| She said there was "No Spark"
Posted: 5/24/2008 11:09:56 PM | I've never gotten this from a girl before. At least before I even went on a date with a girl.
I'll give a brief description of the backstory. Recently me and my girlfriend(Angela) wasn't really working out. I've been very saddened by this since she broke it off and I haven't spoken to her in weeks. So I decided to try and meet other girls on this site.
I've send out a few emails and this one girl really caught my eye. Simply beautiful :). I couldn't pass this one up so I send her an email. I was happy to actually hear back from her seeming interested.
We spoke on aim. we agreed to meet up in a few weeks because she was planning to move to California. We talked a few times on myspace back and forth and such and she was really nice. I felt we connected in a way but couldn't really tell since we haven't spoke on the phone or met in person. But she seemed real cool and I really wanted to meet her.
About a week and a half has passed and I was curious to know when she was actually going to move. So I asked her when she was going to move out here. It took her about a few days to answer and she finally answered with "No idea". It has confused me a great deal because usually people know when they are moving. So I asked her why she didn't know and also told her I wanted to meet her. I think I sent this one morning. So after I got back from work I noticed that she not only read my message but deleted me as well.
I talked to my friend Sarah later on and told her about it. She said she would talk to her. Although I didn't really like that idea because it does seem kinda weird have my friend Sarah talk to her about it, but she told me and she has talked to her before so I said "Alright. go ahead"
She told Sarah that there was "No Spark" between us.
So yeah. I just found it rather odd. We didn't meet yet. We didn't talk on the phone. I don't see how she would expect to feel any spark yet. :( | |
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| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/24/2008 11:46:08 PM | Welcome to internet dating..............where more defective distributor caps are sent back for refurbishment every day for failure to fire the spark............
as the old saying goes........'it is what it is'.......... they'll be plenty more times like this to follow......
care for a dancing banana?? they seem to be the cure all for what ails everybody in here...... | |
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| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/25/2008 1:07:50 AM | Aaron ....that sounds really weird like you said you guys havent even met.....I think she hasnt given you enough time....
I would of thought that "the spark" would at least be a point after you two met...
You will just have to let it go I guess........ | |
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| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/25/2008 1:23:36 AM | I could only assume here, however seeing that she deleted you and your messages after you talked about meeting, it seems that this may have been what the reaction was over.
"no spark" as you clearly identified is nothing but an excuse i believe in this situation, so that dishonesty is not helping either of you.
There are 101 reason on why meeting could stop contact with some people, and it would not be right to judge or assume which reason it is.
Another thing i noticed, and i am not judging you, as i only have the brief overview from your post, however the last 2 messages could have been seen as "pushy" which does actually make things uncomfortable.. this could be another reason (again only an assumption)
In regards to people not knowing when they are moving, i will have to correct you there, as I am moving state myself, I am not sure when i just know i am, as it is not really up to me (i am waiting for a discharge date to come through from the navy, which could be 1 month, 3 months etc) so factors can come into play that stops a person from knowing moving dates.
have some more bananas | |
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| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/25/2008 1:36:27 AM | This has become a catch all excuse for people who don't have a clue what to say when she lost interest or found someone else. Some people just have the attention span of pea. There are 100 reasons that could be happening here. The only one that could be more realistic is that you "tried too hard" or seemed desperate. Who knows though.
In web dating and sometimes in dating in general you will have people who want instant gratification and zero patience. It will seem they are on a speed dating schedule when trying to find what they want. It can get frustrating but if you look at it as a good thing in the fact that, do you really want someone so fickle and impatient around you? She might be doing you a favor. | |
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| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/25/2008 1:56:20 AM | | If it makes you feel any better, beautiful women get dumped at the same rate as the rest,just look at Hollywood. Face it, REAL spark happens in person, the rest is an illusion. Looking at a person's picture, and decide is more like lust. Which actually explains a thing or two. Here is the REAL funny part, some people are photogenic they look really good on pictures, others are not. But that is not a surefire indicator of anything. Don't sweat it. | |
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| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/25/2008 2:23:49 AM | | it's a polite way of saying that your conversation started to weird her out, or something you said just put her off wanting to get to know you better, or she found someone to talk to who seemed more interesting. Conversations are a two way thing and just like a man can be put off by something a woman says in a message, so can a woman. Don't forget that internet dating means that most people are being messaged by several people at any one time, and some are bound to come off as more interesting. It's great in some ways because it means that both sexes can be more careful about who they date, but it also means that both sexes can be on the receiving end of disappointment when they're not picked as the one the other person wants to date. Take the rough with the smooth and keep on trying. | |
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| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/25/2008 2:57:56 AM | I'm with Unique on this one. The whole "No Spark" thing has become the bog standard excuse to cover every concievable reason why someone has lost interest.
