| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/22/2008 10:47:34 AM | I just want some opinions on the issue of all the profiles I read that say...
" NO BAGGAGE"
Will someone tell me how we can get to be 45 plus and not have any baggage? Or am I mis-understanding the meaning of baggage. How do we get this age and not have ant baggage?
Is being widowed and missing that person considered baggage?
Is being alone and just missing a relationship considered baggage?
Is talking about your last relationship considered baggage?... (I for one want to know about that last relationship. It might be a clue as to whether or not a new one with a lady will work or not. A sense of how sincere she may be to commitments etc.)
Is being dumped or just got done dumping someone considered baggage?
So just what is baggage?
OK, I can understand that we do not want to be someone to unload on about a recent breakup. Someone to cry on their shoulder over. But if we are recently out of a relationship and now looking forward to finding someone else, is it still considered baggage if we share something about that recent breakup?
I welcome a lady's baggage. If I can help her find a new interest ( me lol ) why would this thing called baggage be bad? it is part of the process of getting to know someone to know about their past loves or relationships.
Now...thinkning back, hearing all the tragic "baggage" this lady brought to the table... If I had listened carefully and saw the warning signs from all she told me about her life.maybe I would have seen that she was perhaps emotionally unavailable, I might not have fell so hard for her. It took two years to see it was not going to work because of her baggage. IF... IF... IF...
But her baggage and what she made out of her life in spite of it, is partly why I feel so deeply in love with her to begin with.
So OK, I just had my heart riped out and it still hurts. But I am looking to fill that void and put her out of my mind. Is this the baggage you mean?
I for one do not like seeing profiles that say, " no baggage" To me it means that person is less compassionate, maybe less feeling and perhaps can get over past loves or lives with little emotion. Maybe they do not want to open up about their past. The past is what made us who and what we are. Is that baggage?
Hmmm? Makes me wonder....Hey, what about light carry on? lol
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/22/2008 10:58:20 AM | Baggage is not past experiences, nor nasty things that have happened in our lives. Baggage is those things that we have not dealt with completely in the past (laid them to rest, moved on without the hurt) and they remain in our present (in whatever capacity) and adversely affect things in our present life. And no, we don't all have baggage.
cdn guy | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/22/2008 11:10:15 AM |
Baggage is those things that we have not dealt with completely in the past (laid them to rest, moved on without the hurt) and they remain in our present (in whatever capacity) and adversely affect things in our present life.
using that definition i still do,, damnit i still want the red sleigh for xmas | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/22/2008 11:35:05 AM | | It means they are selfish and they don't want to have to give up time from their complaining to listen to yours. Unless we are playing by the rule that says what you project reveals yourself, and then all it means is they are a good person hoping you are on good terms with your past. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/22/2008 11:41:28 AM | Baggage can be many things : unresolved conflicts and emotions with prior loves; a trouble prone relative; dependants; negative, habitual behaviors barely under control; even physical or mental disabilities.
I think someone's requirement for "No Baggage" means they aren't prepared to assume the burden for things the potential partner can't carry alone. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/22/2008 1:08:17 PM | I think the term "baggage" will mean different things to different people. I think some people with the "no baggage" requirement would ideally like NOT to have to deal with the difficulties, old pains, hurts, etc. in their partner's life that may still impact them to some degree. ...much easier that way. Is that for best??? Who knows. It certainly will limit their possibilities if that is a strict requirement.
IMHO, anyone that has a requirement for "no baggage" in a partner is probably not going to be a good match for me. I think that speaks highly of their ability to show compassion and empathy to another human being and their willingness to deal with difficulties when they arise in a relationship. Asking for baggage to be contained to a carry-on is a little more realistic as far as I'm concerned. ;o)
I'm sorry for your pain, Jim.
