| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:13:52 AM | Before I start, this is not about me. Someone told me this story this morning, and it's about her and her boyfriend.
Guys, let's say that you and your best (all male) friends got the chance to get cheap airline tickets and equally cheap seats to your favorite sports team's biggest game of the year so far. You have never had the chance to see them in person before, and it's a once in a lifetime thing maybe.
Unfortunately, your girlfriend has major issues with men because, before you, every man she has ever been with cheated on her. She goes NUTS when you tell her your plans, and FORBIDS you to go because she just KNOWS you'll cheat on her if she isn't right next to you watching your every move.
Note that this girl admits that the guy has never ever given her a reason not to trust him, and all of this insecure anxiety comes from her past.
Would you go anyway, or would you give in and give up the opportunity?
As an aside, she is going to Myrtle Beach in a month for her best friend's "no boys allowed bachelorette weekend," and he tried to say "if I can't go to this, you can't go to that." She said, "No man tells me what I can and can't do!"
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| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:28:34 AM | Would you go anyway, or would you give in and give up the opportunity?
Honestly…..she would have two choices….come along for the ride…or get over it…
Control freak, dump her.
Really Yvanth…that’s a tad harsh.. insecurities aren’t the same as trust issues IMHO…..and I sincerely hope when the day come you get caught with you’re lil’ insecurity hang’in out she doesn’t dump you….. … | |
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| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:34:12 AM | oh the ol' "Do as i say, not as i do." standard?
screw that, if she's this controlling now wait til they're married. if she can do as she likes and i can't then that's a problem, not a relationship. it's being selfish. | |
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| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:34:21 AM |
Honestly…..she would have two choices….come along for the ride…or get over it…
I forgot.. She told him that she'd come if she had to, but if she did she swore that she'd make sure he didn't have a good time. | |
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| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:36:20 AM | Seems like a no-brainer doesn't it: she doesn't trust him and is trying to control him by laying restrictions on him that she would no way accept herself.
I wonder if what she actually wants him to do is to tell her where to stick her ultimatum. In other words: does she actually want him to break up with her but doesn't have the guts to say so and is just abusing him until he decides he won't take it any more. | |
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| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:37:17 AM | Say deuces, give her her shit and tell her to leave me alone. Bit of a control freak with double standards. Apparently its not a good relationship anyway since there is no trust.
"I forgot.. She told him that she'd come if she had to, but if she did she swore that she'd make sure he didn't have a good time."
Well then I guess she could just piss off then. | |
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| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:43:33 AM | Wow...with that kind of attitude I'm surprised he hasn't handed her her walking papers already.
A reasonable person would do his best to reassure his girlfriend that he has no intention whatsoever of doing anything other than enjoying the game and maybe drinking a little with the boys. Yeah, there might be women there but if he wanted to be with another woman then that's what he'd be doing.
As for her...all I can say is wow. That's beyond controlling and hypocritical. It's a sign of some serious emotional disturbance really.
At that point I'd probably just leave the relationship. The game (or whatever) really isn't the issue by that time. | |
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| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:46:27 AM | I'm not a guy but I can tell you that that as long as she has these insecurities their relationship is doomed.
When there's no trust between two people, especially if there's no reason whatsoever not to trust your partner, it can't ever survive.
Personally, as her friend, I would advise her to get some kind of help. She's obviosuly not gotten over issues from past relationships and she's bringing them into new ones. Not a good start to a healthy relationship, as far as I'm concerned..JMO | |
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| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:55:50 AM | | I would go, but first I would pack my stuff and put it in storage to keep safe from the wrath to follow. If any woman thinks she is going to tell me what to do, she had better have a riding crop in one hand and be wearing tall black leather boots. | |
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| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:57:20 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^ That can be arranged.
OT: she needs to deal with her insecurities before getting into a relationship. He should not have to suffer because she hasn't gotten over past hurts yet.
