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| if this is so easy, why do I have writers block?
Posted: 5/27/2008 1:51:40 AM | I guess no one said it was easy.
I am struggling with communicating the right message about myself. I am an independent, busy mom and career woman, have lots of friends and family, involved in outside activites.....blah, blah blah.
I don't have a date for Friday night. I miss romance in my life. But I am tired of dead end, one time wonder dates. Or guys who want to lure me into illicit chat and then disappear. I would like to meet someone that I am interested in dating more than once. Perhaps even call him a boyfriend. Who knows where it might lead??
I am not desperate but I am not on a dating site looking to add to my list of friends. How do I communicate that without looking like I have already ordered my wedding cake? | |
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| if this is so easy, why do I have writers block?
Posted: 5/27/2008 4:19:04 AM | Hi wanna, your profile is much better than most, but in my opinion can be improved. I do not have time for a full review right now, but will try to check back tonight. A few quick thoughts.
1. I like picture 3 much better than the one you have for your main. It shows your beautiful smile rather than that "grin/smirk."
2. The 75 mile restriction does not work properly. Remove it and sort the inquiries as they come in.
3. Some may get "needy" from your profile. (don't have time to get into this right now)
4. You need to do a better job of describing WHO you are, AND who you are looking for. Use UNIQUE personality traits for this.
Best wishes
OFCB | |
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| if this is so easy, why do I have writers block?
Posted: 5/27/2008 10:09:04 AM | First off, I'll agree with OFCB - there are a lot of things that you do right here. Nonetheless, if you haven't already, I still recommend going to look at the Profile Writing Tips thread that is stickied at the top of this forum. We always send the people with bloody awful profiles there, but even people who are doing pretty good can learn from the advice and maybe make it better.
My first comment, before even going at the profile, is just to SLOW DOWN. This is not a drive-through, where you make a profile, place your order, and set up a date for Friday night. If you're desperate, change your profile to 'Intimate Encounter' and show lots of cleavage in your pictures... you'll have guys crawling out of the woodwork for the chance to crawl all over you. If you're looking for something more substantial than that, though, then you need to realize that it isn't going to happen in a snap. Sure, you're not looking for more friends, but if you're not going to be friendly, and if you want to go straight from "Hi, how are you?" to "Where shall we go on our vacation together?" then you are definitely going to scare off a certain class of guys.
Going top to bottom:
Headline - Not a turn off, but fairly blase/common on this site. Says nothing at all about you, and doesn't really draw me in.
Religion: you mention New Age, but then never bring it up again. Be aware that many people think of woo-woo wackos with crystals and harmonics and sunrise chanting and kirlian aura cleansing and other stuff like that when they see these two words... you know, the weird stuff that is portrayed in the media. If that part of you is important but you're not quite so far to the fringe, you might want to talk about it a little more; you don't want to leave things to peoples' imaginations.
Pictures:
- current main is not flattering, as it gives you a bit of turkey neck
- #2 is a good gallery shot
- #3 should be moved to main until you get better pictures; better resolution, outside, smiling, etc. See the tips thread for all this information.
- #4 and 5 are just about useless in their current form. I can't even see you in them, so they are just a bunch of people in the dark. If you travel lots, you must have pictures of where you have been, or you in other locations?
Interest list is good - very good. Split up walking/hiking into two, or pick one or the other; as you have it, it is the only one not hotlinked. You can leave the list at this length, or add up to a half-dozen more without it being too much.
About Me:
- Typically, the info on the person you are looking for goes after the info about you; it just flows better that way.
- If you do that, your second paragraph becomes your first, and it is pretty strong. Drop the opening "As for me," and I think it's good to go.
- Drop the stuff about 'romantic trip' and 'where do you want to go' in the vacation paragraph. I think that's where the 'needy' part comes out. Expand a little on why travelling and looking forward to trips is part of who you are.
- Now put in the guy part: honestly, if you move it here, I don't think you need to change much about it. Again, a well-written section with lots of information about the person you want to know. You do include some 'given traits' (e.g. honest, fun - things that everyone wants, so there's not much point having them there) but you have lots of specific descriptors too.
First Date:
Hey, Deuce! Come see this! We got a newbie profile writer who understands the first date/first meet split! (He's a real stickler for this, and a huge believer in driving home your whole profile with this part.) Even though you have picked fairly 'standard' activities, you still put your own spin on these things and show us who you are.
