| Guy forgets your name after one chat
Posted: 5/23/2008 8:42:54 AM | This just happened to me yesterday and I thought it would make a good discussion topic. A lady who found my profile interesting IMed me two days ago and we chatted for a bit, maybe a half hour or so. At some point during that conversation, she told me her name and some info about her situation, her kids, her schoolwork, etc.
Yesterday, one day later, she IMs me again and says, "Quiz time: what's my name?"
Oh, crap. I seriously couldn't remember! I'm horrible with names, first of all, but I usually can remember names from people I've talked to on here since that's pretty important! But for the life of me I couldn't remember it. I thought I knew, but I was wrong. This really irritated her. She said that if it were important to me then I would have remembered it, which I generally agree with, but stuff happens.
I've been getting IMs from several people over the past week and have had lots of conversations with very similar women. They all seem to have multiple kids of varying ages doing similar activities; a few of them are in school for similar things; several of them share the same types of interests. It's beginning to be hard for me to keep it all straight in my head.
Anyway, when I couldn't remember, she wouldn't tell me or give me a hint. She said, "I never give my name or number a second time." Everyone has their standards, but I thought that was a bit harsh. It's a game I just don't feel like playing and in my opinion would be a harbinger of bad things to come. If she has one inviolable rule, what other rules does she have?
We aren't that great of a match anyway, so it's sort of a moot point. But what do you ladies think? Would you be too hard on a guy if he forgot your name just once? Granted, if it happened again, that would definitely be a bad sign. But what about the first time? Would you be inclined to let it slide or is this an unforgivable faux pas?
For the record, I would have no problem telling someone my name again. I would just laugh it off unless it happened multiple times. | |
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| Guy forgets your name after one chat
Posted: 5/23/2008 8:48:27 AM | Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode. "Rymes with a part of my anatomy." "Mulva?"
I think she was a bit harsh, too. I'm willing to bet she'd repeat other facts about herself.
Maybe keep a notepad by the puter? But, like you said, not a match, so no big loss with this one. Just get it right next time. | |
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| Guy forgets your name after one chat
Posted: 5/23/2008 8:49:22 AM | Consider yourself lucky.
You could see from the start that she's one to play games. So you're lucky you're out now... before things got serious and you'd be in some serious heartbreak when she started messing with you later.
Some people suck with names. I know I do.
I tend to have to write names down, or sit there and repeat them to myself for a while until they stick.
It happens.
And I've dealt with people who have forgotten my name. Which is hilarious considering it's my screen name. LOL!
I would never get mad at someone I was just starting to talk to for forgetting my name. It's not like they've known me long... they haven't been using my name on a regular basis. So, if they forget... then that's no problem. I might tease them some about it, but it's all just playful fun. I'll just tell them again.
Now, if you forget someone's name after seeing them a few times... or worse yet... call them by someone else's name... yeah, then I could see it being a problem.
But as for the lady you talked to... don't worry about her. She's not worth the time.
I spend hours on this site chatting to friends. I've got to keep some 50+ names straight. And that's not easy for me.
At first, yeah, I mess up a bit... but as I talk to the person... it's easier and easier to bring their name to the front of my mind. | |
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| Guy forgets your name after one chat
Posted: 5/23/2008 8:53:52 AM | From reading some of the posts here, some women get turned off by men who reply too quickly.
So keeping that in mind, if you can't remember their names , it's probably like the end of the world as far as they're concerned.
And I agree, they're not worth your time if they act that way. | |
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| Guy forgets your name after one chat
Posted: 5/23/2008 9:03:22 AM | Could have been the pressure to. I've forgotten peoples names I've known for years when I bump into them. It normally happens when your all distracted and with someone else, bump into the people you haven't seen in years and have to make an intro. Boy that is embarassing. So I have a rule "if I don't introduce you within 30 seconds of running into someone, I've forgotten their name, so help me out and introduce yourself so I can get their name." It helps at times. Obviously not your situation though.
Imagine what would have happened if your forgot her birthday, or worse yet, the name of the first pet she ever had! | |
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| Guy forgets your name after one chat
Posted: 5/23/2008 9:10:45 AM | I don't mind at all if my name is forgotten on first contact, I will joke about it but until the discussion is routine and not a one off thing it just doesn't bother me, and actually seems quiet petty to get all worked up over.
