| This is my story.
Posted: 5/27/2008 3:16:28 AM | Since I joined plentyoffish.com I have met with and been on a couple of dates with women from this site. I have had some strange encounters and I am becoming discouraged. I would like some input on each of the following situations...
[1] - I talked to a beautiful young lady from Kansas for near two weeks before we decided to meet in person. She left the decisions up to me, which while I knew this to be a mistake I happily gave it a try. I decided that it might be fun for us to meet up somewhere then go to the zoo together. We lived a bit distant from each other so when the day came we agreed on a place to meet roughly half way for each of us. I was a little late due to construction on the freeway but I kept her informed via phone of my location. Unfortunately by the time we met up it was to late to go to the zoo like I had originally planned. Instead we took a ride down to one of the more entertaining areas of town, took a short walk, and had a coffee. Well at this point we were each becoming a little bored with the predicament. Neither of us were hungry, and she was to young to drink. I suggested that we see a movie, to which she quickly agreed. After the movie we spent a little more time talking, she had become late in getting home.
Now before I go any further I must explain something which should have been brought up earlier. She had told me that there was a guy that she had met from Plenty of Fish harassing her through text messages. Insulting her and demanding that she see him again. Pretty strange I thought. Well I wont get into to much detail on that...
Anyway. So after the date the messages stop. She does not answer her phone... She gives excuses when she does bother to get in touch that she is busy, though she has time enough to open and delete my messages she just does not have time to respond. Strange. Still I keep contacting her, and finally I get tired and tell her politely that perhaps she was not the woman I thought she was and that I hoped she had a good life. Immediately she gets back to me saying that she had been in the hospital for an allergic reaction. Of course this whole time my messages to her had been deleted soon after sending them. I was not sure weather to believe her or not, but I said nothing of it and apologized for my behavior. She said she would like to continue to talk to me, but still my messages go unanswered...
[2] - The second girl I started talking too during the silence from the first. Hrm. I sent her a few messages. I talked to her on the phone. She invited me to go hang out with her and some of her friends. I accepted, though I told her that I might not be able to stay for long as I had a prior engagement planned for later. Well I showed up and had a wonderful time. I met her friends and enjoyed all of their company. It came time for me to leave, in fact I was late, and though disappointed she came out to my car and gave me a hug goodbye. Again we met. Same place about a week later. We spent some time in her car as we rode around picking up friends of hers. Sometimes it was uncomfortably quite, other times we were having a bit of fun and laughing together. Once there one of her friends decided to start some drama over the fact that I was there. He walked home, upset that she was seeing me. It was explained to me that she had gone out with him but he told her he would rather just keep her as a friend. I guess he changed his mind. She told me over the following couple of days that she was not answering him because she didn't care at that point. She was quite and withdrawn, though no more so than the previous time I had seen her, but I stayed there till she and her friends were ready to leave, and I gave her a hug goodbye at her car.
I called her. The weather was horrible that night and I called her to make sure she got home safely. We ended up talking till 1:00am then after we hung up she called me back again at about 1:30 and we talked some more for about an hour. The next day we had agreed to go out again. Just the two of us this time. I was not exactly sure what to do. I am indecisive when it comes to these things because frankly I just don't care. I can eat anything I can have fun anywhere doing anything. Anyway we drive around talking for a while, and I finally decide to stop at a charming little Irish restaurant. We enjoy a small meal and the loud crazy drunk people there. Mainly I believe that we each enjoyed ourselves, though she was still tired form the late night chat. Instead of taking her to play lazer tag or bowling like I had planned I took her home so she could get some sleep. I told her that it was all cool, and she would not have to make it up to me or anything. I understood.
The next day I get a call from her. She has to go to New Mexico because a friend of hers broke a hip. She had been run over by a golf cart. 
Early the next morning she leaves me a message on my phone at about 2:00am on the 25th saying that she was going to go but she might not now. She tells me to give her a call. At 8:00pm the same day her profile on Plenty of Fish had been deleted. She had not been answering my phone calls, or returning them. I left a message each time explaining that I was worried and to give me a call back. I called her one last time, after several attempts at 10:00pm last night, the 26th, only one day later. I left a message.
About 2 hours later I get a phone call from the guy who had started that crap...
"Stop calling her, she does not want to talk to you." He says in so many words...I cut out the profanity for your sake.
So after reading each of these accounts can you please tell me what is going on here? I don't know what to think... | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 2 | |
| This is my story.
