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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 5/29/2008 8:58:31 AM | Alright, I've seen plenty of threads about what you should tell children if one of the parents is not around, etc.
My question is...if one parent is not involved with the child/ren, but not for lack of trying, what would you tell that child when they are old enough to contact you?
Welder has two children by another woman. He is currently going through a lawyer to try to get visitation but his ex is now demanding that his parental rights be terminated. In our state rights can be terminated if one parent has shown 'no interest' in the children. So, she is claiming that since he hasn't seen his son in 3 years and has never seen his 2 year old daughter that he has had no interest in them. But, quite the opposite is true...before he started taking legal action he would try and try and try to see them, even just talk to them on the phone, but she always denied it. The last time he went to go try to see them she called the cops and said that he was trying to abduct them.
So, if you, as a parent, had done all you could to see your children but you were still denied that and then one day the kid shows up wanting to know why you weren't around, what would you say? How would you deal with that?
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 5/29/2008 9:05:28 AM | Sorry to hear about your predicament.My only advice would be to get your man to keep a detailed,truthful and accurate account in a logbook of everything,both good and bad to do with his involvement in trying to gain access to his children.
Back this up with copies of official documents where possible,this way if in the future his children get in touch asking questions he will be able to show them the facts and maybe they will have a better insight to the truth. | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 5/29/2008 11:15:31 AM | I am sorry but NOTHING in this world could keep me from my child. I don't buy it for a second when men claim it is all the ex's fault.
Lets see if the story matches what all deadbeats say.....
He loves his kid but his ex is crazy and wont let him see the child
Only a fool would buy that. He could have gotten a lawyer the first time she denied access and there would be a legal record of him trying to see his kids. | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 5/29/2008 11:52:53 AM | Mylie, don't be fooled. It's very possible. In fact, read these facts of a case of a good friend of mine...
The friend was divorced. They shared custody of one son. The mother maintained an address that she never lived at (she lived with the boyfriend). Her mailbox, never checked, overflowed with mail. The power was not even on the place. The grass was 2 feet tall. She took the son one day.. and disappeared.... all the while maintaining this address. Apparently she only paid rent and since it was low-income, not very much at that.
No one knew the boyfriend. No one knew where she was. Any call to court for any reason was delivered to her address via mail (which she never checked) or served to that address which went un-delivered. Laws dictate that without an official serving of the documents, the person cannot be held responsible to show up in court on the grounds that they were unaware and are unable to defend their self.
There was no record of a phone number for her. Apparently she didn't work. She was a ghost in the town where they all lived.
She finally screwed up... After 6 months he accidentally found her. He got her to let him spend the weekend with his son. Out of fear, he did not return the son after the weekend. Instead he filed in court Monday morning for custody. He figured she'd have to show if she wanted him. Monday evening she showed up at his house with the cops. They made him return the child to her right there on the spot.. and again she went back to being a ghost. Only after another year was he able to find her.. accidentally again... and this time he followed her, found where she was really living, and had her served in court.
Even though she deliberately deceived everyone involved the court only allowed him to see his son every other weekend and 1/2 the holidays. All on the grounds that he had not seen his son in such a long time.
Don't buy the premise that if you want to, you will... It's not that hard to disappear... with a child.
Oh and by the way. He was told that since they shared custody they could not make her let him see the child without going to court and having the judge order it.. Yet you see what happened when he had the child. They made him give the child to her. | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 5/29/2008 11:55:34 AM | He COULD have gotten a lawyer...sure. I agree with you. But seeing as how to handle his side of it is running close to $5,000, it has taken him awhile to save up money. When she lied on her child support application and got 3x more $$$ then what she should have, that put an even bigger dent in what he could save for a lawyer to handle it. He even tried to go through mediation with her and she wouldn't show up. So, there is a record of him attempting to have contact with his children.
And dear mylie...if someone has a restraining order against you (which she put in place after the false abduction call to the police) you very well wouldn't go try to see your kids unless you want to go sit your ass in jail. And how, exactly, is THAT going to look to a judge?
I didn't ask for a personal attack on my SO. I've been with him long enough to know what is the truth and what is not. And I never said it was all HER fault. True way back when the first child was born he was young and dumb. Neither one was even 18 years old. BUT people grow up and not once has he ever not provided financial support for those kids.
And I didn't say she was crazy...I just think she is spiteful and she is mad that he is not living his life with HER. The younger child was just proven to be his child within the past 6 months. Even before he knew for sure it was his (as she didn't look like him AT ALL and the mother even said it wasn't his child) he STILL tried. HE had to push for a paternity test to be done since she perjurged herself and said that it was impossible for the child to be his.
