|
|
|
|
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/25/2008 8:52:14 PM | "Each choice we make causes a ripple effect in our lives. When things happen to us, it is the reaction
we choose that can create the difference between the sorrows of our past and the joy of our future."
Unknown
When you drop a pebble into a still pond, you’ll see a splash... You'll notice concentric circles rippling out from the center, where the pebble hit the water. You may watch the ripple travel out in an ever expanding ring...
But, the pebble might also have other effects. As it sinks it might scare a bunch of fish (so appropriate to remember on this site), or frighten a duck enough so that it leaps out of the water. A simple act of throwing the pebble into the pond caused change, and you are connected to the pebble, the water and through the effects of throwing to the fish and the duck.
The term "Ripple Effect" was coined by Jacob Kounin in 1970, to describe the effect teachers may exert on students. The term itself spread beyond the field of education, as it applies to our everyday lives.
Ripple effect reminds us that no action is without reaction, and the ripples, in some cases, may be far-reaching.
As I read through couple of wonderful posts today, I could not help but think of the ways in which people from here (people that I have never met) and the words that they write affect my life and create the ripple effect... whether they know it or not.
Our thoughts and our actions are like that pebble, dropped into still waters, in as much as they create ripples that spread and expand outwards. What we think and what we do affects the people in our lives and their reactions in turn affect others... they all add to the ripple.
So, what I would like to ask of you is to think about the ways in which you were a pebble that initiated changes, or about the ways in which the ripples affected you.
Each of us has a capacity to change the world in small ways for better or worse. The choices that we make have real consequences, in our own lives and in lives of others. I would like to hear about the people whose words or actions changed your world, as well as about the ways in which you have impacted others... in this pond, or outside of it - in real life. | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/25/2008 9:33:20 PM | Oh, crap, Red. Thanks. I've dropped so many boulders on so many freakin minnows, I'll probably never get out from under the karmic mountain.
I still say, they deserved it, every one, and at the risk of even more karmic retribution, I am unrepentant. If I rippled any ponds, it was because I saw they needed rippling.
I love your mind & your heart, Red, you are something special!  | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/25/2008 9:35:32 PM | Good friend of mine, I have only met in person once. When I was going through a rough spot, full of self pity, and complaining, put me in my place. He told me straight up what I tell to everyone who has a chip on their shoulder. Reworded as I don't remember his exact words (as I had to be told at least 3 times before I clued in), but basically, "Get over yourself, there are worse problems than the minor things you are going through right now! Quit b!tching about a woman who is not good enough for you, obviously by the way she treats you. Someone who doesn't want to be won by you isn't worth your time!" This was mainly relating to my relationship issues at the time. But can be applied to all life. Life is so much more enjoyable once you get over yourself, and realize there are always worse things to happen in life.
Other things, I've learned, and tried to pass on. My dad's famous philosophy (which I'm sure it's many peoples) "Work smarter, not harder". Try to make your work as easy as possible, while doing the best quality you can.
Another thing dad taught me...You can do something I can't do...kiss my a$s. What a great man, I give all credit for my sarcasm, and wit to him. I also give him credit for raising me to be how I am.
To mom, I give credit for my driving techniques...if you are gonna go, go!
I try to be open to learn from every experiance I have in life. Learning from my mistakes, and trying to learn from others. Willing to take advice and ask for help when needed. In return, I'm willing to give advice and help when asked for it. I also love making people smile, anyway I can. I hope that my views on certain topics can help people see things from a different light. I have a 17 yr old cousin who is like a younger brother I never had. I hope that through my mistakes, and choices in life, and talking with him about them. He's of course in that hard mid to late teen stage, oldest child, so his parents are harsh on him, when it seems like they are not so harsh on his younger sister. I have an opposite view, (being the youngest with two older sisters) but have listened to my sisters views on things, and hoping, with the bond I have with him, to help him with his teenage troubles - as it wasn't long ago that I was there myself.
