| | Are people becoming really boring?Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | Are people becoming really boring?
Now The Mushroom has started a few controversial threads here...but I want to try and be serious for a little bit...
I have a friend...an avid PoF'er serial dater....you know the type...here for the women....never heard of the forums...etc..
He has said that when he looks at the photo along the top of any page on PoF that he rarely finds someone in his target group that he hasn't dated yet....
Let's forget what that implies in and of itself and focus on the reason he hasn't settled down despite how many potential mates he has attracted...
..he also states that he is looking for long term...marriage...kids...as he is in his 40's...by necessity he focuses on women of child bearing years...i.e. in their early to mid 30's....
This is the problem as he states it....
He is unable to find anybody that can hold a deep conversation..or at least what he considers interesting.
He implies that either all the women talk about are their kids (understandable....kids are usually the most important thing in people's lives if they have them....but he doesn't)
...but what he consider's the worst is the one who don't and according to him all they talk about is very superficial things and have no interests or understanding of thhe greater world around them.
I guess my question is....has anyone else experienced this "boring down" of society??
I would really like to hear from the people who feel they are very well rounded education/information wise and if they have trouble relating to the average date...
I don't care if your mate is the most interesting person in the world ..(I know mine is....)....Let's hear from the people who are out there dating more than a few potentials...
Are you finding it hard to find someone who can hold their own in the conversation/humor/intelligence department...??
...or is it just that my friend has been spoiled by 30+ years of fascinating conversations with The Mushroom and no-one can live up to my mesmerizing personality... | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 5:52:58 PM | in no particular order...
yes/no
yes/ and no
yes and no
yes and no..
sometimes.
no and yes
and
last but not least...
yes | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 5:57:38 PM | I'll share my two cents on this topic for you...
As of yet I have not come across this problem, I believe myself to be intelligent, willing and/or able to participate in a stimulating and intelligent conversation that does not get stale.
I am always researching and learning about new topics for fun, therefore able to start conversations, and if my date does not have knowledge on a specific topic that I have recently learned it is always fun to still discuss and gather their opinions on such, if they are interested.
However, I am also into a lot more then learning, such as watching numerous types of shows and movies, listening to different genres of music, interested in watching and/or playing different sports, etc.
Therefore, depending on who my date is, conversation isn't much of a problem. With that said I have not been on many dates, but the same goes for spending time with friends, or meeting new friends through school and such.
I can talk about many topics I am passionate about, however I am also able to ask open questions which enables my date to participate in the conversation, or begin a new one.
Now having said all of this, I find that I can appear to be boring and/or lacking interest upon meeting someone for the first time since I am shy and unless I am really comfortable right away, it may take until the next time to become more talkative and open up. | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 5:59:34 PM | THIS is boring!!! It doesn't matter how educated people are....some of the most boring and socially inept people are MENSA members...blah blah blah blah blah. Perhaps your friend is always dissapointed because he's afraid. Why, if he's so smart can he not find a way to relate to one woman out of who knows how many? Are you trying to tell me that out of the endless stream of women that you imply he has dated, not one of them was his equal or better??? C'mon, do you two really need to place yourselves on pedestals THAT high???
oh, and just as a matter of interest...I found a 'morel' in my backyard today and I fried it in a little butter....mmmmmmmmm...what a yummy treat!!!!! | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:02:31 PM | Thanks momarks...
I put one check mark in the "Yes...people are boring" column just for you...
To reply constructively to this thread you have to not be boring yourself....
Unfortunately...everybody thinks they are interesting and have wonderful senses of humor....even The Mushroom.... | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:03:03 PM | I have read much on the "Dumbing Down" of society. Keep them
focused on mindless consumerism, politics (equally mindless) and
pop culture! If you want to stir them into a frenzy, just start a pet
food scare or something like that! lol Then perpetrate your evil
deeds behind the scenes while they are totally so distracted!
What does the average person really know about anything anymore?
It's only what they have been told, or see on the news, which is just
entertainment!
Most people just don't think for themselves. Was it ever any different
though? Think of all the Human History of non-thinking religious following!
It hurts to think! People don't even think, even when they have the time,
preferring instead to have the cell phone stuck to the side of their head,
or some other entertainment device!
That's why it's so valuable to have your OWN interests! You can be the
expert! You get first hand experience and knowledge! That's also the
wonderful benefit of pursuing Universal Truth!
Most People Boring? Yeah, I'd have to say so! | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:05:37 PM |
Now having said all of this, I find that I can appear to be boring and/or lacking interest upon meeting someone for the first time since I am shy and unless I am really comfortable right away, it may take until the next time to become more talkative and open up.
