| POF the real problem with modern relationships?
Posted: 5/29/2008 4:51:01 PM | Nooooo, not the site 
I mean the shear fact that there are plenty of fish in the sea.
With so many oppotunities for a romantic outlet, as soon as problems start to arise in a relationship we'd rather 'cut n run' rather than stay and fight.
Wouldn't we have a better chance of building a lifetime relationship if we lived in smaller communities and so depended on our partners more?
I'm only asking because there IS an increasing breakdown in modern relationships....one only has to look at the devorce rates....and this rise coincides remarkably with increased transport links and communication technologies.
So, is too many fish the reason for this increasing breakdown or is it simply a reflection of the stresses of modern living? | |
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| POF the real problem with modern relationships?
Posted: 5/29/2008 4:54:53 PM | | I made it 14 years working on problems before I "cut n run". I think what you are seeing is just the effect of having choices AND of a longer life span. You can almost garuntee that as people started living longer, you see more "problems". Same way with all the age related diseases we see. It's not good or bad but a simple result of the changes in life span and increase in choices, not just in mates, but in lifestyles. | |
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| POF the real problem with modern relationships?
Posted: 5/29/2008 5:00:09 PM |
Wouldn't we have a better chance of building a lifetime relationship if we lived in smaller communities
I don't think it's the size of the community that's necessarily the problem. I lived in small town at one point, and I saw cheating, breakups, and divorce on a regular basis. | |
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| POF the real problem with modern relationships?
Posted: 5/29/2008 5:21:59 PM | I often wonder myself if we have too much choice?
The whole world is our oyster.....we can turn on our laptops and attempt to charm a dozen ladies in an hour from the comfort of our sofa.
Yet back in the day of our grand-parents, they could find a suitable partner living in the same village or at the same school, and they'd meet and marry young, stay together, have their family together, and grow old together... Happily!
I think we have become more selfish and self-centred as individuals. Sex is rarely connected with love, but more ego..and quantity.. Just my take on things... | |
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| POF the real problem with modern relationships?
Posted: 5/29/2008 5:32:04 PM | I feel that geographical opportunity is just one factor in a larger problem that has become the 'norm' for our society. We have far too many choices in nearly every aspect of our lives. How often do you skip over a channel or a movie because you think something better is just a few clicks away?
The solution to this problem comes from a realistic view of what you want, what you need, and what you have to offer. I am certain I won't meet someone 'perfect' for me, but I am also very confident I can meet someone 'right' for me. Just as I can be right for them.
One way to prevent yourself from getting into a bad situation is not to 'settle' for someone just because you don't want to be alone. Be true to yourself as well as any future partners you encounter. If you do find someone that clicks... put your heart into it. No need to continue looking if you really think it has a chance.
We are too used to having 'options', but at what point did we start regarding partners and people as options?
ok... enough ranting for now! | |
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| POF the real problem with modern relationships?
Posted: 5/29/2008 5:34:50 PM | I do not believe it comes down to the numbers, but down to the individuals.
The breakdown is usually caused by impatience, lust and by not being able to accept single life (even short term) as natural.
The reason why building a lifetime relationship is harder these days is due to people rushing into them.. looking for a relationship, searching for one (the motivation of relationship 1st with the intention of friendship (getting to know them more) afterwards).
The divorce rates are high because of the same reason (of course not in all cases), it is because quality time has not been spent in building an honest friendship, which in turn does not allow full trust, understanding or motivations behind a person.
Look at this site for example, and please note i am not judging people for their actions, each to their own.. however you see many profiles that scream desperate (they need a date/relationship now). the same in forums, where you see the same people over and over again after multiple experiences or hurt and or disappointment, back into a search for the next person that can fill that hole.
Smaller communities can possess better quality relationships, because they are able to spend more time getting to know someone, because they are not surrounded by the rush race ect.. however this does not mean that a smaller community makes for better relationships, it just means that the qualities that can be found there are not being seen as much in the larger community (focusing on the fact that again it comes down to the individuals foremost)
just my 2 cents
update in response to the post below:
Every man wants sex on the 1st date, if not sooner. Every woman wants a man to marry her within a few weeks, if not sooner
Bad line to tread using the words "every" "we" and "our" when trying to make a fact, when it not actually fact. | |
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| POF the real problem with modern relationships?
Posted: 5/29/2008 5:35:08 PM | Relationships are something you learn, you are not born knowing how to do it. We have so many distractions in our lives today that people don't know how to have relationships with a real person anymore. We care more about celebrities we see on TV than the people we see in real life.