I don't know if this is the kind of reply you were looking for Red...but hey, I put in the time and effort, so fvck you if you don't appreciate it  (sorry couldn't help but throw a little humour in there) | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/25/2008 9:44:13 PM | I am so grateful for the good company I have found here... People who amuse me and share their lives with me, that I would never have met otherwise. That is why I stick around, I am not really interested in dating right now. It's nice to know you can log on here and spit iced tea all over your monitor and keyboard after reading a post.
There are so many people that cheer me up, amuse me, tell me when I am being full of crap or agree with me when I am being reasonable. I have been here for a while and to catalog them and what they have brought to my life would take forever.
I had a really odd experience in December of last year. Starting with a man that I had dated that I suspected was very unstable and I was looking for a gentle exit strategy. He ended up hanging himself and leaving a suicide note written to me and asked that it be delivered to me by his family. I was shocked and did not really know how to respond or feel about it. So, I decided to post this to the local forums. I was overwhelmed with the support and advice that I got, and a lot of it was really helpful. I was also appreciative of the dark humor that cheered me up when I was down.
Being here and reading the forums has really helped to clarify my point of view, when I read situations that are similar to ones that I have experienced and see a myriad of replies. It's given me a lot of strength to do what I know I need to do. | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/25/2008 9:52:29 PM | What I have always found fascinating about this theory is that it's effects can be observed but cannot ever truely be understood from a purely scientific perspective -- as I understand it anyways.
Sure you can predict how far the ripples in the lake will travel with a pebble of a certain size, thrown at a certain force, etc. But you can never predict that the duck that launches from the water will fly into an airplanes engine, causing an emergency landing, delaying hundreds of passengers who are all on a strict timeline, etc, etc.
It's almost like perpetual motion, every ripple is forever changing the future of our planet in one way or another.
This site has skewed/influenced or changed my life direction in many ways, some positive, others not so much.
I was never conscience/concerned about my height, but after reading countless "height" threads I see that for many women it is an issue. While I don't nessecarily fret about it, I do use it for motivation to work out more and further develop attributes/characteristics which I do have direct control over. | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/25/2008 9:54:29 PM | Beautiful post! I don't tend to feel that I have influence on anyone/anything, but then sometimes a friend will say something that makes me realize I do make a difference. Some friends that have known me for a long time have mentioned they admire my strength and how far I've come, how I've built a good life for my kids with little to no (financial) support from their dad, how my kids are happy & decent people even though they have been through hard times.
I feel like I couldn't do any of it, or even make it through the day sometimes, without the emotional support from family & friends...in particular there are wonderful people who I know through POF, that I may never actually meet, that still have given me so much through their encouraging messages and calls. Since 'meeting' some of them, I have become more confident that I do have a lot to offer in a relationship, and that I shouldn't settle, but wait for someone that is a real match for me rather than just an okay match. Each & every one of them, whether I've met them in real life or not, has enriched my life.
Dangit, Red, you made me get all mushy... | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/25/2008 9:57:47 PM | ^^^ HA!! You made Mominatrix & Judi get mushy, but str8 is a tank. Mushless. Come on, Red, gimme all you got.
Edit for below:
OK, mush all over the place here.
You're right, Red, we do all affect each other in ways we don't plan to, and sometimes, some of us are lucky enough to have an experience like the one you describe.
I have been profoundly touched by people whose paths have barely crossed mine, and I have probably had some effect on a relative stranger, too.
I think we would all live happier, gentler, more satisfying lives if we could keep the ripple effect more front of mind,and live always as if we were setting an example. | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/25/2008 10:03:30 PM |
I don't know if this is the kind of reply you were looking for Red...but hey, I put in the time and effort, so fvck you if you don't appreciate it
Thank you.
I do appreciate it. 
Sometimes we affect people unintentionally... without ever trying... or are affected by those who did not try, or do not even know that they affected us.
I had a chance to meet a Holocaust survivor some time ago. He was in Mathauzen and Auswitchz. His father was killed in front of him when he was 12. He spoke about his experiences during the war, the anger that he felt afterwards. About the ways in which he tried to get revenge and how empty he felt.
And then he spoke about love and about learning to let go of his anger... About realizing that his anger was toxic to his own being, and that in order to heal he had to stop being angry and forgive those who imprisoned him and killed almost all of his family members and millions of others.