Deadbeat? I think not. In fact, we can barely put food on our own table and buy diapers for our daughter due to the fact that he DOES pay his child support.
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 5/29/2008 11:59:04 AM | But should a man "have " to pay through the nose for that right. Rarely in these forums have I read about how much money a woman has had to pay for equality when it comes to these matters.
If a man just took his child and told his wife we're through and I am taking the kids, he would be jailed faster than you spit out , that **stard !!!
There just seems to so little thought put into what's right or wrong.
And unfortunately kids are the ones who pay.
I would try to explain to my child now at his age but that would not work. Perhaps when he is old enough and who knows if any of us are ever mature enough to face those truths (or lies as some would have it ).
Right now he is a stable environment and has good and loving people in his life.
Me, I have wrestled with it every day but I know that I could not speak to him about what happened without him sensing my resentment of his mother's decisions.
Most won't accept that but I am not looking for acceptance of it. It is what I figure is best for him.
He does not need me to drift in and out of his life but if the time came and my wife would break her silence and ask for help I would give it freely.
But no one will ever tell me what I am doing is wrong and time will tell.
I cannot change what is. wasn't my choice.
"Only a fool would buy that. He could have gotten a lawyer the first time she denied access and there would be a legal record of him trying to see his kids. "
Can someone tell me why no one sees what is wrong with this statement?
And can someone tell me why we have to start another 100 page gender bashing/courts suck/ law is wrong thread again???????????
You will find from these posts only the answers you "want " not what is actually said by those experiencing it right now. | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 5/29/2008 12:15:47 PM | First time I have seen a thread addressing this topic.
I understand this, mine disappeared almost three years ago with my daughter....
This after fighting in court for two years and finally being able to see her every weekend, every weekend that is that she even bothered to show up. This also after being rendered financially devastated, but hey, it was worth it.....
I've been to court for en facto decisions, but the reality of the situation is until she is found it all means nothing, cops say it's a family issue, too bad.
Anyways.
That's a tough one. As yourself I am sure you hope in the end your children will be able to understand, just as I am sure the scenario has played itself over and over again in your mind. The emotional impact of this can be life altering.
In reality, all you can do is be there, and hope in time they will understand, keep documents.., and take it one day at a time.
Some people will never fully grasp the implications of their actions, the people they hurt simply by spite. In the end tho, it is the children that will have suffered.
Children are not a right, they are a privilege. | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 5/29/2008 12:53:57 PM | Kidding: I wasn't trying to start some bashing thread or even analyze the fairness of the courts. I was asking for what people would tell their kids in a situation where one parent was unable to be around them due to no fault of their own (except making a poor choice on who to procreate with).
Unfortunately, some posters classify men as deadbeat dads b/c they are ignorant. Just like people make classifications on 'all women do _______' or 'all men do _______'.
I'm not looking for any one particular answer from everyone. I'm looking for how others have or will handle similar situations.
And mylie...I don't know many deadbeat dads who would take their ex $100 at 10 pm b/c she said she was out of diapers, formula, etc. AFTER his full amount of child support was paid for the month. And then to find out she went out bar hopping and paid for everyone elses drinks. ;)
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 5/29/2008 1:14:17 PM | Welder....
I think the child should understand the reasons on why a parent does not see a child.
I met my own father only a year ago... and discovered that he lived only miles away from me until I was 14. He was absent by choice and he had his reasons. Although I had no resentment of it, it was refreshing to hear his reasons and understand his thinking.
It would have been better, I think, to have heard it long ago when I wondered about him...
I think it's very easy for a child to learn to resent or even hate the absent parent when the truth is one sided.
I know that my ex has routinely told my son when I was absent that I didn't want to see him... when in fact she was calling me the night before my visit and telling me that I could not see him, to not bother coming... and then he'd ask over the phone "why don't you want to see me?"
True case: For his 11th birthday she planned a party at chuck-e-cheese's and everyone was to attend. Well her boyfriend decided he was going, which I didn't have a problem with, and she called me and told me that he was going to be there and I was no longer welcome... That evening my son grilled me on why I didn't want to go to his party. Broke my heart... But I told him the truth. I told him EXACTLY what she told me.. and that I wished anything to attend but his mother prevented.
My son is my best friend and I am his... He learned to not always believe things just because he's told them by a parent.
