|
|
|
|
|
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/29/2008 7:59:23 PM | This is not a thread about having a broken heart due to a relationship.... It is more of a parent with a broken heart. My son has changed in the past few months, I chalked it up to being a teenager (he is 15) until recently I found out that he is doing drugs. I tried to remind myself that he is experimenting.... doing nothing more than I did at his age.... yet, he is such a different kid now. Where once was a boy with a good, kind heart, is now a moody, disrespectful kid that lies to me about almost everything. My mother once told me that when I was a parent that " payback would be a ****" Oh how right she was!!! I don't know how to deal with this child any more, I have tried patience, understanding, tough love........ he doesn't want to hear it, he shuts me out now when we once had such a close relationship.
Has any other parent been in my shoes, any suggestions on how to handle this??? I am open to any suggestions!!!! | |
|
| |
tgj48
|
Joined: 2/3/2008
Msg: 3 | |
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/29/2008 8:15:17 PM | If he is willing to read a book I have one that will may scare him straight and to get off the drugs The book is "The heroin Diaries." It is a very explicit book about sex and drugs in the world of rock. But at the same time very horrifying to see one person's destruction from drugs. It is about Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue who got of heroin finally and is helping others and kids. At time what I read in the book about what the drugs did to him was unbelievable.
Here is the link for you to take a look at and see if you want to get the book:
http://theheroindiaries.net/
I will pray for you and your son.
All my best!
Jeff | |
|
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/29/2008 8:16:25 PM | | I have thought of that...... I don't want to be that hysterical parent, dont want to be a hypocrite because I tried it at his age too, I grew up and stopped doing it and I want to believe that he is just experimenting like I did as a kid. | |
|
tweepz
|
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 5 | |
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/29/2008 8:23:07 PM | | you have to say what boundaries, if child does not abide then child leaves...no waver...it is your home, your child, you call the shots, if he no like to bad, he will when he face reality...tough love is best love respect yourself | |
|
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/29/2008 8:23:54 PM | Get one of those new home drug test kits.
Lay down the law. Give him an ultimatum that your going to start testing him on a certain date. Set the consequences.
Then STICK TO IT...
Remind him that what he is doing is ILLEGAL. This is your chance to nip this. If you don't take care of this NOW, it will just get worse.
I hope that there is nothing in the household that would indicate that what he is doing is okay. If you have any vices, you better quit them, if you ask your son to quit.
Also, you need to give him something else to do, what ever that may be. Look in your area, for sports clubs. Tell him if he tests clean for a certain amount of time, you'll do something for him, or get him something. Yes, its the reward for behavior. But at this point, you need to save him, before you lose him. | |
|
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/29/2008 8:24:23 PM | | Thank you Jeff, thank god he isn't into the heavy drugs, dare I say Yet???? I watch intervention on tv, and I see all the shit that people go through with drugs and I pray that I dont ever end up with a child that needs that kind of help. I appreciate your comments. | |
|
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/29/2008 8:26:11 PM | I have told my kid from day one that if I ever caught her with drugs, I would call the cops. Maybe you should have talked to your kid at 5 instead of 15.
Call Social Services in your area. They can steer you in the right direction to (hopefully) help your boy. Good luck... | |
|
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/29/2008 8:27:31 PM | What the hell are you thinking about being too tough ???
I ..like you experimented.....actually abused substances at 17 to 30 something years old......experimented in the beginning......abused to the max in the latter......I WOULD have abused at 17 but my hard ass father was hard as hell on me...........
in the latter years before I woke up....it was his hard ass dealing with me at 17 that kept me from self destructing.........
You cant be hard enough on him.......question is if you have the desire/preservence to lock him down while you still can.......