Great point AngelicRose....that could be part of the problem...
Shy coming across as boring...... | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:10:55 PM |
Are you trying to tell me that out of the endless stream of women that you imply he has dated, not one of them was his equal or better???
Yes..that's exactly the point....why does he feel that way....?
oh, and just as a matter of interest...I found a 'morel' in my backyard today and I fried it in a little butter....mmmmmmmmm...what a yummy treat!!!!!
Sure...pick on the small defenceless mushrooms....why don't you try frying up an Amanita in a little butter and let your mind in for a yummy treat....or convulsions and death...depending on your knowledge of spore identification.... | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:15:56 PM | EGO!!!!!!!^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^.
Quiet down and search yourself...you'll figure it out!
Can I ask you a question???? Well I'm going to anyway. Not that I'll know whether or not to believe the answer...Do you have two profiles?????? | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:20:02 PM | Plastic Sturgeon stated it very nicely.
Hence, this is why I chose to get rid of my television. I got tired of being hand fed “Misinformation.” I could not stand to watch regular news anymore. The only island of sanity that I found, when it came to what at least appeared to be News, was BBC.
However, fearing that I was slowly becoming a mindless troll myself, I decided to give up the television at least for awhile to see if I would miss it, and focus on reading more.
Truth is, I do miss the tube. I had some shows that I greatly enjoyed, but I believe that if nothing else, at least my mind is a bit healthier.
Are people boring? Yes, WE are for the most part, at least in the West. But that is because, as stated earlier, we have been very well trained to be so, while beliving that we are the creme de la creme.
We’ve gone sour, boring and lack any class, which we have been taught to see as “independent and free,” while most of the “free” are shackled to a job they don’t care for, which barely provides the basic necessities. On pay day, they take their few extra dollars allowed them, and run to buy the newest plastic sh*t from Walmart, because let’s face it, the more cheap plastic sh*t you have, the happier you are. Besides it helps the Chinese economy, so it must be good.
Whoa, did I just ramble or what? LoL | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:35:24 PM | I know -exactly- what the original male was on about and I agree it's 100% possible. At my age (late 40's) it's becoming a real problem.
First off, people don't read as much as they used to. Or if they read, it's likely John Grisham. or something they saw on Oprah. That's just stats. Not a value judgment. Just the way it is. And it has nothing to do with education or accomplishment. In my book,. just because yer an MD or lawyer does -not- mean, you're 'well-educated'. It means you're very accomplished at your specialty. My lawyer is one of the most boring people I know, even though he's crazy smart. He's got two things going on: his work and his workout routine. Sound familiar?
Second, many of the women in my 'pool' are in the process of re-inventing themselves and are -very- self-involved. They are still dealing with kids... people have kids a LOT later these days. Or they are going back to school. Or they are in that career sweet spot. So, most women I run across who are unattached have some singular focus. That doesn't lead to the most 'broad' kinds of conversation or interests.
Finally, have you noticed how 'arguing' is like the -worst- thing you can do these days? What happened to -debate-? Try talking about something like politics and see how far you get. Things are so polarized. Here in Seattle, you're as likely to get punched for questioning an Obama-maniac as you are for being a Bush-lover. It's sad.
If you're someone like me, you wear their humanities education as a badge of honour. Once my kids were grown and I got divorced I decided to enjoy all the plays, concerts and so on here in Seattle that I can find. Ya know who I see mostly at these things? Married people.
So my conclusion? If you want to meet lots of really interesting single people who are great conversationalists? Maybe move to Manhattan.
Cheers,
---JC
A lot of it depends on theIf you're someone who is well-read | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:55:02 PM | Amanita Muscaria
He is unable to find anybody that can hold a deep conversation or at least what he considers interesting.
Guess why the Forums have more appeal for me. Precisely because of that reason. Although I really came here for stimulating and intellectual conversations, I find that some guys just cannot hold their end of the conversation. And thus, they are mostly interested in meeting immediately. Some guys purportedly in the same science field or other areas which are interesting to me, have not been able to converse in a teeny weeny aspect of any topic they claimed to be well versed on. And it has nothing to do with how highly educated they are. As one guy said, "Well, what did you expect me to talk about here? POF is for sex." Then abruptly closed the chat window.
Discuss politics or something, even feelings, there is just not a single topic they want to talk about. Except maybe sex! A couple even criticized me for coming to the Forums as according to them, people here do not date because they cannot find dates. So they just chat.