So yes, the child should know. When the child is aware it may make it harder for the parent to keep the child away from the absent one. | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 5/29/2008 2:59:02 PM | my ex was absent for 3 years of our sons life.... not by my choice... but he had thought it was.
due to constant verbal mental and sometimes physical abuse for 2 years....and it was getting worse once he moved up to be closer to our son (encouragement from the gf)... i put forth a DVO (restraining order) against him.... not to stop him from seeing his son... but from him seeing me and stop the abuse happening infront of our son.
during the DVO trail there was several attempts to get it granted... one was that he was to go apply for mediation and sort it out.... he did do this but his lawyer didnt put the papers in on time and the case became closed.... so my ex said he wanted the DVO to go to full evidence trail... 6 months later... he didnt turn up..... i stated to the judge that i am not stopping him from seeing his son just want the abuse to stop towards me.... so the judge put in a clause that the only contact he is to have with me via phone was as agreed on the parenting order....so back to meditation we went... and as i had the DVO for 2 years... supervised visits at a contact center was granted then it went to pick ups and drop offs from there.... well... after months of waiting for the final document to be sent out from the family courts... we later found out as i had signed them waiting on him to do so... that his lawyers firm had closed down.. we got the documents from a firm that held firm closures... and saw that his lawyer had put in the wrong information about myself and our son so that made the document invalid.
I have asked him his reasoning for his absent and with only being 20 mins away from each other... his excuse the DVO... when i told him there was a clause in there that didnt stop him from seeing his son.. i asked him again.... his excuse i dont know.... he has also apologised to me for the absence...and said that he was young and stupid and he has now realised what he has done and it will never happen again....granted when he did start seeing our son again it was the same as before (gf was still in his ear).... he has now opened his eyes to her.. and has said if she says anything about me or tries to do anything to provent him from seeing his son again shes out the door that fast the door wont even kick her in the ass.
i guess im grateful in many ways.... that the courts wont see a family case unless there is proven cases of at least 4 attempts of mediation...and it is documented if one of the parents either refuses to do it... or doesnt show up... it will look badly for that parents case.
Welder... has ya SO put it towards his ex about if she terminates his parental right that she will no longer get any child support off him?.... but either way... i would keep every piece of documentation put it in a safe for when the time is right which is when the kids are older to understand fully. | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 5/29/2008 3:07:57 PM | I am trying to keep my comments out of this post for the most part because I don't think my thoughts would be appreciated, however, on this question...
has ya SO put it towards his ex about if she terminates his parental right that she will no longer get any child support off him?....
I have to say something. I don't know where Welder is or even where the previous poster is, but here in the US, if rights are terminated, it does not terminate the responsibility of child support until/unless the child is adopted by someone else. | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 5/29/2008 3:18:41 PM | Ok I understand the situation that your SO is in, and some other's on the site are in, but I don’t care what anyone say's you are only an absent parent if you chose to be.
If you truly wanted to see your children you would fight your a$$ in court to do so. Yes it is going to be expensive, yes it is going to be hard to prove, yes it is going to be time consuming, but just by taking it back to court over and over again is enough to show the judge that you want to be part of your child's life.
I have a few question's for you................... answer if you like but these are question's that with the answer's will help you if she were to say go in hiding like the other poster had said.
1) How does he pay her his support payment?
2) Does she have a Social?
3) Does she have family that the courts could contact?
4) Does your BF have proof of trying to see the children and her refusing?
5) How does he keep in contact with her? Can he e-mail her where she could respond to him where he could ask how the children are, ask to see them, where she can mess up by writing back that he can not.
6) Does she have friends that the courts could contact to get a hold of her?
The point is that if he can protect his butt by showing proof that he has been trying to see his children, and he keeps on the judge regarding this (he does not even need a lawyer he can represent himself) then he has a chance, it will so the judge that he really want's to be part of his kids life, and then the judge will grant him visitation. And if she refuses then all he has to do is hold her in contempt, to many holds in contempt will show her that he means business. | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 5/29/2008 3:52:41 PM |
but I don't care what anyone say's you are only an absent parent if you choose to be.
Wrong. Dead Wrong.
This is just your perception, it reflects what you believe and you are entitled to this opinion, but as I said, your wrong.
Many parents up and simply vanish, this is a cold hard reality some fathers face, to disregard this as false, or to say it's their own damn fault negates the hell they have been put through. To say some parents are above this type of behavior is ridiculous, it happens more often than you might think.
Mine left the country and the courts refuse to do anything until she crosses the border, she has a common name and wealthy parents who bought into the crap that constantly came from her mouth.
