| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/25/2008 10:16:33 PM | Hey Everybody,
About 2 months ago I got out of a relationship where we started having sex soon after beginning to see each other.
Now, its not that it wasn't enjoyable for both of us in the moment, but looking back I feel that it was too soon. I'm not necessarily old-fashioned, but I now feel that you should get to know a person's mind and personality well before you move to the stage where you know their body intimately. It seems to me that a relationtionship as a whole, not just the sex, will be so much more rewarding if two ppl already have a strong connection. And, if the two in the relationship already deeply care about each other, or love each other, then so much the better.
What is "too soon" though? I supposed there is no concrete answer for that. That will depend on personal and religious beliefs, chemistry, how often ppl see each other, and much more.
I'm curious to hear your opinions on this topic. Do you feel that having sex too soon can hurt a relationship? What about waiting too long? What do you think most people would consider to be too soon or too late? Do you feel that it even matters?
-Thanks for reading, and for those that reply, thanks again. I always enjoy the opportunity to throw around a profound, and relevant, topic. | |
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| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/25/2008 11:16:43 PM | I think those are some really good questions for someone seriously looking for a committed relationship...
TensawEagle | |
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| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/25/2008 11:25:42 PM |
Having sex too early...
no such thing...
Do you feel that having sex too soon can hurt a relationship?
depends on the relationship...are we talking about your sister?...if not, then nope... | |
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| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 12:09:58 AM | It's too soon if you might potentially regret it.
It's too soon if you believe in sex as an expression of Love that happens in an established loving relationship and you don't know them well enough to be in an established loving relationship with love to express.
It's too soon if you're going to be unable to cope with the potential consequences which include pregnancy, disease and the other person becoming very attached to you.
It's too soon if you don't know them well enough to know whether they can cope with these things and whether you can cope with their method of coping.
Having sex before the feelings are there can of course potentially damage relationships. Not to say that it always will, but it crosses natural boundaries. People persuaded or pushed into crossing natural boundaries often have second thoughts after the fact and this is something that is logically damaging to a relationship.
If you don't know if you can cope with the consequences of an unnecessary risk, taking the risk is not a good plan.
There aren't time limits on these things, it's all extremely personal.
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| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 12:15:45 AM | ^^^ well then, I suppose I'm safe...................................... | |
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| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 1:22:38 AM | | i've had relationships where i waited a day, and ones where i waited 6 months... it really depends on the person. did either type of relationship ultimately work out? no.. does that mean that it didn't work for the situation? no.. it depends on the people, what you want out of it, and your own personal beliefs/values. there's no set date, there's no "too soon", and thinking so i think, is actually damaging to a relationship. do whatever's comfortable. | |
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| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 2:41:24 AM | There is no criteria for too soon. I think that you have to decide if you have enough care and concern on both sides to stick together, or if it is just a self satisfaction thing. I am not the best at answering this question...Going threw the same thing! :)
But Good Luck! | |
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| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 3:03:57 AM | I've actually been wondering about this topic myself. I get the whole grown adult thing and as long as everyone is okay with it...
What are guys really thinking about this though? As a female you are told not to have sex too soon because men won't respect you, they'll think your easy.... blah blah blah. On the other hand, if your "making out" with a guy and you don't have sex with them, you're a tease and/or you get the guilt treatment. And if you wait too long, they'll start having sex with others. WTF!  | |
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| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 3:17:49 AM | ^^^Don't fall into the trap of regarding sex/your body as a commodity and don't waste your time with men who do take these kinds of attitudes. Sex is not something you give to them, it is something you share in and if they don't see it that way they're better off with all those other women who will 'give' them sex, yes, but will also use sex to manipulate them.
Don't bother trying to be with men with whom you feel the need to play this kind of game. Some immature guys may be like this but if you work on the assumption that they all are then you'd have to start playing games to counter their games and it's all so very silly.
You're not a slut if you sleep with someone after a very short time of being involved with them. You are daft if you do so without considering the possible consequences, one of which is always going to be "I might not see him again" or "he might turn out to be a complete jerk" and it is worth realising that this is always going to be a possibility: whether you have sex or drink coffee together. You're not a tease if you don't sleep with someone after a short time of being involved with them -- unless you are holding back not because you aren't ready, but because you are enjoying the power trip game. | |
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| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 3:37:21 AM | Dating in one's 40s has been highly enlightening in this area and unfortunately, the sentiments expressed by trayc are still held by many men that are no longer in their 20s and sowing the oats.