I agree that if she is doing that now after one hour consider yourself lucky, dating is already enough like a job interview we don't need quizzes to make it like school too.
But now a question for you men: If a woman forgot your name and you gave it, would you assume it was because she was speaking to too many people and couldnt keep them straight? I had that happen before after a 15 minute IM with someone, he completely went off about it must be hard to keep all the names straight. When in fact honestly it was because the conversation was just boring that there was nothing to set it apart and be remembered. I have since turned off the IM on here that way I have email to use as a sort of cheat sheet if needed | |
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| Guy forgets your name after one chat
Posted: 5/23/2008 9:17:26 AM | One word for you, "Spreadsheet." Seriously. I had one of these when I started to date after my divorce, it was a life saver, it started off as a joke, but, it kept me orginized, lol.
Up until I met my current bf, I kept a sticky note on the few men I was talking too next to my computer and one in my orginizer in my purse so I could get quick info [name, age, profession, # of kids, where they lived] I could remember everything else by that alone.
I don't usually tell a guy my name until we have agreeed to meet face to face, that's for saftey as much as anything. If a guy forgets my name, as long as it's in a joking matter , "I can't remember your name, so I think I will just have to call you Doll' until I can remember it." It would break the ice. Not a big deal. But after two or three conversations, then, it's not approprate, if a guy wants to chat, he should remember my name, I make it a point to remember his. | |
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| Guy forgets your name after one chat
Posted: 5/23/2008 9:20:38 AM | But now a question for you men: If a woman forgot your name and you gave it, would you assume it was because she was speaking to too many people and couldnt keep them straight?
Sometimes yes and sometimes because she's lost interest.
Mine's easy to remember, wouldn't you say?  | |
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| Guy forgets your name after one chat
Posted: 5/23/2008 9:28:53 AM | If her name WAS Mulva, I could see why she's upset. You should remember that.
If you said her name was the same as your mother's, you should remember that.
If you discussed her name in detail, you're both weird and you should remember her name.
Other than that she's just waving the psycho red flag.
Side note: some people's names are HARD!!! You know it's either Toni, Teri, Tori, or Bob, but you just can't remember. If you care that much about your name put it in your username. That's some harcore issues right there. But, it is always nice when you get the red flag BEFORE meeting someone. What would dinner with her be like?
Waiter: May I take your drink order miss?
Mulva: Neiby, what's my favorite drink?
You: Um....
Mulva: I told you my favorite fruit, yesterday WHAT DRINK HAS MY FAVORITE FRUIT?!
You: Testicles on the rocks with a twist? | |
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| Guy forgets your name after one chat
Posted: 5/23/2008 9:36:50 AM | I agree with you people. I could tell we weren't a great match from the first conversation. It just seems like I keep attracting women with weird hangups. But I guess we all have our weird hangups.
I've actually been using another free dating site the past few weeks (OK Cupid) and it allows you to keep notes on people. I just discovered that feature last night. So now when I'm talking to someone, I just visit their profile page, hit Add Note, and I can keep track of all this stuff. It's pretty cool, actually.
It all gets so confusing and jumbled rather quickly. I know I spoke with some woman who has three kids aged 5, 7, and 16. But for the life of me, I can't remember which woman it was! lol
It was probably this same woman, but I was already afraid to even bring it up! lol
I'm way past that sort of drama and game-playing. But I agree with someone else in another thread. I was out of the dating pool for a years and it seems like all the rules have changed. Online dating has really altered the landscape. People behave so differently. It's taking a bit to get used to it. | |
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| Guy forgets your name after one chat
Posted: 5/23/2008 9:38:08 AM | I don't get upset when a guy forgets my name after IMs or email. I might forget theirs and I'll be honest and tell them I forget and offer mine again. What really worries me is when you meet someone face to face and they use your screen name and not your real name. | |
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| Guy forgets your name after one chat
Posted: 5/23/2008 9:39:50 AM | | My screen name is actually one of my many nicknames, so it probably wouldn't faze me. :) But if I were you, it would be weird to hear a guy say, "Hi there, Mystic!" | |
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| Guy forgets your name after one chat
Posted: 5/23/2008 9:46:34 AM | I would never have a problem with someone forgetting my name. I am bad with first names as well. So na no issue at all.