And if she refuses then all he has to do is hold her in contempt
Good luck on that one, I dragged mine in repeatedly and she received nothing, a firm reprimand and that was it, she didn't even have to make up for the time lost.
My point is simple, many men and women face the day when they will have to stand in front of their children they have been kept from and explain themselves, keeping i mind of course they have been told that mommy or daddy did not want to be a part of their lives.
How would you handle it?, what would you do if your child on e day disappeared and dad took him to another country.......lots of "I would do this", but, until you are confronted with a situation like this you have no idea.
Funny thing is I am still required to pay child support, and the courts still insist that I do, yet at the same time will do nothing in finding her.
Nice huh? | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 5/29/2008 4:09:12 PM |
what would you do if your child on e day disappeared and dad took him to another country
I didnt give my ex the chance to go on his threat's and promises of kidnapping my daughter, the first time he threatened to do it I went right to the court house and had paper's drawn up to make sure that he could not do it. I faught my a$$ in court to make sure that he can not take off with her, and the first time he does not return her home it state's in our court order that the cops will pick her up from him to matter where he is in the world and return her to my care and he will not see her again.
I dont know about the cops where you are but I know the cops where I am HAVE to go by a court order, they do not have to do anything if there is no court order but if there is then they have to follow it. If they didnt have to then I would have no problem with just up and leaving where I live and move back home. But if I do that then I was told by the judge that I would be charged with kidnapping my own daughter unless it is ordered by the judge that I can move or if my ex gives me permission to move.
I know all to well about a parent being abset not by choice, my mother went through it with my brother's, she had the choice to either be part of their life and go to JAIL or give up on them and be home to raise me as my bio father charged her with kidapping her own children when she had full custody of my brother's and he took them to a diffrent provience (she did not have her order in the court's down here and didnt know) he set up a new court hearing and got full custody of my brother's with the stipulation that if she steped foot in the provience again to be part of the kids live's before they were of age she would have went to jail for 25 years. So she chose to be a mother to me. BUT now has my brother's in her life because they are of age now. So trust me I know all to well, and my mother faught her butt in court for her kids and still had to chose. What was she supose to do. And this was done BY the court's not by anyone else, if it was done by anyone else then she would have told them where to shove it, so she had a choice to give up on all 3 of us or to leave her 2 oldest and raise me. And if you ask her she wouldnt have changed anything unless she could have had all of us together.
And then there is another situation I could give you as well, I have a friend who went through a custody hearing, his ex had their daughter, had full custody, refused visit's to the father, and the court's at the time told him that they could do nothing as she had full legal custody, he took it to court 7 times for 7 years and guess what his ex took off to the US with their daughter and he had no contact info on where his daughter was, and for each time he went back to court and faught they seen that he wanted to be part of his daughter's life and he now has 50/50 custody of his daughter and lives in the states now as well so that he can be part of her life. And no matter where the mother is they will track her down or she will have to give full custody of their daughter to him.
So yes I do belive that the only way to be an absent parent is if you do it yourself by giving up your fight! | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 5/29/2008 4:52:05 PM | "And then there is another situation I could give you as well, I have a friend who went through a custody hearing, his ex had their daughter, had full custody, refused visit's to the father, and the court's at the time told him that they could do nothing as she had full legal custody, he took it to court 7 times for 7 years and guess what his ex took off to the US with their daughter and he had no contact info on where his daughter was, and for each time he went back to court and faught they seen that he wanted to be part of his daughter's life and he now has 50/50 custody of his daughter and lives in the states now as well so that he can be part of her life. And no matter where the mother is they will track her down or she will have to give full custody of their daughter to him"
And what were the consequences for her denying access for all of those years? If I didn't pay my child support I would be eventually be put in jail, but deny access.... and ?
Maybe absent parent is not the correct words to us. I prefer denied access. OP, the only thing that you can do is document everything then take it back to court and this may take multiple times. A friend of mine took his ex to court 8 times to gain access, each time the judge would tell her to abide by the court order and send them on their way. When she would then start up again, he would call the police to enforce the court order, they would say that it is a a matter for the family court system. He eventually ran out of money for lawyers and had to represent himself.
As said above it is a long and very frustrating road and the deck is stacked against you because although times are changing there are really no consequences for denying access.
