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Posted: 5/23/2008 7:25:01 PM | As a couple you start talking marriage at 50+,what do you do about your finances (incl your will).Two problems 1)where does your spouse come in: in relation to your children 2)How do you convince your new wife that you wont leave her everything even though you have great feelings for her.3) I know i said two, but how do you get rid of this headache | |
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Posted: 5/23/2008 7:48:13 PM | Well Table you certainly come up with some of the toughest questions!
At this stage in my life, I have certain things that I have worked for and kept after a costly divorce. Since I am the only one with anything to leave my two children, it will in fact be left, for the most part, to them. I would make provisions for my spouse to live in my home until his death, but after that, my kids would get the home. While I realize that I can and am, in a place to love/live with another, I have an allegiance to my two kids who have lived through things in my past with me. If a potential mate is unable to accept that, then so be it. It is what it is right? | |
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Posted: 5/23/2008 8:11:53 PM | I agree. I would leave everything to my kids or if you have enough money then leave her something that is equal to or less than what the kids are getting.
I'm would hope that she didn't marry you for your money though.
Dave | |
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Posted: 5/23/2008 9:06:28 PM | | How do you convince your new wife that she won't inherit everything? Show her your will. What each of you comes into the marriage with does not automatically become shared property. Shared property begins when the marriage begins starting from $0. | |
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Posted: 5/24/2008 1:47:28 AM | Perhaps the new wife is marrying you for you, not for your money? Maybe she doesn't care? Maybe she already offered you a pre-nup if you want one?
One thing I'd be very careful about is WHO you marry. . . . Sounds obvious, eh? My sister-in-law's father was held virtual prisoner of his second wife by virtue of the fact that she had control of his meds. When he died, she was at the safe-deposit box within 20 minutes. She also forged his signature on a number of stock transfers. There *really* are black widows out there. Turns out his was the third or fourth estate she'd raped.
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Posted: 5/24/2008 3:08:03 AM | Take all your money and spend it on the kids now. Then, when there's none left and she still wants to marry, you'll know it was you and not your money she's after and your kids will not expect anything when you die.
If you spend it on the kids education, they'd be better prepared to survive on their own.
As for the headache, try some advil if you can't tolerate aspirin. | |
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Posted: 5/24/2008 3:08:15 AM | Take all your money and spend it on the kids now. Then, when there's none left and she still wants to marry, you'll know it was you and not your money she's after and your kids will not expect anything when you die.
If you spend it on the kids education, they'd be better prepared to survive on their own.
As for the headache, try some advil if you can't tolerate aspirin. | |
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Posted: 5/24/2008 3:20:23 AM | You worry now about your money...perhaps we have to spend them for doctors...and leave our dearest in debts... | |
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Posted: 5/24/2008 5:22:10 AM | In the States depending on which state you live in , if there is not a prenup, the wife is automatically entitled to a share of the estate. On life ins. you can have a benificiary which can not be contested. As for real property in my state the wife get 1/2 of the house and the rest goes according to the will, if a lawyer has not been consulted before marriage.
Have a pre-nup.............................................When a couple marries later in life and both have assets and children it is not insulting to discuss these things........it is a necessity..................
Just living together is another option (not an option for many) with provisions for each other in the will should one die. | |
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Posted: 5/24/2008 9:18:30 AM | What ever you have when you come into the marriage should remain the sole property of each person. Now, for assets that are acquired during the marriage those are shared.
However, something that I have seen quite frequently in the last few years is this. One person goes into the marriage without children, the other has children. The person with children dies, and the children then try and take not only what belonged to their parent (which they are entitled to) but they also try to take assets that were acquired during the marriage by the husband and wife jointly. Which is wrong, perhaps at some point they should receive a portion of their parent's share, but not all of it. I have a substantial amount of assets of my own and will not come to the table empty handed, that is why if I do remarry, I have one word and only one word. Pre-nup. | |
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Posted: 5/24/2008 9:22:17 AM | If she doesn`t understand that your children come first then she is ignorant.Everybody knows that blood is thicker then water.
