| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 8:57:40 AM | | ok heres the deal, me and my g/f broke up for 6 months from july to december, im not going to go into detail on why we broke up but she didnt cheat on me. anyway she got pregnant in september by the guy she was with. She just had the baby last night and the orinigal plan was to give the child up for adoption but the child's father decided against it at the last minute throwing a monkey wrench into everything we had planned out, plus it really hurt the adoptive parents my g/f had picked out (they are very nice people). Heres the problem, if she decides to keep this baby it wont work between us for a number of reasons. we already have a 3 yr old aughter together, and i know i cant deal with raising another mans child. on top of that we dont have the room in our apartment, its barely enough room for the 3 of us. I have a decent job but she doesnt work because she attending school to become a medical assistant. We dont depend on the state for anything, everything we get comes out of our own pockets. So I dont know what to say to her, The father of the child wants to take his kid a raise it with his wife which he just recentley got back with, My g/f has agreed but i can tell its really bothering her, so i guess i am asking what do i say if anything and what do i do to try and make her feel better and make the right decision. any help would greatly be appreciated. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 9:16:25 AM | | the only thing you can do is support her decision.it is absalutely impossible for you to do otherwise.the likelyhood is she might not have a choice.either way this is a very difficult time for her,try not to confuse it by trying to make up here mind.answer when she comes to you and do so with all the love you feel for her.ill pray for you dude. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 9:17:30 AM | | i meant the other guy, but so let me get this straight you split up with her then two months later she got prego by another man and then 4 months later you got back with her? on top of that you two already had a kid and thi other guy had a wife? sounds like a TV sitcom for Lifetime. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 9:36:52 AM | | Let the baby's father raise the child with her being in the baby's life. When that child gets older, things can be explained. If the baby's father and his wife want to rasise the child, let them; it sounds like it's in the best interest of child, and that is what needs to be rememebred and thought about, the child NOT the adults. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 10:32:50 AM | Is he on the birth certificate? If not, she can do anything she wants to do. The only way he could stop it is by having a court injuction while they prove paternity. I'd say, if you are strapped on cash, to talk to someone in Legal Aide in your state. But if he isn't on the birth certificate, then she can give the child up for adoption unless he takes measures in court to stop it.
IF giving the child up to others is no longer an option, then I'd say let the father and his wife adopt the child as long as they are decent people (which, doesn't really sound like they are based on this whole situation).
The only thing you can do is be supportive of whatever she decides.
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 10:51:58 AM | hello there
im not sure if this helps but here goes. im not sure apart from not having the room why you would not be willing to take on the baby as your own. but as was allready said i think you should let your girlfriend decide and stick by her decision no matter what if you love her as it sounds you do. if she decides to keep the baby i think is the problem. one question.. if you had just met her and she allready had the child would you accept her the same? im not pulling you down just suggesting that all relationships have baggage good and bad and that is all part and parcel of any relationship. i hope all goes well for you any way and you are both happy with your decisions. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:14:25 AM | if the childs natural father is willing and able to raise the baby, then why not let him? If she (your g/f) was willing to put it up for adoption, then why on earth would there be a problem with the baby's real father adopting it???
I would think it would be much less traumatic in the long run to be in the home with your natural father, than an adoptive one, providing he is a loving father, and good provider.
If she is sure she does not want to raise the baby herself, and with you, then by all means, the next logical person would be the biological father.
If she is having second thoughts about anyone aside from herself raising this child, then all you can do is be there for her, and provide loving support. This has got to be difficult and there are no easy answers... | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:20:23 AM | ok can I just say are you 100% sure this is not your child?
If she got pregnant in sept, then this baby was born almost 2 months premature. you go almost 10 months with a pregnancy (40 weeks) not 8 months. And sept to May is only 8 months last time I checked.
And if she is 2 months premature or even if the baby is on time that would make it that this child was concieved in July not in september. So I think I would be checking into that for sure. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 12:17:25 PM | baby is 35 weeks
So if the baby is 35 weeks then the baby is premature correct? and if you add on another 5 weeks (which would make full term) then either a) the baby is earlie which yes would make it that she is premature (and be really small and may have some issues) or b) makes it that she is a perfect weight and healthy and is full term which makes it that she got pregnant long before september.
So what one is it? is she premature and small or is she a good weight and full term?
either way I think your gf is not telling you the full story about anything. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 12:59:14 PM | Once the baby is in your arms, feelings run riot, so I can fully understand your g/f's confusion.
