| | Guys who can't or won't fix things around the housePage 2 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) | As has been stated previously in this thread, why not learn to do as much as you can on your own.
I am pretty proficient with plumbing, mechanical, the hanging of pictures and blinds. Anything else I will hire a handyman friend to do for me.
There are how-to books available on nearly every household DIY projects. How do you think I learned to fix my toilet and install my taps?
It's ok to ask for help when needed. Just don't expect it of every man who walks through your door.
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| Guys who can't or won't fix things around the house
Posted: 5/20/2008 5:47:58 AM |
So does this mean if my future girl friend wont cook me meals and wash up the dishes and do the house work without any equivalence in return from me, she is just using me for sex also?
Ummmm.... yup! 
Kidding!!!
My ex was the complete opposite, OP..... he couldn't bang a nail in straight if he tried. He once tried to "rebuild" the deck. Omg.... it was friggin' horrendous when he was done.... while his intentions were good, he just didn't have the knack to do stuff like that. Not all guys have the ability to fix stuff. Needless to say, I am very adept at fixing all kinds of stuff myself.
Whatever happened with the deck? When he was on the road one time, I took it apart and rebuilt it myself.... I remember him coming home and admiring *his* handiwork.... I never let on what I had done. I'll probably get slammed here for lying, but it was not worth making him feel bad. To me, that would've been a much greater slam against him. | |
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| Guys who can't or won't fix things around the house
Posted: 5/20/2008 5:51:01 AM |
I guess I am meeting the wrong men(?) and feel so stupid.
You feel stupid for meeting the wrong men? Why don't you learn to stand on your own two feet and hang a damn picture yourself. Women are allowed to hold jobs and even vote (gasp!) but can't hang a picture????? Stop being such a helpless woman and learn how to look after your own house. | |
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| Guys who can't or won't fix things around the house
Posted: 5/20/2008 5:59:33 AM | > I don't think I am going to post here any more. Too many attacks.
I guess this attitude fully explains why no one is interested in fixing things for the OP.
Once bitten, and all that jazz... | |
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| Guys who can't or won't fix things around the house
Posted: 5/20/2008 6:27:47 AM |
So does this mean if my future girl friend wont cook me meals and wash up the dishes and do the house work without any equivalence in return from me, she is just using me for sex also?
hmmm, I always find women wanting to cook and do my dishes for me. I wonder what that means then. Could explain why they get pissed later-- cause I am a prude...haha j/k.
My ex was the complete opposite, OP..... he couldn't bang a nail in straight if he tried. He once tried to "rebuild" the deck. Omg.... it was friggin' horrendous when he was done.... while his intentions were good, he just didn't have the knack to do stuff like that. Not all guys have the ability to fix stuff. Needless to say, I am very adept at fixing all kinds of stuff myself.
Whatever happened with the deck? When he was on the road one time, I took it apart and rebuilt it myself.... I remember him coming home and admiring *his* handiwork.... I never let on what I had done. I'll probably get slammed here for lying, but it was not worth making him feel bad. To me, that would've been a much greater slam against him.
I dont think your lying, You must be really nice to do that. Did he ever find out? My Ex memorized the fix everything under the sun manual--hehe. Very handy and was nice that we both could tackle a task instead of me and she whatching. | |
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| Guys who can't or won't fix things around the house
Posted: 5/20/2008 7:17:57 AM |
If you are simply dating then i wouldn't expect any man to come to my house and be expected to fix my "stuff". If he is dating you he is not your husband or provider and i think it is wrong of you to expect him to do your handyman things unless he actually offers to do it. You using a man for 'fixing' things is almost as bad as him using you for sex.....
I agree with this post. I'm not comfortable having someone I'm dating do stuff for me. Once I'm in a relationship, we should both help each other do things that need doing, but not someone I've just been out with a few times. But, that's just me, I guess.
Krys | |
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| Guys who can't or won't fix things around the house
Posted: 5/20/2008 7:31:24 AM | Well for me I'm a geek, ask me to fix a computer and/or electronic. I'm "Johnny on the spot." But give me a home improvement task like electrical, plumbing, etc. No way. But I've got a theory about this. I believe I'd rather paid someone that is a "pro" to do it right the first time than me go and make it worse and the "pro" would have to do twice as much thus paying twice as much.
But that's for "major projects" something simple like hanging a picture is no problem.
A question for you when are you "expecting" them to do stuff for you. 1st, 2nd, 3rd date? Anytime it's something like that I'm like um no. Why because if there is no "magic" then why do that for someone. They can pay for something just as well as I can. If you are expecting it and the guy actually does it. I feel like you would be taking advantage of there kindness. Sorry but being honest about my opinion.
Best of luck to everyone  | |
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| Guys who can't or won't fix things around the house
Posted: 5/20/2008 7:40:19 AM |
I got real dependent on my ex husband because he was such a great fixer around the house, but ever since my divorce, every man I've met is only interested in sex and wont' or can't fix things or even hang a picture for me. What is to be expected about this in dating? I guess I am meeting the wrong men(?) and feel so stupid.