I vote he go and have fun. | |
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| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:59:52 AM | wannee said:
Really Yvanth…that’s a tad harsh.. insecurities aren’t the same as trust issues IMHO…..and I sincerely hope when the day come you get caught with you’re lil’ insecurity hang’in out she doesn’t dump you….. …
Might be, but I really doubt that girl has insecurity, she wants to control the guy and not let him enjoy anytime by himself or with his friend for that matter. But yet she can do whatever she wants. I've had insecurities in the past, but the difference is I can definitly get over myself and let a girl have some slack when she wants it.
And if I ever that clingy on a women, I deserve to be dumped. Might be a good slap in the face to wake me up. | |
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| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:02:51 AM | | if they have no prior trust issues... she is out of line.. way out of line..if her insecurities are THAT bad that she is willing to sabotage a perfectly good relationship over past relationships she needs to get some help! | |
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| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:05:25 AM |
I'm not a guy but I can tell you that that as long as she has these insecurities their relationship is doomed.
When there's no trust between two people, especially if there's no reason whatsoever not to trust your partner, it can't ever survive.
Personally, as her friend, I would advise her to get some kind of help. She's obviosuly not gotten over issues from past relationships and she's bringing them into new ones. Not a good start to a healthy relationship, as far as I'm concerned..JMO
I tried to tell her that, more or less. I told her that if a man is going to cheat on her, hes going to do it whether it's with a woman at a bar 2,000 miles away or his next door neighbor. I added that the more she clings and controls,the more she's going to push him away.
I ended my response to her by saying that maybe she shoud drop it and SEE that he's just going to go to the game and go out drinkin' with his friends. That's it.
She basically said that I was right, but it wasn't her fault that she was acting like that. It's her ex boyfriends/husband's fault. Heh.
You can't get through to some people. | |
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| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:09:08 AM |
She basically said that I was right, but it wasn't her fault that she was acting like that. It's her ex boyfriends/husband's fault. Did you, at this point, remind her of her declaration that she would "never allow a man to tell her what to do"? I would have found it hard to resist. She's being controlled by her ex and that's somehow better than considering taking account of her current partner's wishes? | |
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| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:10:12 AM |
Before I start, this is not about me. Someone told me this story this morning, and it's about her and her boyfriend.
Guys, let's say that you and your best (all male) friends got the chance to get cheap airline tickets and equally cheap seats to your favorite sports team's biggest game of the year so far. You have never had the chance to see them in person before, and it's a once in a lifetime thing maybe.
Unfortunately, your girlfriend has major issues with men because, before you, every man she has ever been with cheated on her. She goes NUTS when you tell her your plans, and FORBIDS you to go because she just KNOWS you'll cheat on her if she isn't right next to you watching your every move.
Note that this girl admits that the guy has never ever given her a reason not to trust him, and all of this insecure anxiety comes from her past.
Would you go anyway, or would you give in and give up the opportunity?
As an aside, she is going to Myrtle Beach in a month for her best friend's "no boys allowed bachelorette weekend," and he tried to say "if I can't go to this, you can't go to that." She said, "No man tells me what I can and can't do!"
I'm not sure if she's a control freak or just a plain ol' lunatic.
Either way, this guy should bail, move, and change his phone # | |
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| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:13:27 AM | | My ex-wife was exactly this way, and all I can say to the guy is RUN AWAY. DON'T WALK. RUN!! It is a form of passive aggressive controlling and there is no way that he will ever be able to "win". She needs to take time to get over her insecurities before she gets into a relationship. | |
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| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:29:01 AM | I don't know if I would agree with the posters that say the guy should bail.
Personally, I believe if he cares for her enough, maybe they need to try and discuss how things are affecting the relationship. He could offer to help her through this. If she's willing to change her behaviour, they might actually have a chance.
I have a hard time with the words "move on". Too many people are willing to run when there's a problem without trying to find some way to solve it. None of us are perfect, and we'll all have issues to deal with. I'd like to think if I needed to work things through that I would have a partner understanding enough to help me through it.
As long as she's willing to help herself for the sake of the relationship, then I hope he sticks it out. If she's in total denial about her problems, and refuses to work on the relationship, only THEN would I tell him to consider another option...JMO | |
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| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:29:03 AM | They need to just call it quits. She obviously has severe trust issues, regardless of the reason, and if she can't deal with him being away from her for a "guys only" outing, she's just going to make him miserable.
