| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/21/2008 9:11:51 PM | | Ok I dont consider myself gorgous but i know i am pretty, I am not 120 pounds but im not fat, I like to go out and have fun, im smart,funny nice ,honest, loyal, im not innocent but im not a freak this things along with alot of other things make me concider myself a normal 22 year old female. but along with all those things that make me normal there is also one thing that makes me not so normal. I have a mild case of cerbreal pulsy (brain damage) that affects my balance and so i walk with a cane. I have no mental issues or anything of that sort. So why is it most men my age and older run in the other direction? Dont get me wrong I have had boyfriends but none of them can get passed the cane. They say it doesnt bother them and that they dont treat me different, but they do. I'm diffenrent yes but normal is boring. Are all men afraid of different? Am I just looking at the wrong guys? Am I doomed to be alone and forever to be put in the different catagory ? What do u think? | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/21/2008 9:26:13 PM | I have no mental issues or anything of that sort.
I know you don't, Love. I'm in the health care field and have worked with many patients with CP. It affects motor function, but cognitive ability is perfectly intact. Speech can be slurred, walking can be affected, muscle control can be impaired, but thinking, reasoning, judgement, comprehension ~ all these are intact.
You are so young and many men in your age group are still quite hormonal and focus on looks, etc. Not only that, but you can bet they are quite uneducated when it comes to CP. So feel free to enlighten them! I have a chronic illness many people haven't heard of, so when I'm getting to know someone new, I am happy to educate them. It's just part of the hand we've been dealt. It is what it is, but personally I have no problem educating people.
You deserve a man who will love and appreciate you for who you are and he is out there. So just stand your ground, believe in yourself, and until he crosses your path, have fun. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/21/2008 9:27:47 PM | You're never going to "get past" the cane with guys. It's there. That's life. In fact, I think you'd do yourself well to immediately call BS on any guy who claims he doesn't notice it. A bullshit answer is a bullshit answer and it calls a person's integrity into question, no matter how well-meaning they might be.
It's a tough issue. I don't know you, so I won't make judgments about you. But, I had a friend who dated a girl who was wheelchair bound, and what he ended up finding out was that not "getting past it" was a two-way street. To some extent, she couldn't get past it anymore than he could.
Don't know if that applies to you, but it is worth thinking about. Dismiss it out of hand if it doesn't apply to you.
Are all men afraid of different? Nah.
Are many? Yup.
There are good men out there who will love you. Just keep your eyes and your mind open. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/21/2008 9:29:56 PM | Some men are, some are not. Like all things, it's a matter of prefference. There is a chance you are looking at the wrong guys(though I don't know what kind they are) but your not doomed to wander alone forever. Some guys just need to also know the reason off the bat, but don't try to make a too big deal about it.
Now, at a sad attempt at light hearted humor, you could always play the mature woman shtick. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/21/2008 9:34:10 PM | as a person with a type of M.D. and have afo's (braces) on both legs- i can understand the problem...as long as you are up front with the ones who contact you- you have done all you need to do. if they run- they miss out on just how great you can be and are.
it's important to remember what i tell people when i do motivational speeches for MDA- "i have a muscular dystrophy but it does NOT have ME"... good luck and keep thinking good thoughts.
dave | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/21/2008 9:53:13 PM |
Are all men afraid of different? Am I just looking at the wrong guys? Am I doomed to be alone and forever to be put in the different catagory ?
My answer to all of the above is.....no. To put it in a larger perspective however, generally, of all the people that one comes across in daily life (and I'm not talking just about dating), we don't make connections with the vast majority of them. Whether it's a friendship connection, or a dating connection, or a working connection, for the average human being, likely 80-90% of the time there will be no 'connection'. Some make connections easier, others less easy. Me personally, I'm kinda shy, so I'd say I don't connect with say 98% of people I come across in my life.
erinnev, I'm wondering perhaps if you're focusing a bit much on what other people think of you. I'm not meaning to judge, I'm just thinking back to when I was younger, and when 'social acceptance' mattered in the high school and college era of a person's life. To be blunt, if a person can't get past your cane, that's their f------ problem. I know it's easier said than done, but so much of this is psychological. It took me a long time to like myself, to accept my shyness, and to not care that I don't get along with everybody that I meet. If I don't get along with 98% of people out there, oh well who cares, because I'm now doing the things I want to do anyways, living my life, and enjoying it.
So, chin up, focus on living YOUR life, and if some people can't deal with you and your cane, it'll be water of a duck's back because you'll be doing what you want to do, and enjoying yourself.  | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/21/2008 10:13:20 PM |
But, I had a friend who dated a girl who was wheelchair bound, and what he ended up finding out was that not "getting past it" was a two-way street. To some extent, she couldn't get past it anymore than he could.
I think this is very key. If you can't/don't accept yourself, others won't either.
I once dated a girl who I don't think was very accepting of her physical body shape. The first few "looks don't matter, personality does" comments from her, I happily agreed with. For me, personality can trump any physical attributes (mind you, both for better or for worse), and in this case it was for the worse. It wasn't her body that finally turned me off, it was her negative self-image, and my attempts at reassurance fell on silent ears because I don't think she could accept a positive self-image for herself. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/21/2008 10:42:26 PM | | Ok i have had several people say that this is a self pity thread. I just want to staraighten things up. I do NOT feel sorry for myself. I am 100% ok with the way i am. Its men that I dont understand thats all this is about is understand why the men a weird about it. ps thanks for the replies. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/21/2008 10:49:15 PM | OP
I completely understand the dilemma you are going through, I myself walk with two canes due to rheumatoid arthritis. If a man cannot accept you for who you are, then that's his loss and not yours. There are some good men out there who can look past the canes, you just have to be patient and stay positive. Keep on smiling :) | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/21/2008 10:57:43 PM | Well I for one would not run in the other direction. It's a CANE. and that's it.