Mail Settings:
Lose most of these and do it manually; if you begin to get deluged, then you can add them back on. They stop people from contacting you even just to chat or ask a question or make a comment; for instance, if I wanted to offer private assistance with your profile, I could not do so because I am outside the USA. Leave in the drugs/married ones because they are ethical issues, and the age one if you really feel you need to (because it's actually quite a good range), but the rest can all be determined during discussion or through reading the profile.
Good luck. Be patient. I hope this helps. | |
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| if this is so easy, why do I have writers block?
Posted: 5/27/2008 11:09:14 AM | ^^^I wonder where she came up with that idea? =)
B-rat, I've already reigned in on this fine lady's profile through email yesterday. It's looking fairly good but I've made all the suggestions basically that you just did to revise this draft, but then how were you to know, right?
And in terms of her headline I suggested a few alternatives to a fishing reference if she wanted to go with it. I'm not a fan of fishing references but if you got to do it, why not do it right?
I just ended two simultaneous paragraphs with the same word and question mark. It's like deja vu. Good luck there pretty lady.
Moulding the hearts and milds of the POF dating destitute since April '08
VVV Leave it to a resident of Saskatchewan to pick up on a scat reference! Good eye there... I shall call you sh1tlips. Okay, so I won't.
Another freak occurrence... I opened pointing up at you, and closed this pointing down. It's a Deuce Hoagie. | |
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| if this is so easy, why do I have writers block?
Posted: 5/27/2008 11:10:45 AM | I hate myself for noticing this at all, much less after I can't edit my original post and have to make another post in which to say it, but...
Your screen name contains the phrase "wanna kaka" - as in, I want to make #2 (scatological reference). I'm pretty positive that this isn't what it's about (sounds vaguely Hawaiian, but I'm in landlocked Saskatchewan so what do I know), but since you never do describe what it DOES mean, so you leave it to peoples' dirty minds as to if it was intentional or not.
Edit: ^^^Two questions: 1) came up with what idea? (not sure of the reference), and 2) why email and not here? (Honest question) I won't repeat what someone else has already said it, but if nobody has made the points then I also hate to see someone's request go unanswered... | |
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| if this is so easy, why do I have writers block?
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:39:39 PM | Ok fellas...I get it now. At the risk of seeming ungrateful.....
Are you all in the habit of using someone's vulnerability to flex your literary muscles? I was being sincere in my request for comments....didn't realize I was setting myself up as your competition fodder.
As for the name, Kakalina is the hawaiian name for Cathie (which is my name). The wanna part is a play on words from several sources....Kamanawanaleiu which is on every T-shirt in every ABC store on the islands. The other that comes to mind is Wannahockalugi which is the name of the rock in the aquarium of "Finding Nemo". I thought it was funny, and if someone "got it" it would speak volumnes.
I give. I think I shall write that I like long walks on the beach, outdoor concerts, camping and motorcycle rides and that anything goes as long as we have fun.
Gee thanks guys. I think. Just goes to show you that sincerity is over-rated...especially online. Not sure which of you came out on top.
Muah! | |
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| if this is so easy, why do I have writers block?
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:23:22 PM | A couple of other things....
I emailed Deuce because I was too new to post to the forums. He was kind enough to answer.
Funny....I got the impression he liked the headline. Cheesy? Perhaps. But then again, we are on a website called "Plentyoffish". Kinda speaks for itself. When in Rome...... | |
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| if this is so easy, why do I have writers block?
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:46:36 PM | | Cathie you got the wrong impression here. There is a camaraderie among fellow reviewers and a number of inside jokes that folks that don't frequent these threads likely wouldn't catch. There's no competition here. If I call him my b1tch or my assistant or my boss, it's all in jest. You called on me for advice and I was glad to take the time to do so. If I was dishonourable in my intentions do you really think I'd spend the amount of time I did working on it with you? Ah, no. Honestly, we do this for something to do, and because many of us have a gift and we like to share. | |
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| if this is so easy, why do I have writers block?
Posted: 5/27/2008 11:02:36 PM | For the most part... I agree with what he ^^^^ said.
