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| the truthful profile review
Posted: 5/26/2008 2:54:50 PM | | I just say whats what in my review, I don't care how stupid or corny it sounds because its the truth. My hope is that, while being initially not the wisest course of action, someday it will pay off. Does everyone think that's true or am I living in a pipe dream? | |
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| the truthful profile review
Posted: 5/26/2008 4:11:38 PM | You start with a barely concealed reference to Cthulhu god. Always a good thing to tell ladies that you identify with a god from a mythos where gods are known for their unspeakable horror.
Then you cleverly conceal smoking with "Prefer not to say" and after that, you impress them with an ink blot that has a shape of a human face in it. Then you have a description of yourself with weird word capitalization and a few did-he-or-didn't-he-mean-to-misspell-that words. That description is not quite descriptive, although it paints a picture of someone who is weird. And then the last date is a copout.
This will absolutely not work as any kind of dating profile. As friends... it might, but for a very select audience. Not likely a lot of women share your sense of humor. Frankly, I think more men than women will find that type of person interesting. I don't mean in a dating/sexual sense, you just have a personality that guys are more likely to find fun.
On the positive side, anyone who puts Weird Al as his song selection is good in my book. | |
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| the truthful profile review
Posted: 5/26/2008 6:12:39 PM | Well, IMO, with that profile, it is a pipedream. If you write it the way it should be written, then it wouldn't be.
best wishes
OFCB | |
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| the truthful profile review
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:16:54 PM | I agree, ans I want to change my name from Yogsothoth to something a little less esoteric, Those kind of stories are what I publish, so for me it's a hard habit to break,
thank you for the feedback, now if I can ever figure out how to change my username, and scatch the lovecraftian element I should be ok. Lovecraft is my favourite aathor so I will still mention that, as an interest
Thank you again
Michael | |
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| the truthful profile review
Posted: 6/17/2008 7:02:27 AM | You want to know why you aren’t getting any responses or action with this profile? Lots of good points have been made between this thread and your other soon to be deleted thread, but I’m going to point out the glaringly obvious, at least to me. I tend to read a little deeper between the lines though, so I’m told, but I didn’t even get into your About Me section before I went “HOLD ON”.
At 38 years old you are single, never been married, have no children, write science-fiction/fantasy stories, and you are looking for friends? Now, yes, a lady whose name has slipped my mind mentioned this already but for a different reason. What I see when I see all of these things is a man with no social skills who has no friends of his own; someone who has issues that do not attract new people to his personality; someone who is a recluse. Read your interests section back to you and tell me you don’t sound like Buffalo Bill. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with the lifestyle you lead. I’m just saying you will have next to zero luck finding someone who too finds the things you do amusing and isn’t frightened by your profile.
Let’s break this one down quickly though. Uber-passive username that is a little too heavy. The headline didn’t disappoint as it is existential as you mentioned. But you’re only looking for friends…
Yev already hit the smoking button so I’ll pass on that. Do you have a car? N/A is a “little” vague, and me thinks the car question is rather concrete, to borrow a word from your profile. There’s no grey area here; if you borrow your mom’s car that doesn’t make it yours. See where I’m going here? State the definite.
The pictures are brutal dude. All four are shot by a grainy webcam with poor colour. You make a reference to writing books sans Fabio on the cover, which I find funny because you look like a thinner version of Fabio! LOL You’re a decent looking guy with bright features hair that by the looks of things many women would be jealous of. What do you use in it? ;-) Scrap all four, set up your digital camera and take some real ones, preferably outside of your bedroom so that people can shake that fear I just mentioned above. You don’t live with your mom do you? Also, pictures where you’ve got a flannel bed sheet pinned over your window in place of a blind are not the most appealing to women. Just some food for thought, but you don’t need to attract women because you are merely looking for friends…
Your interests are a mess. They should be one-to-three word phrases and they should all be separated by commas followed by a space; this allows them to hyperlink and be searchable. Searches help you cause. Having an interest in banana cream pie, mercury birds, and philosophically stricken phrases don’t. I find it funny that you love and write sci-fi and fantasy stories yet there’s no mention of either in your interests. Pie is not an interest, unless you make pie for a living and love what you do. Indoor room hammocks aren’t either! Fishing, hunting, camping, motorcycles, poker, computers, reading, writing, knitting, drinking (don’t put it in though), golf, shopping, travelling… they are all interests. Granted I included many generic ones, but now you might get the gist. For a dating profile you need 12-20 interest ideally, but you need about 25-30 as you are just looking for friends.
