| So she says she loves me
Posted: 5/25/2008 3:20:51 AM | So i have been with someone for 3 years. It has been far from smooth sailing the whole time. she has cheated on me a couple a few times and its just her general nature to do so. The last straw was when she fell pregnant and told me it was mine and when i found out the baby wasent i left to get my head straight. The problem is i couldnt get past her and we talked and worked out the issues and came to the arrangement that we would contiue on our plans with the arrangement that we could sleep with other people if we wanted to as long as we were open and honest with each other. We started off well and she was talking to a few people from here and telling me about them and showed me messages from them and i felt safe. There was one person though who i could tell was starting to get attached to her and she refused to tell him she was in a relationship. I had finally had enough and told her she had to tell him about us. When she refused i made her make a decision either me or him. And totally supprised she chose him. Now she seems to think its all my fault and i made her choose.
So i ask what the hell am i supposed to do now? | |
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| So she says she loves me
Posted: 5/25/2008 3:26:09 AM | | omg hun i feel for u...........but u r so much better off with out her..........getaway for awhile sort urself out.............just move on and get on with ur own life ...........i wish u well.............no-one deserves to be treated like that no-one........ | |
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| So she says she loves me
Posted: 5/25/2008 4:33:49 AM | | Where I come from this is called "having your cake and eating it too", which is a bad analogy. It would be better described that "she wants to be a slut and still use you". Here is what is likely to happen: She needs a daddy for her baby (Does she even know who the father is?), and since you are probably the only decent man she knows, that would be you. If somehow you end up taking care of her baby even for a short period of time, who was probably fathered by some worthless man whore who will take off, the courts can decide it is "as good" as your baby, and take a wild guess who will get stuck paying child support? If you don't believe me, look it up. It happens all the time. Run, Forrest, RUN!!! | |
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| So she says she loves me
Posted: 5/25/2008 4:49:11 AM | | If she is pregnant by another man and you thought it was yours, that means she was sleeping with both of you without protection. Lying to you and using you are one thing but it sounds like she could have given you alot more than a child. Get tested, thank your lucky stars she is gone and move on.Having an open honest relationship only works when both parties are honest. Good luck. | |
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| So she says she loves me
Posted: 5/25/2008 4:55:07 AM | I am sorry but there is some tough words to hear coming.......but in this case I think this is what you need.
Stand up and take your balls back.
She has you so whipped its not funny.
Someone who cheats on you, does so out of a conscious decision to do it. Not because they need to, or are convinced to do it.
Why would you be with someone who sees you as an option, not a priority. It appears that your self confidence is below your feet. It is time to stand up for yourself before you get a disease. It is better to be single, than to be with someone who has absolutely no respect for you what so ever.
You have to have enough respect for yourself which is apparent you don't and nor does she.
I don't care how good the sex is with her, or how good looking she is, get the hell out of this situation. If you think this is going to end up in a real relationship... even after 3 years.... your spending too much time doing illicit drugs because your concept of reality is fubared.
The concept of "her general nature to do so" is full of sh1t. She is slutty...and is taking risks with peoples lives, as seen with the pregnancy. If she didnt protect her self, while sleeping with all these guys, then she is also putting you and the other guys at risk.
Remember, a few hours of fun is never worth a lifetime of regret.
Pick up your self esteem, get rid of her... it will be the best thing you ever did! | |
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| So she says she loves me
Posted: 5/25/2008 4:56:41 AM |
So i ask what the hell am i supposed to do now?
Don't usually involve myself with these issues but here's the thing mat.
She has been playing you like a 5 pound trout on a 1 pound line.
She was hangin around till a better option came along.
Get out. There's gonna be long term pain involved but get out. Now.
You do not want to spend another second wallowing in the fantasy that is your expectation of this relationship.
All the best. | |
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| So she says she loves me
Posted: 5/25/2008 5:11:54 AM | | If she loved you she wouldnt be playing you. I agree to get tested dude and pray and hope that you didnt catch anything from her. Then go and heal your heart and get your self esteem back. But dont go jumping into another relationship too quick. It wouldnt be fair to someone looking to win your worthy heart if its not totally there for her. Good luck. | |
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| So she says she loves me
Posted: 5/25/2008 5:21:23 AM | | You did make her choose ("i made her make a decision either me or him") . Be glad she chose the other guy. Acknowledge that this dysfunctional and toxic relationship is over, grieve and move on. Unless, of course, you enjoy being a doormat. | |
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| So she says she loves me
Posted: 5/25/2008 5:24:41 AM | Well this isnt going to work if your not on the same page. It sounds like you consented to an open relationship to apease her. If you cant handle it...........leave.........the pain will pass. You will have pain everytime she is with someone else.......can you get past that?
It's nice that she's honest about how she wants to live her life, but if you cant accept the consequeces its best to move on now.
YOU WILL NEVER BE HER PRIORITY........................
Good Luck......hugs | |
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| So she says she loves me
Posted: 5/25/2008 5:45:02 AM | One partner cheats on the other and so it is decided that they will have an open relationship, in the hopes that if both are open about seeing other people maybe the trust will be found again.
If someone is going to be dishonest enough to stray why would anyone think things would become less complicated and painful once more people are brought into the mix?
