| I think I talk too much...
Posted: 5/24/2008 4:11:48 AM | I have a feeling that I've put too much information into my profile. I wanted to try and be detailed, but after seeing how much I typed out I ended up putting a warning at the top of my About Me section.
Any constructive criticism will be appreciated. Please tell me what I can do to either make it a little more tidy, or what doesn't need to be expressed in the novel that is my profile.
And yes... I seriously did write a lot - so be prepared =/ | |
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| I think I talk too much...
Posted: 5/24/2008 4:44:30 AM | First of all, you aren't looking for friends, so don't put that. You can mention that you want to be friends first in your profile, but change the option. Women see through it.
As far as your profile goes, I actually think that a lot of what you wrote is very good. You just wrote way too much. Imagine being a woman with 50 messages in her inbox. She is going to read your message, if it's interesting she'll then look at your profile. But then she'll see your profile and be totally overwhelmed and not even bother reading.
First of all, you need to stop apologizing. Don't apologize about the length of the profile. If there is something that you feel needs an apology, best not to draw attention to it. Get rid of the whole photo manipulation thing. Get rid of your music and movie tastes. Unless you are only looking for a girl who loves video games, don't make a whole paragraph about it. Maybe put it in your interests. Get rid of favorite drinks, the whole thing about drama, the whole thing about you not being good looking.
Basically pick 3 or 4 things about you that you want to illustrate in your profile and do so. | |
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| I think I talk too much...
Posted: 5/24/2008 4:48:12 AM | I'm of the impression that you already know what the major problem is in this profile. I'm not even going to attempt an annotation, because I'm really not sure if my happy pills will last that long. In reality, it's your job (not ours) to sort through this mess and decide what to keep and what to toss. If there was a bit less of it I'd help, but I don't even own a sieve that is large enough for the job.
Also, I think I can see your brain in your main pic.
- T | |
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| I think I talk too much...
Posted: 5/24/2008 7:34:09 AM | | I name you "redundancy man"! Your entire profile is one redundant point after another. And after that it just goes on and on. And I found ONE, count 'em, ONE joke in it (It wasn't even a good one), which makes your headline deceiving. You need to go through your profile with a weed whacker and trim out all the fluff. It's long, and not in a good way. I have read long profiles that were fun to read, but yours feels like a chore. Be selective with what information you give. Post back here after you have edited the crap out of it, and then maybe you can get a real review. | |
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| I think I talk too much...
Posted: 5/24/2008 7:44:08 AM |
She is going to read your message, if it's interesting she'll then look at your profile. Some do, a lot of the wommins do look at the profile before opening the email.
If I were "looking" and came across your profile, I'd be lucky to finish the headline....CLICK!
Read writing tips, go to edit profile and hit the delete button. Start over...post back here with your edit/rewrite. | |
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| I think I talk too much...
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:56:43 PM | | Alrighty, updated and even new pictures. Must shorter and to the point, changed to dating from friends and much easier to read now. :) How's it look now? | |
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| I think I talk too much...
Posted: 5/26/2008 8:01:50 PM | Quick shots:
- spelling error in the headline.
- pics: main has multiple people, and you are wearing shades AND a hat, you look stoned in most of them, and are wearing a funny-looking hat in four of the five. Read the Profile Writing Tips thread for what good pictures look like.
- Interests are decent, but only eight of them. Double that number.
- First paragraph in About Me is good.
- Second paragraph is not. It makes me wonder how you got off the rails and if it will happen again. Ignore your past, concentrate on your future.
- 3rd is decent. Lose the 4th and 5th. Add a paragraph about the kind of woman you are looking for, and be sure to include some unique attributes
- First date: Describe the actual date, don't write an essay about first dates in general. Be specific, and make it about you and your personality.
Hope that helps. Good luck. | |
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| I think I talk too much...
Posted: 5/27/2008 3:24:32 AM | Headline will be fixed as soon as I can find something decent...
on the pics, I'll take better ones I've left the one up that looks most decent
and yes I know I look messed up in most of them, but honestly that's just how my eyes are. I've gotten that a lot in my life to be honest, I just have big eye lids :(
Interests have been increased
Paragraphs have been sized down, more on the 'looking for' to come in due time (I've got two days off)
First date given much thought and detail.
Thank you guys big time for this. I knew I was on the wrong track. :) | |
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