You get rid of this headache by telling her,not asking for her permission. | |
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Posted: 5/24/2008 10:00:41 AM | Essentially...
If there is no pre-nup and no will, then everything is considered shared property when one half of the couple dies.
Any bank accounts that are only in the name of the deceased will go to the spouse, unless there is a benneficiary listed on the account. (or a will... or some other legal instrument to redirect it)
So, if you have kids and want them to get anything, you need a will and a pre-nup todefine who gets what under what conditions.
You can also set up a living trust and then whatever is in the trust at your death is distributed acording to the terms of the trust. (and the trust can sometimes help protet your assets from being taken in a divorce)
*****************
Considering that 2nd and later marriages have a FAR higher failure rate than first time marriages...
(50% of all marriages fail within 5 years... but most of those divorces are 2nd round divorces for at least one member of the couple. Liz Taylor had a hefty effect on the statistics all by herself)
If you have any assets, not doing a pre-nup is not bright. | |
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Posted: 5/24/2008 5:08:16 PM | To answer your question I need to ask...
Who will care for you long-term should you become ill... spouse or your children?
If the cost of your medical depletes your funds... who will supplement to ensure you get proper care and treatment?
The answer to these questions would help me decide who gets what! | |
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Posted: 5/24/2008 7:47:17 PM | As i mentioned on this site before, my daughter does not get along with my spouse .My daughter is my flesh and blood yet my probable spouse would/is wondering, if i love her why would i not leave her everything.
Let me say, some people on this site are tough as nails I am thinking of the word compromise and i would like to realize both scenarios.What i cant think of is something creative. I am aware of the legal ramifications, but i am looking for something that will appease. If that's possible
To the question of who will look after me the answer is I really dont know.What i would like to think and reality might be totally different | |
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Posted: 5/24/2008 8:21:04 PM | My stepmother passed away nearly two years ago. She and Dad had been together nearly 25 years. Her two grown daughters are not really close to us "kids" but Dad is in touch and I cannot imagine him leaving them out of the will. On the other hand, I personally do not feel entitled to his stuff. What he decides to do with it is exactly what it is: His Will.
My mother remarried at age 57 . They had been together for a long time, but I guess his kids didnt approve. Actually the ex wife found out about their eloping, and immediately insisted on selling the house where they were living. Both were recovering alcoholics and eventually ended up living with my stepdad's daughter. Then he got cancer and died soon after. My mom called me the morning he passed away, only to say "I have to go to the store and get boxes", They made her pack that very day.
So make sure that your wife will be taken care of, if she doesnt have her own means, but don't leave your kids out, either. If she has assets or income to support herself then she might not need everything you have.
Does she have any assetts? What about her leaving everything to you in her Will? | |
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Posted: 5/24/2008 9:37:42 PM | | writer, thats a good point.I really didnt talk about her assets.Its seems to be a touchy subject.What's a man suppose to do Seriously it hasnt gotten to that stage, however it seems to be a touchy subject. | |
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Posted: 5/25/2008 4:05:01 AM | | Well, since you don't seem to be married yet, don't do it until you are both comfortable with the money issues. Get some counseling together if it's not easy for you. | |
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Posted: 5/25/2008 5:12:07 AM | Wow good topic! I have several thoughts on this subject...
My Dad passed away 23 days afer being diagnosed with cancer. Up until 2 days before his death we were his sole heirs of a half million dollar estate. While pretty much comatose his wife brought an attorney to his home and had him sign a new will. After a two year battle in court we threw in the towel, having to have an attorney several hours away from us and tons of postponements and her having his money to fight us with made it just for the best. But we also lost all of his personal effects and those from our mom that he kept when she passed away. Very evil woman, I'm glad there's karma.
My kids will inherit everything I have which presently is just my home and a small insurance policy and all of my effects. I wouldn't have it any other way after experiencing what my family went thru. If I were to marry though, anything we made together I wouldn't think my kids have a right too or those possessions we together acummulate. I would let my husband of course have the right to my home until he passed away!