As for this part:
Are you all in the habit of using someone's vulnerability to flex your literary muscles? I was being sincere in my request for comments.... And I was sincere in the comments I gave you. You have one of the better profiles I have seen, possibly due to already running it by Deuce and getting his info (of which I was unaware at the time I posted), and I gave you plenty of compliments on it -- far more than are given out to most. There are some parts of it, however, that don't flow well (the paragraph structure), and some things that aren't quite as good as they could be (the headline, some of the pictures).
As to the name thing... my point was to tell you something of which you may have been unaware. Whether you meant it to or not, your handle does include what I said it did. If you're happy with it, then it's no skin off my hide if you decide to keep it.
I give. I think I shall write that I like long walks on the beach, outdoor concerts, camping and motorcycle rides and that anything goes as long as we have fun.
Gee thanks guys. I think. Just goes to show you that sincerity is over-rated...especially online. Nobody here said you should portray yourself as something you're not, so why the pity party like everyone is beating up on you?
YOU came HERE and asked what we thought. Three different reviewers all of whom have reviewed scores (in my case) and hundreds (in the case of Deuce and OFCB) took time out of their lives to make speficic, thorough, and detailed comments... in an attempt to help. And in response, you act like we sought you cornered you in a back alley and mocked you.
You asked some specific questions (e.g. how do I say I'm serious without making it seem like I'm ready to order wedding cake) and both OFCB and I mentioned that there were parts of the profile that were definitely tending towards the latter more than the former. If you didn't want an honest answer then why did you ask the question?
Sincerity works both ways. It would have been insincere of me to tell you that I thought your profile was perfect and did NOT give off the very vibe that you feared it did. Gracious would be to thank people for their time and observations, and say that you will take them under consideration; ungrateful would be throw veiled accusations around and tell us that (in effect) we're being jerks for not simply validating your current attempt.
Scan the posting history of OFCB, Duece, or myself. See how each of acts outside your thread..and then come back and tell us we were hooligans here. I challenge you.
vvv Deuce, I know we have all been jerks/less than civil to some people, but I dind't see any of that take place in this thread .. which as my point. If even this amount of criticism is bringing about a response, then I am beginning to subscibe to the dermal density of USAians. | |
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| if this is so easy, why do I have writers block?
Posted: 5/27/2008 11:09:30 PM | | Don't look into mine, because I've DEFINITELY participated in some holliganisms today, but only when the OP asked for it. But to this OP I think my word has been a testament to my character here, and if you see otherwise then I've got nothing more. | |
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| if this is so easy, why do I have writers block?
Posted: 5/28/2008 4:33:02 AM | Easy, there, big fella! Testy, testy. So I guess a little challenge back and you get hot and bothered. I can see this neighborhood has some one-way streets.
Deuceman, hope I was successful in articulating my gratitude.
OFCB, thank you for your time and your thoughts. No hooligan you.
To ole' Mr. Pottymouth, I think you got a little carried away with exonerating yourself. Not challenging the validity of your critique (although did need to explain myself on the name thing) You can learn a lot about a person through their projections. My frustration was in the process of making oneself understood via this medium, not a personal attack on the Rat.
But then again, playing nice is not as much fun as a little sparring in Anonymityland, now is it? | |
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| if this is so easy, why do I have writers block?
Posted: 5/28/2008 6:12:20 AM | To ole' Mr. Pottymouth, I think you got a little carried away with exonerating yourself.
I am sortof making an assumpion here, but the only thing I can see that this would be in reference to is this:
Are you all in the habit of using someone's vulnerability to flex your literary muscles? I was being sincere in my request for comments....
And I was sincere in the comments I gave you. You have one of the better profiles I have seen, possibly due to already running it by Deuce and getting his info (of which I was unaware at the time I posted), and I gave you plenty of compliments on it -- far more than are given out to most. There are some parts of it, however, that don't flow well (the paragraph structure), and some things that aren't quite as good as they could be (the headline, some of the pictures).
As to the name thing... my point was to tell you something of which you may have been unaware. Whether you meant it to or not, your handle does include what I said it did. If you're happy with it, then it's no skin off my hide if you decide to keep it.
I give. I think I shall write that I like long walks on the beach, outdoor concerts, camping and motorcycle rides and that anything goes as long as we have fun.