I challenge you because I care...... | |
|
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/29/2008 8:33:45 PM | | I have joined him up in baseball, have pushed him to find a part time job that will keep him busy and out of trouble......... I blame myself in a lot of ways, his father and I split up when he was 10 and he saw an unhealthy relationship between us for too long.... his father is a pot smoker, and no matter how hard I tried to keep that from him, he knew.... no matter how much he claims to not like his father and all that he stands for, I see him becoming so much like him......... I do not claim to be perfect, I made mistakes with my kids, but always, always tried to teach them right, own up to my own mistakes and want so much more for them. | |
|
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/29/2008 8:33:57 PM | | It frustrates me to hear of people saying..oh hes just experimenting, they will grow out of it ect....The way I was brought up was...never try it and if i find out you have tried it then you better find some where else to live cause you will no longer be welcome in my home. My parents made it clear to me there were no exceptions. Im 30 years old and Ive never smoked or even tried any sort of drug. I even rarely drink and I never drink to the point of being drunk. The way I see it, there is no need to experiment, what you dont try you wont miss, plain and simple. Stop being so nice to him....tell him quit the drugs or find somewhere else to live. I know it sounds harsh cause its only pot hes experimenting with...but it can lead to more if not stopped now. Once he gets the reputation of being a jerk(even if its the drugs that make him that way) that rep will never leave him. No good will come of drugs PERIOD!! | |
|
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/29/2008 8:34:41 PM | | for pne hand him over to god, ask god to help ya and dotn stop praying, also if you can get him invlolved in chuch activities and get boosk that show what drugs will do to you and amke him watch theme | |
|
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/29/2008 9:32:38 PM | | I was divorced when my kids were 6 and 7, but stayed involved with them by taking them every weekend for almost 12 years. Both my kids were living in a tiny town known for drugs and sexually abused children, but I had no say in that as it is where their mom and step dad bought their house and she had custody. So I tried being there as much as possible for them, took them to church every Sunday, kept them involved in sports and went to all their games, even if it meant I had to take vacation time to do so. When they hit 15 or so, they were both tinkering with drugs. My son was smart, and enlisted in the navy to get away from all of those people and try to make something of himself. My daughter, graduated high school at 17 and almost immediately moved out of her mother's house, and I didn't interfere mainly because she was only a few months away from 18 where she would make the same choice anyways. She went from one abusive relationship to another, couldn't hold a job, and ended up with no where to go and was staying with people who had a house with a meth lab, where she was arrested with them and now sits in Pennsyvania State women's prison, at the ripe old age of 26. Do what you have to do, chain him in the basement, whatever, but you'd best nip it in the bud, or you may be telling us all a similar story in the not too distant future. | |
|
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/29/2008 10:09:40 PM | Uh, I don't think god's going to do too much to help. Nor will chaining him in the basement.
At some point, you knew he was experimenting and you looked the other way. Do you think that made a good impression on him about how much you 'care'? I'm not trying to be abusive to you, but you have everything to do with what he's up to. He's a minor in your custody. Do not allow him to visit his pot smoking dad if he can. Tell your ex if he smokes dope around him, you'll call the cops on the him ( the father ) and have his visitation revoked to some stiffer level.
The crowd your kid is drawn to does drugs. This crowd is a group of people who first convince themselves it's ok, and then need to see others doing it to validate that. They enable each other IOW.
You need to sit down and have a heart to heart with him. He probably won't like it and won't talk at first. What you need to do is tell him you blew it and you're sorry. Tell him you noticed he was going that way and looked the other direction but are not going to anymore. Tell him he is too valuable to you to idly stand aside and watch him go in a direction that is not best for HIM. Ask him if he's mad at you, or holds a grudge, or is bitter about anything about you. And listen without judging. Don't try to defend yourself. The bottom line, no matter what he might say or how he says it, will be that he feels let down by the two people who are supposed to have a biological objective to protect him, even from himself. His mom and dad.
I would suggest if you can't handle this to make an appointment with a counselor. You go to the counselor alone first to explain it all. Then say you'd like to bring your son in to get help in how to talk with him because you don't want things to get worse. At some point, you may need to just let him go to counseling alone so he can vent without fear of repurcussion via guilt or self-pity on your part.
You need to help your son find a new group of friends. Not all kids 'experiment'. Many kids have healthy pursuits and goals. But your past has made you think differently, and between that, his dad's pot smoking, and now the drug crowd have him thinking maybe you were right Mom. Maybe everyone experiments and now it's his turn. Well, that kind of wrong headed thinking needs to be turned around and now and sometimes you need outside help to get that done. | |
|
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/29/2008 11:30:16 PM | Okay, first of all, what drugs do you think this boy is on? The assertions in this thread so far have been appalling.
Calling the police on your own child? That's absurd.
Mandatory drug testing? Why don't you just lock the kid up in a cage for the rest of high school?
Religion? It's definitely the lesser evil in this case, but only attempt to get him involved in it if you think he'd actually buy into it and enjoy himself.
Rehab? Maybe, if he's using anything harder than pot and alcohol.
There's a reason why a person attempts to self-medicate in life, whether it's prescription medication, street drugs, sex, yoga, or simply working out. You need to find out why he would be doing drugs. What is so bad about his life that he feels like he has to escape from it?
I suggest going to some form of family counseling, or calling social services to see what they can offer like the above poster said.