It sucks and it's actually the cowards way out of being honest and explaining to someone properly why you don't want to pursue the relationship any further. Some will say they just don't want to hurt peoples feelings and using "No Spark" is a gentler way of letting them down, but surely honesty is the best policy in this situation as it means you're not just left wondering. | |
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| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/25/2008 3:00:12 AM | | She probably met someone else. There are tons of FISH out there and its so easy to just throw them back when you catch them and catch another. | |
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| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/25/2008 3:43:14 AM |
She probably met someone else.
There you go OP....there is your answer.
Don't dwell on it.....go fishing again | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 11 | |
| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/25/2008 3:49:53 AM | She said there was No Spark
Hmm...interesting to see people assume its a cop out.
Truth be told...if I said that to someone its because its exactly what I meant.
My mind has to be stimulated by someone to incite any further correspondence, leading to phone, leading to meet.
If its not there...if there's no spark...the rest isnt gonna happen.
And it has nothing to do with losing interest (cos it wasnt "sparked" in the first place) or meeting anyone else Im more interested in.
There are some very nice people out there...but if there's no mental spark...Im not gonna pursue anything else. | |
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| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/25/2008 3:56:32 AM | | Like you, I don't know why she would expect to experience a " spark" w/ nothing more than emails to go on... soooo many variables w/ what goes on inside a person's head. Internet dating/ socializing tends to be merely two dimentional at best - people say what they think you want to hear. | |
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| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/25/2008 4:20:34 AM |
She told Sarah that there was "No Spark" between us.
she was right in saying there was "no spark", as sparks can't fly when you havent met in person yet | |
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| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/25/2008 5:16:34 AM | There is a real possibility that something came up, that threw a "wrench" in her plans to move, and she has a lot on her plate at the moment trying to get through whatever threw her plans off kilter.
"No spark" was her way of letting you down gently, because maybe her life is in limbo at the moment?
Just a guess, but that is what came to my mind when I read your post.
I think you are still hurting from your last relationship, and rather than find a new girl...just take some time to yourself. If you got hurt from this online girl, that tells me that you are too "fresh" from your last relationship. You need to take time to heal. | |
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| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/25/2008 6:00:02 AM | No Spark? I have had that done to me several times. But, when I met a few women from another dating service in person I automatically thought that they were not the ones. So, even as I knew that I wasn`t interested I gave them a chance I talked to them for an hour or so and we`d have coffee and talk. But all the while I knew that I wasn`t into them. I tried looking into their eyes and talk about things that might be interesting to them. Still I felt nothing. After that we walked out and I`d say "I don`t think this would work" and they even sometimes would say the same thing.
I did meet one women, which was my last relationship and yes I did feel something for her and maybe she did the same. Next thing we dated and were in a relationship for over a year.
So, sometimes there is a spark and it takes control and things happen next thing your into each other. But, what happened to that spark after 1 year? I didn`t feel it anymore, I`m not sure if she lost it either. ( Maybe I was lucky to find her).
I haven`t felt that spark ever since. (Still looking).
But if you just emailed how could know if there is a spark or not? Yes, sometimes they might just be playing or not to sure if they`re interested in pursuing a relationship just yet. Who knows? Just go and find someone else since you`ve not committed to her. | |
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| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/25/2008 6:01:29 AM | Maybe you mistook her 'friendliness' as being 'interested' in you?
I am also on myspace.......... to find 'friends' only.
The difference between myspace and dating sites is that I don't have to be attracted to someone to 'add them'.
But I have had instances where some guys have asked me to add them, not because they want to be JUST friends, but because they want to date me. and they take my accepting their friends request as the attraction being mutual.
I find it quite uncomfortable when this becomes apparent and they are constantly flattering me and assuming that I will want to meet them.
