| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 5/30/2008 2:45:20 AM | Ok, I am struggling with this BIG TIME, and you girls are great with advice so I'm wondering if you can help.
I dated a guy in High school (I was 14 and he was 17). We were only together a couple of months but stayed friends. We dated again when I was 18, again only for a few months. Then we both found partners, both got engaged and he had a son. When I was 23 I left my partner and he and his partner split a couple of months later. After a couple of months we started dating again and stayed together for about 6 months. Once again we went our separate ways both moved onto relationships and settled for a while. A couple of years later I bumped into him in the music store. We had both left relationships within a week of each other and once again, started dating. This time we stayed together for a couple of years but went our separate ways again.
Then 2 years ago we split for what I thought was the last time. I ended up moving to Adelaide a year ago for a guy (but we have now separated) and he ended up with someone from out of town who soon moved in with him.
In february this year he tracked me down on myspace and we ended up catching up when he came down for Clipsal Weekend. I was still with my partner so nothing happened physically...
After he left I wondered if the spark that had been there was only there because we were too far apart to fall back on each other now. I set it aside and went on with settling here. A couple of months ago my partner left, leaving me once again single. He had been texting me every couple of weeks just to see how I was and that type of thing but nothing too full on. Then the other night he told me that he had heard I was single again and suddenly the tide turned. We began talking every night and decided to catch up and spend some time together.
I guess my question is, do you think after 18 years of toing and froing we can make it work?? | |
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| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 5/30/2008 2:51:01 AM | Personally I think if it does not work the first time its never going to long term.But then I guess each to their own and maybe you need to try again to finally get over this man.
I dont see much sense in making the same mistake over and over again, I have done it once and will never do it again. | |
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| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 5/30/2008 2:51:58 AM | | No... sorry , but there was obviously reasons you 2 didnt stay together after all those times you were together. Maybe the splits were mutual , maybe caused by arguements , whatever.. 3 times you have tried , maybe having them as a good friend is what its all about in the end | |
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| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 5/30/2008 2:52:08 AM | Well it sounds like you've had a lot of experience in dating each other so why not one more time? And even if again it doesn't last, have there been any bad side effects from the times that you have spent together? If not, then I say, go for it. At least you know each other & obviously there is something that you both must feel are great about each other & that you are magnetised by each other, otherwise you wouldn't keep ending back up together!
If it was me, then yes, I would give it another go. And if you do, I wish you goodluck. I'm for the happy now feeling although of course I would love to happy forever too but sometimes it's hard to get through the sad now feeling and easier to succumb to the feel happy now feeling... ummm hope this makes sense?
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| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 5/30/2008 2:56:38 AM | I guess that's what always makes it hard....There's never arguements or fights, we just seem to move toward then away from each other. The things is, I have never even cried when we left. The separations never really seem permanent.
Our families are at their wits end, they want us to get married!!
I'm leaning towards the negative but obviously after 18 years there's love there. Hard to walk away. | |
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| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 5/30/2008 2:58:16 AM | A C do you have feelings for him or is he your fall guy ? to fall back on each.
Look at the reasons you didn't stay together the last time .
Maybe you feel he is safe till something better comes along . | |
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| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:00:44 AM | | Aussie, why not? What do you have to loose? Clearly there is something there, you're both older and wiser so why not explore it. Life can be very very short, we never know whats around the corner, don't give yourself a reason for regret. | |
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| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:03:46 AM | I agree with shell & to be honest & without giving you any offence, I think you know already that you are going to give it another try with him, otherwise you wouldn't be even thinking about it let alone typing it here in the forums for everone to see.
AGain I say go for it, & yes life is too short sometimes, grab what happiness you can & if you didn't feel any sadness or badness on it ending all the other times, then you have nothing to lose by trying but everything to gain.
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| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:04:03 AM | My personal opinion, no. But I could be wrong and I am no stranger to finding things that I am wrong about.
I presume that this guy is your first love since you started dating back in high school. I think I can relate to this. I think that no one ever forgets their first love, and all through their lives they are always trying to find someone in their minds who is as important to them as the first love was.
Like any relationship, there are good times and bad times. If you can work through the bad times and not see it as a bed of roses, but sometimes you do get the thorns sticking through, it can work. But unless you do this and I don't mean you personally, but this guy as well, then I think you should be able to work out some sort of compromise.
He tracked you down, that sounds promising, but always remember in the back of your mind why he needed to track you down. In other words, if he had you by his side, he would not need to do such a thing.
Anyone can make a relationship work, just some, including myself, stop trying or put it into the too hard basket, when those thorns come out.
Best of luck in it. But this is the only advice I can give. | |
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| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:12:56 AM | Deb...
I've been engaged (elsewhere) twice but in hindsight I think he is the only guy I have ever loved.
You know the funny thing, after 18 years his hand still shakes the first time he touches me after a break and I still get excited when I see a msg from him. I get butterflies standing on his doorstep again or waiting for him to turn up on mine.
