| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 2:00:28 AM | I have been speaking to a man for 4 months.
He lives 500km away.
We chatted on MSN messenger every night and many phone calls.
This weekend i plan to drive to him, and stay weekend with him.
Can anyone advise me on if its a good idea.
What i should look out for etc. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 2:23:16 AM | Are you kidding.......?
Why are YOU doing all the driving ??
And to HIS place.......???
Please tell me you're smarter than this & just trolling for attention.........................
please...............
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 2:43:01 AM | | you're not exactly "down to earth"... girl... i would change that to "will drive anywhere to have sex" because if i was driving that far, i'd expect to get laid... and if some weirdo was going to drive that far for me.... i'd expect to get laid lol.. so yeah, you want advice? bring condoms. oh, and don't go. but if you do, bring condoms. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 2:50:21 AM | You guys are brutal lol. The OP just wants some advice is all. She has been talking to him for 4 months, not 4 days. If you are worried about it OP, meet him somewhere in public first (coffee shop, diner etc). Hopefully you have good judgement and know what you are doing. I would think in 4 months of communicating though, that you WOULD know what you are doing. Good luck.  | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 2:53:33 AM | 1. Never stay WITH a person you've never met. It isn't safe, and aside from that if it turns out you don't like them you won't want to stay with them.
2. Remember that, in spite of 4 months of chatting, you don't know this person. Online knowledge of someone doesn't count because you only know about them what they want you to know about them. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 2:58:44 AM | I know dangers lurk out there in cyberspace, none of us personally know each other. Just trying to work out if it is crazy or sort of ok to do.
If i got there and had any doubts, ill go enjoy a weekend in the city alone. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 2:59:19 AM | ^^^^^^Gotta agree with .marc. You should have a hotel room set up so you can stay there, not at his place. This is for your safety, but also so that if the chemistry isn't there in person, you are not having to stay at his home and be uncomfortable.
Good luck! | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 2:59:24 AM | I know dangers lurk out there in cyberspace, none of us personally know each other. Just trying to work out if it is crazy or sort of ok to do.
If i got there and had any doubts, ill go enjoy a weekend in the city alone. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 3:03:53 AM | | If your going to meet this guy the smart thing to do is meet him in a public place that you know. Plenty of people around. Don't leave with him the first time you meet him. Be very careful. And don't stay at his house the first time you meet him either. Get yourself a motel room for the night and don't let him know where it is. You really don't know the guy yet. Make sure you keep your "feelers" up. In other words be aware of any goofiness in him. Pay attention to every thing he says. If anything sounds fishy, leave. Don't get in to big a hurry to be alone with him. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 3:09:02 AM | 500 km away, 4 months of phone chats/IM'ing sounds about par for the course.
No local lads suitable then? | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 3:11:15 AM | | Let him drive to where you live and he can stay in a hotel. Driving that distance and planning on staying at his place is foolhardy. If you still want to do the driving, at least stay in a hotel. Or make reservations in case you need it. You have never met this man in person and talking to someone on the phone is not the same as meeting them in person. There may be absolutely no chemistry in person. Be careful. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 3:32:31 AM | | so if you guys hit it off, and everything's great, are you going to date him? and then what, are you guys going to take turns driving that far each time you want to see each other? are either of you prepared to move in the somewhat near future? with the distance involved, you may only end up seeing him once a month or so, 12 times a year... even double that, in a year's time...? that's ntohing. it'll take you guys a decade to get the physical communication required for a serious relationship. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 3:39:51 AM | | ^ He's got a point. Entirely long distance relationships don't usually leave the honey moon period, and then when you do commit to move and get into the nitty gritty you might find that it won't work... | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 4:35:26 AM | You've got a good attitude earthgal..... if the chemistry ain't right, enjoy a wonderful weekend in the city on your own! Good for you!
Like other posters have said, be prepared in case it's not as magical as you hope it will be. You've had 4 months of build up..... once you look in each others eyes it may be completely different. Then again.... it may be better than you hoped for.
Most importantly.... TELL SOMEONE YOUR PLANS. Tell them who you are meeting and where and agree to make contact with them at some point early in the meeting to let them know that you are fine. This is VITAL. I don't care how long you've been in contact with him..... you just never know. It is unfortunate that we live in a world like this where we have to be so very cautious, but reality is that we do. Please be careful.
Lastly.... have FUN!!!
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 4:43:10 AM | | In the end its up to you and if you feel comfortable with him then go for it.I flew from Kc to Toronto after chatting with someone for 4 month and we stayed together for 3 years..... | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 4:50:39 AM | Make sure you give all his info to a few of your friends.
His name, fone numbers, address, where he works and even a picture of him.
Go and have fun. Like you sed, OP, if you don't feel the chemistry you can always leave.