Some men will sleep with a woman thinking how many other guys has she done this with, i.e. bar pick-ups and even early in a potentially budding relationship and then that individual is categorized as not relationship material. What is different are the numbers of men who will not take the quick deal because they prefer to know the person with whom they become intimate.
I think for many women at least, there is a too early for sex because there may be a tendency to confuse great sex for deep feeling and a connection that really isn't there.
Each situation is different. A timeline is impossible because there is face time, online perhaps, phone, as well as the degree to which both parties are open and communicative. You can know someone better in three weeks than someone else in six months. Use your brain and your gut and recognize that what is right for you may with 20/20 hindsight be too early or too late. And btw, the too late usually signifies waiting until there are things that despite the sex, preclude moving forward with the relationship so in essence, not too long, just past the idiocy period. | |
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| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 3:43:00 AM | OP - there are threads by the thousand about she/he wanted sex and we did it and she/he never called again.
Think this is up to the two people involved, if you feel you can cope with her/his having his way and then out the door then go for it.
Same as she/he has her/his way and stays the course of the relationship, whatever it may be.
Can only decide for yourself at the time. | |
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| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 3:23:16 PM | Good Said .....Loz Hunter
sometimes you body just needs this...
but dont go in it expecting everthing!!!!! | |
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| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 3:33:31 PM | There really is no too soon.
If you catch somebodies interest ,if you just gel,if you find yourselves drawn to each other,if you find yourself stimulated(excuse the pun) by that person and they feel the same then when you get down to the sex thing really isnt relevant. | |
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| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 3:57:47 PM | IMHO............. Depends how special Intimacy is to a person. If intimacy is a special place that you only want to go and share with a special person, then it will be special and sincere when you eventually get to that level. If you share intimacy with someone you just met......1st 2nd 3rd date whatever...... it is not so special...... it is just sex with a relative stranger ......
Peace | |
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| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 4:09:55 PM |
it is not so special...... it is just sex with a relative stranger ......
Yup. That's the point I was trying to make before | |
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| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 4:32:40 PM | What about us here in Alabama. We have sex with our sisters. LOL. Now before all you people in Alabama get upset let me say that I was born and raised and still live in Alabama. So what I said was in a joking way. We Alabamaians know that we dont sleep with our sisters but that is what the northern people and anyone from outside the south thinks so I just thought I would throw them bone, to show them how ignorant they are.
My name is Billy Bob Jones and I approved this message | |
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| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 4:33:05 PM | Its a compromise.
Too soon and he thinks your easy.
Too late and he thinks your not into sex. | |
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| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 4:41:36 PM | Every situation is different.
Do you have that "gut" feeling?- that you can trust this other person, that the feelings are mutual and that whatever the outcome it is ok with you (you keep dating/you never see them again)? Do you feel like you are in this together? Is it something that you both want?
Women are raised with those idiotic conditions put on us- be sexy, be virtuous, attract the man, make sure you aren't a slut, wait for sex, put out, be innocent, be wordly.
I say ditch all that.
If you are on this site, you are likely wanting to find someone special. And if you have this whole conversation playing in your mind whenever you are together, then there is alot of talk that is clouding the wonderful moments, and you are probably missing them. | |
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| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:17:47 PM | Too soon for me is before we've even had a chance for "the talk". I won't think they're easy/slutty, but I will think they're irresponsible & possibly unhealthy - especially if they don't know me that well
But then again, I'm a selfish jerk looking out for #1 who doesn't foolishly believe everyone that just says "I'm clean" with no background information about it. The town I'm in has freakishly high STD rates & anyone who wants that without getting ourselves tested scares me. | |
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| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:21:30 PM | I used to think having sex too soon was a bad thing as well.
A pal pointed out to me that it should be something that one gets out of the way as soon as possible to see if you are compatible this way.
I did a little thinking and decided there is some credence to that statement, albeit a little.
Backtrack a bit here.....dated a guy four times and then had sex. It was less than stellar and IT was less than I was used to.
Had I known going in, I would not have.
Then again, my pal could have just been saying that to get laid. Wonder if it actually works for him?
^^BG^^ | |
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| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:34:08 PM | amen to that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the only thing i can say is you hit the nail rigth on the head, what is it nowadays?? men just dont have respect for women no matter if you give it to them or not. I think men really dont know what they want out of life so they have to act like they are still in high school. GROW UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 7:15:57 PM | Seriously, have sex if/ when you want to. Coming up with arbitrary rules, instead of doing what feels right, is senseless.
I totally agree with this statement...when was there a guideline put on the time limit for sex!!!! Do what makes you feel good, but realize, it could lead to something..or it couldnt. | |
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