Some guys who want to IM me have to be prodded to chat. They have to be led to converse. It's amazing that the art of conversation had gone out of fashion in the internet. I am not a prude but sometimes I wonder if dating is all about sex only! But relationships cannot succeed with sex only. Faulty communication dooms a relationship. That is why I insist in getting to know a person online first before meeting. It is important for me to know that we can successfully communicate before even bothering to meet. I am fortunate that my regular contacts are excellent conversationalists. But at times they are not around and I had been tempted to just leave POF. I feel if I don't come to the Forums and get into some interesting repartees that would require me to think, POF ceases to be my stress reliever. It is that pathetic.
Edit: Yes, they maybe interesting if only they are able to share something about themselves. But it is like pulling teeth to try and get them to chat when they themselves asked to chat. I just had that experience last night. I thought he was interesting but Jeez! I tried to be accommodating but at times it is beyond anyone. I had to put an end to it as my friend used to tell me, "You are not a charitable institution. Your time is also important!" | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:55:32 PM | Like many things (okay almost everything else) it depends on your POV.
There's something interesting about everyone. They've had different experiences, stories....background, much to share.
I think that's where many are too quick to decide someone "isn't for them" (everyone HAS that right, not saying they don't) by going down a checklist and seeing how that person "stacks up".
NOW..that being said, interest in a person for a potential romantic partner and for a friend..completely different.
I think often people try to find a person to "fit their mold" for what they want, instead of being a little more open that it may be someone they could...well just "like" and may be able to accept fully and love. That's why I've never defined "my type", can't even if I were to try.
For me it's been true, that when I'm finding people boring, it's because I've become boring. No offense intended to the OP, as I said it's always been true FOR ME. | |
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| | Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 14 | |
| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:57:04 PM | I find the mainstream rather tedious and POF is fairly mainstream. It seems like my entire city is becoming more homogenized and generic every day, though. Maybe it's time for me to leave.
I have a few interesting conversations going, but none of them are local.
Men my age seem to want a family after spending the last 20 years partying, good luck with that. I'm dating out of my preferred age range just because a lot of people my age seem to be having an identity crisis. I am only interested in men who do not want children, so my options are fewer than could be. | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 7:03:09 PM | He is only dating women he finds attractive so he can score....I doubt he'd find a beautiful rocket scientist interesting since he won't be listening to her conversation anyway. He's too busy thinking about how he will get her into bed later. | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 7:15:33 PM | Sanchezzz ,extremely brilliant, two profiles, exactly, after you have been here a while you can spot them like flashing red lights. | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:07:59 PM |
Can I ask you a question???? Well I'm going to anyway. Not that I'll know whether or not to believe the answer...Do you have two profiles??????
What makes you think I have only two....??
I have hundreds.....I might even be you....
We mushrooms grow in patches..... | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:12:25 PM | No... it's more than -that-. I've dated plenty of women with kids. What bothers -me- (and I think the original poster) is that there is an apparent lack of two-way. IOW: I can relate to the kid thing. And I can relate to people of a broad range of interests. Then the question becomes... how willing are -they- to 'bridge the gap'? No one likes to think of themselves as 'narrow' but the truth is that while most people will -say- they are interested in lots of stuff, most people have a pretty confined comfort zone. If your kids or your job are your main or only topics of conversation, it probably means there ain't much else you want to share (or care about.) And---as much as I love my kids and dug my old job, -that- is boring.
---JC | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:21:33 PM | With the exception of friends and maybe a few recent dates, I can say that yes most people nowadays are boring. I don't give a shit for news about unimportant celebrities (Paris Hilton, Britney Spears et al ...) or an hour long discuss about every minute detail of the day (from how the guy in the checkout was checking you out, and other inane crap).
More people need to pursue hobbies, interests, and intellectual activities (and drinking every day doesn't not count as any of those LOL). | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:51:10 PM | Maybe it's the way this question was asked or rather WHAT is being asked...
How about I offer a different way of looking at this?
I think what happens is people focus on their everyday lives and are not as quick to think about anything really deep or intellectual. So they end up talking about well... nothing in particular.
In a way many people settle into a certain lifestyle and take less interest in places and things beyond our reach.
I am not saying I promote this. But that is just how people seem to get.
Most of the profiles I see here are not that different from each other. I could rattle off the most common cliches but if you look closely enough you will see what I mean | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:22:17 PM | Exactly! There are myriads of topics! I am amazed and fascinated at people who try to have some working knowledge of any topic under the sun. There is no way any conversation should run dry. I cannot understand why anyone cannot carry their end of a conversation. If one who asked to chat cannot find a comfortable niche to open up when every chance is given him so that a conversation could flow smoothly, then he should be aware of his inability to communicate and try to improve on his conversational skills. He could brush up on general topics so that he could have some working knowledge on them and could participate in a conversation.