The system needs to change and some of these custodial parents need to thrown in jail to teach them lesson that denying access will not be tolerated. | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 5/29/2008 6:13:44 PM | This type of question does indeed draw a lot of fire. I agree with the person who suggested a log or diary be kept for the day in the future when the kids will begin to seek answers on their own. I have done the same in my situation and intend to continue to do so for as long as it takes me to trudge through the judicial system. It is correct that it costs in the neighborhood of $5,000.00 to get things started. I know many who have had to shell out many 10's of thousands and some hundreds of thousands of dollars to pursue cases involving their children. None of it happens over night. In many cases it takes years to reach a conclusion and the conclusion is not always what is desired. Don't get too frustrated with the nieve ones who profess their is nothing that would stop them from being involved in their kids lives. They do not have a clue what can occur and they are either blessed for not having to go through such an ordeal or they are ones in this world who are just like Welder's X. CRIMINALS guilty of child abuse.
You guys keep your heads up and don't get discouraged by what you are about to embark on. It will likely be a very rough and weary road but those who have sincere intentions within their heart usually at some point gain reunification with those who are a part of their soul, their children.
Kenny | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 5/29/2008 6:52:19 PM |
I have to say something. I don't know where Welder is or even where the previous poster is, but here in the US, if rights are terminated, it does not terminate the responsibility of child support until/unless the child is adopted by someone else.
L4P.... I live in Australia... and it is under the understanding and law here that once a parent has had his/her parental right terminated that all rights.. physical, emotional and financial rights cease for that child/ren.
So if your saying where you are located (granted every state and county has different rulings and laws over there as they are not national laws) if a parent is stripped or is terminated of their parental rights of their child/ren and still held responsible financially for that child/ren then doesnt that mean they still have the right to be involved in the child/rens life as they are still financially supporting them?
Im just curious to find out how one can or be terminated and still be held responsible until the child/ren are adopted by another. | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 5/29/2008 7:17:13 PM | I guess it would have to depend on the situation and how much the child already knew, but I would make sure one of the things I said was I never ever gave up on you and always loved you, every minute, even if it seemed like I wasn't there.
Poor kiddo. | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 5/29/2008 7:31:27 PM |
Maybe absent parent is not the correct words to us. I prefer denied access.
It is called Parental Alienation. Those who inflict it are usually Narcissistic Sociopaths whose criminal acts are pure Child Abuse. | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 5/30/2008 1:49:44 AM |
So if your saying where you are located (granted every state and county has different rulings and laws over there as they are not national laws) if a parent is stripped or is terminated of their parental rights of their child/ren and still held responsible financially for that child/ren then doesnt that mean they still have the right to be involved in the child/rens life as they are still financially supporting them?
Im just curious to find out how one can or be terminated and still be held responsible until the child/ren are adopted by another.
As of a few years ago (8 years or so), this was the case in every state. I will admit that I have not looked into it recently, although I generally do keep informed of many of the changing family court laws across the nation with a few of the groups that I belong to.
This is what I was told then...when a parent's rights are legally terminated, in the eyes of Domestic Relations or whatever present child support enforcement unit is there it only takes away that parents custodial rights (rights to see a child and participate in his/her physical life) and legal rights (the right to make any legal/moral decision for the child. This includes accessing records and such of course); it does not sever the CHILD'S right to support. The responsibility of child support still falls on the parent with terminated rights until or unless the child is adopted (or of course ages out).
It was set up this way to protect children from poverty (welfare and the foster care system are looking for some help to support children that are on their tabs) and to stop parents from bargining away rights, although of course that still does happen...It is a "If you sign away your rights, I will stop any and all child support and forgive your arrears," kind of situation or whatever. It is just another one of those loopholes/flaws in the system that many people aren't aware of until they get screwed by it or are taking advantage of it.  | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:30:44 AM | Justlookin' is correct about still having to pay child support even if rights were terminated. He would actually have to pay MORE. When she started all this nonsense we called a lawyer and told us that they could take double of what they already do. That shocked me beyond belief!!!
Naveah...we aren't worried about her running. She lives with mommy and daddy and she swears she will never move out. Which, if you knew her, you'd believe that too. She has absolutely no ambition in life. For crying out loud, she still BREAST feeds her 5 year old!!!
But, with some of your questions...like the e-mails, I'll give her credit for being smart on that front. She will never say anything in writing. The only e-mail we have from her was 2 days after my daughter was born (3 months premature) and it said :
Wow. Another **stard child brought into the world. You are a horrible mother for making your child be born so early. What were you doing? Out smoking crack and ****ing n*ggers? You and your baby don't even deserve to breathe the same air as my kids. They were born healthy and strong b/c I did what a mother should do....I took care of my babies before they were even born. You can't even do what women are made to do: have healthy and beautiful children!!! I hope that both of you die as punishment for your failure as a woman. And now you are going to make her suffer just to make sure she lives for your own selfish reasons. And as far as Mike goes. I hope he catches AIDS and goes through a long miserable death. **** you, **** him, and **** your baby.
