| Sad for stupid reasons
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:34:16 PM | I'm disappointed/saddened for probably stupid reasons. Is it possible to have a broken heart from not acting or from a rejection that didn't involve long-term dating/relationship? What is wrong with a person like this? I think you/most people will call such a person a wuss or that it's just infatuation and unrequited feelings but that the emotional investment is not as bad as these long-term breakups that people are crying about here.
Is other 'types of pain' such as what I'm talking about not as painful or as bad as these people who are complaining about breakups and failing relationships that were long-term or had a long history?
What if you are just feeling down in general and just have disappointments piled upon one another? When you're disappointed on an emotional level relating to someone you were interested in romantically or even a friend, that has its own injury doesn't it? Or is this something stupid that you can't relate to or understand? | |
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| Sad for stupid reasons
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:45:19 PM | | Hurt and pain are individual things, and only you can judge whether or not that hurt is legitimate. I had to read your post over a few times to make out what you were trying to say, but I think I get it. I too have felt disappointed and saddened by things that I knew in my mind were a bit on the silly side (on an intellectual level). I'm having one of those moments now. | |
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| Sad for stupid reasons
Posted: 5/30/2008 5:50:09 PM | The man I had been seeing exclusively for over 4 months broke up with me yesterday. He said he just didn't feel a connection, but loved me as a friend. Now 4 months isn't what I would consider a long term relationship by any means, but I've been in bed crying and sleeping since he told me. My heart does ache because I truly cared about this special man. I am very glad we are going to remain friends, but I thought we both felt the same about each other and were working towards a future together.
Is it silly for me to be depressed and very sad over this breakup? No, I don't think so. Is it as devastating as when my late husband died? No, not at all. There are different degrees of depression and sadness. I will get over this sadness in a relatively short period of time and life will go on. That doesn't invalidate what I'm feeling tonight when thinking of the many wonderful times we'd spent together, and the grief over us not being together in the future. | |
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| Sad for stupid reasons
Posted: 5/30/2008 5:54:32 PM | Alex, I don't mean to scare you or be harsh, but it sounds as if you may be suffering from a form of clinical depression. It may be helpful to see a professional to determine this.
Getting hopes up, having them dashed, over and over, that will definitely lead to sadness and a sense of hopelessness. It is time to step back and look at all the good things about your life.
When long term relationships die, it can often bring on a sort of grief of it's own.
Being happy can be a battle and you can fight the good fight, Alex. Don't give up! | |
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| Sad for stupid reasons
Posted: 5/30/2008 6:10:09 PM | Depression is one of the greatest teachers! Too bad society wants to kill
this wonderful teacher! If people would only endeavour to listen to it
and try and understand it, they would learn much! More then could
ever be learned in school.
Yes, sadness is compounded when a number of events or circumstances
are piled one atop another! And trying to sweep away the sadness using
logic does no good! I see a picture of a small war amps girl on my desk,
born without arms and legs! The little darling is smiling! As sad as this is,
it doesn't (and shouldn't) diminish our own feelings and sadness! We
deprive ourselves of much, when we do that! | |
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| Sad for stupid reasons
Posted: 5/30/2008 6:23:28 PM | Never feel that to be sad is a stupid thing. So much happens in one's life and there are times that it seems as if this "stormy cloud" won't disappear above your head.
I've wondered those sentiments myself, I've lost and lost so many wonderful people in my life, who I can never see again. When this period in my life began, I wondered how much more could one person take and than another loss. I don't want to trivalize my nor anyone elses situation.
Hey Alex, we're human, we want to feel wanted by others regardless of what "level" of want, it hurts when then there is no reciprocation.
And yes, even after lost my husband to cancer last year, I thought ...I don't want to take any more hurt, but if it was directed at me, I could deal with it, it could not be as worse as loosing my husband. Know what? ....it still sucks! to be rejected...no matter at what level. But, and this is crucial (at least to me), I've been at the bottom, I've had my soul ripped apart and if I feel sad about some "insignificant" rejection or disillusionment on my part..it's ok to feel..but I do get over it and move on....you have to..
don't be so hard on yourself, you'll be ok
take care
Gracd | |
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| Sad for stupid reasons
Posted: 5/30/2008 6:58:43 PM | Alex,
I'm glad you posted this and I feel for you. I don't pretend to have the answers, but I believe I know what you may be going through. I agree with most of the other folks who have posted here in that the pain is significant to you and is not trivial. I know I have experienced a couple of years of seemingly endless rejections, failures, tregadies, etc... After a while you start to feel like you've been blackballed from the world or something. Then, all of sudden when something good happens and you think you're starting to come out of it, the pattern rears it's ugly head again and another dissappointment. After a while, to me anyway, the dissappointments that would have been minor before are a lot more major now, because they're piled on seemingly endless others. Anyway, I won't make this a book of details of my problems. I agree that we should all count the blessings we have, but there are still very real needs/desires that we need and want to fulfill. All I can say is, what I do is to try and hold on to hope! It's what keeps me going. The hope of a better future and happiness is what keeps us going. It's easier to give advice than to take it, so maybe I need to keep reading these posts myself.