Although I make it clear that I'm looking for friends only, if they are persistent and won't accept that that's ALL we will be, I delete them.
Obviously I don't know what the content of your conversation was, but maybe she felt pressured and realised that you were expecting more than just friendship.? | |
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| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/25/2008 6:12:35 AM | Ah, the old "no spark". Hmm, quite possibly during your correspondence she rethought her position of having been interested in you, obviously. You never met in person so it has nothing to do with in person physical attraction.
I'm with *Kyn* on this one. If there is no mental stimulation to warrant further correspondence then the rest isn't going to fall into place.
So, cast your line again into the vast ~chuckling~ pool of the pond and see what next you catch. Take her at her word. | |
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| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/25/2008 7:45:12 AM | ~Kyn~ correct
I have read a couple of threads on here where people feel they are "entitled" to some type of answer...guess what, you're not. I think this is especially true during the e-mail, phone, couple of dates. I would think all of us here have experienced at least once the *poof* they are gone scenario - especially during that time. I have done it, had it done to me. I believe that a few of these guys were jerks, but quite a few were nice guys who just lost interest.
OP, you sound like a gem, certainly insightful for a 20 yo. Dust yourself off, and get back in the saddle! | |
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| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/25/2008 8:43:12 AM | You're getting hung up on the phrase "No spark" as though that were the end all.
She didn't feel like continuing to get to know you based on the conversations she had with you. End of story.
Sometimes it's hard to face the fact that not everyone out there is gonna like us or wanna get
to know us beyond "hello"...... but seems that's just what happened.
Move on and don't sweat it. If you start taking shit like this personally, you're gonna get hung up on everybody ELSE'S stuff.... and you'll miss the point.
The point being that you didn't click. Nothin' wrong with you... or her.... it just wasn't there for her.
meh | |
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| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/25/2008 8:47:09 AM | OP, don't worry about it. She wasn't the one for you. Life is too short to dwell on any of this. Simply move on, and focus your efforts on finding someone who does feel a spark for you.
There are two things in life that are absolutely guaranteed for men:
(1) At some point, you are going to die.
(2) Not all women on this planet are going to like you, or be attracted to you.
Why worry about it? | |
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| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/25/2008 9:34:58 AM | The real issue here is not that she did or did not have a spark for you...it is that she didn't have the courage or the courtesy to be honest and tell you herself. Instead she was vague and avoided the confrontation. That's what is really hurtful to you. I'm sure you have met a million women towards whom you did not feel a "spark"...so you can easily understand that. Whether the "spark" or lack thereof is an excuse, who knows.
She has no courage, so therefore, by default, to me anyway, she's a loser and you don't need that type of woman in your life. Who wants a coward for a partner?
bullielover62 is perfectly correct, you have to pull back and not take this stuff personally.
Let it ride, little brother. "There's plenty of fish in the sea." | |
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| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/25/2008 9:55:41 AM | | "No sparks" is often a vague term for "lack of interest for whatever reason". There are many possible reasons why one person can lose interest in another person. Maybe she met a man that she liked better. Maybe she felt than you weren't a match based on the email conversations. Maybe she simply preferred to remain single. However she should have the courtesy to directly tell him that instead of telling a mutual acquaintance. | |
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| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/25/2008 10:15:17 AM | When a girl says theres no spark, its rare she's just playing hard to get. If you look her in the eye and she sincerely means it, then theres little you can do than just move on. Sometimes its best not to prematurely put all your cards on the table which is what I feel you have done in this instance.
Some women will be more sensitive than others about being cornered or asked too many questions, or just simply put... coming across like having an agenda. Its always best to just be laid back and never put pressure on a girl, until she shows genuine interest. Let her be the one who does abit of the chasing. If your the only one calling then you've already ensured for a pretty one sided affair. And no one appreciates something they never had to work for, in this case your affection :( Its sad but sometimes women can be very indifferent about this sort of thing. Its funny because men on the most part lose out by wearing their hearts on their sleeves, but of all the women I known, most do ok because generally speaking more often than not men try to accomodate a lady that is trying to show an interest in them. Which raises the question who is the fairer sex? | |
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| She said there was No Spark
Posted: 5/25/2008 10:29:50 AM | | Yes, so that can happen. Question is how you got so tied up into someone who was only a pen-pal (not even a real voice) in the first place. | |
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