer-term relationship then you should consider waiting until committed to consummate. If you're looking for something more casual, then by all means, why even wait until you have a couple full-blown dinner dates - hookup after meeting for coffee! Seriously, whatever is agreeable to both parties is fine.
The OP's guy uses this as though it were a line however - since you apparently have different goals, it's unfortunate but you may just have to let him go. | |
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 8/9/2008 4:57:28 PM | Recently a girl wrote me from this site asking (since I'm a Yacht & Ship Broker) if searching for girls was like searching for boats. And of course the "Test Drive" part she brought up as well. I've omitted her name to protect the innocent, but here is my reply to her......
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Captain Seeks New or Late Model Quality Pre-Owned Boat...
MUST HAVE: Just the right beam, nice props, LOA (Length-Over-All) not to big, not to small, no blisters on the bottom, lots of good mileage left on the engine, not too heavy because I'd like to take my boat on lots of vacations and gas is not cheap, comfortable cruising speeds with an extra long range capacity, engine must be able to handle a load especially when the seas are a bit rough, and it must still have that new look shine or at least be recently buffed and waxed. I will require a lift-out and bottom inspection before the final closing date. A sea trial is a must! No Dinghy Needed, but if it comes with the boat, that may be OK with me depending on how sweet the deal is. Note that with the last boat I checked out, the engine started bucking and then overheated and I was not even near full throttle. The engine be in good top running condition. No financing needed.
If you or anyone you know has the right boat for me, please call 239-XXX-BOAT and ask for Captain Jerry.
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| test drive before buying?
Posted: 8/9/2008 5:03:16 PM | Recently a girl wrote me from this site asking (since I'm a Yacht & Ship Broker) if searching for girls was like searching for boats. And of course the "Test Drive" part she brought up as well. I've omitted her name to protect the innocent, but here is my reply to her......
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Captain Seeks New or Late Model Quality Pre-Owned Boat...
MUST HAVE: Just the right beam, nice props, LOA (Length-Over-All) not to big, not to small, no blisters on the bottom, lots of good mileage left on the engine, not too heavy because I'd like to take my boat on lots of vacations and gas is not cheap, comfortable cruising speeds with an extra long range capacity, engine must be able to handle a load especially when the seas are a bit rough, and it must still have that new look shine or at least be recently buffed and waxed. I will require a lift-out and bottom inspection before the final closing date. A sea trial is a must! No Dinghy Needed, but if it comes with the boat, that may be OK with me depending on how sweet the deal is. Note that with the last boat I checked out, the engine started bucking and then overheated and I was not even near full throttle. The engine be in good top running condition. No financing needed.
If you or anyone you know has the right boat for me, please call 239-XXX-BOAT and ask for Captain Jerry.
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