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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 The_Real_Mr_Nice_Guy
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 1
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act? Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Hi btw... i'm asking this question as i seem to have problems when mailing someone... it's like i send a message... it gets read... they reply... i log in again later... read what they wrote and then i reply straight away... then they usually read it and either delete it without replying or they read it and just leave it... i'm beginning to think that maybe because i reply straight away that they may think i am desperate or something!! What do you think? Should i perhaps wait a day or two before replying? Or does this mean you are not interested? In which case, why reply to my first message with a little teaser?
 rosalinda_127
Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 2
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:01:45 PM
Nope, replying straight away might be a question of timing.

If I'm online, and I receive something, I reply to it straight away. It saves me having to do it at another time when I might not have the time.

The waiting game, to me, it's pointless. Maybe there are other reasons why they are not replying?
 _aprilrain_
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 3
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:03:47 PM
Yep, Pretty Much Agreed
 MY OH MY
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 4
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:07:11 PM
Try using a capital I, maybe that lower case "i" bugs the women and so they aren't replying.
 P.E.T.A.
Joined: 3/17/2008
Msg: 5
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:10:20 PM
I do not see it as desperate--I see it as showing interest.
No, if that reply turns into a volley of one liner emails--that is annoying
 9035768
Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 6
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:18:19 PM
It would be nice to have a CLUE what type of conversation went on.

Was her reply too polite a refusal and that's why she didn't respond?
I've sent messages such as, "Sorry but[cite reason such as not moving or "I'm not meeting you in the next fifteen minutes"]. Have fun fishing!" And the guy replied with either a rebuttle, an angry message, a whine. Normally, they just leave it be.

Don't play games, just do what you want and what you think is right. There are times I don't repond to a guy in the same session because I read the note right before logging off.

Maybe they replied because they're tired of guys complaining in the forums about girls ignoring their first contact?

You know what is a BIG deal to some people? If they asked you two important questions and you completely ignored it! I've played that game with a few guys. I ask them the same question four messages in a row before I say, "I keep answering your questions and you NEVER answer the one I keep asking you. It was fun while it lasted. Good luck fishing."
 9035768
Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 7
THREE DAYS?
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:22:29 PM
Dude, is this your first account here or have you re-vamped it froma previous account? Three days and you're wigging out?

Three days is no where near enough time to start judging someone on response time!
 quirkyfishy
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 8
THREE DAYS?
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:27:30 PM
Reply whenever you have the inclination. If we all started worrying about how every action we took on this site looked, we would never get any rest..and three days, yeah, be happy you are getting replies this soon at all!
 red_hed2toe
Joined: 6/26/2006
Msg: 9
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:28:46 PM
I get bored with the back and forth one liners. I don't feel that a man is really trying to share or get to know me if he tosses 5 words back and forth. Those emails are just enough to make a connection, but definitely not enough to keep it. I get the feeling that the guy is sending out tons of those one liners, just trying to hook something....anything. I get bored and move on after the second one liner.

Hi how are you?

what do you like to do?

my name is Bill.

here's my number....call sometime if you'd like.

Oh yes, with all this intrigue...I just have to call. Please stop the ride, I want off.

I personally don't know the content of your e-mails, but if they're the infamous one liners, ---->
 jetty65
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 10
THREE DAYS?
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:30:46 PM
I might read the letter right away and respond later. Could be I was just heading out to work or something. Maybe I wanted more time to think up a response. Maybe the person went out of town for a few days and can't respond. Or maybe they are not interested. Maybe your last letter you gave them nothing to respond to.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 11
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:33:23 PM
Replying immediately, to me, is a sign of consideration. I can't be bothered playing games. "Is it too soon to respond to the email?" "Does a woman seem desperate if she writes to a man first?" "Is it too soon to call?" "Is it too soon to ask her/him out?" "I really want to hear his/her voice, but will I seem desperate if I call?" Throw out all the so-called rules and go with what feels right for you. Do you really want to meet someone that you had to play games with, to get them to notice you? Find someone who appreciates you for who you are, and loves the fact that you truly are 'The Real Mr Nice Guy". Good for you!
 Kay9876
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 12
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:55:14 PM
Should i perhaps wait a day or two before replying? Or does this mean you are not interested? In which case, why reply to my first message with a little teaser?

I think of e-mail volleys as conversations. Do what comes naturally in the situation. Most of the time, a quick response is appropriate and gives the sender the feeling that you are attentive to her words and feelings. This assumes that you actually respond to what she said (not only the words, but also the feelings behind the words). Think before you type.

Sometimes, however, the subject matter requires more consideration. In that case, take the time you need to respond thoughtfully. Just as it is inconsiderate to delay a response for the sake of delaying a response, it is also inconsiderate to respond impulsively to an e-mail that calls for deliberation.

With online dating, you won't be a match for every woman who responds to your first e-mail any more than you are a match for every woman who responds to your "hello" with "hello" in real life. Most of the women who send you e-mails are doing the best they can under the circumstances. They usually don't mean to tease you in a hurtful way.
 RacingFan_29
Joined: 5/17/2008
Msg: 13
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:04:20 PM
In my opinion, like others have said, just be yourself and do what feels correct. I hate when I try to over-analyze stuff concerning the "communication rules". When I email a women initially I try not to sound vanilla or cookie-cutter and make comments so they realize I read their whole profile. Also, I do not want the email too long to bore them.

