| Why do i always seem to be the one who initiates contact?
Posted: 5/24/2008 4:38:53 AM | It seems i'm always starting the conversation! Not just talking about this site... it happens on almost any site where sending messages is an option.
Are women generally shy to make first contact? I thought nowadays it's 50/50 but it always seems 100/0 to me!
Even when i'm out i never seem to be approached by a woman... in fact i can't remember once being approached in my life... i've had the smile or look which says come over and chat to me but i've never had the 'Hi, i'm such and such and was wondering etc etc etc'
Look forward to reading your replies on this one. | |
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| Why do i always seem to be the one who initiates contact?
Posted: 5/24/2008 4:55:00 AM | You might want to consider getting your profile reviewed. You come across, in my personal opinion, as being rather harsh and hard work. Your profile gives an impression that you are looking for someone to fit into a role that you have quite narrow and fixed ideas about. You don't seem open to getting to know a person, having a chat, sharing a bit of relaxed banter: you seem like your reaction to any email would be to see whether or not the person measures up to your standards/ideals/criteria. Who wants to be judged in such a way? That doesn't appeal. Also, considering that you've chosen to post photos, you've chosen some pretty odd ones: two at a distance where you are craning your neck at the sky (is the underside of your chin your best feature or something?) and one where you have dark glasses on, hiding your face.
Nothing about your profile says "friendly, easy to talk to, approachable..." (to my mind at least) this may be part of the reason why you don't get people approaching you. | |
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| Why do i always seem to be the one who initiates contact?
Posted: 5/24/2008 4:55:26 AM | I think its the woman/double standard thing,we burnt our bra,s so as to gain equal rights but choose to use these rights only when it suits us .
Seriously though i think most women would rather the men make first contact because of the rejection thing,it batters our pride to be turned down | |
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| Why do i always seem to be the one who initiates contact?
Posted: 5/24/2008 4:57:10 AM | huh? I have no idea why you always seem to be the one who initiates contact? if you don't know ?? because you want to?? or maybe that you are a really nice guy?
If I wish to speak with someone I don't mind starting a conversation with anyone... I never think, "ohh I am the one who is doing it again!"
Don't worry about it and stop keeping score of who does what first.
Have fun! | |
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| Why do i always seem to be the one who initiates contact?
Posted: 5/24/2008 5:30:11 AM | Soften your profile a bit. You seem demanding and unapprochable. Women want to know more about you not what you want (almost demanding) in a woman. It's good to know what you want but get rid of the caps in your profile for one.
Your profile is all about I I I. And smile........................
Your a good looking man so its not your looks.
Good Luck............... | |
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| Why do i always seem to be the one who initiates contact?
Posted: 5/24/2008 5:52:52 AM | OP, every woman is different. I email first, others don't.
I have to agree with both of the other posters above, your profile seems harsh. Perhaps this is the impression you give in person as well....
It is great to have preferences and "deal-breakers", but if that is what you put out there first, you push people away. You say you want someone who is positive, not negative, yet your profile screams negativity.....
Your profile gives the impression that you would be very hard to please. Maybe soften it a bit, without changing what you want or who you are.
Good luck. | |
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| Why do i always seem to be the one who initiates contact?
Posted: 5/24/2008 6:29:04 AM | I agree with the posters who suggested that you lighten up a bit in your profile. It is perfectly acceptable to be selective when searching for a mate, but no one likes the idea of shoehorning oneself into a preconceived set of "musts."
And by the way, I almost always make contact if someone's profile catches my attention. It's just a matter of practicality. If I want to talk to someone, I'll talk. | |
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| Why do i always seem to be the one who initiates contact?
Posted: 5/24/2008 6:37:30 AM | Uhm...am I missing something....I don't even get ten or twenty emails a week. I don't know why this is what men think. Maybe it's to justify why we don't respond to their emails. In a good week...i may get three new emails.
Which means if I want to talk so someone I have to initiate contact. and I do. I know the kind of men I like, they are never in my city unfortunately so I do have to go searching for them. | |
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| Why do i always seem to be the one who initiates contact?
Posted: 5/24/2008 6:42:21 AM | Oh wow, I read your profile, and yes you are very harsh and demanding. It's all about what you want in a woman, but maybe you should tell them what you yourself have to offer them, since obviously you are looking for perfection. We need to know that you are perfect yourself.
Also in the first two paragraphs, it would seem that you are saying (reading between the lines here).....I'm out to eventually have a long term relationship, til then I'm going to date as many women as possible and get as much as I can from them....If you can't deal with all my other women, then obviously you aren't the right one.
So yeah if I saw your profile I would definitely click next...I have many of the qualities you seek in a woman (except the perfect bod part) but you have nothing that I am looking for. | |
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| Why do i always seem to be the one who initiates contact?
Posted: 5/24/2008 7:25:17 AM | Op, I'm sure you are a very nice guy........... but I agree with the last two posters. Just looked at the profile write-up.........OMG. First off, the caps on when writing means you are screaming the words... Right now, with the write-up.... I wouldn't send you a first email even if you were in the age bracket with myself. Sorry Hun !!
Blonde  | |
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| Why do i always seem to be the one who initiates contact?
Posted: 5/24/2008 8:03:08 AM |
It's because women get their inboxes flooded with 10-20 or more emails a day. Why would they even bother searching?
