| Oil Change instructions for Women:
Posted: 5/29/2008 11:46:51 AM | 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00
Oil Change instructions for Men :
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wr ench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss...
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
2 1) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23 ) Get drain plug ba ck in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!
SEND THIS TO WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH...... AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT.... | |
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| Oil Change instructions for Women:
Posted: 6/8/2008 10:16:22 PM | OP,
Keep wishing it was that simple and funny.How about( these are real incidents,BTW)
Go to the lube-shop-and then:
1)They wipe the oil filter clean and charge you for the "oil change"
2)They add only the oil it takes to read properly on the dipstick, and charge you for the "oil change"
3)They cross-thread the drain plug-the oil drains slowly while on a trip, the engine burns up. 1300$ parts and labor for a USED replacement engine.
4)They cross-thread the oil filter itself, -485$ for new oil pump,towing, and labor.
5)They install the drain plug with an impact gun-320$ for a new oil pan,gasket, drain bolt, and labor.
6)They drain the oil, forget to re-install the drain plug, the engine blows, taking the torque converter and the transmission bell-housing with it-1542$ with labor
7) They drain the oil, put back the drain plug, forget the filter-582$ ring job.
8)They overfill the engine with oil-385$ in blown seals and gaskets
9)They drop the whole car off the lift 2584$ body and suspension damage(OOPS)
10)They drain the oil, install new filter, re-install the drain plug, and forget to add oil-see #3 for charges.
Thank you very much , but this drunken, male, Jersey hick prefers to change his own oil, if you don't mind. | |
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