Don't give up hope. Don't call the cops. And yes, teenagers can change over the course of a 'few months'. It's called growing up. He's having a hard time with it, and you need to be there to guide him as best you can. Find out why he's doing this, and from there you can find a solution. | |
|
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 12:09:12 AM | My son was also on drugs,smoking dope also drinking heavy,he ended up with drug indudused phycoisis/paronia and everything else that goes with it,i did try everything you have,including getting him sectioned into a mental facility,unfortunatly they give him more drugs in there,such as valium in high dose and more so this did not really help,tough love just pushed him further away so much so that he he eventually died at the young age of 23,he went into a coma and drowned on his own vomit,your son will not believe this could happen to him.He was the same age as your son maybe a little younger when he started,they seem to think they are invincable when they are high and its hell on earth for you to see.I dont know if you have gone on to the website called ASK FRANK this as usful information and advice for parents,it ok for others to say get him into rehab its not always the answer,hes taking the drugs for his own reasons,maybe hes hurt,or feeling no-one cares even though you do he cant see this,would he consider some kind of help from a outside sourse?no-one told us being a parent would be so hard at times,please try the website it also as a free phone number that you or your son could call.I hope this reply is of some use good luck and stay strong,i wish you all the best and i hope your son can get off whatever hes taking  | |
|
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 12:27:03 AM | Take him to a program called scared straight were he can go visit a local jail full of people who are locked up for using drugs....In this program he can talk to inmates about their experiences with drugs and how it has affected their lives...regardless of what drug he is doing it is only a gate way to something bigger and if you don't take a chance of doing something now this can be a mistake that you live to regret.....Go to a local police station and ask questions about any programs they have to help keep kids get on the right path however NEVER say your child is on drugs!!!just say he's at that age and you want to make sure he doesn't go in that direction!!! I hope this can help please don't be afraid the only thing worst than failing is not trying at all...........
-Dallas | |
|
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 12:57:49 AM | he's 15, not 18. you've got 3 years left to do something about it. acting like a helpless parent isn't going to do much for either of you. he's your son, and you still have full control over him. it's just weed, its not like he's going to start smoking crack in an alley anytime soon, but at the same time, being around weed puts you around other kinds of drugs. right now pills are big, painkillers and benzos specifically. if you really think that he has a problem, then you should make it very evident that he is going to stop, or else. or else what? when my mother found out i was smoking weed, she literally stripped my bedroom to nothing but a concrete floor and a mattress. that's it. she made my life a living hell.
there are options, but the most important thing to remember is that you're still his mother, and you still have the control. there's no reason for you to not be able to stop him from smoking, except if you just don't want to. you can chalk it up to experimenting, but there's three roads he can go down... either he'll continue smoking weed harmlessly into his 40s, he'll graduate to harder drugs and end up in rehab and/or dead, or it'll just be a phase he'll give up when he's old enough to drink. but if the kid is 15 years old, where is he getting money to buy it? he has a job? take it away. if he's going to spend money on weed with his job, then he doesn't need a job. if you're giving him money, stop. cut his funds, take his shit, and he'll have no way to get it. it's not like he's a girl, and he can just sleep around for drugs, so be grateful you don't have to worry about that. | |
|
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 1:24:29 AM | | You would be surprised what can come of sitting down and smoking a joint with your son if that's his habbit. If its anything more than that, you are right to be very concerned. | |
|
| |
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 6:46:31 AM | you are screwed. lol
first by the son's father, now the son. too bad you can't dump your son.
normal kids dont do drug. there is problem with your family!
good news is, he is still young. i suggest you move your family to different city. so you can isolate your son's friends. thats the only way. if he keeps hanging out with the same group of friends. he will continue to do drug.
i have never have any friends who do drug, and i don't do drug. simple. | |
|
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:36:07 AM | I agree with jie pie ... Move,, isolate him from those people..
I am a hippie and have seen people who just smoke pot as well as those who do crack and meth..
I have gotten a few off the heavy stuff and saved one friends life..
Smoking pot is not a problem and could be the way to have some stress relief without destructive results..
You need to have a heart to heart talk with your son..
Explain to him about the differences between pot and the harder stuff.
Be his friend and not his enemy..
If you truley love and care about your son , show it, while you are having this talk...
Good luck.. if he is on crack or meth there is little hope to save him.. | |
|
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:57:58 AM | You sound like my niece. When her son started "experimenting" with drugs she left it go. What could she say , she did the same thing was her excuse. Two wrongs dont make a right. To make a long story short, she eventually kicked him out of the house after 3 arrests and 2 OD's and his refusal to go to rehab. Lived with his gf for awhile and then got arrested for robbery and woooooo hooo finally agreed to go to rehab.