Your About Me section will scare the rest of the folk away who haven’t already ran out from the first few red flags. The term necromancy alone will do it for most as they’ll automatically associate it with necrophilia. Yes, two unrelated items, but they sound kind of similar, and most people won’t know what the word means. When they do google it they’ll be looking for the back button most of the time as it’s a bizarre interest. Actually, all three are a tad occult. You’ve not told us anything about yourself personality-wise. We know nothing about you, aside from what you like to do, which again is kind of brief.
You use one solid block of text when there should be three paragraphs minimum: one about what you like to do, one about who you are as a person, and one about the personality of the woman you are seeking. In this case you need just explain what you are looking for a friend for, as let’s face it… you’re just looking for friends.
As a writer I wonder if you are testing the reader to see if they’ll point out the errors in your text. Myself, considering the idea of writing my first novel these days, I strive for perfection in my writing. I want people to read my writing and think “wow, this guy can lay it out” and not “this guy’s an aspiring writer? Me thinks he should go back to grammar school and pick up a Speak-n-Spell on his way home from the night classes”. Fortunately I have told but one person prior to this of my intentions so I don’t people making ANY judgments on it other than those they construct automatically. I know editors exist for a reason but ultimately a writer should possess… writing skills. You have words that are misspelled in ways I’ve never seen, and plenty of grammatical and syntactic errors to boot. As with any other piece of literature you should proof-read your profile before posting it so we, the readers, don’t try and poke holes in it.
Remove quotes from the text and place them at the end of the body of text or in a paragraph all by themselves. Also, why is there a first date section if you are……OH! Has the writer revealed his secret before the punchline? Friends don’t go for walks to get to know each other my friend. If I were you and you just wanted friends and were happy in your bubble not being romantic with another woman ever, which I doubt is the case but delude yourself as you wish, I’d suggest removing the first date text altogether.
The age range will frighten many women. To be honest, the fact that you are only seeking females only supports the suspect notion of your friends’ profile. If you were truly interested in friends you’d accept all comers, both male and female.
Read the tips you were given before, and the ones to come in the future, check out the Tips threads, and reconstruct this mother, and when you are done bump your thread for another look. Good luck OP. | |
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| the truthful profile review
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:21:04 AM | Many of your points are right, I do not write profile reviews like I do short stories and novels, I suggest you go to the creative writing forum and read my story, by which I have all the writes to, and then rip out your sarcsastic-Me thinks he should go back to grammar school and pick up a Speak-n-Spell on his way home from the night classes.
BTW I added a little reply because I was so happy with my first live sale to a legitamate press, that I thought I'd mention some of the high quality professional writers included in the anthology (one of whom has won the Bram Stoker Award.) I would advise you to glance over both my story and the following reply before you have the gall to tell me to go out and buy a speak-n-spell, and go back to gramer school, because obviously
Publishing houses or presses as they are sometimes called do not include kinderkarten works in anthologys with writers who have won numerous awards and written many best selling novels and poety compilations. I cannot decide if you mean well or are simply a wicked person who for some part has no idea what you are talking about.
Read my live sale story and then see how you think I still need a spak-n-spell and grammer school Expect a formal complaint about your conduct, I don't care who you are----http://www.lilleypress.com/wow/Ressurection of Titan | |
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| the truthful profile review
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:36:18 AM | I don't need to read your live sale story or your works. I will though out of interest sake, as well to silence the pure critic in me. Now while we are doing research why don't you do the same and go through my forum history. Better yet, pay attention to the comments of those I've posted to. Even when it's harsh or teaming with sarcasm people still glow in thanks for the help. Why? Because while the sarcasm and humour is strong it's not that disguised so that people don't get it. None of my comments were hateful or meant in spite. Everything I said I said to help you and your cause, and I say it not from a biased tone but from what I, the reader, sees. And by this I mean what many others will also see. By the way your spelling and grammar must get bad when you are upset as it has taken a turn for the worse with this post.
And recall, your final draft was not likely your first draft. I'm going to assume you had it edited and ripped apart numerous times before submitting it for publisher's review. They buy ideas and substance, not spelling and the likes. They won't accept it like that, but they won't kill the idea either... just tell you to try again after you've had it properly edited, but I don't think I need to give you any sort of lesson on the mechanics of publishing literary works here.