But as a single woman, when thinking about getting remarried ... I guess I stopped and just realized I would be giving up half of my ex's pension if I remarry! That's a nice size chunk of change every month when the time comes....enough to support me along with my pension and SS in my old age.
Now you have me thinking....I'm still fairly young, 50, so would I be worried about finances nd what would happen to my security if I remarry and the spouses kids get every thing? yikes, you bet.
Hmmm, maybe I'll just stay single forever and live with him! Wouldn't have to worry about it then would I? | |
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Posted: 5/25/2008 6:32:47 AM | From my perspective this is usually the most perplexing question faced by those getting remarried. After my first marriage ended I dated and became engaged. What we did was sit down and discuss our situation objectively. Both of us had assets. both of us had children from our previous marriage. We wanted a well written and fair prenuptual agreement. Each of us wanted our own children to inherit what we had accumulated and saved over our past lives. We also wanted to leave our share of the house and its furnishings, the vehicles and so on to one another.
In California the general rule is what you come into a marriage with is your seperate property unless you "commingle" it whereas what is earned during a marriage becomes community property.
One thing is for certain, children are rarely happy about a remarriage where some of a parent's assets which they believe ought to come to them upon a parent's demise go to a spouse who is not their mother (or father). This situation is beyond delicate.
Good luck! | |
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Posted: 5/25/2008 8:08:15 AM |
How do you convince your new wife that you wont leave her everything even though you have great feelings for her.
If you can't agree on things before you are married, I certainly wouldn't even take that step. Why would you have to convince a SO?.. So, what you are saying, she wants you to leave her everything, and you want to leave some for your children.
If I was in that situation, I would
 as fast as I could and not look back.
You have great feelings for her? What is that supposed to mean? You love her, you lust her, you just get these great feelings around her??
I would definitely step aside and take a good look at this situation!
Then I would run! | |
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Posted: 5/25/2008 11:16:06 AM | | Most definitely it seems that some serious communication is necessary before taking the plunge just to see if you are on the same page. | |
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Posted: 5/25/2008 11:52:44 AM | For me this is easy....(though I don't have a new spouse)....
I don't really own much at all nor do I have a lot of money. My will was redone last year and my children basically get everything, including my life insurance benefit.
I do think that the current and 'blended' finances of a relationship at this stage would have to be discussed, i.e. home or property owned, bank accounts, etc. My mother remarried around 17 years ago. Early on she discussed with each of us , what we would like (if anything) when she passes on. She has pretty much told us not to count on anything huge being left to my siblings and self. My mother and stepdad are having so much fun in their retirement, spending it all. I say, more power to them; what a gret way to live. Other than some meaninful pieces of jewelry, that's all I expect and really want. Their home will go to the surviving spouse and then be sold afterwards when that spouse passes away; the profit will be equally divided between myself and siblings.
So, maybe the way to go about it is to plan for the years of being together; detail out what goes to whom (children) and then go have a blast and enjoy your life. Travel, do something crazy, go climb a pyramid and take camel rides, hot air ballooning, take surfing lessons, cruise to Alaska and go salmon fishing and camping, take a cruise on the QEII to England and stay there for a while...most of all, just enjoy your time together. Having a second opportunity to share your life with someone else is priceless. | |
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Posted: 5/25/2008 3:41:53 PM | | If you are 50+ and talking about marriage, then the first thing you do is.....seek the help of a good PSYCHIATRIST!!! LOL! You are obviously not in your right mind and therefore no document you sign would be valid. | |
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Posted: 5/25/2008 3:50:13 PM | ^^^^
Are we having a little problem with the idea of m-m-m-m ... m-m-m-m ... m-m-m ...
D*mn ... hate when that happens ...
cdn guy | |
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Posted: 5/25/2008 6:13:11 PM | | Psychiatrist first, as grandmabooboo stated, lawyer second for pre-nup if the psychiatrist didn't convince you to do otherwise..... | |
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