I guess it depends on the nature of the relationship or it's stage and how the issue is broached and what kind of thing that needs "fixed". Fixing a leaky faucet is a lot different from changing a toilet or painting a side of a house.
Something I've learned about women, and I'm not saying this is happening here, is most simply expect you to read their minds then lose theirs when you simply can't.
I guess you'd have a right to question it if
A) You clearly defined openly in your relationship that he would fix things
B) You clearly and openly asked him to do something specific
C) He agreed to do it
D) He didn't do it as agreed
I can fix things pretty well. I'm mechanically inclined and I live alone. I think the living alone part pretty much ensures I need to fix things.
My suggestion is find a man you don't want to sleep with, tell him you don't want to sleep with him and offer to cook him dinner in exchange for fixing something moderate. | |
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| Guys who can't or won't fix things around the house
Posted: 5/20/2008 8:11:29 AM | Why is it that you think that because you are dating a man he should be obligated to be Mr Fixit to you ?
Does he expect you to clean his toilet , and iron his shirts ?
I think there is a difference between dating and a relationship .... and thus the expectations you can place upon your partner in each is wayyyy different ! | |
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| Guys who can't or won't fix things around the house
Posted: 5/20/2008 8:15:55 AM | Ha! With my last girlfriend, I fixed her refridgerator when she had to wait 2 weeks for her apartment repairman. She kept telling me, he'll fix it, he'll fix it, well it was 2 weeks. So I fixed it.
I put together her Ikea furnature properly too. She put it together the first time, but a lot of it was backward or not in tight enough, cause she's not Miss. Muscles.
Actually back with my 2nd ever gf, when I showed up for our date, the roof above the back porch had collapsed the previous night. So her father recruited me instantly. Told me, hey I got a job for ya. Name's Brett btw. So for ten minutes I was helping him, then my date came out and didn't even realize I was there. She was worrying I was late!
I'm not a handy man. I'm not Mr. Fix it, I'm still at the point where I just do it and learn as I go along. However, I do come from a long line of farmers and fix it people. | |
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| Guys who can't or won't fix things around the house
Posted: 5/20/2008 8:17:46 AM | | Now that I think about it, I've dated women that wouldn't let me do the simple things. Like I had a date get a flat tire with me. She wouldn't let me change the tire. Not that I know how to, but it was just really awkward having a 5' tall stunning blonde changing a car tire while I stood around watching. | |
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| Guys who can't or won't fix things around the house
Posted: 5/20/2008 9:04:08 AM | "So does this mean if my future girl friend wont cook me meals and wash up the dishes and do the house work without any equivalence in return from me, she is just using me for sex also?"
I was having a similar thought, only not for myself. lol
OP why can't you pick up a hammer and a nail and hang up your own picture? It's not like it's all that hard. As for the other home matinance work there are a ton of do it yourself books and vidios out there try those.
I met an old woman one day ( 80's) and she was buying a case of oil that I helped put in her car for her. She was going to go home and change her own oil and all I could think was I wanted to be her when I grew up.
"Whatever happened with the deck? When he was on the road one time, I took it apart and rebuilt it myself.... I remember him coming home and admiring *his* handiwork.... I never let on what I had done. I'll probably get slammed here for lying, but it was not worth making him feel bad. To me, that would've been a much greater slam against him."
That was a really sweet thing to do. | |
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| Guys who can't or won't fix things around the house
Posted: 5/20/2008 10:22:31 AM |
wont' or can't fix things or even hang a picture for me. What is to be expected about this in dating?
well not trying to be rude of any sorts.....but I have learned not to rely on anyone, esp. for something as simple as putting a nail in a wall and hanging a picture on it. Is there an expectaion for a man to do something for a woman while dating? such as fix-its? etc..
Because I just couldn't do that.....I will ask for advice if I do not know how to fix or build somthing but I won't say..."hey, can you finish my flooring for me?"
JMO.... | |
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| Guys who can't or won't fix things around the house
Posted: 5/20/2008 10:34:20 AM | Just a suggestion.. Why dont you become self sufficient and join a class where you can learn to do little odd jobs yourself? This will give you sense of pride and then you won't have to date a man who can fix things and go enjoy the sex  | |
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| Guys who can't or won't fix things around the house
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:08:16 AM |
Just a suggestion.. Why dont you become self sufficient and join a class where you can learn to do little odd jobs yourself? This will give you sense of pride and then you won't have to date a man who can fix things and go enjoy the sex
i agree. i fix things around my house and really don't need to find a man do it for me. shouldn't be dependent on someone else to do things around the house for you, unless of course you are married to him. that's another issue. | |
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| Guys who can't or won't fix things around the house
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:15:10 AM | I would not feel at all comfortable asking someone I was dating to fix stuff in my house. That seems like such an imposition.