EDITPOST: BTW the link you provided doesn't work. Do you have another link? And the grammar school/speak-n-spell reference was directed at me, as self-deprecation, but indirectly it was laid there for you to take notice of your own errors as well so I suppose my point was successful. | |
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| the truthful profile review
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:46:12 AM | | I read your story in the other forum and once again I point out that I didn't say you hadn't good ideas or the ability to apply them. Your story is creative. It's not my style, nor could I stomach reading an entire fantasy or sci-fi novel, so in that sense I really cannot comment on it's caliber. But from what I read it's pretty good. You should be proud of it and the fact that you've managed to have it published. | |
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| the truthful profile review
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:47:16 PM | The Deuceman Cometh said:
Myself, considering the idea of writing my first novel these days, I strive for perfection in my writing. I want people to read my writing and think “wow, this guy can lay it out” and not “this guy’s an aspiring writer? Me thinks he should go back to grammar school and pick up a Speak-n-Spell on his way home from the night classes”
I just wanted to put that up there (emphasis mine, not his) to remind the OP that Deuce was discussing how he wanted people to feel about his writing. You can read what you want into his comment, but the facts of the matter are that all he said to you is:
You have words that are misspelled in ways I’ve never seen, and plenty of grammatical and syntactic errors to boot. As with any other piece of literature you should proof-read your profile before posting it so we, the readers, don’t try and poke holes in it.
The first of these two comments is factual. Like it or not, you have many grammatical, spelling, and syntactical errors in your profile. The second is sound advice. Neither one of these are anything that will earn the author a reprimand.
Nobody is criticizing your ability to write a short story (or a play, or a novel, or anything else). The sole focus of our attention -- and our criticism and suggestions -- is your ability to write a profile... and it is only being done because you asked us to.
You walked into a group of strangers and said, "What do you think of what I'm wearing? Is it suitable for a date?" Pretty much everyone in the room told you that your colours clashed, had spinach in your teeth, were wearing ripped pants and only one sock, and had on a soiled shirt. Stamping your foot and crying out, "But I'm a fashion designer!" is not going to change these facts; it will just cause the strangers to find you increasingly ridiculous because you claim to be someone skilled in the craft of dressing others, but cannot seem to dress yourself to the standards of what is considered 'normal'.
Now, some of these strangers responded kindly, and some did so with raucous catcalls and finger-pointing... but all of them were responding to your question. Had you walked past and asked for naught, none of the strangers would have said aught... but in asking for opinions and then getting mad when you get them you reveal a lot about yourself that perhaps you don't want to be giving away.
Regardless, I'm done. You have received a lot of good advice on how to tuck in your shirt (metaphorically speaking) but it is your call if you want to take it. If you are looking for someone who will appreciate you for your wild, unkempt looks... then good luck to you. Honestly. Whether you change anything in your profile isn't going make one whit of difference to a single reviewer, so feel free to accept or discard any of the advice you receive.
But don't insult the people whose opinions you asked just because you don't like how they give it to you. | |
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| I can take some criticism
Posted: 6/17/2008 2:12:20 PM | But hear this I am in chronic pain, and I have no money having been waiting for disability for over 2 years. A flimsy blanket is all I have, I have a old webcam and cannot afford anything better to take pictures with. Some of us have to suffer everyday with chronic pain that makes life virtually impossible to do thins and implement the suggestions you gave me. That most of all is hat I was most upset about.
I hope you can understand these realities instead of jumping to conclusions that I can't spell and I need to go back to grade school. All I asked was for some insight on what I was doing wrong. I forgive you for that, and I don't care if you think I'm not serious or not. I truly wish we could have had a more constructive written discussion because you sound like you know what you are talking about and I am always looking for help from someone more experienced then me. Again my sincerest apologies
Michael William Douglas | |
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| I can take some criticism
Posted: 6/17/2008 2:26:58 PM |
But hear this I am in chronic pain, and I have no money having been waiting for disability for over 2 years. A flimsy blanket is all I have, I have a old webcam and cannot afford anything better to take pictures with. Some of us have to suffer everyday with chronic pain that makes life virtually impossible to do thins and implement the suggestions you gave me. That most of all is hat I was most upset about.
I think it's clear to me that your were given constructive, written discussion, yet also clear to me that your attitude is reflected in the paragraph quoted above. You can choose to accept things you may not like and do everything you possibly can to change them, or you can complain and look where else to lay the blame.
The previous reviewers are top notch reviewers, they've done this a time or two or several hundered, perhaps more...
I'd also modify your interests so they all turn into a searchable link, and rewrite your about me section to be in a nice easy to follow paragraph form. Reading the basic profile tips at the top of the forum is a good place to start.