One thing someone else said here I thought was poignant, if she already had a baby, would you love her any less?
It is difficult having two children, but not impossible. I have two on my own, both fathers (yep, there's two!) are wallys, so I struggle. But I manage, and pretty well by all accounts. Look at child tax credits, see what benefits you are entitled to. I have worked all my life, so have no qualms now claiming what I am entitled to.
It's not easy, but if you love her, and her decision is one that means she can't give the baby up, then you need to accept your new family includes an innocent baby.
Oh, and I don't agree with the fact that the baby being bought up with it's biological father is better all round that being with adoptive parents. Just because you can create a child, does not make you a good parent.
Good luck with whatever you decide. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 2:18:10 PM | So what are you going to do when Fertile Myrtle gets preggo with another one of your children? Are you going to get rid of it because there's not enough room in your home? Isn't there enough room in a loving home for one more?
You and the girlfriend don't sound stable enough to have another child in the home. Especially one that you are going to resent. The baby daddy doesn't sound stable enough either...if he just got back with an ex.
The very best option for this baby is to go to the adoptive family who has been carefully screened and is financially and emotionally prepared to raise a child. Your girlfriend hand-picked this couple for a reason. Fulfill their dream. THEY are the ones most hurt by this decision.
This is a human being you are dealing with. A precious gift from god. Think about what is best for the baby, not for you, your girlfriend, or her fling. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 3:48:37 PM | I agree with imalitltpot. The adoptive parents would have been best to raise this child.
<div class="quote">did u read my profile, says im looking for friends man, god damn cant a guy have a female friend without it being sexual or looking for something?
I just had to say something to say something about this. I did look at your profile. It says nothing about you just looking for friends because you failed to mention your in a relationship. Also you talk about your ideal date. Have no pics of the g/f, you did mention you have a child you like to spend time with, but no mention of g/f. Why look for female friends on a dating site while in a relationship that you obviously don't think is important enough to mention to potential friends? Hmmm. Does sound sexual or looking for something to me. I wouldn't trust you.... Just had to say. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 4:00:37 PM | Do you people have a consiencous. If you bring children into this world you need to put your selfish needs behind you and raise the child.
OP, if your girlfriend/or whatever, is out there having kids by other guys, then you and her are not meant to be. Instead of concentrating on her child and you (the so-called love of her life) she is out there trying to seal the deal with another guy by getting knocked up. And then her reaction is "no big deal, I'll just put it up for adoption because I have my concerns to worry about". And you are okay with this mentality? Well it is obvious that both she and you have little value regarding human life and personal responsibility. I say leave this baby making machine, let her be a single mom with two kids and no man, or gain custody of your daughter and let her be a single mom with one kid and I am sure that she can find another man to get knocked up by. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 4:04:30 PM | i dont mention my child??????????????????????????
"Hi my name is Mark and I am 23 years old. I livwe in Dundalk and I am a white male. I am 6'2 with short brown hair and blue eyes. I enjoy sports, dinner, the beach, my 2 year old daughter which is the best thing to ever happen to me, movies, going out for a drink and just sometimes staying at home."
make sure you read that real close this time, and look where it says on my profile looking for friends,
plus i didnt know i had to describe my entire life history on my profile, if i was trying to hide the fact that i have a family at home, why on earth would i have ever posted this topic???? lol you got to be kidding me, and another thing, financially we arent prepared for another child, you dont have to make that seem likes it my fault, and second i agree the best scenario would have been to give the child up for adoption but thats not my call, i cant really describe to her what i feel because obviously my views are biased, what man wants to raise a child that doesnt belong to him?? number 3 the baby weighed 3lbs 12 oz so yes the baby is premature, i am 1000% sure its not my child so stop trying to make a case out of nothing. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 4:08:52 PM | Pride of la, I disagree. I don't think she should be a single mom with two kids. She made the decision to give the child for adoption and if it wasn't for the baby dad, this baby would have a chance at a real life with people that are stable.
The op's g/f was in the process of making a very responsible decision with lots of regard to human life by giving the baby to someone that has the stability and the WANT to raise that baby.
OP: The reason I had to say something about the non mention of the g/f is because my ex was looking for friends too without mentioning me on his profile at all. And lo and behold he was making dates with other (undercover) women. It really doesn't have anything to do with the topic at hand. OOps.... | |
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