Rose Mary | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/22/2008 2:23:38 PM | | Baggage, to me, is any issue that prevents someone from being able to have a healthy relationship. That would include not being over the ex, the ex not being over them and causing trouble, children that cause problems, jobs that interfer with a relationship, hatred of the opposite sex due to past relationships, not able to get over bad past relationships, not being open to commitment, substance abuse, gambling to excess, unable to express feelings and emotions. Anything that prevents a person from engaging and participating in a healthy, happy relationship is baggage. Some baggage is acceptable... I could deal with a carry-on or a rollie, but a steamer trunk full of baggage is beyond what I would be willing to endure. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/22/2008 2:33:59 PM | Thank you for some really good responses to my question. Oh, and the funny ones too! Yeah, I have some very old baggage cause Santa never brought me that pony I wanted. But I did get the red wagon! lol
And to you Rose Mary, Thank you. I read your profile. Very touched by it. I was gonna write to you and comment on it, but you got that "NO SMOKING" block workin' for ya. So I'll just compliment you here... Nice, sincere and shows your heart. I like that. But maybe it takes a romantic like me to understand what you were trying to say.....and did say very well. But how come you don't have that "NO BAGGAGE" line lie way to many make room for in their profile? Don't answer that....I know. You must have had some baggage along the way to have the kind of heart you do.
Hmmm? Maybe NO BAGGAGE means no romantics? Could be... | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/22/2008 2:45:37 PM | No baggage? I'm with ForumFilly, mostly. Can't do much about our jobs as a rule. And I like how Mr Internet put it - being on good terms with your past.
When you've spent enough evenings listening to people you barely know slagging off their ex and blaming her for ruining his life, or how she took him for every penny, or what a **** she was,blah, blah, blah... well then you'll understand why people say 'No Baggage'.
We all have a past; we've all been hurt to some degree, we've all been taken for a ride at times, we've all had unforgettable times that we wished would never end. But before anyone can really get into a new relationship it needs to be exactly that - in the past, a memory. Not something that drives the way they feel about life.
Doesn't mean someone's lacking in compassion either IMHO - just means they don't want to get caught up in some else's messy divorce/financial problems/lifestyle problems....
Good luck to you. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/22/2008 2:58:53 PM | I think pretty much anyone who reaches adulthood must have some baggage or the world would be a far happier place for most folks.lol I don't post that I don't want anyone with baggage because I'm not looking for fictitious relationships. I do put in my profile that I'm not into trauma drama. I've seen so many people who live their lives addicted to trauma drama & don't know how to live without it. Many people don't even realize they're doing it & will actually do insane things to keep the pot stirred up to maintain momentum on the drama. That sort of lifestyle just wears me out! Life has plenty of real stuff going on without having to create meaninless drama. I'm by far NOT a sunny weather friend but to get dragged into the middle of intentionally trumped up drama for the sake of drama is a type of addiction to me that I just don't want to deal with. That may seem terribly cold, but I don't want to involve myself with drug addicts or alcoholics either; who are often trauma drama addicts as well. Baggage, we all have to some degree.
What kind of baggage does need to be looked at for a healthy relationship. If that baggage is gambling addiction with massive debt attached to it....well...I would likely run for the hills. I guess it just depends on what the baggage is & how it may negatively impact the relationship. One such example might be children who are known to be monsters. Would my potential partner protect me from bad behaviour like the kids stealing my jewelry or pawning or destroying my family heirlooms? I've seen those things done to step parents (both genders) & it's that sort of thing that could definitely be a deal breaker for me. But in general, I'm willing to look at specific situations & evaluate.Every situtation merits it's own judgement. People & life in general is not just shades of gray; it's an entire rainbow of technicolor! | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/22/2008 3:08:14 PM | Jim, I agree with you. It's impossible to get to our age without ANY baggage. When I think about the "baggage thing" however, I only wonder whether or not they might be expecting me to carry it for them. If so, I have to decline, as I'm already carrying a full load of my own. Likewise, I don't expect them to help carry mine.
LOL! Light carry ons are good.....so is finding a great friend who agrees with you when it's time to check it all in a locker for a weekend and just go have a great time! | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/22/2008 3:31:49 PM | Hey GrandmaBooBoo,
I understand what you are saying. And I like that part about light carry-ons!
Hey, I may be hurting still from what happened. But I am not going to let it stop me from living a happy life.
For me, the best way to rid my heart of thoughts of what could have been is to invest my heart in someone else. No, I won't need her to help carry the baggage I have. I just need her to accept me for me and know I do have some baggage. But I will check it at the door.
Hey, I'm just a romantic fool that believes in the forever and ever thing. I won't settle for less. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/22/2008 4:06:50 PM | One needs to take several factors into calculating the answer to this question.