Some people just need to give some slack. This is an internet site and I am sure many are talking to many others. I give my name in the first conversation or email and never think to again. So if infact he forgets it, shows he is human LOL | |
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| Guy forgets your name after one chat
Posted: 5/23/2008 9:54:20 AM | For the record, I would have no problem telling someone my name again. I would just laugh it off unless it happened multiple times.
Same here. I forget everybody's name...it doesn't mean a thing.
And I would never ever put someone on the spot like she did, unless of course she only meant it as a joke or just in fun and the humour didn't transfer well on paper. That can happen sometimes and it's always wise (IMO) to give someone the benefit of the doubt.
All I know is that when I haven't spoken with someone for a while, whether here or in real life, I make sure to re-give that person my name to save them the possible embarrassment of having to ask what my name is (just in case they're like me).
Here, I'm known as oldsoul...if someone I corresponded with months ago decided to say hi to me again, I would simply sign my
reply with my real name....just in case he/she might have forgotten it and is too shy to ask.
I detest being put on the spot and I have to assume that most people hate it too. I also have ADHD and I just naturally assume that most people are just as forgetful and flaky as I am:) 
JMO
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| Guy forgets your name after one chat
Posted: 5/23/2008 9:56:11 AM | What's even stranger is that this lady is allegedly a buddhist. You'd think that if anyone would be more understanding of human nature--and more forgiving--it would be a buddhist!
I asked her which variety of Buddhism she practiced and mentioned that I really like the Shambhala teachings of Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche. Instead of remarking that she was surprised I knew who that was, she says, "You can remember his name but you can't remember mine???"
Psycho.  | |
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| Guy forgets your name after one chat
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:02:07 AM | Poster, sounds like she needs to go back on that mountain top or in the temple and mediate some more!
Like you, I have forgotten names and people have forgotten my name....such is life...
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| Guy forgets your name after one chat
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:07:29 AM | | In the episode, the girls name wasn't Mulva. Mulva was a bad attempt by Jerry to guess the name. Remember it rhymes with a body part. Vulva, mulva. The girls name was Delores. The body part was clit*ris. | |
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| Shambhala
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:08:29 AM | People who claim to be zen, Buddhists and pacifists are the MOST violent people I've met and I live in redneck country!
We call them "hippiecrits." It's like bible thumpers to christians. We admit it isn't a christian thing, we just can't call them, "The people who claim to be Christian but don't practice." Too long, "Bible Thumpers." "The people who claim to be vegan but eat cheese burgers while wearing leather," Hippie-crits. Real hippies are fabulous. Hippie-crits are like bible thumpers at a drum circle: just too rude and ignorant.
A REAL buddhist shouldn't even care about the name! She should be more pleased you remembered or HEARD of her belief system. | |
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| Shambhala
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:12:47 AM |
A REAL buddhist shouldn't even care about the name! She should be more pleased you remembered or HEARD of her belief system.
Yep, and she should have been even more interested that I knew something about it and we had another topic that we could discuss intelligently. I'm not a buddhist, but I like the non-religious aspects of their philosophy and I really do like the writings of Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche. I would recommend his book Ruling Your World to anyone, no matter what your belief system is. | |
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| Guy forgets your name after one chat
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:13:49 AM | Things like names are not so important as natures. By this I mean that dates, times, places, names don't matter all that much compared with understanding and having empathy and consideration for a person. It's like learning a theory by rote and knowing who discovered it and when, compared with actually understanding how it works.
Having said that, it's fair to say that if her name had really mattered to you, you'd have remembered it. It's clear it didn't, by your reaction to her rejection, so perhaps she wasn't so far off the mark really, was she? | |
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| Guy forgets your name after one chat
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:40:16 AM | | Remember names over IM is not that big a deal to me. Sounds like she was expecting you to be the one and only woman you were talking to, reality check for her I guess. | |
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| Guy forgets your name after one chat
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:05:33 AM | This has happened to me as well. No biggy. However, if he keeps forgetting then he may have a case of Alzheimers! lol
If you have a "friend" from here on your favs list; use the "Update Notes" and place their name/information in there. You can always reference the notes when in doubt!!!!
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