I'll tell you why they should bother searching. What if none of the emails they get are from guys they're interested in? Should they just sit back and cry that there's no good men out there or take the initiative to find what they're looking for? | |
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| Why do i always seem to be the one who initiates contact?
Posted: 5/24/2008 8:03:26 AM | I agree with many of the above. I think your profile comes off as very harsh, particular and negative.
That being said, I have never had a problem e-mailing or opening a chat window with a guy who seems interesting. Sometimes you meet a cool person, and sometimes you realize that someone isn't that interesting, after all. I am certainly not one to just sit around and wait for those "10-20 e-mails a day" to come pouring in.
For the record, I don't think there is anything wrong with a man taking the initiative to contact a woman he is interested in. Infact I think it only makes sense. Especially if his profile isn't attracting that many women. Your best bet is to keep doing what you're doing, because it seems the general consensus here is that most of us women would clikc "next" when we saw that profile. You're going to have to either re-vamp the profile, or keep trying to make contact with that "perfect" woman of yours.
Best of luck! | |
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| Why do i always seem to be the one who initiates contact?
Posted: 5/24/2008 9:40:47 AM | I am the type of girl that does make first contacts....but I dont make your height requirements
Oh I also talk to my kids father a little. I am not paying for all of the college bills! Get the stick out of your butt a little. | |
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| Why do i always seem to be the one who initiates contact?
Posted: 5/24/2008 4:39:25 PM |
Are women generally shy to make first contact?
Yes. Call it conditioning, stereotypes, prejudice, *cough*laziness*cough* whatever.
Your profile:
Starts out great....
But then.....
"i'm fed up with this saying"
"not have any contact with your x's"
"don't contact me if you are out for revenge " Don't contact me if you're a psycho killer, either. This is like demanding honesty, honest people have it, dishonest people lie about having it. Don't list every bad thing you can think of.
"No Teasers!!!"(See above about honesty.)
"looking for positivity not negativity" After all that? The sarcasm is hilarious. If you're looking for positivity then GIVE IT.
You have a hint about how you come off. "Just clarifying that i'm not looking for Miss Perfect" <--- so you are aware that your list sounds a bit angry and demanding.
So, you may give of the same vibe in person, but I doubt it based on your age range. Odd way to judge someone, but your age range is exactly even, which is uncommon in the male profiles I view.
I think it is just luck, women don't approach that many men.
i've had the smile or look which says come over and chat to me but i've never had the 'Hi, i'm such and such and was wondering etc etc etc'
For the most part....Girls are better at rejection, guys are better at taking rejection.(Not based on THIS site, of course. lol) So, a woman would be devastated by walking back to her girlfriends after you said you weren't interested. A man would suck it up and try again.
Have you waited out the come hither look and seen if she ever walks over or sends you a drink? From your post you give the impression you have, but I wasn't sure.
If you're normally the one to strike up the convo with males, too, it's just that you're the strong personality in the room.
Maybe she waves you over while you're staring at her legs and you just don't notice. ;-} | |
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| Why do i always seem to be the one who initiates contact?
Posted: 5/24/2008 6:08:00 PM | i've had the smile or look which says come over and chat to me
dude, you're missing the signs! this IS our way of approaching you. or rather, attracting you.
we've been carefully trained out of approaching men. instead we sit still & look sexy & give you the finger - the beckoning finger that is.
it's up to you to make the move. if you're interested...
Men take initiative. That is attractive.
yes, so true. | |
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| Why do i always seem to be the one who initiates contact?
Posted: 5/24/2008 6:55:45 PM | Its a different ball game for women, when viewing profiles they will nearly always be favourited 40+ times. Thats potentially 40+ people you 'competing' with to contact her. They can pick and choose who to reply to in most cases.
By no means am i saying this applies to every woman on here but some women are shallow and love the attention. If i was getting 20 emails a day i wouldnt go looking for anymore correspondance, id have my hands full as it is. | |
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| Why do i always seem to be the one who initiates contact?
Posted: 5/25/2008 1:39:36 AM |
Its a different ball game for women, when viewing profiles they will nearly always be favourited 40+ times. Thats potentially 40+ people you 'competing' with to contact her. They can pick and choose who to reply to in most cases. Don't be misled by this kind of thing. Women on this site contact and talk to each other, add each other to their favourites etc. Most of the people on my "favourites" are other women and I'm sure that's not unusual. Men don't seem to make friends with each other here so easily, possibly because they are more focussed on finding dates. | |
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| Why do i always seem to be the one who initiates contact?
Posted: 5/25/2008 2:23:00 AM | Basically the way I see: At a natural level men are the hunters and women are the prey. In online dating and in real life men must make the first contact most of the time. Personal experience aside how often do you ever see a woman make first contact in public? From my observation I would guess no more than 10% of the time. I could probably count on one hand how many times a woman approaches me with any kind of interest in a year. I don't think it's because they are shy or insecure (though some maybe). It's just the natural order of things. Also from a more logical stand point. With as many times as an attractive woman is approached by a guy in a week (or day depending on where she works, social activities...etc), why would she ever feel the need to go and make a first move? That would be like going to a restaurant and getting your meal from the kitchen yourself without bothering to wait for a waitress.
On POF I Have been on here for probably close to a year by now. In all that time only once ever has a female contacted me first. Granted I think I should get some better and updated pics of myself on now since I'm in better shape and what not. I'm sure my profile text could be improved too. But basically thats the way it works. | |
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