I just sat there... tears running down my face.
I went to my office and started thinking about what he said. And, I realized that if he was able to forgive (not to forget, but to forgive), who the hell am I to be angry about anything and at anyone?? I let go of my anger that day. I forgave those who wronged me, and I felt that my own heart was hurting less. I started healing.
I don't do anger since that day. I just don't.
For my own sake...
That man has no idea what he did for me.
He will never know.
But, that day will stay with me forever.
 | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/25/2008 10:15:37 PM |
I would like to hear about the people whose words or actions changed your world, as well as about the ways in which you have impacted others
A few years ago someone very close to me was in a very bad marriage where she was verbally abused and constantly put down. Any love that had existed was gone, and as in the case with many women she stayed in it for the children. She was depressed, and never happy. I was always there for her, and told her how she deserved so much better in life. She got caught up in the material things in life (her nice home, the security of it all). It took a couple years for her to stop thinking of everyone else first and start thinking of HER, but she finally did it. Today she has her own home, her kids are fine and she has a loving man in her life. Ultimately, I know it was HER strength that got her through it, but I know I played a part in it. Good post Reds.  | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/25/2008 10:17:24 PM | For Crying out loud, why would someone want to delete this thread? The woman simply stated a neat little idea and how it relates to all of us.
If your Damned goal is to make sure that every topic is new and original, guess what? You will fail. As Bon Jovi states, "it's all the same, only the names will change" and that's the truth. | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/25/2008 10:29:21 PM |
That man has no idea what he did for me.
He will never know.
But, that day will stay with me forever.
Red...thanks for sharing this with us... | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/25/2008 10:39:11 PM |
So, what I would like to ask of you is to think about the ways in which you were a pebble that initiated changes, or about the ways in which the ripples affected you. .....
.. in this pond, or outside of it - in real life.
I'll stick to just The Pond.
I am not sure we can ever be sure about they way we effect others in any aspect of Life, much less
when you have no idea who your audience might be like here on POF. I sort of dread a story on
some tabloid TV show : “ Dating Site member takes forum advice about Nice Guys never getting laid
then opens fire at Girl Scout Convention to prove he is a Bad Boy”. I wish i were only joking.
I have gotten emails from folks thanking me for my “insight” on different topics discussed on The
Forums. This scares the sh!t out of me. I am an unrepentant Smart-@ss. How could i have “insight”?
So the one area of this thread i CAN comment on is the effects being here have had on me.
The ripples of my Life off of the ‘Net are ...well, either boring or NOYDB.
1) My Life is not nearly as bad as i thought. Just when i think i among the most hopelessly fvcked-up, i open a thread about incest or racism and feel so much better about myself. There are people here that i hope never find their Dream Date and screw up the Gene Pool.
2) There are some truly wonderful people on the Planet, and a few of them are on POF.
Some very insightful, compassionate, generous and funny folks inhabit the spaces between the Troll
Bridges here. I haven’t gotten to know that many well, but those few have been well worth the time.
WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE STILL SINGLE ????
3) Did i mention “funny” ? I believe “ What doesn’t kill you should make you Laugh”.
I am a sucker for anyone who can make me laugh and this place has some folks who are truly
hysterical.. To those of you who tossed your pebbles and made so many of us clean our monitors,
I would like to say “Thank You”. May days were made brighter due to your sick sick minds.  | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/25/2008 11:18:22 PM | Lots of mushy... but, mushy is good sometimes...
I don't like it when I walk away from PoF feeling overwhelmed with bitterness of others... so, perhaps this little pebble will make some fishies feeling less bitter and more mushy...at least tonight.
There are some truly wonderful people on the Planet, and a few of them are on POF.
Some very insightful, compassionate, generous and funny folks inhabit the spaces between the Troll Bridges here.