It doesn't change WHO you are. I'm a short fella and I don't let it rule me.
So long as you're happy within yourself, then it doesn't matter at all.
You look like a really attractive girl to me, and if you hadn't have mentioned it then I probably wouldn't have noticed!!
Personality is what matters mate... belive me. 
Unless you want some guy who pretends he's a jerk. which, frankly, is pathetic.
;) Take care man, and good luck in finding your special guy.
The one's who ignore you by the way, aren't worth it anyway.
And internet dating probably isn't the way to go-
Get out there!!! :) good luck bud
-Cant even say hi cos of ur messaging restricions!!- You did that!! 
And your third picture along, to me, is stunning.
:) | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/21/2008 11:20:08 PM | | I heard a story once of a girl who was praying to God. She told him that she didn’t understand men and needed patience in order to find the one man for me. The girl told God that she understood that is was patience she needed most, but she needed it fast and could he hurry up and give it to her. A female voice from above said. I don’t understand men either, they still think I’m a man. And as for giving you patience dear, what you really need first, is a man that already has that patience. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/21/2008 11:33:26 PM | | I swear I just answered this post in Relationships...this is twice this has happened to me tonight...am I experiencing deja vu? Should I lay off the Absynth(sp) or other halleucengenic(sp) drugs? | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/21/2008 11:37:42 PM |
lukenineteen80 U cant hurt people with condition any more then any other women, Just because i have a condition doesnt mean im more sensitive.
i'm not saying I'd hurt them more than any other woman by breaking up/possibly cheating on them/assorted bad behavior in a relationship... just that I'd feel worse about hurting someone with a condition that deeply. I guess I feel like I'm protecting them from me in a way I don't feel other women are entitled to..
if that makes any sense. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/22/2008 12:27:02 AM | I remember watching a movie about this once, and since thats how I learn all of my life lessons I'll share it with you.
The plot of the movie was a women with cerbreal pulsy wanted to get laid. She may have been dying too, thus making her a bit impatient about the process. Anyways, there is a line in the movie that best sums your situation up.
"I guess men aren't sexually altruistic."
This is pretty much true, I know it is for me. Theres so many reasons for it, but none of them fix your problem so they don't matter.
While I'm sure nothing in life is 100%, this is true both ways for you. Nothing says that you are going to find a guy that will want to date you, or that you have to spend the rest of your life alone. The two things don't even have everything to do with each other either. A connection to other people can still be had in the abscence of a classic boyfriend/husband relationship.
Ultimatly, my advice to you is forget about relationships. Enjoy your life and the connections you have already with family and friends. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/22/2008 2:51:56 AM | If you base your perception of the opposite sex on what you'll read here on the forums, it'll surprise you to learn what men will overlook and what they won't.
Look , the simple fact is that that cane makes you somewhat unique (okay, "somewhat unique" is a contradiction but you get the idea) Does it make you less attractive to men ? Probably. Most ? I don't know. Would it make any major difference if I was otherwise interested in you ? I doubt it. I can't say for certain of course but I'm reasonably confident that if I loved everything else about you no cane would matter to me. And no, I'm not one for empty platitudes and feel-good words either. The legion of people I've pissed off with my analytical posts will confirm this. The point is that really, you're not that different than the rest of us. For every girl out there who walks with a cane, there's a guy with a mole on his nose, a girl with bad teeth, a guy who's too short, a girl who's too tall, a man who's too old, a woman who's got a nervous tic, and a guy who loves his cats so much he'd rather be single than give them up.
In other words, if it's not one thing, it's another. People are picky about where they invest their emotions, and oddly enough, they invest those emotions in people they find attractive in the ways that matter most to them. Do you really want a guy who has an issue with that cane anyway ? I don't want a girl who wants to "give me a chance" because she thinks I'm otherwise too short for her. I mean, yeah, that sucks for me but what a waste of time for both of us if she decides to "try me out" anyway right ? She's not dating me, she's trying to assuage her own guilt. Thanks, I'd rather wait for somebody more complimentary in that case.
So to answer your question a little more directly : No. It really has nothing to do with fear or the fact that you think you're all that different. Outwardly maybe you are but otherwise, it's the same thing we all worry about when we're on the prowl for a mate. "Damned my useless hair !" "I'm too pale. I wish I was darker." "Why did I have to be so tall !?" etc. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/22/2008 3:54:27 AM | | You unfortunately have a disability. That is not attractive to most people and you will always be treated differently. In terms of dating it is not that people are scared of it, it is just a really big negative. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/22/2008 4:09:20 AM | It partially has to do w/ your age.....there is a strong herd instinct to avoid the 'injured' fish in order to keep yourself from danger. As people get a bit older they learn to think for themselves.
Concentrate on your goals & aspirations in life. There will come a young man who is impressed by the accomplished, confidant young lady before him & considers your condition to be a secondary, non-defining characteristic.....just as you will learn to do. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:17:16 AM | I dont think its the cane.. I mean don't get me wrong you can definately use the cane to bring yourself down.. and it has to be difficult to date.. but not impossible.. dating is hard for everyone..
but I will tell you I know a woman with MS.. its pretty advanced.. she is 30.. I think and probably wont even be able to walk much longer... she is absolutely gorgeous and very very alive.. she met this man.. that she loves who absolutely adores her... and she can hardly walk..he carries her around when he can.. I mean.. she hasnt even had this illness her entire life.. I think her attitude definately has more to do with her success with this man than anything else! | |
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