Much like you quote Nietzsche, let me quote an old saying 'You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink'
The choice is yours... | |
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| the truthful profile review
Posted: 6/17/2008 2:32:38 PM | | I ABSOLUTELY think its the truth. Your ignoring what someone else may or may not like... and your being you. Thats the only way you can go. BUT, when it does pay off, you'll be rewarded with someone awesome! | |
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| I can take some criticism
Posted: 6/17/2008 3:40:19 PM | I truly wish we could have had a more constructive written discussion because you sound like you know what you are talking about and I am always looking for help from someone more experienced then me. Again my sincerest apologies
Michael William Douglas
Perhaps you missed the fact that I agree with all of you, that is all I can say and you better believe that I mean it. I am not a mean person, I simply am in pain and a stubborn pain in the ass, and that makes for one hell of a bad attitude. Again I am very sorry to lash out at you people like that. I hope I can learn more from you in the future
Michael | |
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| I can take some criticism
Posted: 6/17/2008 3:47:19 PM | OK, so NOW we are ready to start putting together a profile.
The first thing you need to do is think of your UNIQUE personality traits. We have one, stubborn, yes, this IS unique, AND should be listed! Last mind you, but should be listed. I am sure you can think of at least two more for you. Then do the same for the woman that you seek.
This will get you started. Now scoot, and get at it!
Best wishes
OFCB | |
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| I can take some criticism
Posted: 6/17/2008 4:08:42 PM |
I just say whats what in my review, I don't care how stupid or corny it sounds because its the truth. My hope is that, while being initially not the wisest course of action, someday it will pay off. Does everyone think that's true or am I living in a pipe dream?
This opening statement is the reason why I had originally decided not to review your profile.
I see now that I also may be joining the game in the bottom of the ninth as well, but felt I needed to offer my opinion on your profile after all.
You asked for a review and received several suggestions that I see you have not taken advantage of as the profile remains the same as it began. We offer our input as a way of 'structuring' decent information... This in turn assists you in your endeavor to make a 'connection' here. Whether it is for friends, hang~out, dating or what have you.
You have apologised for not 'getting it' so I'll give you a couple of basic ideas. The pictures that have been mentioned and explained as to their 'poor quality' do in fact need to be replaced; try to have a friend or someone take some more of you where you don't look quite so gloomy.
The interest section... also mentioned prior, needs more added in there properly as these show up in searches and are to your advantage.
If you smoke; answer yes. It's better to be honest in the beginning, rather than explain a lie in the end.
Decide if you want to date or if you are sticking with 'friends'. That's important on this site as someone else has already mentioned.
Fix the about me section; go with the standard 3 paragraphs here.
1) Describe your personality and character traits. 2) Tell us what you do; writer. 3) Describe the type of lady or 'people' you want to meet here.
You don't have to be a novelist to write an interesting profile just include the correct information the reader is looking for and anybody can succeed with the right amount of effort.
Good luck in the sea | |
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| I can take some criticism
Posted: 6/17/2008 4:36:39 PM |
while being initially not the wisest course of action, someday it will pay off
that's certainly a possibility but why make things harder than they need to be?
The adage that's truest for dating sites is, if it aint working you're doing something wrong.
I think you're way off base being too individual. That kind of stuff, whilst it makes perfect sense, to be an interesting. Just doesnt work. I've tried it repeatedly. There's no way to make it work. The further away from mainstream you are the less it works. Especially on here. Maybe you can get away with that stuff on other more orientated sites but not here. You can be a bit interesting but thats it. Stretch it too far and people see too many reasons not to like the sound of you.
It's like this, People don't know you personality wise to make a balanced judgement over the things you like. Thus they end up placing undue emphasis on specific things you like. Anything they dont like the sound of is a big NO NO in their mind. However people that know you better will balance who you are with what you like. In their eyes liking some shall we say unusual things matters a lot less. Its highly unlikely there's many females out there who are in to similar things, it's even less likely they're on this site. If you're waiting for the 1, you could be in for a long wait and potentially missing people who perhaps wouldnt mind that stuff you like in favour of your personality. The only way to prevent people from making "bad" decisions over your profile is to not give them the opportunity. | |
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| I can take some criticism
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:20:04 PM | Dear OP,
I came late to this review party and now I am curious. You received feedback from some of the best, but did you make any changes?
I may not be the celestially enlightened woman you are seeking, so my thoughts may or may not matter. You, sir, come across as an enigma. You say you are a writer and college educated, but I just don't get that from your profile. It is a feeling I get when I read, but the feeling says "something's not quite right".
In the cold, cruel world of online dating, I am afraid a feeling like that is enough for a click away.