There are indeed some amazing people here, whose words had very strong effect on me. My all time favorite post on PoF forums, the one and only that I have saved on my hard drive, the one that I have shared with people special to me, the one that made me think about the way I live and the way I love is post #38 in this thread: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/9215004datingPostpage2.aspx
Thank you, ItsMargo:)
As for the sick minds... Thank you, esad.
| |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/26/2008 4:30:49 AM | My all time favorite post on PoF forums
Red - Thank you for the link to this post. Being a horse person, I was in tears. But the end of the post really made me think. It has opened my eyes to a lot of questions I've been having lately about why I am unloved and seem to be "unlovable". You and ItsMargo have opened my eyes about my "fear factor".
I guess the old saying (Do as I say, not as I do) was a bigger part of my life than I thought. When I started having kids, I tried to protect them from hurt. I soon realized that protecting them from hurt was not going to prepare them for living well. We must experience the bad in order to appreciate the good.
I somehow became overprotective of myself. For the last couple years my heart has been hidden well because I had convinced myself that I couldn't possibly live through the pain again. I have unconsciously and unintentionally chased away those who could have loved me. I have refused to allow myself the freedom to love and be loved again.
I've always been accused of being a pessimist. I tell people that if you expect the worst, you're not so disappointed when it happens, and it will. It's amazing how someone can learn that "lesson" very early in life, hold tight to it for half a century, and in one fell swoop be proven wrong.
Looks like I've got my work cut out for me now! Thanks to Red and ItsMargo. You've "rippled" my life in more ways than one. | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/26/2008 4:48:14 AM | | have i read anything more cliche in the past few posts? | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/26/2008 4:50:36 AM | Ahh crap! I thought when I woke up this morning that I'd recovered from the emotion of yesterdays posts and I was ready to grab my coffee, check into my answer desk mode and toss out more witty and sage advice (haha!) , and what do I see? Another of Margo's heart stabbing beauties! I reckon she's probably getting sick of me giving her props, and that's OK...I'm sick of her catching me unaware and doing what she's doing to my poor heart! :)
I don't come to Fish looking for something, I come here to offer something. My life has been something else and I try to pass along what I can because, as a woman that was busted up most of my life, I see so much of that woman I used to be, and that mindset and thinking, in things I read here. I feel I must do what I can to eradicate it, lol.
So, being that I've been in a sunny, happy and cool relationship for the past 2 years, I've been zooming along thinking I'd done my time, had most my answers and was ready to settle in and cuddle up. Now, that's hard to say when said relationship is one involving a merged family with bad divorces and a posse of teenagers, but I really thought I had a grasp on it and would pass those tests with flying colors because I deemed myself healthy and together, finally.
But more and more, I began noticing posts from this Margo chick and at first, I passed her over cause her posts were long and emotional and smart and I didn't wanna go there. ( But as the hardships of this merged family began to surface, I found myself absorbing things she said, and even tho I might not feast on them right that minute, I'd find her words shooting through my mind at the weirdest damn times. Before long, the process became "there she is again, I'm NOT gonna read her, nonono!--only to see that she'd quoted something I said and now I had to read her, lol.  And then, from that came "Whoa there Nelly---is that what I was doing?!" Thank you for that, Margo.
And then, a really big shift came about. I went from someone not needing anything from these forums to someone on the look out for Miss Margo, and finally, if I couldn't find something she said that would fit the bill, I'd find myself tapping out an email asking for (what I thought was pretty precise) help, which is something I NEVER did. (Yikes!) Of course, once sent, I'd sit there thinking that I thought I knew how she'd reply, but no...couldn't have been more wrong. I'd crafted my questions to get the answers I wanted to hear, but Margo would have nothing to do with that! Plus, I thought I'd seen it all, heard it all, thought of it all...but I hadn't heard crap until I heard the wheels of Margo's mind turning, in every direction, all at once--it was dizzying! But underneath those awesome skills and abilities is a heart that just "knows". She knew what I didn't say, she knew what I didn't wanna say, she knew that pain and angst I didn't wanna express, and she knew what I needed better than me--and that really is saying something.
Margo, your gift is your ability to feel others, and make them feel you back, despite our best efforts. You're also gifted with the ability to zero right in on what's underneath what we speak that we're usually not even aware of ourselves, and even when we might be, you help to make sense of it all in a way that's crystal clear.
