| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 5/22/2008 4:20:30 PM | | I've been dating someone for about ....ohhh 7 weeks. If asked to define the relationship, I'd have to say...we're more than friends...but not exactly a "couple". He recently did something very nice for me (fixed my wireless network) and I really want to reciprocate to show my appreciation. The gift that I've purchased is....borderline...expensive. Now I'm questioning my decision. Will he think that I'm trying to pay for his generosity. I really don't want to seem that I'm trying to nullify his "gift" by paying for it. How much is "too much" and how soon is "too soon" when you want to do something nice for someone that you've only recently started dating? | |
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| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 5/22/2008 4:25:26 PM | If you feel like it... then don't worry...
As long as it comes from the heart, I think, it's ok.
What was the gift?
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| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 5/22/2008 4:29:47 PM | | LOL! it's a rather unique wrist watch. One that we'd both looked at one night while checking out geeky computer stuff. He liked it. | |
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| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 5/22/2008 4:33:07 PM | The way I see it, if the gift comes from the heart there is nothing wrong with it...
You don't have any hidden agenda... you want him to have it and think it will make him smile... so, what could be wrong with it?
If you don't want to look like you are "paying" him for help, wait few days till you give it to him... like a week... and then give it to him for no reason... just because...
Those are my favorite gifts... to give and to receive...
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| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 5/22/2008 4:34:27 PM | | Just tell him that you found one just like it in the dump and it didn't cost anything. | |
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| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 5/22/2008 4:38:48 PM | I will take one. Do you have a pilot's watch?  | |
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| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 5/22/2008 4:41:10 PM | | Grandma, it sounds perfect! I think it's a lovely thing to do. Let us know how he likes it. | |
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| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 5/22/2008 4:46:54 PM | LOL! well, really it's only an $80 watch...but I think that if a guy spent that much to buy me a gift I'd be a little suspicious of his motives. I don't want to inflict my female thinking onto him though. I could have just baked him a pie, but I just thought this watch was too cool to pass up.
LOL! Karr? what is a pilot's watch? LOL! I'm retired.....I don't even wear a watch anymore! | |
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| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:08:07 PM | | Retired at 55 ? I have at least another 20 to go, and i am 44. Anyway, a pilot's watch usually is quite expensive. Depends on the functions, etc. But they sure look good ! | |
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| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:45:20 PM | | I say just go ahead and do it. If he trips out, send him to this posting. LOL! Seriously though, if it were a really expensive gift that you just bought without you guys both seeing it first, then that may be a bit trippy. However, you both saw it and you made a little mental note to yourself and that's just downright sweet and thoughtful. | |
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snu164
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Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 11 | |
| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:26:53 PM | | I say you give it to him. 80 bucks isn't that much, just be sure to present as a gift with no strings attached rather than payment for something he gave you. | |
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| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:33:12 PM | How long did it take him to sort out your computer problem? If it was 2hrs then $80 is actually a reasonably fair price - and you could have paid a professional/company a lot more than this.
A lot of gift-giving is in the giving attitude, not the gift itself. You could tell him that you did this on impulse because you thought it was cool and you were so grateful for him fixing your network. Tell him that you were going to bake him a pie but he seemed to like the watch so much that it seemed like a better idea at the time.
People can be very funny about watches. The one he currently wears may have sentimental value or be very comfy. You haven't been involved with him that long so enthusiasm over a watch on a website might just be more to do with the fact that he's chatting to you about it and less to do with the watch as an object.
I think it would be best, as it usually is, to give him an easy "out". You ca do this by saying that you think maybe it doesn't look so cool as on the site and suggest that maybe his old watch is more comfortable and say that you can easily send it back and bake him a pie instead if he'd prefer. Do this in a way that makes it just as easy for him to say "No the watch is great, thanks so much" as it is for him to say "A pie?! hm, I think I would like that much better, my old watch is so comfy after all". Really give him the free choice without pushing him to say that he feels uncomfortable with the price tag of the gift.
Just one way to handle it. | |
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| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:40:17 PM | I'd keep it simple. Tell him you really appreciated the time he spent helping you with your computer problem and wanted to do something more than just say thanks and remembered you'd seen this watch. Short, sweet, straight to the point, that usually works best.  | |
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| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:15:45 PM | I would have said don't buy him a gift at all, because he was gifting you with his time and expertise. If you were happy with his work, that was gift enough. By giving him a gift it kinda makes his efforts turn into an even-steven trade instead of a favor done from the heart. Guys like to just be nice sometimes without requiring "thanks".
But given the context of your gift, I think it's rather nice and he'll be delighted. Now it's a case of a good deed paid back double.
Caution: Though he likes the watch and will be happy to accept it, do not take it as a slight if he doesn't wear it. Men like gadgets for the sake of being gadgets. They don't ever need to use or wear them. Kinda like women with 100 pairs of shoes "just in case". He will show the watch to all his buds, and that will be more fun than wearing it.
Ya done good.