I used to be very patient and would continue to carry a conversation, trying to pull a tooth but ended up deciding it was hopeless and maybe a root canal was more advisable based on the resistance given by the errant tooth.  I found my patience has been depleted and would rather let the attempt fizzle out than completely waste my time. I say, we are in an online site. Time to brush up on the communications and conversation skills.
A guy who occupied the next office to mine used to stop by my office and blurt out, "How about those Maple Leafs?" Huh? The next day, I was well equipped with the most current news on Toronto hockey club and to these days, it became my habit to brush up on the Toronto sports franchises. There is a way to overcome a deficiency. If we think we have become boring, equip ourselves with some info. Most of the time with a little participation we can just be in the listening end and still carry our end of a conversation and save the flow of the conversation.
Edit: Hmm must have hit a nerve! | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:28:11 PM | OP, with respect to your friend, my observation would be - the only common denominator in all the dates he has been on with the myriad of women is - certainly not the women - its him. Generally, I've found, the people who claim to be the most borED - either by other people or their surroundings or whatever - are in actuality some of the most borING people I've met. It takes two to have an intelligent conversation on far-ranging topics - and again, the only party to ALL of these claimed boring conversations is - your friend!
(And ditto for those who have chimed in on the thread to agree that yes, people are boring. Look in the mirror first when you're looking for boring people!) | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:43:13 PM |
(And ditto for those who have chimed in on the thread to agree that yes, people are boring. Look in the mirror first when you're looking for boring people!) I would like to think that I do have a working knowledge on a multitude of topics, from science to religion and technology. I am also fluent in sports and social issues. | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:48:20 PM | Yes I have noticed it alot--- but I assume its because I was raised by an educated family-- everyone but my 2 brothers have PHD'S so topic for dinner conversation was always
stimulating and filled with interetsing topics as we has a wide range of phd's in the house!
I start my Masters next year in CREATIVE WRITING so that makes it even harder for me to find someone I can connect with creatively... I have found alot of people are just dumbed-down because they are a product of a service-based society ...creativity, the arts, etc thinking for yourself, has become an epidemic ... we are more focused on sciences now; and while science has alot to offer, its empty without the creative process.
I think youre right-- there is a lot of dumbing down now; people are sooo wrapped up into paying the bills and caring for family in mediocre service jobs that they dont make enough time to find outside interests and develop their minds to their fullest potential. .. | |
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| Are people becoming really boring?
Posted: 5/27/2008 10:56:29 PM | It's interesting how your friend can date numerous women, not finding the conversation he's seeking, and automatically jumps to the conclusion that EVERY SINGLE WOMAN he met was boring, and that there is a dearth of intelligent conversationalists and doesn't consider perhaps that he is also a common factor to all these meetings, and perhaps he is doing something wrong himself? Perhaps the women are not boring at all, but he is not doing the right things to find out that they aren't.
Just a few of the possibilities that come to my mind are:
- there is a dance to courting and dating, and timing is everything, and there's nothing wrong with there being a general pattern of lighter talk leading into more interesting talk as a person gets more comfortable with a new person. It could be that your friend refuses to enter into this dance, and therefore never makes it into the more in depth conversation.
- he is repulsing his dates in some way, or showing his judgemental unattractive side, and so there is no motivation for the dates to enter into an engaging conversation with the date.
- he is attracted to and picking the superficial ones (who are also likely the ones who groom well, and are then cute to him, and also therefore more concerned with superficialities. Makes total sense if they are good at looking good).
- he may not be that skilled in engaging someone in conversation, asking the right questions, etc.
- he may not make his date feel comfortable.
- there may just not be a connection. I can be physically attracted to two different men, and like them as people, and feel comfortable with them both, but have nothing to say to one, and everything under the sun to say to the other.
- he may not be aware that people have different conversation styles (or stubbornly refuses to try accommodate other people's conversation styles) - some people prefer each person to volunteeer topics and amusing stories and observations on life, while other people prefer each person to ask the other probing questions,
- Some may consider it part of the courting process for the date to ask questions to find out about them personally. He may be trying to have conversations about world issues, while the woman sees the date as the opportunity for the man to ask questions specifically about her life experiences and feelings and thoughts, and could be disappointed that he is not fulfilling that role in the conversation.
Hope that provides some perspective. He sounds like a prick. That might be the short answer. | |
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