So...what I want to say to you is that your "ripple effect" encouraged me, inspired me, and stopped me from taking the best gift --outside my babies--that God placed in my lap for me to love, and trashing it, just like I did all my other gifts.
Back when the wedding was postponed, it had more to do with how he perceived me to be--cause, yanno, I was still hiding out--and how he didn't think he could live with and stay with that woman; and less to do with all the things I said it was about. And it was hard on him cause he loved me and saw glimpses of me and he felt my heart in a big way, but only in the good times, and he knew that wasn't enough... he knew he wanted ALL of me. I was unable to deliver cause I thought for sure that would send him packing.
Because of you, I learned to question myself and why I was doing this yet again. You made me question what love was all about, what FG was all about, and why she was hell bent on holding back with a death grip, the very best thing she had to offer. And...you taught me that it was folly and peril to overly focus on him and his "wrongs", and wise to focus on myself, what was effective/ineffective for us, and the absolute gift and bond that vulnerability affords. You made me realize that he couldn't love me in the way I wanted him to until I let him through showing him who I really was, and not just tossing him the bits and pieces I deemed it OK to show him. And you taught me how to hold on and love him gracefully through those times when, because of my own pain and fear and all the crap merged families go through, I was ready to string him up and do mean things to him. You became a huge force in the progress I made, in the progress we made, in the complete turn our relationship took, and the fact that we are now married. And the thing is, you never even knew it...you were just being Margo, completely unaware of your value and importance to us. That's why I've been leaving you these lil gifts, dammit.
God Bless you, darlin. Your heart and mind have touched and shaped my life in a way that will carry on for the rest of my life, and it will touch my husband, my kids, my future grandbabies, and probably total strangers I encounter, too.
My favorite ripple?
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/8776554datingPostpage4.aspx | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:09:41 AM | That why "test balloon" have always been popular ~ cause and effect determined at the cost of a balloon.
excellent post as well" funnygirl" ~
seems there is no end to the "growing" ~ dance | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:10:20 AM | Ahhh Red...another soul moving thread. Thank you. Your story of the man who found forgiveness for those who murdered his family (and millions) in the holocaust resulting in your giving up anger is a huge inspiration and reminder for me. And truly words are not doing me justice trying to express that to you.
I utterly believe in 'the ripple' or 'butterly effect' - I don't know how one can't affect or be affected by others - and so much happens energetically out of our control.....
So, just keeping to the forums for now, for that is where my focus is right now - Yesterday, and now today also, they are having quite an impact on me. Yesterday was a day I do a monthly healing circle with many other like minded people. And the morning here was full of very moving posts from women I find inspiring - itsMargo is one, rune3 is another, Funny Girl is another and there are many, as there are men here who also really inspire me.
Well, it was an itsMargo and rune3 morning and from reading their posts and feeling their love for their partners (and from their partners), I realized something I hadn't let myself see before. And I also need to add, since this is what started the ripple or the butterfly flapping - before the love posts, I had seen a post to me criticizing how judgemental I was and I thought I usually feel empathy for the posters, but that poster was right - I had read something quickly and jumped to conclusions based on something her post set off in me and I had been cruel in my response and I saw this poster was right and I thanked her and apologized also for my post because I got what she was saying and saw it as a gift - I needed to see my insensitivity.
So, I was in a sensitive state and I read these other posts and they kept going deeply into my heart (as your thread here, Red is doing also), and I was driving to my healing circle deep in a beautiful State Park near my home and it hit me - I still had my heart closed when it came to personal, romantic relationships. I have been realizing for years I had closed it for protection and have also been opening it too when I felt safe and secure.....so most of the time, since I am not in a relationship, I am really open hearted. But, when it comes to romantic relationships, I only realized yesterday I still had a tight lid on letting my love flow.
And so, yesterday was a big turning point and a wake up call for me to address this and to start taking off the veils I've been holding up, thinking they were protecting me, but really, they are keeping my love in and not letting it out, and they are keeping out what I so wish to receive - and that is the love from others.
And of course, love is contagious, like anger is and resentment and fear - it's time I faced my fear, I guess, is what I"m really trying to say - and let it go. Because it's hurting me to hold onto it. It's creating what I'm most afraid of, and that is not to be loved..... which means not to be loving, or lovable.