Her even comtemplating a "girls only" trip when forbidding him to go on his is just ridiculous and I don't blame the guy for getting ticked off about it.
Krys | |
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| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:31:26 AM | Before I start, this is not about me. Someone told me this story this morning, and it's about her and her boyfriend.
Guys, let's say that you and your best (all male) friends got the chance to get cheap airline tickets and equally cheap seats to your favorite sports team's biggest game of the year so far. You have never had the chance to see them in person before, and it's a once in a lifetime thing maybe.
Unfortunately, your girlfriend has major issues with men because, before you, every man she has ever been with cheated on her. She goes NUTS when you tell her your plans, and FORBIDS you to go because she just KNOWS you'll cheat on her if she isn't right next to you watching your every move.
Note that this girl admits that the guy has never ever given her a reason not to trust him, and all of this insecure anxiety comes from her past.
Would you go anyway, or would you give in and give up the opportunity?
As an aside, she is going to Myrtle Beach in a month for her best friend's "no boys allowed bachelorette weekend," and he tried to say "if I can't go to this, you can't go to that." She said, "No man tells me what I can and can't do!"
I'd just go anyway. I wouldn't even necessarily dump her.
I forgot.. She told him that she'd come if she had to, but if she did she swore that she'd make sure he didn't have a good time
She would not be invited to come then. | |
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| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:38:40 AM | I'd tell her she could stick her attitude and demands where the sun don't shine...and go anyway.
And look for a new girlfriend upon my return.\
Of course, I *hate* being told what to do. LOL
And...since I am female, not male. I will add that I would NOT tell my bf that. I would not "forbid" him to do something. I would perhaps say that I am uncomfortable with it and owuld rather he not go, if it were really something he shouldn't do. But the scenario as you described sounds like an awesome deal and if it were my guy I'd tell him to go and have a good time!
And really it's just stupid...if he's going to cheat he can do it locally, without ever stepping foot on an airplane.
Kaylie | |
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| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:40:03 AM | As an aside, she is going to Myrtle Beach in a month for her best friend's "no boys allowed bachelorette weekend," and he tried to say "if I can't go to this, you can't go to that." She said, "No man tells me what I can and can't do!"
Ain't that always the way? LMAO..I really HATE hypocrisy...sigh
Naturally if I were him I would either tell her I was going and to deal with it, or break it off and tell her I was going....I don't see any other options short of having his cajones removed. | |
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| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:47:21 AM | I'd go without her. If she broke up with me before I left because of it - oh well I'm in a strange city with my best guy friends anyway so it's the perfect antidote to being bummed about it.
If she didn't I'd make sure to text and call her throughout the day so she knew I was still thinking about her and hope she got the point that it doesn't matter that I'm not right next to her, because I'm still thinking about her.
And really we all pay for the sin's of our SOs exes, but realization on her part needs to be followed up by action. She needs to let him go and find something fun and healthy to do to distract herself while he's gone, so that when he gets back and it turns out the sky didn't fall in, she can draw on that positive experience for the future.
And the bachelorette weekend is the icing on the cake. I'd be on the flight with my friends, and it's her decision whether I'm going there as a single guy or not. | |
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| When a woman tells you what you can and can't do...
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:01:04 AM | Ok I'd be out the door faster than anything in the world. I grew up with my mother being a control freak and I'll be you know what if I'm going to date someone as well. It's 50/50 in a relationship. This dude is crazy to stay with a control freak also.
Oh the classic "past bad dudes" thing. Hum let's see "all" men are different yes that is a true generalization. Also with the same "all" women are different. Both very true statements. This post really got under my skin on the obvious "double standards" Which people was agreeing that she was "in the wrong" til the "past bad dudes" then it made it ok. Well that's a crock of sh!t. My ex g/f cheated on me so should I do the same? Should I constantly "monitor" my current g/f (when I get one) because of her, that one bad g/f? Funny how it sounds coming from someone else. I say he should monitor her to give her a "taste of her own medicine" If he chooses to stay.
Best of luck to everyone  | |
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