Sure, what I just said may sound like a piece of psychological babble, but it sounds about right to me. | |
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| So she says she loves me
Posted: 5/25/2008 8:00:30 PM | Thanks guys for your replies it just inforces the thoughts i already have. One of the things that eats at me is she met her new man on here. Although i doubt i could stoop a new low has anyway every had the thought of messaging the new person and saying "run you have no idea what your getting yourself into let me give you a breif summary"
I guess its one of those spite things | |
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| So she says she loves me
Posted: 5/25/2008 8:18:45 PM | OP...
Optimist has it right. Get your balls back.
Do yourself a favour....
Get some books and read about what a healthy loving relationship is supposed to be like. If you can't understand that concept through reading self-help books, then go your local church and have a sitting(s) with a minster or clergyman who can show you what a healthy loving relationship is supposed to be. If that doesn't help you clue in, then go to a counsellor and learn from him/her.
Hopefully, with all of that information you might be able to un-dysfunctionalize yourself and kick that selfish &@! to the curb. And...don't ever have her come near you again! Phone, e-mail or otherwise!
Writing on here is the first step to getting some sort of sanity back in your life.
Please...listen to what others have told you.
Good luck! | |
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| So she says she loves me
Posted: 5/25/2008 8:23:00 PM |
Run and keep on running
I would like to add don't walk, don't look back, if possible run faster.  | |
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| So she says she loves me
Posted: 5/25/2008 8:25:09 PM | | hey how you doing? i'm cool and wanting to talk to you and see what happens from there | |
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| So she says she loves me
Posted: 5/25/2008 8:29:02 PM | i must have missed something. didnt you say
" came to the arrangement that we would contiue on our plans with the arrangement that we could sleep with other people if we wanted to as long as we were open and honest with each other. "
thats not a relationship. Keep it pushing!! | |
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| So she says she loves me
Posted: 5/26/2008 4:17:49 AM | Opinions?
Your a dumbass for agreeing to it.
She does that cause why? What does she gain from it? Boils down to being all about her and being VERY selfish.
It screams ME ME ME ME, not you. Thats NOT a relationship, what you had was something you fabricated in your mind as a relationship.
What did you think she was going to do?? Yeah , I mean honestly if she had that much respect for you then, why she going to have more later, once you made her choose.
You was nothing more than a stepping stone and you forced her off your stepping stone faster. It would have happened soon enough once she found your replacement.
Saddens me people are never happy with what they have, then again if I was a woman I wouldn't want you just for the fact you was dumb enough to allow it to happen on your watch. Be happy she is gone. That is unless you like being that "stepping stone". | |
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| So she says she loves me
Posted: 5/26/2008 4:53:08 AM | | She does love you! As well as all the other guys too! Be glad you didnt marry her. She needs a dad for her baby and future babies! Move on to someone with some moral fibers. You better get tested for HIV and everything else since whom ever she has slept with you have too every time you slept with her! | |
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| So she says she loves me
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:00:55 AM | | well first off if she choose this guy over you she doesnt care, i dont understand why you made this deal with her in the first place, she had a baby from another guy, she cheated on you a few times, how can you even want to be with her if she wants to be with other people. start respecting yourself. i know you cant feel good about this situation. so you need to leave and just let her go, we all know how it feels to have a broken heart, but you will only hurt yourself more if you dont let go now. there are people who will be faithful, so dont settle for someone who cant treat you right! | |
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| So she says she loves me
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:21:54 AM | Wow
omg hun i feel for u
Really? I feel for his/her? offspring!
but u r so much better off with out her
How do you know?
getaway for awhile sort urself out
Both of you get away and get to the nearest therapist! | |
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| So she says she loves me
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:46:49 AM | | mat, You need to get away ...far, far away from a woman who used you and your heart like the "Welcome!" mat that you've laid yourself out for all us to read for you here. Do yourself a favor, and give yourself credit for making her choose ...and be grateful for her choosing to move beyond you w/o the deceit for such. The trick for you now is to literally move ...while choosing to make a fresh start both geographically and emotionally. I further suggest that you leave your forwarding address as "In c/o" one friend or a family member whose sympathies are totally w/ you ...and in whom you can trust not to let that 'bad penn roll back' into your better life. | |
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| So she says she loves me
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:57:07 AM | I think the other Guy is willing to talk
Both Run
Dont look back email phone. nothing.
You want to be landed with someone elses child?
Very costly.
How did you even agree to this?.
Never lower your Morals, values , Standards for any one.
You have to like yourself and have respect for yourself, if you want others to like and respect you.
Wash your hands of all this, walk away.
Heal, find you. Learn to like yourself again.
Dont jump back into dating till all baggage is gone
Thats not fair to others plus it wont work.
One day at a time it will happen you will say WHO HER NO THANKS | |
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| So she says she loves me
Posted: 5/26/2008 6:04:15 AM | Be glad she chose him rather than you...
Use this experience as a "never do that again" option in your analysis of who you wish to be with... cause sweetheart, YOU never were with her.
IMO, no one can truly love someone (or be in a serious relationship) while looking for another - that's called waiting til something better comes along, not love. At that place, neither of you will find happiness.
What are you supposed to do now?? You can't see it at the moment I'm sure, but now you should celebrate your good fortune or hold a wake for the other guy, either seems appropriate to me.
cata | |
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