So yes, Red - "it's time I started creating the joys of my future instead of living in the sorrows of my past."
EDIT to add : Wow, Funny Girl - where are my tissues - again! I read your post after writing this one, and it so touches exactly what I'm talking about - yes itsmargo really is a gift, as honestly, we all are here....every single person who posts is learning and teaching something. Thank you for your truly heartfelt post. Inspiring is an understatement. | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:24:54 AM | Ripples. I wounder how many people have actually taken the advice offered? Do we really have an affect in some one's breakup or commitment. I tend on being very matter of fact when I dole my out advice to strangers. There is no emotional attachment so I get very bare bones about a situation. IRL I avoid giving friends advice like the plague.
I also wonder why so many people have me on their favorites lists, it doesn't appear that in real life that I have quite the same effect on people. | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:32:24 AM | Hey redcassandra....a very thought provoking thread.
Unfortunately.....the only ripple effect I have is when I fart in the bath tub.
As for on POF.....I have met a number of influential people who have posted interesting threads, such as yourself.....and I have high regards for these people.
But, I have also came across some moronic threads and have been in heated debate with those whose heads have been stuck up their a$$..
In general.....these forums have enlightened me.....and has given me the courage to speak my fukn mind..
Thank you | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:35:46 AM | "The truth shall set you free" - an old quote, but a matter that pertains to the heart as well as the soul.
The truth about ourselves; how we deal with pain; how we heal; how we learn to accept;how we learn to love again. A wonderful dear friend and mentor of mine once told me the most important thing you can do in life - when you are in a hole, stop digging. Sounds trite. But think about it.
When you are so focused on yourself, and what you are doing, everything else is lost. And it's the lost that you need. After all you can be yourself just being alive. You must desire finding the lost, fulfilling that need which makes you stop digging.
And no one ever got out of a hole by making it deeper. | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/26/2008 6:34:14 AM | Amazing posts everyone.....
My ripple effect that I feel the most......I have one grandparent,that is all I have had all my life. She is not a nice person, very judgemental, plays favorites, etc.
My father's parents died when I was fairly young (I was 11ish), but I still remember my grandmother some. I was one of only 3 granddaughters for her. I suppose I got a little bit of extra sweet treatment, because my father was her "baby boy", the youngest boy of six kids.
That is part of what made me become a nursing assistant. I love giving back. I see these people who have lived extraordinary lives, as adopted grandparents. What I never expected was what they would give me. I thought I was doing a great service to them, caring for them when their families dumped them in nursing homes, only to never be seen again.
But they have given me, and my children so much more than I could ever give them. Sage and wise advice. Loving without condition....truly amazing how someone who has Alzhiemer's can't remember what happened yesterday can recognize your voice, and they may not know your name, but they "know" who you are, and hold their arms out for a hug.
Or taking care of a woman, who you find out, 90 years before, was born in the house that you live in. Who tells of what it was like growing up in this tiny town you now live in. Sharing what that home meant to her, and having that connection of "safety" that you also felt living there.
This is a gift that I treasure. Especially when I hit the rough patches of life. I am in one of those rough patches now. A shoulder injury 7 months ago, has possibly left me permanently disabled. Not to the point I cannot take care of myself or my children, but it certainly isn't making it easy. I am having to rethink all of my plans, and adjusting what I will need to do to make life happen.
The people that have supported me during this, given me the strength to keep going everyday, helping me not focus on the negative, but rather looking at the positives, will have a profound effect on my future, and my children's future. Some I see every day when I go and do light duty at the office, and some I have met here and will never "meet" in person.
I can only hope, through my actions and my words, that I, in some small way, can have the same effect on others. I try my best. | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/26/2008 7:19:40 AM | Hi OP:)
I read your post last night and it reminded me of something I wrote on the religious forums a while back
about the (in)significance of our presence on earth....it very much mirrors what you wrote in your post.
You called it the ripple effect and I called it the butterfly effect...same thing, and I hope you don't mind if I put
it here...it just seems to fit.