I am going home for my b'day in a couple of weeks and we plan to catch up. I guess I don't know how to go into this.... Whether to be openminded or look to close if once and for all. | |
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| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:41:33 AM | Hey Aussie...
I think you're on the verge of falling in love with your best friend. You two obviously feel comfortable with each others' company and maybe you never actually realised the bond you two have forged over time.
I'm very close (emotionally) with a lady friend I've known since school, and we've been leaning posts for each other many times over the years. Life throws up curve-balls from time to time and it's important to have someone you trust implicitly and openly enough to offload on. We don't live in each others' pockets nor do we communicate all that often. We're almost like family these days and for my part I'd trust her with my life. We realised many years ago that our mindsets are too different for us to be together and yet the 'love' is there regardless.
Maybe you two are a good fit and this is the time for you two to realise that you are.
If it works out for you then that's a great thing... and I hope it does 
Good luck. | |
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| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:49:17 AM | Sounds to me like your feelings run deep .
Why don't you start out dating and take it slow . You have set him free and he has come back
Life is too short to wonder what if........... Maybe talk to him and make a deal if it doesn't work this tme .End of story .The very best of luck . | |
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| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 5/30/2008 4:04:06 AM | | I'd certainly give it a shot. It doesnt seem to me that you've got anything to lose but you could just have everything to gain. Good luck I hope it goes well if that is what you decide to do. | |
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| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 5/30/2008 4:14:46 AM | | i do believe some people come into our lives for a reason....theres an invisible bungy cord that seems to bring you to back together.....im a romantic!....i like the idea that though time you find your way back to each other....he might be 'the one'...take things slow and see what happens...maybe this time will be the right time. | |
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| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 5/30/2008 4:17:44 AM | Heya Aussie....I think if you look inside of yourself and ask what do you want to do....hasnt got anything to do with thatever advice you get or anyones opinions....take 30 minutes and sit somewhere quiet and ask yourself....."what do I want!!"....then run with it.... you can then sit back and say..well i chose the direction that felt the best for me and i now know .....regardless of which direction it goes...
good luck
cheerz all be safe and be well | |
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| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 5/30/2008 5:10:31 AM | | Toss a coin...seriously, heads you try again with him, tails you walk away...while the coin's in the air you'll make your decision, cos you'll be hoping for it to land on way or the other. | |
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| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 5/30/2008 5:20:49 AM |
You have set him free and he has come back
I think this bit is important . . and besides, it's my turn to agree with Debnco. 
But seriously though . . . if this has been going on for 18 years or so (and I'm presuming there are no other problems / barriers) what's missing?
Commitment.  | |
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| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 5/30/2008 5:22:50 AM | Ok the soppy romantic part of me thinks..wow great love story..yes it will work ( I so want it to) ...the cold headed part of me which is pretty dominate at the mo says Nope....reason being is that you have given it way too many goes and you appear (both of you ) to only drift together when you are both single and other relationships have failed...and no real commitment from either of you when you are together...I think your both a habit to and for each other...a nice habit but a habit nevertherless...so No...sorry but I dont think so.........
Dont mean to be cruel and to honest, what would I know...I can't get it together on the romantic front either, I mean its Friday nite and Im sitting at home on the net answering this question...!!!....so the other part of me says go for it...hell what have u got to lose ?...whatever will be, will be....
Good luck with it all and let us know how u go
Cheers | |
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| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 5/30/2008 6:12:00 AM | | High school sweethearts can and do marry. However, the long history of you not being able to form a stable and lasting relationship does evidently pose an obstacle. I think you should consider giving it another shot, given you are both more mature and experienced, but also consider that this may be the very last shot. | |
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| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:47:37 AM | Aussie Chic.......................GO FOR IT !
Though i dont sound it in most of my posts,underneath it all,im a marshmallow.....but,dont tell anybody..
Really hope you find love with this guy,
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| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 5/31/2008 12:36:00 AM | | The difference between being 14 and 31 years of age is huge. At 14 even 18 you were both finding yourselves and beginning new experiences. Now that you have some of lifes experiences then sure I would have another crack at things if I were you. Just remember he won't be the same person from all those years ago as you are not the same person from all those years ago. Good luck. | |
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| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 5/31/2008 3:41:28 AM | Ya know, I never thought of it that way.......
So in the next month or so either we'll be back together or I will be with someone new!!!
We have made some small progress. We have had two conversations on the phone this week. When I mentioned how this was nice and we hadn't done this in ages he pointed out we had NEVER done that. I have to admit, I had been struggling to remember phone conversations with him in the past. He hates the phone with a passion and wont talk on it if he can avoid it. Now he can't avoid we are chatting away for hours for the first time!! | |
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| On A Personal Note....... Can It Work??
Posted: 6/1/2008 2:23:52 AM | seems like u guys turn to each other when a relationship doesnt work out... u both cant seem to be 'single'... it runs its course u move on to other ppl..
u im sure.. know what love is.. what it feels like.. i am not talking the kind where u just care for someone.. i mean the kind that leaves u breathless with wanting.. passion.. | |
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