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 lover2u2008
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 1
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why do guys keep searching?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I started seeing a guy mid feb., consistently seeing him 1-2 times a week for the last 2 months at which time we started sleeping together. We both said we weren't seeing anyone else but didn't label things btwn us as "exclusive or bf/gf" but did say if we went out with someone else we would tell the other person for safety reasons.

He contacts me more than I contact him and he initiates dates (and no they are not just about sex). So I think he is interested.

My question is, if he is interested why does he still log into his yahoo personals account regularly? Do guys always "keep their options open" until the girl says we are exclusive or nothing? Is this just a typical guy and he is going to see what else is out there until it is specifically stated we are exclusive or does he just see me as a fling? And if it is just having a back up plan until he knows where things are going btwn us...when is it ok for me to bring up the exclusivity issue and how is the best way to do that?
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 2
why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:04:02 PM
Again, another woman asking perfect strangers to read the mind of someone we dont know. ASK HIM!!!!! So many women claim to be victims when in reality they are being naive. Of course he does it to communicate with other women.
 lover2u2008
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 3
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why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:09:57 PM
I realize the point is to communicate with other women and see what else is out there. I do plan on asking him tomorrow night when we have our standing wed. night date, since that is the night I don't have my son. My curiousity is if this is something "most" guys would still do even if they are interested in who they are currently seeing until the point where it is stated that it is an exclusive relationship. Because if most guys wouldn't log in to a personals site if they were interested in the person they are seeing then I know to expect the answer of he thinks of me as just a fling or if most guys would still do this then maybe he is interested in giving a more serious relationship with me.
 Vancer
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 4
why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:11:29 PM
Thinking it's a typical guy thing will only hurt your relationships in the long run.

Is he still prescribing to Yahoo personals still, or is it a free profile and nothing more?
Does Yahoo personals have some type of picture rating feature?
Perhaps he is just seeing if people find him sexy for a little self esteem.

As mthomjmark said. We really can't tell you what's going on.
 successainteasy
Joined: 2/17/2008
Msg: 5
why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:23:24 PM
Still goes to Y pers? Maybe he's getting viewed by others and just wants to see who is interested in kim. Could be just that innocent. ASK HIM. Currently, I'm not persuing anyone, but come here as often as I can for the forums. So, I get seen as logging in often. What would someone see in that?
And until you have the "exclusive" talk, then all options are still open. Although, if you're sleeping with him, why haven't you had that talk yet?
I remember something about a cow and some milk.....
 Diana619
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 6
why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:26:58 PM

My question is, if he is interested why does he still log into his yahoo personals account regularly? Do guys always "keep their options open" until the girl says we are exclusive or nothing?


Perhaps he is wondering the same thing about YOU and why you still keep an active profile on POF looking for a long term relationship. Just a shot in the dark of course.
 lover2u2008
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 7
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why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:36:21 PM
he knows that I keep a profile on here for the forums...yahoo does not have forums like pof. plus I hid my profile on yahoo when we started to sleeping together.
 Friendlione
Joined: 6/23/2006
Msg: 8
why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:56:04 PM
You already know the answer to your question...you just want the opinion of others to "confirm" it. If you were dating someone and YOU were still logging onto an account, why would you still be doing it?

The real question you should be asking is whether or not this is a bad thing and in my personal opinion...it is not.
 *Bulldog*
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 9
why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/27/2008 7:05:36 PM
To be honest, a lot of guys won't go exclusive unless the girls asks. I wouldn't say your s/o's behavior is classy, but neither is it entirely unreasonable. Unless he knows you want to be with him, and him alone, he's just keeping his options open. For all he knows you are dating four guys very casually on the side (all girls have a small circle of guys they drag around while they seek commitment from the one they really want).

If you don't appreciate what he's doing, ask him to go exclusive. If he balks, leave him. Of course, if it's your thing, you could stay with him just for the sex.
 GettingYounger
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 10
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why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/27/2008 10:31:32 PM
Do women keep shopping for shoes after they have a pair that fits great and looks stunning?
 Ralleac
Joined: 5/17/2008
Msg: 11
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why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/28/2008 12:19:51 AM
My question is, if he is interested why does he still log into his yahoo personals account regularly?


I'm not sure about him, but when I log into my Yahoo e-mail it logs me in to everything on Yahoo without me having to re-enter a user name or password anywhere. This includes my homepage, my e-mail, groups, personals, and just about everything else.