********************************************************************
I don't feel insignificant. With or without religion, a person's journey on this planet can have deep meaning and leave a significant impact on those left behind once they're gone. It's all a matter of perception in my opinion.
No, I haven't discovered anything new or written a best seller novel or solved any great mystery, but I still get to leave my tiny footprints behind.
The essence of me, however small and insignificant it might seem to some, will still be here for a while if not forever even after I'm long buried and gone.
It will continue to live in my children and my grandchildren and their children. But having children is not necessary to leave your footprint or your essence behind IMO.
Your "essence" is sprinkled on everyone you come in contact with and on everything you do throughout your entire life.
I call it the butterfly effect (not an original thought I know but it works).
Every kind gesture or word of kindness freely given to someone has an impact on that person's life.
And the same goes for every mean or unkind word or action that we do or that comes out of our mouth.
Even the words I've written on these boards might be read some day by someone who will be either uplifted or saddened by them.
So no, I don't feel insignificant at all and I can't help but feel very sorry for anyone who might feel this way.
****************************************************************************
I am a huge believer in the ripple or butterfly effect. I believe that just one smile...one touch...one kind word or gesture has the potential to literally change the course of history in a positive way. In the same way that our failure to do those things can affect it negatively for years to come.
Just think of an abused or neglected child who nobody takes the time to "see"...what if we all said "he's not my problem" . IMO, all it takes is one person to make a difference for that kid...just one. And if because of that person the kid is given the proper help and guidance and put in the right environment, that kid now has the potential to grow up to be the one who finds the cure for Aids....or he could end up just a regular Joe like most of us too....but at least that kid was given a fighting chance at a normal life. All because of just one person.
If on the other hand no one acted on behalf of that kid, with each person believing that no way they alone could make a difference in that kid's life, then not only do I believe that we may have lost a potential great human being who could have been our next Einstein, but perhaps we've just helped in creating our next Dahmer or Hitler....how do we know what that kid could have been if he was never given a fighting chance?
What if the smile and the friendly chit chat you had with the sad looking elderly gentlemen waiting behind you at the check out counter at Walmart was the first time anyone noticed or talked to him in days or in weeks...months? What if his wife just died and he had been thinking that no one will ever "see" him again so what's the point of even living?
Many posters right here on these forums have given me hope when I thought there was none...some know who they are and some have no clue just how much their words have helped me..."me", a stranger in cyberspace they don't even know.
But their words of wisdom have reached across the miles to touch the heart of another human being and that alone blows my mind.
Think about it...they are "just" words that are typed on an ordinary keyboard...but those words now have the potential of being read by someone who's lonely, frightened, confused, and feeling very much alone, somewhere on the other side of the planet, given them hope that someone gets it...someone understands. Wow. Maybe I'm weird but that just blows my mind. And where many see the Internet as a "bad" thing...that alone overrides it in my opinion.
Thanks Red for the lovely post...big hugs to you:)
JMO | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/26/2008 8:11:09 AM | There have been wonderful posts and many wonderful email conversations with friends from this site, that I have found tremendous comfort in since joining. Comfort in time of sadness that has made me see that silver lining behind a dark cloud. I usually am a "silver lining" type of person but, just sometimes I can't see it and needed a little help in locating it. There have been those of you that my heart has gone out to and those whom I hope I have had some type of positive effect on whether it be serious or humorous, I have heard from some very lovely people. I have made some wonderful site friends in the time I've been here. I have also met in person some very nice people here. The ripple effect lives on.
There have been times that I have been reading the forums and have found posts that I have read wherein I have laughed so hard I spit on my monitor or laughed so hard that my sides hurt or laughed and didn't watch what I was doing and spilled my coffee! I love to laugh like that and there were times that I really needed a great laugh. Thank you to all of you who provided that gift to me........there have been many of you. And oh, I forgive you for making me spill my coffee on my light beige carpet too. Just so you know. ~winks~ It was worth it. Thank you all.
Last year, prior to joining here, I was in a LTR of many years. He passed away last year after a long illness. He was my "rock" for many years if I needed him to lean on and I for him. Even in his terrible pain and sickness he was "there" for me.