We really don't have relationships, but rather expect other people to entertain us and pamper our egos.
We are so impatient and we want our rewards immediately.
Every man wants sex on the 1st date, if not sooner. Every woman wants a man to marry her within a few weeks, if not sooner.
Our education is focused more on the sciences and economic subjects and less on Liberal Arts like philosophy and literature. As a result, we are ignorant of things like personal character and virtue. Thus, we too often stumble into relationships with the wrong people and don't cultivate relationships with the right ones. | |
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| POF the real problem with modern relationships?
Posted: 5/29/2008 6:46:58 PM | Absolutely - too many choices out there. This has been discussed in other threads as well. I personally don't think smaller communities would provide people a better chance of building relationships in this modern, globally interconnected world. I don't know what the solution is.
Anyway, though not focused specifically on interpersonal relationships, this article titled "The Tyranny of Choice" is a good read:
http://www.swarthmore.edu/SocSci/bschwar1/Sci.Amer.pdf
and for those willing to spare 20 minutes, try this video presentation by the same author:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VO6XEQIsCoM
Oh and remember: Never Settle! | |
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| POF the real problem with modern relationships?
Posted: 5/29/2008 6:58:56 PM | IMO,OP,
It's modern technology that's the prime culprit. We used to have to rely upon our mate for many mutual benefits, and now, due to all our cushy conveniences, we no longer have the need to literally team up with another person to survive. | |
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| POF the real problem with modern relationships?
Posted: 5/29/2008 7:00:49 PM | Breakdown of moral value. Nothing more.
People more worried about themselves more than others.
Where moral value comes into play ? It is a moral value to take pride in thinking of others first and not yourself. Selfishness is the "root" of all problems.
Think of it this way. Ever heard the term Scared when it comes to relationships. Couple been sleeping together but he won't commit. She asks her guy friends what is going on, they say ahhh hon he is just "scared".
Not to scared to have sex, accidentally conceive a child. Yet ask yourself why he won't commit. So HE wants sex, HE wants to not commit. Though when she wants him to commit she gave him everything he wanted, he won't do it. If she is NOT the right one why lead her on. IF she is good enough to have sex with why not commit. It's nothing more than PLEASING HIMSELF Until that one that he WANTS to commit to will come along. Anyone else see this one sided. I see this in all problems in relationships. Any senarios you can some up with ..Have that same selfish trait. | |
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| POF the real problem with modern relationships?
Posted: 5/29/2008 7:38:04 PM | Breakdown of moral value. Nothing more.
People more worried about themselves more than others.
Where moral value comes into play ? It is a moral value to take pride in thinking of others first and not yourself. Selfishness is the "root" of all problems.
Think of it this way. Ever heard the term Scared when it comes to relationships. Couple been sleeping together but he won't commit. She asks her guy friends what is going on, they say ahhh hon he is just "scared".
Not to scared to have sex, accidentally conceive a child. Yet ask yourself why he won't commit. So HE wants sex, HE wants to not commit. Though when she wants him to commit she gave him everything he wanted, he won't do it. If she is NOT the right one why lead her on. IF she is good enough to have sex with why not commit. It's nothing more than PLEASING HIMSELF Until that one that he WANTS to commit to will come along. Anyone else see this one sided. I see this in all problems in relationships. Any senarios you can some up with ..Have that same selfish trait.
this was a great post, some of the realest sh*t u will ever read in regards to relationships period
very good post | |
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| POF the real problem with modern relationships?
Posted: 5/29/2008 8:09:39 PM | | Trying to explain the moral problems with modern society is not a simple topic and would take pages. Bottom line, we now live in a throw away society and most people simply aren't committed anymore. People also have unrealistic expectations about what to expect out of a relationship (thanks to hollywood). people today have only short range tunnel vision for what is good for them and the choices they make to make their life good. They only see what is right in front of them and seem to not have any ability to predict how their decisions will effect their happiness 20, 30, 40 years from now. They only care about RIGHT NOW. Partly this is because people today also have stopped listening to their elders, who are the very people that used to show us through their example how decisions have led them to where they got after so many years. Modern people not only don't listen to their elders, they do everything they can to be nothing like their elders(ie, parents and grandparents). Different music, different life goals, different careers, different everything. Be different. There is a lot more to it and theories about how we got here, but the bottom line is simple, people only care about RIGHT NOW and everything is ok to throw away later. | |
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