Needless to say nothing worked and at 18 he ended up in prison. After 18 months ,he just this week was sent to a halfway house for 6 months. He is now 1 month shy of 20 and I fear headed for a life of destruction. There is not a drug that he didnt end up doing.
Do what you have to do but stop making excuses. There is no "experimenting" when it comes to drugs. It cant be predicted who will end up being addicted.
The behavioral changes should be enough for you to take action.
Good Luck | |
|
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 8:21:39 AM | i am in agreement with those who advocate stepping in and taking charge.
get all over your son like compressed stink on shit...and dont ever let up.
i know a woman who used to smoke pot with her son thinking it was cool. how brilliant is that? watta moron because of this idiotic role model, he lost a great job failing a urine test (yeah it was pot nebula), went on to do harder drugs, disappeared for awhile, finally got caught and arrested, wound up having a baby with a worthless witch of a woman who herself has a substance abuse record. all bullshit and chaos...and all LOSERS.
tuff love sucks and you taking on this drug demon will be the toughest of all. you will be hated, despised, cursed, etc. as all substance abusers do to those who care. he will abhor being held accountable, and will accuse you of being what he is to justify his arrogance and beligerance. whether you are nice and sweet or yell at him about his drug usage..it doesnt matter, he wont like it. expect things to get twisted, warped, and perverted too.
but keep in mind...in your heart it definitely is the right thing to do. keep the faith..and dont forget to do what you need to do to take care of yourself foremost! this battle will be draining. i commend you for reaching out and wanting to be a good mother in this respect instead of the piss poor example of a mother i gave above...who by the way had 5 marriages/relationships..all with alcoholics and drug users. talk about being stupid and not learning. this is how the cycle keeps perpetrating itself....defiant denial. stand by your kid...but soley on your terms...not his drug influenced ones. they are wrong....
our side of the fence are all behind you...1000%!!!!!!  | |
|
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 8:54:28 AM | | This subject and this thread brings up strong feelings and strong viewpoints from many different sides, I thought I'd offer mine and I hope it helps. As a teenager I rarely used any drugs, but I changed a lot and my mother and I fought like cats and dogs. We went from being very close and loving and open, to not seeing eye to eye on just about everything. Looking back I think it was just a matter of growing up. At that stage of life you're trying to find yourself, trying to discover. My mother tried the tough love thing but it didn't help at all, it only made things worse. She kicked me out 3 times, at 16 at 18 and finally at 20. This didn't help, and she regrets it to this day. What did help our relationship was time, time to grow and become my own person. We now have that closeness back in spades and our relationship has never been better, I tell her everything and she doesn't judge me, she just listens and be's my friend. Please don't kick your son out the door, it hurt me so much and made me feel that my mother didn't love me enough to stand by me. On top of that it's illegal, by law you are obligated to house him until he's of legal age. The bigger issue is what he's using. As several people have stated there is a huge difference between "soft drugs" and "hard drugs". I am an admitted pot smoker and have tried a few other things, but I was well aware of the consequences of using things like heroin, crack, meth etc. And I'm not referring to jail time, I'm talking about the health consequences. Inform your son about the differences so he knows, knowledge is power, power to make the right choices in life. If he understands what heroin can do to someone then he most likely will avoid it. Some people like to party and have fun getting drunk and stoned, as long as it doesn't get too serious, then, in my opinion, it's not the end of the world, it's just a part of him growing up. If he's partying it's because it's something he enjoys doing and he'll find a way no matter what. Being a teenager is extremely tough, both for the teen and for the parents. As a teen, half of you is still the child you were and the other half is the adult you're becomming. It's a terrible feeling being torn in both directions, but it's a part of life. The best thing you can do is be there for him, educate him, and accept him without judgement. The more you push the more he'll just push back and you'll end up driving a wedge between you that may take years to undo. Be assertive, but not aggressive. If it turns out that he's into the dangerous drugs then inform him of his options for counselling and rehab. Help him to find the resouces he needs and help him along the way, stand by him but don't force; Newton's Laws apply here: for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. It's a terribly fine and tricky balance and I dread the day when I will be on the parent end of things, but hopefully I'll still remember what it was like for me on the teenager end. If your son is anything like me or most people who go through this kind of behaviour, then I am confident that things will get better, though it may take more time than you'd like. He may not be your little boy anymore, but he will always be your son and he will always love you. | |
|
|
| Page 1 of 12
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 |
|
Home
login 