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| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:28:25 PM | GrandmaBooBoo,
That's an R-R-R gift! He'll probably really like it. And who knows? Maybe he'll get you something to reciprocate. Don't worry about it, it sounds like you two are off to a great start.Best of luck. | |
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| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 6/12/2008 7:14:50 AM |
Grandma, it sounds perfect! I think it's a lovely thing to do. Let us know how he likes it. Whewwww, LOL! well....he did like it. He thanked me and then we proceeded to have a very lovely evening at the baseball game! Indians actually won! LOL! He made a bigger deal out of me doing a good job picking seats for the ball game than the watch; LOL! so...that's as it should be right?
Men can just be so damned touchy these days about women who aren't helpless...and broke. LOL! Nice when you find one that has enough class that they're neither overly impressed nor fretting about you being too "independent". LOL! then again...maybe I'm just finally developing better tastes in men! ('bout time don't ya think?) | |
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| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 6/12/2008 8:02:28 AM | It doesnt sound good to me. I can fix a wireless system very quickly and I've done it for people; even those I thought of dating; and If they gave me an expensive gift I'd run; it sounds very needy.
Again, do something nice but dont go crazy. | |
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| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 6/12/2008 11:16:41 AM |
If they gave me an expensive gift I'd run; it sounds very needy. LOL! well, color me one very happy granny that he wasn't YOU! LOL!
Maybe it's an "age" thing huh? I mean....though he is a few years younger than me, it would appear that good manners are no stranger to him. I was reared in the era where people still wrote their "Thank You" notes, and believed in not showing up to visit someone "empty handed" (back in the days of the "hostess gift").
I do find it rather disconcerting trying to integrate the 50's upbringing with the 2000's dating practices while maintaining my own sense of "identity" and standards.
Granted however, it could have just as easily been misinterpreted as either "needy" or "pretentious" when the gesture was in fact....neither of those; but simple appreciation.
It is very nice to know however that there ARE a few men who can accept a gift of appreciation with grace and dignity. LOL! it's certainly a refreshing change from those who have a cow over it and immediately start whining that you're too independent and don't have enough needs to make them feel important! | |
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| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 6/12/2008 12:39:49 PM | This must be a trick or trap of some kind...
Now he can NEVER use the 'Sorry I'm late' excuse!
J/K!!
Good for you for being a good human being, giving because you can definitely shows you have a moral compass! | |
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| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 6/12/2008 12:50:41 PM | try to let him kow that you are showing how thankful you are that he was willing to do something that meant so much to you, but are just trying to be nice back. if you have reason to think he might feel bad about the gift maybe it is not a good idea and think of something less, but still nice maybe it will not come over the wrong way. | |
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| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 6/12/2008 1:11:42 PM | since it's only been a little over a month,, i think getting a gift for him was a bit much,,you don't want him to think that your tryna be his sugar mama or needy an desperate for a man that you hardly know..i would definalty save the gift giving for somebody that your actually in an established relationship with an have been together for awhile.. now you'll just have to see if he gets you a decent gift in return or if he's waiting on you to make your next purchase for him...
if you really wanted to give him something just for fixing your computer a simple thank you an a 6 pack of beer would have probably worked just as well.. an been awhole lot cheaper.. | |
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| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 6/12/2008 1:29:28 PM | | Why don't you just cook him a nice dinner? I think after such a short time buying him a gift, thats probably more expensive than you're letting on, is a bit much. | |
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| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 6/12/2008 3:42:13 PM |
now you'll just have to see if he gets you a decent gift in return or if he's waiting on you to make your next purchase for him...
There is a difference between giving and bartering.
When you barter, you expect something in return... of equal (or more) value.
When you give a gift and you give it from your heart, you don't expect anything in return.
Except maybe to see a smile on the face of a person who receives a gift.
At least, that's how I give...
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| Buying him a gift?
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:47:22 PM |
When you give a gift and you give it from your heart, you don't expect anything in return. I couldn't agree more Red!
LOL! some people just don't seem to realize the complex issues involved in gift giving! A person could make themselves nuts trying to second guess all the possible outcomes. There are so many variables that one has to consider. Granted, most men appreciate a home cooked meal...but quite frankly....I think it might have seemed a bit "cheap" on my part. LOL! the 6 pack of beer....once again....there are many men who would have been quite happy with that, but again....would have been kind of a tacky gesture coming from me. (that, and I don't think he drinks beer...and I suspect that he might even be a better cook than me).
LOL! I don't mean to say that beer drinkers are tacky....it's just....well....not what I would have considered a "thoughtful" gift. LOL! maybe Red can explain this better? For gifts to be "thoughtful"....they really should ALSO reflect the degree of appreciation.....and be based on the givers resources. It would have seemed like....giving a waitress a 5% tip.
In any case, as I said earlier, the gift was received in the manner which I intended. It was not a "WOW, I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't helped me"...but rather a "geeessshhhh, you really didn't have to do this for me, but THANKS!"
LOL! I think that mostly , I'm still just amazed that there are still men who not only LISTEN but who without any prompting will just jump in there and say "hey...let me take care of that for you!" LOL! in my book...that deserves rewarding! | |
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