| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:35:17 PM | Ok guys need your input on why this guy I have been dating for the past month and a half. During conversations on msn he wil often make comments about "talking to my other boyfriends" and makes comments when we are not getting together about going on "hot dates". For example our work schedules were different so we couldnt; get together and he had stuf to do at home so we couldn;t get together but he made comments about me going out with my other boyfriends. At first it was kind of funny and we joked but now its starting to get to me and not sure how to read it. His he hinting that i should start dating others (though he tells me when i ask teh question back that he is not with anyone else) or his he testing to see if i am dating others.
Guys tell me what should i think/do??? | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:41:34 PM | sorry, not a guy, but anyway....
He is trying to find out if you are dating him exclusively but doesn't want to come out and ask you directly because he is more than likely afraid of rejection
If you like him, you can put him out of his misery and tell him that he is the only one you are currently dating
if you aren't serious about him and don't want to commit to an exclusive relationship, you can tweek him a little and next time he asks you to go on a date, tell him you have to check your itinerary and see where you can squeeze him in ...
(before all the men line up to call me a ****, just kiddin about the itinerary) | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:50:10 PM | | Sounds like he may have trust issues or suffers low self esteem. Or he thinks its funny but I fail to see the humor. | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/27/2008 7:04:54 PM | OP: I think he's testing you, catalyzed by uncertainty about your intentions/ his personal insecurities. Might be an attempted innocent jab, trying to coast out your possible feeling for him ... I mean, what better response could you give then "Of course I'm not dating others, I'm with you!"
A few of my guy friends have done this before with women they initially date - trying to determine her intentions, if she's seeing other men, etc. by feinting their question guised in humor; dress it up as nothing serious when probing for information.
Men do it, women do it - don't think dogs or cats do it ... they're pretty open about their intentions.
Take it all with a grain of salt so to speak - is just my opinion and experience. Could be a number of things.
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/27/2008 7:18:51 PM | Sounds insecure to me.You should talk to him about it and let the outcome decide what to do.Sometimes people just need to communicate. | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:08:21 PM | My ex use to say that to me constantly. Drove me nuts! Even to this day if a car happens to be behind me on the road when turning into his driveway (when picking up the children) he makes comments to the children about how that must have been my BF behind me. Geeeeeeeeeesh!!!!!!!
I have been told since then that he might have had a guilty conscious and assumed I was doing what he was doing. Really don't know and at this point I really don't care. | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:13:54 PM | | I've had a few guys that did that too me all the time. You need to sit down and have a conversation with him about it. Explain to him that you're not dating anyone else or interested in it. Also tell him that when he makes comments like that it makes you feel uncomfortable and a little bit insecure about the relationship. If he continues to do it then I'd have to say it's probably because of self esteem and you will need to ask yourself if that is something you can live with. | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/27/2008 10:32:30 PM | leaving him alone ..
it happened to me before ..i felt sick of it .. if a man doesnt trust you at all ........... leave him alone .. | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/27/2008 10:42:51 PM | I find it interesting sometimes how different the forum crowd is to a) real life and b) the dating crowd. There is a definite divide- I suspect that there are many forum people who have never actually done online dating at all.
Myself, having actually done online dating for a little while before posting, I have seen first hand that most people are seeing more than one person. His 'jokes' are, as you suspect, him asking to see if you are seeing other people without actually stating it directly. What you can do is sit down with him, look him in the eyes and say that you are not seeing anyone else and that from your perspective it is exclusive.
Please, for the sake of your relationship, disregard the ignorance most people are spouting. It is not insecurity, it is not a suggestion you start seeing other people, it does not mean you should leave, he is just asking a question in a roundabout way. Answer it directly and clearly and problem solved. | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/28/2008 1:46:18 AM | | Put me in with the group voting for insecurity on his part. He isn't quite sure enough (or ready) to ask you about exclusivity yet, so he is trying to joke his way around coming right out and asking. I can understand why that would get annoying, and as usual, the solution is simply a matter of talking to him. | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/28/2008 1:52:20 AM | He wants to find out if you're seeing other guys. He doesn't want to ask you directly because if the answer is yes, you are seeing other men, he'll want to know where he stands in the rankings. Exclusivity means to him that you're so enraptured with him that you aren't bothering to pursue any other leads.
Sure, you can call it insecurity too if you like but that's not really fair if you haven't already made it clear that he's the only guy you're seeing. | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/28/2008 2:26:43 AM |
I find it interesting sometimes how different the forum crowd is to a) real life and b) the dating crowd. There is a definite divide- I suspect that there are many forum people who have never actually done online dating at all.
Myself, having actually done online dating for a little while before posting, I have seen first hand that most people are seeing more than one person. His 'jokes' are, as you suspect, him asking to see if you are seeing other people without actually stating it directly. What you can do is sit down with him, look him in the eyes and say that you are not seeing anyone else and that from your perspective it is exclusive.
Please, for the sake of your relationship, disregard the ignorance most people are spouting. It is not insecurity, it is not a suggestion you start seeing other people, it does not mean you should leave, he is just asking a question in a roundabout way. Answer it directly and clearly and problem solved.
Agree totally with crazytimes on this. All he's doing is asking if you're seeing other people, but doing it indirectly. The reason he isn't asking directly, if there is one, is that he just doesn't want to come on too strong and have you misread it and think he's controlling or needy.