If he was some psycho freak that planned on hurting you i don't think he would have you go to his house. He is taking a bigger chance in meeting you at his place because you might be a psycho freak and you would know where he lives.
It could be more dangerous to meet in public because you'd really have no idea if all the info you know about him is real. He could come across as a real nice guy in a public place to win your trust and then he could do what he wants knowing he can't be found.
Be careful and have fun. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 4:52:14 AM | Can relate to this, as have just started seeing a guy who I emailed for months before meeting. And we live about 4 hours drive apart. BUT, the first meeting was in my home town with him staying at a friend's. In the event, he actually came home with me and slept on the sofa which felt really comfortable but no way was I going to suggest he stay with me from the outset - he might have turned out to be weird or there may have been no chemistry.
Had second meeting last weekend, I travelled closer to him, though not as far as his home-town and we stayed in a hotel in separate rooms. We did end up sleeping together but only because I felt really comfortable about it. My advice would be, definitely don't stay at his house, it's a total recipe for disaster and if you have to go to his city, stay in a hotel. But it would be far better if he came to your town and stayed in a hotel or you met up halfway. I know Aus is a big place though, so logistics might be difficult. And don't listen to those people who write off long distance relationships - if you meet the right person, distance is a detail. Good luck. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 6:03:42 AM |
Make sure you give all his info to a few of your friends.
His name, fone numbers, address, where he works and even a picture of him. .....Let's hope HE does the same thing. Not every psycho is a man. This is NOT having a go at the OP as I don't know her, I am generally speaking!
OP You must think this man is pretty special to invest 500km into a first meeting.
What I would do is as others have suggested.....get a hotel room for yourself then spend the next day with him, getting to know more about him etc etc in public .
IF at the end of the weekend he doesn't return a visit to you in the near future (getting a hotel room where you live) then you will know where you stand with this guy. There is of course a chance that he may not be what you are expecting.
Good luck, I hope it works out. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 6:06:38 AM | meet him in person already !
you talked too long in my opinion... when you meet him lets hope he doesn't creep you out
because now you have a friend for life
( like it or not )
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 6:54:51 AM | You are driving over 300miles to a man's home town and staying with him for the weekend?!
Why are you driving to him?
Are you staying in a hotel or his home? | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 7:26:32 AM | | first of all when i go to meet someone on here i have a limo pick me up and i find a nice five star hotel.no matter how much we talked i dont nkow this women from adam.i am not going to your house i dont care how great you say it is,i will pick you up at a nuetral site thats how i roll,until i get to nkow you better.plus i might get there and not even like the way you look.i nkow that sounds harsh but its my choice just like women who make choices.this guy could be a drugy,he could be a rapist,if you no his full name you could look up his criminal recored ,but theses day thats not enough.i nkow your saying hes not like that.remember all those women ted bundy killed,all they could say was he is goodlooking and charming . | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 7:36:40 AM |
I would think in 4 months of communicating though, that you WOULD know what you are doing. Good luck.
I am going to agree with those that say that even talking for 4 months does not mean you know the person, or how you really feel about that person. And here's what happen. Until you meet in person, flesh touching flesh, all you know about this person are sounds and things said. And this is what happens, you fall in love with the idea you have in your head. NOT THE REAL PERSON.
So you meet the person, and now the expectations, because you've drove, flown, whatever, are that you're going to be immediately intimate. Of course you will say, non-sense, my love is pure. Sure. Bull. Both, men and women have inner expectations, unfortunately when you meet in person, now your own body and inner voice, that reptilian part of your survival brain, starts to tell you things, so those expectations either increase or decrease.
So you end up with a 500 mile one night stand. And after that he/she now wants to slow down.
But, this there anything wrong with meeting with someone 500 miles away? No. Just understand the process and realize that it wouldn't be any different than if the person lived 2 miles away. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 7:37:07 AM | | Umm, sorry I would never go to them...Why does he not come and stay at a hotel/motel in your town, would be much safer, even tho there has been msg/phone calls you have not met him in person as a first meet. When my SO and I decided to meet(he lives across country) he came to me first and stayed at a local hotel here. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 7:38:52 AM | My concern is that you HAVE DOUBTS, or you would not be posting here, asking.
I agreed *gasp* to let my honey come to my house and stay, for the first time we truly met, physically, too. I had absolutely NO DOUBTS about the safety, and I KNEW I wanted him to stay with me. Heck...I did not even leave his personal info with a friend or family member "just in case" something happened...because I had absolutely NO DOUBTS that nothing bad would occur.
So if you are second guessing...then DON'T. Stay at a hotel, have him meet you halfway for a day trip, or anything but putting yourself in a situation that you are not quite comfortable with. :O) | |
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