Posted: 5/27/2008 3:56:12 AM | Wow...bloody long read OP...couldnt ya just have said I dated a coupla girls who had guys hanging around and both of them blew you off.
Thats just people being flippant and keeping lotsa lines dangling in the relationship waters.
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| This is my story.
Posted: 5/27/2008 4:26:16 AM | | Hey fisherman, plenty of fish in here but you seem to have been dropping your line among the piranhas!Fear not - just keep your head above water and change tactic/bait .Might help to try mature girls(you can tell - they're the ones of drinking age!) | |
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| This is my story.
Posted: 5/27/2008 4:27:06 AM | deonyx. Welcome to the school of hard knocks. The lifelong University.
These are experiences. They add to your wealth of knowledge on the world, members of the opposite sex, dating etiquette, etc.
Take these lessons, learn what you can. Then jump back into the pond and learn some more. Along the way you might meet "the one" or you might not. There'll be good times and bad, take it all in stride.
...And don't expect life to make sense. | |
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| This is my story.
Posted: 5/27/2008 4:53:59 AM | ^^^^^What he said!!
And, from my point of view, if you ever meet another young lady with whom you want to build a relationship....ease up on the phone calls. Relationships take nurturing, trust, and time....among other things. | |
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| This is my story.
Posted: 5/27/2008 5:31:55 AM |
ease up on the phone calls
Quite frankly these happened over the course of several weeks, during which time I would speak to them over the phone maybe once a week, unless they called me more often. Of course it was the second one who would call me most often, and usually would talk to me 'till she started dozing off and I had to tell her to go to bed! | |
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| This is my story.
Posted: 5/27/2008 5:53:52 AM | Those young fillies are so fickle arent they................ I'm sure it's not you. Maybe you need to put a lighter sinker on your line and stay away from the bottom feeders.
OP...I dont know how long your talking to these gals before meeting, but I suggest you do it sooner rather than later. Less time wasted. And try to make the first meet short and sweet and then if things go well ,plan a date. | |
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| This is my story.
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:03:11 AM |
I don't know how long your talking to these gals before meeting, but I suggest you do it sooner rather than later. Less time wasted. And try to make the first meet short and sweet and then if things go well ,plan a date.
Well that is what I have been trying to do.
Those young fillies are so fickle arent they................ I'm sure it's not you. Maybe you need to put a lighter sinker on your line and stay away from the bottom feeders.
Thank you very much. | |
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| This is my story.
Posted: 5/27/2008 7:19:33 AM | | You mentioned that this girl is too young to drink. You should date older women. A good measure for you would be this..... only date women who are at least old enough to drink. This can assure you some things. They are mature enough to know something. The others are just plain simply CLUELESS. He thankful that the other guys won the prize. They were doing you a favor. Stop trying to play FATHER with these young girls, because they will treat you like a father, eventually, and grow up and leave you, just like all children do eventually. | |
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| This is my story.
Posted: 5/27/2008 7:30:28 AM | | I talk to guys for a long time before I meet them. Maybe you should try knowing these girls a little on the phone and through emails before you do a face to face. | |
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| This is my story.
Posted: 5/27/2008 7:32:36 AM |
So after reading each of these accounts can you please tell me what is going on here? I don't know what to think...
If a woman stops responding to calls and e-mails it means she's not interested. Don't continue to contact her because it makes you look desperate. | |
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| This is my story.
Posted: 5/27/2008 7:42:39 AM | Without knowing what attracted you to these girls and what you want from a relationship it is difficult to give you good advice.
If you stick with your age group or younger, you will find a lot of people that are into partying and not so much relationships which is fine but it seems like maybe you are on the mature side of 22?
So if their pics all look like they are hanging out in bars, frat or house parties, probably should avoid them. If their profiles speak of no goals for their lives other than having fun, maybe avoid them. People that are into themselves are inconsiderate and may also be flighty which sounds like it describes these two women and both are apparently so immature they cannot tell you hey, I like you just not interested.
With this deal, you ask yourself what attracted you to these women and whether there were things along the way that should have told you they are rude and immature that you overlooked. Then go find someone who is better suited for an adult relationship even if that is not jumping into a relationship but dating for quite a while. | |
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Deonyx
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Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 13 | |
| This is my story.
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:12:44 AM | Don't mind me I am feeling a little ech...today.