Put both of you out of your misery and just tell him you're exclusive, or you want to be officially 'a couple', or something like that. | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/28/2008 3:10:38 AM | Just tell him his joking comments, sound like he is obsessing over the idea he's in a line-up of other men, and it's sending mixed signals about his confidence levels and genuine interest in you.
That'll get to the point. And the result will be a learning experience.
He might be stuck in an insecurity rut, and there ain't no way he's coming out of that without someone being direct with him about it.
So here's an opportunity to help someone.
It's your call to either walk away or be direct.
To either further both your uncertainties or tackle them headon.  | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/28/2008 3:18:22 AM |
Please, for the sake of your relationship, disregard the ignorance most people are spouting. It is not insecurity, it is not a suggestion you start seeing other people, it does not mean you should leave, he is just asking a question in a roundabout way. Answer it directly and clearly and problem solved.
Perhaps you are missing the point that he has said it often enough to the point where it upsets her? How many times can a person hint, joke or suggest things for it to no longer be just a roundabout question? If he has done it more than 10 times then he's not just asking the question any longer... he's being insecure.
As for dating experience, I probably have more than you do and more importantly with men unlike you do. I have seen this enough times first hand to know understand what she was referring to. In the end the men that pulled this stunt are the ones I ended up breaking up with shortly after they started this. I don't do needy very well. | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/28/2008 3:25:16 AM | sherilyn70, it's your right to walk away.
But think about it from a psychological point of view.
It's only perpetuating a negative cycle in another individual.
Contributing to yet another awkward beginning for someone else.
Being direct takes very little effort and can actually help someone with their problems.
And several guys in this topic are on agreement here.
How can it be wrong what crazytimes1 is suggesting.
I'm not bashing you. I just don't understand. | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/28/2008 6:40:20 AM | How about you just stroke his ego a bit? Maybe he is a little insacure!
If he jokes about your other boyfriends just tell him that there's no one else on your mind but him. Make him feel wanted and needed. Show him you care about him. Only if it keeps happening and his paranoia continues do you really need to sit him down and explain that it's not funny anymore.
We don't know the guys life story. Maybe an ex of his cheated on him and now he finds it hard to trust. Perhaps he cares for you so much that he wants to hear that he's the only one you're interested in.
Just take the time to think about what you know about him and why he may be joking about the situation. I'm sure you'll come to a conclusion that'll make things better for the both of you. | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/28/2008 6:43:07 AM | | Vancer, I at no time said to walk away without communication first. Please go back and re read everything that has been said. :) | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:47:56 AM | My bad sherilyn70. I totally glazed over who said what in the beginning.
Sorry about that. My lack of focus back there is pretty embarrassing.  | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/28/2008 8:41:49 AM |
He is trying to find out if you are dating him exclusively but doesn't want to come out and ask you directly because he is more than likely afraid of rejection
This is exactly right. He's too afraid to just come out and ask. He's trying to do it in a way that might get him the information but has the least likelihood of rejection (in his mind.) I think he is dating you exclusively and is hoping that you're doing the same. | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/28/2008 11:48:30 AM | Sherilyn70:
How many times can a person hint, joke or suggest things for it to no longer be just a roundabout question? If he has done it more than 10 times then he's not just asking the question any longer... he's being insecure.
Probably as many times as he needs to until the OP talks to him about exclusivity.
I've had guys do this. I knew exactly why. They want to know if there are others. The easiest way to do that is in a joking way. I'm sure the OP knows this too but it's easier for her to look for people to tell her he's insecure rather than her just stop playing her game. | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/28/2008 12:36:05 PM | I have asked that question once or twice in jest but only in the initial telephone and meeting phases, certainly never as repeatedly as indicated in this case. I was trying to determine whether or not she was seeing others and I assumed that she probably knew that was my intention. If she answers seriously, great, I know where I stand. If not, then thats fine too because its none of my business at that point in the relationship anyway. However, if we were to become even semi-serious and I was still unsure if it was exclusive, I would ask her point blank without the guise.
I agree with the others here that suggest this guy is just insecure. If you are serious about this guy and think you may have a future with him, be honest and let him know where he stands. If youre not prepared to that, then perhaps you need to move on to someone you can be honest with. | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/28/2008 2:48:16 PM | | Sherilynn70 nailed it. Tell him you don't want him to say it anymore. That if there is another boyfriend, you will let him know! | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/29/2008 10:00:47 AM | Aye, that could be a sign of trust issues. That really would get annoying. Sure it can be meant with the best intentions on his part, but all in all... It's quite immature.
Tell him to stop with the jabs and comments... or he's going to drive you away... because (call me crazy) I don't think you want to put up with that the whole relationship...
Maybe it's a lack of confidence in the dating department as well... Not sure, but either way he's going to have to learn that saying that over and over again gets tedious and also it's insulting to you.
Just my 2ยข. | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/29/2008 10:03:32 AM |
if a man doesnt trust you at all ........... leave him alone ..
I am a guy, and even I agree to this. *laughs*
Trust is paramount and the foundation in any relationship. If he can't do even do that, aye... then leave him be. | |
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| Why does he keep asking????
Posted: 5/29/2008 2:39:44 PM | | Sounds like neither one really knows how to communicate clearly what they are thinking at any given time. It seems they both have issues just saying what they mean. This type of miscommunication will not lead to good places. | |
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