Be lucky you are getting responses. I get nada.... from this site and others I have been on. I must be doing something wrong. I do not want to seem desperate but it does get discouraging when you are batting .000! So be it!
 Bellydanza
Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 14
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:07:44 PM
Hey at least he's not complaining about not getting a first response...just a second response. I think they maybe are being polite with their first email and then giving your the brush off with the second. Is their first email short? or is it in depth and long. If i'm not interested I'm going to be courteous but short...i'm hoping they'll get the message. If I am interested I'll take the time to write out a thoughtful email. AND if I like the guy I am going to want him to respond right away and not leave me hanging...when he does that I'll assume he's not interested...or not online.
 simplelady66
Joined: 10/26/2007
Msg: 15
THREE DAYS?
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:14:24 PM
You replying right away is fine. She probably read your email, but had to go to work, file her tonails, or save the world ...and decided to answer it later when she wasn't so busy.

Don't over think it OP, just wait for her response. If she does, she is interested, if she doesn't...she isn't.

Just relax and be yourself.
 RacingFan_29
Joined: 5/17/2008
Msg: 16
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:16:07 PM
A simple "not interested" would be nice. In the past, I have always responded and let them know I am not interested. Not trying to judge because I do not get a bunch of emails. If I did, I agree it would get tiring responding 'no thanks' all the time.
 sunnyzenith
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 17
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:19:32 PM
Is there anything called 'online stalking'?
 jazmella
Joined: 2/23/2006
Msg: 18
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:01:49 PM
Replying right away does NOT indicate desperation! If I am interested in a guy, I'll reply ASAP. Just as if a guy doesn't reply to my messages right away (or whenever he's next online), then I simply assume he's not interested and move on.

I think that maybe the girls you were conversing briefly with simply lost interest and NOT because they thought you seemed desperate.

:-)
 pbaby21
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 19
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:46:51 PM
If a guy responds to me too fast/too often I am instantly turned off yes.
 jimtash71
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 20
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:52:11 PM
If a guy responds to me too fast/too often I am instantly turned off yes.


Can you honestly come to a conclusion about someone because of the quickness of their reply?

Pray tell, does any man have a chance in hell of ever getting a date?

Inquiring minds want to know.
 pbaby21
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 21
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:01:49 PM

Can you honestly come to a conclusion about someone because of the quickness of their reply?

Pray tell, does any man have a chance in hell of ever getting a date?

Inquiring minds want to know.


Well Jimmy I didn't say anything about coming to conclusions about them, I mearly stated I am turned off. I am picky. If I am chatting with a guy who is emailing me like mad day in & day out I ASSume he has no life, no job or all the above. Just doesn't bake my cookies. We all have our likes/dislikes & that's one of mine...and one of many mind you. LOL
 9035768
Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 22
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:06:02 PM

Pray tell, does any man have a chance in hell of ever getting a date?


Your first contact must be:

"Dear [username]. I am pleased to meet you, your highness. I, too, am entralled with [interest]. My SSN is [***-**-****] my [FDIC bank] online account user name is [duh] the password is [guess what]. Please glance at my finances to know I am not merely another whiney nice guy after your body. I have included my photos, as you can see I am [famous, attractive man mentioned in her profile]'s twin. I work for globosex, an intenational vibrator manufacture.

That you have graced my message with your eyes has brought my heart a flutter.
[your full name and all contact information, including every woman you have ever slept with as references]"
 rivereye
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 23
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:15:00 PM
9035768,
I got a mortgage with less info than that!
 Silver Calla
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 24
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:31:56 PM
If you're going to wonder about every first and second contact you have, then you might want to rethink your approach here. Obsessing over these contacts you are sending is...obsessing, and over people you have hardly even spoken with.

Getting a first response, and then no second response, suggests you may want to examine these emails for all sexual comeons/references to how nice of a guy you are/how much you want a woman/your entire life story. And with your username, my money is on the references to how "'nice' of a guy you are".
 nocatchyname
Joined: 1/15/2007
Msg: 25
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:42:44 PM

I ASSume he has no life, no job or all the above.


you know what they say about assuming things... Up until this comment, I was gonna rag on the OP for posting a redundant subject, and also have a giggle over the fact that his screen name involves being a NG. But now, I would feel outright horrible doing so.

The ignorance of pbaby has turned me off. Apparently failure to comprehend what the OP was asking, and generalizations (or assuming) are her thing. To each their own, good luck in your search pbaby21.

The OP -as most people realized - wasn't stating emailing like mad day in & out, simply replying as soon as he read the message. Not replying multiple times (unless multiple messages were sent, in which case, the no life/no job assumption could also apply to the other party).

Personally I reply as soon as I have something to reply with. Sometimes this involves a certain amount of time to type out my reply. Other times it is delayed because I get busy doing other things (such as these forums ). I don't see anything wrong with replying as quickly as possible, especially when interested in someone.
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