If a woman stops responding to calls and e-mails it means she's not interested. Don't continue to contact her because it makes you look desperate.
The only reason I bother is for the desire of closure. I would like to hear the words "I am not interested in seeing you again" or something similar, and perhaps even a short explanation as to why. I am mature enough to take criticism and rejection, in fact I prefer it to the simple brushoff. | |
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| This is my story.
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:18:43 AM | | I just cant help putting in my .02 cents. The reason you met her with her friends, is she wanted it to get back to her estranged boyfriend that she was dating. He must have put their relationship on hold, said he needed time to think. You know typical BS so he could see someone else without the guilt. The fact that it was him that called you and told you to stop calling her is evidence of that. She achieved her goal for the time being, she got her guy back, probably with a commitment that will last about a month. It was just bad luck on your part. Live and learn, live and learn. Oh the woes of dating! | |
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| This is my story.
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:36:43 AM | So after reading each of these accounts can you please tell me what is going on here? I don't know what to think...
Simple.
Most of the girls your age --and I'm including myself, since I was that age not too long ago--are idiots.
Okay, To be a little kinder...most young ladies in their late teens/early twenties are naive and inexperienced. They don't know how to deal with certain dating situations; they really know what they want, especially when it comes to men. But rather than tell you face-to-face what's going on, they choose "avoid and evade"--avoid your phone calls, and evade your questions about what is going on with vague answers or lame excuses. (And by the way, that tactic is not exclusive to women. Guys do it too!) They still like to play the little games they learned in high school, becaus they don't know any better. Or else they do know better but choose not to practice it.
Not to say all women are like this--there are many wonderful, intelligent girls in your age range who aren't like that. But you have to be careful. If you call a woman and she doesn't reply, then I would tell you to wait another day or two, call her one more time, and then leave it alone. If she doesn't reply, then write her off and move on to the next. Life's too short to play those kind of games.
Good luck!
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| This is my story.
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:11:25 AM | Wow that was super long but it was so entertaining that I kept reading till I got to the end. Well anyways like a few people said in the above answers girls that age are inexperienced, naive, and don't have a clue . I'm a new 24 and even I catch myself doing stupid things without thinking of other peoples feelings. So if they are younger than you its not surprising why they are acting this way, at that age people only think of themselves and what they want and the average girl in her early adulthood doesn't grow out of thinking that way that till 25 and up.
Some string the good guy along till they win their prize or something better comes along, some are to scared of hurting feelings so instead they think they are doing you a favor by ignoring you, some just don't care and will tell you straight up they aren't interest, point is they are acting their age, usually if you want a woman who is a little better with her communication skills you should try dating a little older , you might be lucky and find a few that are semi mature at 22 but don't hold your breathe. I myself date a little older I find guys in my age range to be idiots. But then again the guys older then me find me to be an idiot too when I do a 360 on them(sometimes I act my age) not on purpose and remind them I'm still learning how to cross the street by myself and wipe my ass with toilet paper.
I know exactly what these two girls are doing cause I have done it myself nothing I'm proud of but least you can get input of someone who has been there even recent. They dragged you along and instead of being woman enough to tell you they aren't entirely sure about you they make excuses up of why they can't get back to you. Another thought though is that who knows the immature ex bf or whatever he was to that second girl might have stole her phone and it could be why she hasn't answered. Whatever the case move on and find someone who can be wise enough to call you back when you call them or be honest with you from the get and not keep you wondering are they ok or what you might have done wrong. Just my two sense | |
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| This is my story.
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:40:25 AM |
The only reason I bother is for the desire of closure. I would like to hear the words "I am not interested in seeing you again" or something similar, and perhaps even a short explanation as to why. I am mature enough to take criticism and rejection, in fact I prefer it to the simple brushoff.
Closure is your desire and you are mature enough to take criticism and rejection. The two women in your story aren't mature or experienced enough to give an explanation for their actions or their sudden disinterest - so they would find it extraordinarily confronting to make any attempt to give you the closure you desire.
Perhaps because they don't know how to explain it themselves?
Perhaps because the explanation would make them sound shallow or fickle or whatever in their eyes - so they prefer to avoid it entirely?
There could be as many reasons and explanations for the behaviour as there are people who exhibit it.
The problem here is you expecting people who aren't interested in you to continue to behave in ways you wish that they would.
Eventually you will find someone on your wavelength. Enjoy the experiences OP, don't let 'em get you down. | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 18 | |
| This is my story.