First look at the date they joined. when they've just joined and are mentioning no baggage it means they still have too much of their own baggage to carry anyone else's. If they've been here more than 5 months it means they are looking for someone to carry theirs and haven't been successful.
Second look at the amount of verbiage in their profile. If all it says is no baggage it means they are easily fooled into having sex and don't want you to stay overnight. If the profile is like a book's worth of information stuffed into it, it means you won't need your own baggage and can move in relatively soon and won't need to go anywhere else ever as they already have the rest of your life planned for you.
Third look at the grammar. Poor grammar is indicating their house is a mess too and you might lose the baggage among the stuff if you bring it and there even might be someone else's baggage there. Good grammar mentioning no baggage, means they are very careful to keep everything neet and tidy and your baggage would disturb the Feng shui they worked so hard to perfect so they can think straight.
Last but not least compare it with all the other things they are not looking for. If it's the only thing they don't want it will be easy to convince them you have no opinions on anything and won't be judging them for claiming to not make judgments. If it's amoung dozens of things they aren't looking for, It's a catch-all phrase for rejection with out appearing stupid but leaves an opening for the future in case they can't get any dates. They can always say come back to try again when your baggage is gone.
The algebraic formula for plugging in these values is rather complex and I'm going to apply for a patient before divulging it so I can collect royalties for anyone that uses it. For now, you can send me 25% of your net pay for 1 month and point me to the profile you wish to analyze and I will send you the answer for that particular profile. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:17:12 PM | OP: I've defined the word "baggage" meaning past drama that has lain dormant for a period of time until resurrected by the right trigger. After a certain age we've all had experiences that were less than pleasant, but its our choice and our choice only to resurrect our horrible past if we want to ruin the future with someone we care about deeply.
I would choose to have someone in my life that harbors good memories of his past but is willing to make more good memories with me.
Sans | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:57:59 PM | Totally agree with Sans. Right on!
My most meaningful relationship ended with him dying. We met when our children were mostly grown. He had an alcohol problem he had addressed and was in recovery when we met. Along with dealing with his addiction, he had focused on dealing with his past (baggage). I had also done alot of "work" on myself before we met and dealt with most, if not all of my issues(baggage). As a result we were both ready for each other and what Life would give us.
Unfortuntely, his death gave me a new piece of baggage I suppose. It took a long time to deal with losing him. Along the way I had some minor relationships. I firmly believe that I had not dealt with his death adequately, thereby damaging any chances for a healthy relationship.
We all have Life Experiences...its how we treat them that keeps them from becoming
"baggage".
peace,
WS | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:58:56 PM | Jim, I'm sorry you just had your heart ripped out. At least you have a heart!!
Baggage is those experiences that you don't want to let go of for some reason. It takes time to heal and move from one relationship to another and even our childhood hurts need to be healed to have a healthy relationship.
As far as someone saying they want someone with no baggage. I guess I wouldn't qualify as some people even think pets and children are baggage. NEXT!
JMO | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:28:30 PM |
drama for the sake of drama
I agree some people enjoy the conflict. My profile (when it was up) did state NO Drama!! Spending time with someone who rages about the ex is not fun! Spending time with some one who's ex is on the phone or at the door raging at them, not plesant either...and these were 'getting to know you dates'.....then there was the guy who's daughter called every 20 minutes on his cell phone. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:52:15 PM | In datingland we see people spending years rushing to get into their next bad relationship. They never bother to heal before they jump into a new relationship. All their baggage is piling up, and they expect the relationship to make them feel better.
My guess would be that they don't stop long enought to realize that many people heal before the move on, and deal with any baggage as it comes along.
Dealing with our pain is something none of us want to do, but some realize that if we want rid of our baggage, we have no choice but to heal. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:44:49 AM | | "Baggage" is the attitudes and memories that you carry around and that get into other people's way. The memories, experiences etc. that you have to store away would be more like a "closet." If you're divorced, that's an indellible memory; can't be helped. However, if you're still carrying on with an ex, that's baggage. It's like the difference between having paid a fine and having an outstanding warrant. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:30:26 AM | How long you want to carry your personal "baggage"?Maybe your whole life...because you
like it...you like to blame whole word for everything what happened to you...
Take that "baggage"away...burn down...that bad memories...
 and feel free... you have only one life...
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