Are you sure he's even logging in to it? In the event that he is, we can't really answer accurately for him.
 Gotapulse
Joined: 3/21/2005
Msg: 12
why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/28/2008 12:56:11 AM
OP, didn't you say that you weren't exclusive ? Well, ...there you go. The door was left open so either close it or swing it wide open. If I'm dating a woman and she insists on "keeping her options open" then there sure isn't anything wrong with me doing the same.
 Sardonis
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 13
why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/28/2008 1:08:35 AM
He may like you; but he may keep checking just because.

 Loz Hunter
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 14
why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/28/2008 1:19:40 AM
Well me thinks -

If he is still on the sites, like you, he is and you are open to offers.

Just my opinion thats all.

Edit - I met a man on a singles site and was off the site from the next week, profile deleted, when the relationship ended went back to the site, then the next guy I went out with for two years, then back to the site. Easy really, if you are not looking you wont find.
 Lexyqt
Joined: 4/22/2008
Msg: 15
why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/28/2008 1:31:36 AM
Hi there. I can really relate to this as have just gone through exactly the same thing. I took the bull by the horns and "told" him I would not consider a sexual relationship with him unless it was "exclusive". A hard thing to do but very necessary. Good luck!! Lexy.
 Vancer
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 16
why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/28/2008 4:01:19 AM
I'm not sure about him, but when I log into my Yahoo e-mail it logs me in to everything on Yahoo without me having to re-enter a user name or password anywhere. This includes my homepage, my e-mail, groups, personals, and just about everything else.

Are you sure he's even logging in to it? In the event that he is, we can't really answer accurately for him.


I'm not familiar with Yahoo, but OP you should check into what Ulin45 said here first.
If that's actually true it would lead to some confusion if you simply start talking to him about being exclusive, and you suspecting he's looking around, without admitting you are going by his yahoo logins.

You're going to have to be honest about knowing the yahoo logins anyway if you want the truth.
I wish you luck in resolving this.
 kornbluth
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 17
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why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/28/2008 5:51:28 AM

And if it is just having a back up plan until he knows where things are going btwn us...when is it ok for me to bring up the exclusivity issue and how is the best way to do that?


You may as well bring it up now, since it's on your mind. If you've known each other only 3 months, that's not long enough to expect him to remove his profile, nor you to remove yours. Considering that most couples do break up, the danger of being stranded is great. I would hope you can assure each other that backup plans are no longer necessary, and then both of you get off the dating sites.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 18
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why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/28/2008 2:55:18 PM
I disagree with the guys here. If you are sleeping together, you have the right to ask him to take down his profile. Of course, he could sign back up under a different name with no photo.
 Vancer
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 19
why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/28/2008 2:58:30 PM
Yeah readyornot57 is right.
Just ask the guy to take the Yahoo Personals account down.
 lover2u2008
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 20
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why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/28/2008 4:11:00 PM
superlizard1969 what is your more personal-biased answer...just out of curiousity
 Audial Liaison
Joined: 1/10/2007
Msg: 21
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why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/28/2008 4:24:52 PM
"Again, another woman asking perfect strangers to read the mind of someone we dont know. ASK HIM!!!!! So many women claim to be victims when in reality they are being naive. Of course he does it to communicate with other women."

I thoroughly enjoyed this reply, so i have decided to take a time out of my busy day before my flight to agree with these fine words

 skidoo369
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 22
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why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/28/2008 6:42:03 PM
have you considered he might have built some friendship with some woman from yahoo personals? yes, friendship between men and women exists.
 Daveisfnf
Joined: 4/20/2008
Msg: 23
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why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/30/2008 1:59:05 AM
If he's checking his personals then he's probably doing it for self esteem reasons or perhaps he has friends on there?
I know if I had a girlfriend, and even when I did, it felt good to be wanted by women that knew they couldn't have me. Maybe he likes that feeling too.

p.s. If you're doing more with him than you could mention to a 4 year old child of your own, and only with him and no one else and him the same, then you two are actually already "exclusive" or together. It's just one of those, "unofficial things" that you have to make official by confronting him. I had an "unofficial" girlfriend once. Wish we'd been together long enough to be official thinking back...... :/
 Ms Tude
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 24
why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/30/2008 2:05:18 AM
Interesting - but you are here on the Forums - and personally I'm on several forums - mostly bicycle though - and yet - if you log into here (forums) - VOILA - means you're on-line - doesn't mean you're cruising - right?

Trust is a basic necessity of a relationship.
 Zentimes
Joined: 12/31/2006
Msg: 25
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why do guys keep searching?
Posted: 5/30/2008 6:41:41 AM
Why do you think? Were always on the prowl for the next best thing....
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