I never asked or said anything to him about -what was I gonna do without him- when the time came that he was no longer around (because by then it was immient that death would be certain).
But somehow he knew what I was feeling. He told me not to spend a lot of time grieving for him after he was gone, to the point that it would keep me from getting on with my life and carry on. That there's nothing that would change this outcome and there would be nothing that I (meaning me) could do about it and that wasting too much time grieving and not letting the stages of grief happen naturally and in succession wasn't healthy. He told me just "go with it, like I know you can".......then "go on with your life and turn this page and write a new chapter". That he would be in a better place although not "here" in body but would live in my heart. He said I deserved to be happy and when all of my grieving was finished that I would know it, see it and feel it. He said then let someone new into your heart and find happiness again because it can and does happen more than once in one's life. He told me that after "his time" came and he was gone, I would even be angry with him for leaving this earth. But, he said, I'd been "pissed off" with him before and I'd gotten over it, I will get over it again. LOL He was always making me laugh.
You know what? He was right in all of the above. Every single point. I have moved on, forward, that's when I joined the dating world again and haven't had any reservations about doing so.
Have I make mistakes since beginning to date again? Oh, my, yes. I dropped a big pebble into the pond and hurt someone's feelings and I very feel badly about it to this day a couple of months later. Sometimes, we all say things that hurt others feelings, say things we don't mean in the heat of anger/frustration and make ripples that affect others in a hurtful way. That's why I try to measure my words, but sometimes it just doesn't work out the way we/I want. I learn from my mistakes.
I see so many people, here and IRW who aren't sure if they should be here, looking for someone special. I think that if you aren't sure then you shouldn't be looking for someone to take into your heart, right now. Perhaps later.
My grandmother always told me.....and I don't know who initially said it....."Just when you think you have it bad, there's someone else who's in worse shape than you. Go help _them_. I have tried to do this.
My daughter (age 26 now) said to me a few years ago that she understands more now that she's older, why I would say certain things to her, not let her do certain things that she thought she should be allowed to do when she was growing up, that she would get so angry at me for, thought I was unreasonable about. Why I made her do chores and if she wanted money, she had to do something to earn it, not just be given it when a lot of the other kids were just given money and not have to DO anything for it.
I always told her (gawd, in those terrible teenage years) that, "I was NOT, put upon this earth to make your life miserable. I was put here to be your mother and TRY the best I know how to guide you into doing the right thing for the right reasons. To make the best possible decisions......" (there's more to my little speech to her that she did hear more than a few times during her life.) She told me that now, when she is in doubt, she remembers those words and thinks hard about what to do.......or thinks "what would Mom do........then she said if she needs help with a decison she calls me up and asks me my opinion. This she does do. And this was one of the most wonderful gifts that she has given me. It ranks right up there with my grandson. I can see the positive effect that I have had on her (not to toot my own horn or anything. :-) She has turned out wonderful. And she's a wonderful mother. I had help in shaping her, I didn't do it all on my own.......she has a wonderful father too. I can only hope and pray that this "pebble" will ripple to my grandson and to his children and soforth.
Damnit Red! I knew I shouldn't have read this thread and posted before I went shopping today! Now underneath my eyes look like I have my bags packed! HEY! Do any of have some extra tissues? I'm out........
*clicks the "post" button and aimlessly wanders off to locate ice pack to apply to the eyes to rid herself of the "packed bag" effect under the eyes.* ~grin~ | |
|
| The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/26/2008 8:27:35 AM | As I was reading this post I got a phone call that an online friend of mine from my hard of hearing/deaf network had passed on late last night.
She was an amazing woman.... a writer with such a gift..... we all looked forward to her next post and thoughts on any subject.....
The Ripple Effect is felt at this very moment... and she'll never know......
Who she was and how she affected us will continue to ripple through our lives every time we
speak of her or remember how she touched us with her words, kindness, humor and love.
Yes Red, the Ripple Effect is powerful. Even the slightest motion has the ability to start a firestorm of reactions....
And sometimes the most gentle of touches will be forever moving forward............................ | |
|
|
| Page 1 of 5
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5 |
|
Home
login 