Gee thanks guys. I think. Just goes to show you that sincerity is over-rated...especially online.
Nobody here said you should portray yourself as something you're not, so why the pity party like everyone is beating up on you?
YOU came HERE and asked what we thought. Three different reviewers all of whom have reviewed scores (in my case) and hundreds (in the case of Deuce and OFCB) took time out of their lives to make speficic, thorough, and detailed comments... in an attempt to help. And in response, you act like we sought you cornered you in a back alley and mocked you.
You asked some specific questions (e.g. how do I say I'm serious without making it seem like I'm ready to order wedding cake) and both OFCB and I mentioned that there were parts of the profile that were definitely tending towards the latter more than the former. If you didn't want an honest answer then why did you ask the question?
Sincerity works both ways. It would have been insincere of me to tell you that I thought your profile was perfect and did NOT give off the very vibe that you feared it did. Gracious would be to thank people for their time and observations, and say that you will take them under consideration; ungrateful would be throw veiled accusations around and tell us that (in effect) we're being jerks for not simply validating your current attempt.
Scan the posting history of OFCB, Duece, or myself. See how each of acts outside your thread..and then come back and tell us we were hooligans here. I challenge you.
vvv Deuce, I know we have all been jerks/less than civil to some people, but I dind't see any of that take place in this thread .. which as my point. If even this amount of criticism is bringing about a response, then I am beginning to subscibe to the dermal density of USAians.
First of all, I fail to see the "potty mouth" part. And second of all I do not think he
overreacted and became defensive. Bookrat gave you rock solid advice, spent a lot more time trying to help you than I have to this point, and if I am understanding this correctly, kinda got hit on the head for it.
It is possible that I have "lost track" of what went on here, and this was pointless. But I know how long it takes ME to do a review, such as BOOKRAT did for you, and it is substantial. Therefore, when I see someone do a good review, then kinda get kicked, I feel a need to comment and on a job well done.
There are occassionaly "insincere" reviews given, by more of the "drop in occassionally" type. None of us are that.
Best wishes
Jerry | |
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| if this is so easy, why do I have writers block?
Posted: 5/28/2008 6:44:29 AM | If a sparring session is what you seek you're in the wrong place, but you will also have picked that fight with the wrong crowd! LOL The employees here at ReviewCorp work extremely diligently at honing their craft on the weak. We strive for excellence in execution, and we are a collaborative effort here. A strong word of caution, mi lady. ;-)
I'm only kidding OP. I think you're great, and while I questioned your sincerity at one point here I did feel appreciated. It helps to soothe the pain of the sh!tty bonus they paid out last month here. G-D cutbacks. What do we need these ultra futuristic bathrooms for anyway?
^^^those occassional, insincere reviewers are the temps sent over from headquarters. They're easy to spot with their greasy hair and dorky attire. And they compensate online for their shortcomings in reality by trying to bully others and drop reviews like "your profile sucks, and get a haircut azzhat... I get chicks". Delusions. | |
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| if this is so easy, why do I have writers block?
Posted: 5/28/2008 8:46:06 AM | Thanks Deuce....
Jerry, c'mon!! Lighten up! Mr. Pottymouth knows why I called him that (it was funny!)...you came a little late to the party and chose to only see his virtues..... And I decided to let go of the reference to my "turkey neck" (and this coming from the 21st century Mr. Rogers~nice sweater!)
You all do good deeds....and you are witty and clever....I will move on my way..... | |
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| if this is so easy, why do I have writers block?
Posted: 5/28/2008 9:23:55 AM |
Jerry, c'mon!! Lighten up! Mr. Pottymouth knows why I called him that (it was funny!) No, it wasn't. I spent (As OFCB reinforced) quite a deal of time giving you a complete and in-depth review, and you responded by getting huffy and calling me a schoolyard name. How is that funny?
...you came a little late to the party and chose to only see his virtues.....
OFCB and I have exchanged a dozen emails, and crossed paths in dozens of profile review threads. He is hardly 'late to the party'. I respect his work, and he respects mine, and I appreciate him rising to my support.
Deuce and I have exchanged a dozen messages, and crossed paths in scores of review threads. I respect his work, and he respects mine. He knows me, knows my personality, knows my voice, and I know his. If he calls me a name, or appears to give me grief about something, then I know 100% that he is not serious.