My house conspires against me - every time I break up with someone at least 6 things go wrong the very same week. It's like the house is reproaching me, lol.
I've always helped and paid attention... learned a lot over the years. Somehow my daughter and I figure many things out (she's much handier than I am despite my farm upbringing) or I call a repair man. It IS different though, when you are facing a task and you're not the helper but it is all on you; doesn't seem nearly as straight forward.
You can pretty much research any simple household task, and places like Home Depot regularly run DIY clinics which are quite helpful.. Just as more and more women don't know how to cook anymore - more and more men don't know how to fix stuff.
Sometimes a potentially "good thing" becomes a real millstone... My last relationship was with the type of man who (unasked) started a zillion projects and never finished them. He tried to say we couldn't break up until he had finished all of these projects... but I figured that would be 2015 so that wasn't on. Quite seriously, one day I came home and he had ripped out all of the ductwork in the house because it was hung lower than it needed to be in the basement and he thought it would be a massive improvement, so if one is going to do that, it might as well be new stuff throughout the house. I figured it was simply cosmetic and didn't really think that would be my first priority on where to spend some $$ on the house (I always bought materials) but as he had it well underway, I felt caught out. Thing is, is he the only man on the face of the planet who could manage - with one "2 day" project - to have us freeze in the winter and swelter the next summer because the ductwork wasn't fully connected back to the furnace properly???
When things got more serious with my current b/f, the very first - and most critical thing - my daughter wanted to know about him was "He does NOT want to renovate houses does he?" Nope... YAY!
In spite of my venting here (whew, that is certainly still a raw spot, hmm?) I'm very appreciative when men offer to help out with home repairs... but I think it should NEVER be expected. My house = My responsibility. | |
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| Guys who can't or won't fix things around the house
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:20:39 AM |
Quite seriously, one day I came home and he had ripped out all of the ductwork in the house because it was hung lower than it needed to be in the basement and he thought it would be a massive improvement,
Ohhh bless your heart!!!! Because he thought it would look better, despite the fact it was working perfectly? Holy Chit! Was he Bi-polar or something?
Krys | |
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| Guys who can't or won't fix things around the house
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:38:32 AM | | Surely, you can hang your own pictures, or do you just want a guy to prove he'll do things for you? You know, a guy could get the idea you're comparing him to someone else, and comparisons are not healthy where relationships are concerned. | |
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| Guys who can't or won't fix things around the house
Posted: 5/20/2008 12:37:00 PM | OP - I'd hope that men would be interested in sex, BUT with the right person, at the right time, and for all the right reasons. Hopefully, women are equally as interested in sex.
When it comes to fixing things around the house, it seems that is a lost skill this day and age. My ex hubby could mow the lawn, paint walls, and hang pictures. His method of electrical was plugging something into the outlet in the wall. His method of plumbing was flushing the toilet. Ok, he did know how to use a plunger. If you need repairs done around the house hire a repair company.
I've learned to hire someone for the "expert" stuff. I can do some things around the house. Over the weekend, I changed the flapper in my toilet tank.
Just be sure that if you need plumbing, electrical, HVAC (heat & air conditioning) services performed that they are licensed, bonded/insured, and check with your city to see if any permits need to be obtained. These are very specialized services that can impact your health and the safety of your home! | |
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| Guys who can't or won't fix things around the house
Posted: 5/20/2008 12:38:47 PM |
Because he thought it would look better, despite the fact it was working perfectly? Holy Chit! Was he Bi-polar or something?
Yep... it worked fine. Different priorities and perspective I guess.
He isn't bi-polar, as near as I could figure it out, it is a form of insecurity/neediness/nesting. He wanted to be indispensable and improve our lives as a way of being secure/needed in the relationship. I have trouble getting to nasty - especially being churlish in the face of someone who is being well intentioned - and he had difficulty hearing clear but politely framed "no, don't do this" - so dealing with and communicating around his extreme "renovationitis" was a personal growth area for me.
He's an extreme case... One weekend - a considerable time (over a year?) after we had split up - I'd told him my daughter and I were away for the weekend, so it was the perfect time for him to (finally, after many requests) come in and remove his tools and stuff from the basement storage areas. I came home late and tired Sunday night to find him still there - not quite finished a "surprise" renovation of my laundry area... new doors, countertop and newly tiled. It takes a lot for me to "lose it" but I actually screamed at him that night (I'm still kind of mortified about that). Really, the existing stuff was just fine, I'd never expressed a desire to change it, I didn't really have the $400 I now owed him plus he STILL had to come back another time to shift his tools and stuff out of the house. (and, not that it really matters in the grand scheme of things, I liked the existing counter and don't like the one he picked out). I refused to let him finish the job, kind of "put down that tool and step away from the area", lol
... someday I'm going to have to get down there and figure out how to frame and hang the cupboard doors, lol.
/rant | |
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