Posted: 5/27/2008 3:27:19 PM | Closure is your desire and you are mature enough to take criticism and rejection. The two women in your story aren't mature or experienced enough to give an explanation for their actions or their sudden disinterest - so they would find it extraordinarily confronting to make any attempt to give you the closure you desire.
ItsMargo hit the nail on the head with that ^^^
Honestly OP...if people are just gonna "bail" on you like that with no explaination...
...dont even do your head in trying to figure out whats "wrong" with you because its got nothing to do with you...its them. | |
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| This is my story.
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:52:15 PM |
I talk to guys for a long time before I meet them. Maybe you should try knowing these girls a little on the phone and through emails before you do a face to face.
Face to face sounds so ........................ nice...
Or try sending sweet, romantic cell phone videos........... but only if you feel it in your heart............ | |
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| This is my story.
Posted: 5/27/2008 10:41:36 PM | | I think it takes newbies a while to realize that the "closure" of a "I'm not interested" is not necessarily the norm in dating. People feel like if they don't return your messages or always say they are busy that this is the same thing as saying out right that they are not interested, and everyone should be able to automatically translate this, and give up, and move on. You repeatedly calling then became the rude behaviour to them, because they felt their message should already have been clear. If someone doesn't return your messages, and you try a second time, that's fine, because you never know if sometimes a message doesn't make it to a person or something goes wrong with their email or voicemail, but a third time is basically crossing the line into harassing a person. It's true that if they had been more clear to you in the first place, then you wouldn't keep calling them, but at the same time, you shouldn't really keep calling someone who doesn't want to be called. | |
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| This is my story.
Posted: 5/28/2008 2:41:40 AM | | she is living a soap opera life, waaay too much drama, get away fast..you dont want any part of that self destruction she is putting herself through | |
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Deonyx
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Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 22 | |
| This is my story.
Posted: 5/28/2008 8:05:11 AM |
I think it takes newbies a while to realize that the "closure" of a "I'm not interested" is not necessarily the norm in dating. People feel like if they don't return your messages or always say they are busy that this is the same thing as saying out right that they are not interested, and everyone should be able to automatically translate this, and give up, and move on.
I don't know about the rest of you but the way my mind works...this is a cowardly way to deal with anyone. If you do not have the testicular fortitude, nerve, patience, and maturity to treat another person like a human being than you should probably not be dating at all. Ignore the howling dog, they mewing cat, the chirping cawing birds the bleating sheep, but do not treat another person like that... | |
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| This is my story.
Posted: 5/28/2008 8:42:57 AM | The only reason I bother is for the desire of closure. I would like to hear the words "I am not interested in seeing you again" or something similar, and perhaps even a short explanation as to why
you are "hearing" your closure in the silence of unanswered calls and texts. don't torment yourself by seeking more.
interested women will phone you, following a time when they were truly unable to communicate with you. their reasons for lack of communication probably won't sound too fishy and then contact will resume - if they're interested
i have a good example: i had been casually dating a nice man who seemed to be crazy about me, yet he stopped calling. i was surprised at the turn of events and i called to check on him.....once.....and he didn't return the call. that seemed like closure to me and i moved on. i heard from him 21 days later, when he woke from a coma that followed a car wreck
see? the interested ones will eventually call. sometimes they just need a little time to wake up
best wishes,
leslie | |
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| This is my story.
Posted: 5/28/2008 9:07:15 AM | | welcome to internet dating.I too would prefer someone to say they are not interested,but some ppl just won,t say it when they are not,and that leaves you in limbo.I am a straight speaking person,but for some they just can,t tell the truth.|The truth hurts..........doesn,t it? | |
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Deonyx
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Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 25 | |
| This is my story.
Posted: 5/28/2008 9:47:55 AM |
interested women will phone you, following a time when they were truly unable to communicate with you. their reasons for lack of communication probably won't sound too fishy and then contact will resume - if they're interested
welcome to internet dating.I too would prefer someone to say they are not interested,but some ppl just won,t say it when they are not,and that leaves you in limbo.I am a straight speaking person,but for some they just can,t tell the truth.|The truth hurts..........doesn,t it?
I am not here to play games. I am not here to play pretend. If it does not work than that is all there is to it, but I am just as much of a person as the next guy, and I deserve the same treatment.
This is probably the reason why I have chosen to date women 5 years older than myself or more in the past. | |
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