You, on the other hand, I know nothing about, and have never interacted with before. You have no history with me, and no point of reference by which I can judge whether you are trying to be light-hearted, or deadly earnest, and you have not earned the right to 'pretend' to insult me while actually joking. Think about it: a complete stranger calls you a b*tch. Does it feel the same as when a close friend calls you a b*tch? And if the stranger says that they were 'just being funny' ... does that make it all better?
Easy, there, big fella! Testy, testy. So I guess a little challenge back and you get hot and bothered. I can see this neighborhood has some one-way streets.
And I decided to let go of the reference to my "turkey neck" (and this coming from the 21st century Mr. Rogers~nice sweater!) You continue to miss the salient point: you came to this forum, and posted a thread in which you asked for people to look at your profile and give you feedback. That makes comments on your profile and pictures on topic, whether you like them or not.
I did not ask you for your opinions on me, or my profile, or my reviewing style. That makes your name-calling and personal attacks flaming. That is not only against the rules of the forum, but also in very poor form. | |
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| if this is so easy, why do I have writers block?
Posted: 5/28/2008 11:00:01 AM | ...and if I have to take out the newspaper and swat him on the nose he understands and respects it. Here's where I show him how I feel when he says something out of character. Watch.
Jerry,
while the OP may not know you and be able to use sarcasm and humour with the intent that you'll just "get" it, no one here needs to earn any right or privilege to speak freely. I've implied it myself a few times that certain people shouldn't be reviewing threads but that's only when someone comes on here with a trainwreck of a profile and then after we've fixed it for them they feel they are the authority and they start pushing people around. That's the only time I would put someone in their place in that respect. The OP here can say what she feels but they should all be forewarned before entering these threads that what is said here and elsewhere WILL be used against them! LOL
See what I did there OP? I can call Jerry an azzhole if he treats someone like dirt (I didn't just do that by the way) and he'd respect that, albeit a little less than if I talked nicely and said watch it, but if you'd called him such he'd be warranted against coming back at you with all guns blazing. But otherwise, he's right as usual. | |
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| if this is so easy, why do I have writers block?
Posted: 5/28/2008 11:47:29 AM | Just to make sure I make myself completely clear:
no one here needs to earn any right or privilege to speak freely. I did not say that they did need to earn the privilige to speak. There are, however, rules governing responses:
From the big red post at the top of the forum:
Please note that you are asking people for their opinions on your profile, responding to honest criticism by flaming your reviewers will be dealt with accordingly. In other words, if you don't like the advice, don't take it... but don't insult the people who gave it.
I was a teensy bit miffed at the 'sh1tlips' comment, but a) it was an aside, b) it was in the context of a compliment, and c) I know of your communication style and irreverence, and d) it was obviously not to be taken seriously. None of those things held true with the comments from the OP. | |
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| if this is so easy, why do I have writers block?
Posted: 5/28/2008 12:01:45 PM |
and you have not earned the right to 'pretend' to insult me while actually joking In a roundabout way you did. She has every right to pretend to insult you or me or anyone for that matter, but when it's taken out of context, as it likely would be because we aren't aware of her sense of humour, then we cannot be blamed for any repercussions. I wasn't coming down on you buddy... I was merely showing a point about joking and being serious among those who understand each other, not to mention needing to flex my muscles quickly. ;-)
You took offence to my name-calling?! Wow, I thought you knew me better then that! LOL I see that you didn't actually, but it bothered you some, and yes it was all in jest, not to mention a spin on the scat references. And when you live in a province such as yours it's only customary for your neighbours to want to take dumps on you whenever they can! ;-) | |
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| if this is so easy, why do I have writers block?
Posted: 5/28/2008 6:00:17 PM | I agree that number 3 pic is best until you get some new pics; and I want to say I'm sorry I missed the "sh1tlips" comment, because it sounds like it was funny.
OP, your profile seems perfectly nice now. I didn't make any connection to poo-poos with your screenname. You seem like an attractive woman who will get plenty of attention once you get more flattering photos posted. | |
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| if this is so easy, why do I have writers block?
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:33:27 PM | Thank you for pointing me into the right message (4) -- I missed that part when I was skimming through replies to this review.
Still no clear idea on why anyone should be called...you know. | |
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