Real nice, huh?
1. He pays half of his support straight from his paycheck and the other half is on automatic payment through our bank. The bank just cuts a check and sends it on it's way. It's not paid directly to her, but to a centralized collection agency for the state.
2. Yes, she does have a SSN and we do know what it is.
3. She lives with her mom and dad. That's the only family she has in the area.
4. For proof...well we have the false abduction charge, paperwork from the mediator group stating that they set up 4 mediation dates with her and she failed to keep them all, 26 registered/certified letters that were sent to her (she eventually started refusing them), about 7 hours of answering machine messages left by her, an exact log of when calls were placed to her and received from her, and a log that details telephone conversations, threats made, etc. That's about it.
5. Mainly by telephone. She won't respond to e-mails and she won't respond to letters he has sent. She is smart on that front.
6. I'm sure that she does, but we don't them. Welder moved down here when we met, so she is about an hour away.
Kenny: Yes, the retainer for the lawyer was $5,000. After he works on the case of X amount of hours, we will start getting charged X-amount of dollars per hour. If things don't go exactly as how he has planned, it could run us $10-20,000 easy. And unfortunately, we just don't have that type of money. When she found out we had gotten a lawyer, she called and made a complaint to the CS people that if he was out wasting money then she deserved a lump sum payment from him (kind of like a 'bonus' on top of the CS). CS took it to court and she got a lump sum payment of $800.00 handed to her. Welder did not even get a paycheck the week after it was court ordered.
Talk about being glad that my mom could help us out with groceries that week!
It is interesting what people will do out of spite.
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 6/1/2008 7:34:50 PM |
Justlookin' is correct about still having to pay child support even if rights were terminated. He would actually have to pay MORE. When she started all this nonsense we called a lawyer and told us that they could take double of what they already do. That shocked me beyond belief!!!
I'm gobsmacked that that can be done over there.. I haven't heard it happening over here.... I've looked thru all the family law website and there is no loop hole for that to happen here...even when I had my lawyer and I had brought up terminating my ex's rights he said the same thing I knew about it... everything ceases... financial, emotional and physical... although the only way I could get any financial support out of him if there was CS in arrears up until the time of the termination then it stops when the arrears is paid up.
So if there is a loop hole over there that the "terminated" parent ( that doesn't sounds right) still has the responsibility to financially support the child/ren then their parental rights haven't been terminated completely... it would have to be called something else wouldn't it?
Who would have thunk that the word terminate doesn't actually mean that over there....lol.... I'll just keep shaking my head at that for the rest of the day now.
LOL. Welder's ex sounds like a real nice piece of work.... i don't envy you in the slightest having to deal with that crap... I've been thru a nice piece of work with my ex's current gf...lol... thankfully she hates my guts and she doesn't want to be anywhere near me...lol. | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:42:51 PM | It is interesting what people will do out of spite.
What's even more amazing is that the "justice" system allows it to happen. Kinda why I'm not interested in having a wife (traditional nor common-law) ever again, nor having another biological child. If I never see another courtroom, it'll be too soon. | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 6/1/2008 9:45:59 PM | In Utah it is 6 months with NO contact before it can be considered abandonment! That means that the other person has NOT tried to contact the child at all! Then perental rights can be termed!
If laws are the same where you are... Then as long as he has a log that he has in fact tried to contact them... There shouldn't be a problem fighting her on it!
IMO he should take legal action to try and get some kind of visitation, if he hasn't already! | |
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| Absent parents, but not by choice
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:36:33 PM | Terminating parental rights is just that... PARENT RIGHTS termination. The child has rights too... and those are not terminated.. specifically in this instance, the child still has a right to support.
My ex wife had a son before we met and he attempted to get out of paying support by having his rights terminated... she gladly accepted the papers and gladly continued receiving the child support.
In order to not pay support, the custodial parent must agree to not recieve the support.. That's the only way a child support paying parent can get out of the debt. While there are issues in the USA between states, my sister could never collect child support for her daughters because the father was in a non-cooperating state for instance, the debt still accrues and if he ever returns to her state, he can be arrested and charged with contempt of the court order. | |
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