Take the advice given. Flex your literary muscles (*wink wink*) and adjust to your readers. Good writers often have to sell their souls, like just about everything else.
Good luck. | |
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| the truthful profile review
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:55:12 PM | I want to suggest a couple of things: One of your interests is "Murderball". Now that's freaking cool. I haven't seen a game or the movie but I know it's a pretty extreme and rough sport. But anything with the word "murder" in it is something I would expect to scare women away from my profile and I wouldn't blame them.
Could you call it "Extreme Sports" instead and explain in more detail later? Or just save that interesting piece of your persona for once you know someone better?
You mention necromancy and a few other things that you could just wrap up into something like, "the supernatural" or "the paranormal" or something like that.
You are a good looking guy and you should get some Japanese tourist to take a picture of you out at a park or in front of a fountain or something.
Oh. And can I have your hair? | |
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| the truthful profile review
Posted: 6/17/2008 9:43:30 PM | OP,
We CAN have a constructive discussion about your profile but be prepared for it to be mainly one-way, as opinions and vantage points are not really up for discussion or argument. You can choose to use or lose any or all of the advice given but arguing it or defending your point really serves no purpose. I’m going to suggest once again that you go back through all the reviews and advice you were given and not only ignore any feelings of anger you might experience from the sarcasm or humour and make those changes first before we do anything further. You’ve been given lots of good, sound advice; make it work for you first. Stay true to who you are but the changes we’ve suggested so far are structural and not conceptual.
And I gracefully accept your apology. Feel privileged that anyone here is willing to give you any more help after that display you put on before. In most cases when an OP flakes out the reviewers tend to boycott the thread and the OP regardless of any apologies. For some reason you've struck a chord and it's a good one, fortunately for you. | |
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| the truthful profile review
Posted: 6/17/2008 10:27:50 PM | No one is perfect, especially not me, I do not deal with sarcasm well, and that is something I have to work on. You not only gave me good advice but also showed a side of me I did not like. All the best to you
Michael | |
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| the truthful profile review
Posted: 6/17/2008 10:46:39 PM | So now that I've helped you expose a grim part of your personality you know where you need to focus your attention to get back on the right path my friend. You owe it to yourself to use the advice given by all and correct the mess you've made for yourself. I've given you the mop... now, to work with you!
The Deuceman Giveth | |
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| the truthful profile review
Posted: 6/17/2008 10:49:34 PM |
No one is perfect, especially not me, I do not deal with sarcasm well, and that is something I have to work on. You not only gave me good advice but also showed a side of me I did not like. All the best to you.
This is very nice, but I believe we would ALL rather see you leaving here with a profile that will work for you. Now stop talking, and get to writing.
Best wishes
OFCB
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| I can take some criticism
Posted: 6/18/2008 12:50:41 AM | I suppose you are right, I do not want to walk around with the rest of the status quo with us all wearing Bowler Hats and the like (I stole that from the time machine, the 2001 version) lol. I have unorthodox tastes and God or whatever Cosmic force, through a series of situations made it so (my parents also). We all evolve in different ways ans I was never one to Hail the mainstream, I like the way I look, though most others do not, and I enjoy things that relate to the macabre and the dark side of the human condition. I am not evil, these things simply fascinate me, so if you know of people who hold similar tastes, I would really like to know where they are. Of all the people who chose to comment and offer some advice I found yours, to me, the most succintful and enlightening without being like the rest if them. It was a pleasure to be able to speak with you. I feel you are a highly evolved person, and I will try toconduct myself as you seem to do with effortless class and levelheadednes
NAMASTE, and Thanx | |
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| A sea of identical Bowler Hats is not for me
Posted: 6/18/2008 1:06:40 AM | I suppose you are right, I do not want to walk around with the rest of the status quo with us all wearing Bowler Hats and the like (I stole that from the time machine, the 2001 version) lol. I have unorthodox tastes and God or whatever Cosmic force, through a series of situations made it so (my parents also). We all evolve in different ways ans I was never one to Hail the mainstream, I like the way I look, though most others do not, and I enjoy things that relate to the macabre and the dark side of the human condition. I am not evil, these things simply fascinate me, so if you know of people who hold similar tastes, I would really like to know where they are. Of all the people who chose to comment and offer some advice I found yours, to me, the most succintful and enlightening without being like the rest if them. It was a pleasure to be able to speak with you. I feel you are a highly evolved person, and I will try toconduct myself as you seem to do with effortless class and levelheadednes
NAMASTE, and Thanx | |
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