Good luck to you Alex and everyone else on here,
Barry | |
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| Sad for stupid reasons
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:02:27 PM |
Msg: 1 -- is this something stupid that you can't relate to or understand?
ALL emotions are stupid and irrational. I won't say that I can't relate to them or understand them, because, due to circumstances BEYOND my control, I AM human, and as such, I am AFFLICTED with the same emotions you are.
Life is cruel, then you die, and it is all for nothing. But, in spite of its incessant maliciousness, an occasional accident of joy and happiness peeps through. When this happens, though, I must WARN you; ENJOY it as MUCH as you can while it lasts, because it will NOT be for long. Endure the pain as best you can and bleed the pleasure for anything and everything you can get from it. Life is agony. Pleasure is but a brief relief from that agony. With that in mind, enjoy any pleasure that is within your moral parameters.
The pleasure will die soon enough, but the memories will live on in your mind. Cherish those memories, in spite of their inevitable tragic ends. Remember the good and suppress the bad. This is the only way I can make my life bearable. Perhaps this process will do the same for you as well. Best wishes for you in your pursuit of happiness. | |
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| "Life is cruel, then you die, and it is all for nothing." Says who?
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:56:20 PM | Holy cow - that statement does not even remotely resemble my emotions, and while you are entitled to define your own life as that of agony, taking the liberty of projecting that generalization onto others as if we agree unanimously is erroneous.
OP - Everyone reacts to situations differently, just as we all interpret things differently. If things which have caused us pain in the past are swept aside rather than identified and resolved, we are left with open wounds. These open wounds are not stupid. They are real.
You are to be commended for having the courage and the strength to share your thoughts. There is a website www. getting past your past.com which may be helpful. The section with BLOGS is a good place to start, please check out "Deciding to Move On" which was posted on May 26, 2008.
Best wishes!
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| Sad for stupid reasons
Posted: 5/30/2008 8:09:33 PM | | Open you heart back up silly, love others but don't forget to love yourself too. Be brave and really let the love flow, there is no such thing as a broken heart only a closed one. | |
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| Sad for stupid reasons
Posted: 5/30/2008 8:32:25 PM | Hun there is no such thing has silly pain ... Ppl today try to hide their pain and saddness and then it all comes crashing down on them sooner or later ... Some ppl will tell you that you are depressed and need meds when its just a matter of eating right , sun light and exersizing ... Its also learning how to let the saddness out and then how to cope with it in the future ... Some ppl have life harder and dont have the abilty or strength to pull them selves up .... its a shame that others think that they are better than them when they are NOT ... Your pain is real hun ... its real ... take care and I hope you find your way ...  | |
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| Sad for stupid reasons
Posted: 5/30/2008 8:37:19 PM | One thing is KEY and maybe one of the most profound things I was
ever made to realize. Our feelings follow our belief systems and
not the other way around as I had always believed.
The good news is that you can change your belief systems and
hence your feelings!
So examine your belief system and search for what beliefs are
creating your sadness! | |
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| Sad for stupid reasons
Posted: 5/30/2008 8:47:16 PM |
Is it possible to have a broken heart from not acting or from a rejection that didn't involve long-term dating/relationship?
Been there, done that, bought the tee-shirt.
I've been so hurt that I've been too numb to cry, and that was from a woman I never went on a single date with. People might jump in and say it was only infatuation, but I say anyone who says so can go take a flying leap. I fell madly in love with her, was rejected, and felt like a chunk of my soul had been torn from me.
So yeah, it's possible. So don't you for a moment think that it's a stupid reason, because it's not. | |
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| Sad for stupid reasons
Posted: 5/30/2008 9:38:46 PM | Thanks CSI for saying that cause I had sent hundreds of texts and spent hours and hours on the phone and met a guy twice .... he ripped my heart out , put in a blender and hit shurapa' ... Its kewl tho ... learn it , live it and let it go ... Yas know the old saying ... Set it free ... I did ... Im happy again ...
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| Sad for stupid reasons
Posted: 5/31/2008 4:28:09 AM | | OP, I believe that there's more going on than what you posted. Begin, by looking in the mirror and figuring out what is really bothering you. Take me for instance. I have been single for 38 months now and I use to be sad and moping around because I just couldn't find a woman that would give me an opportunity. Guess what, that wasn't the real problem. My problem actually was the anxiety that I felt knowing my grandmother was severly ill. I was always worried about how I would handle it when she passes away considering that she is the closest person to me. Well, she did pass away a month ago. It was the worst time of my life, but it has made me stronger. I realized that if I can make it pass the lowest point in my life, then nothing can stop me. I can handle anything. Now, figure out what your real problem is and deal with it. Think positive and quit trying to find romance. I am sure that you are full of romance and whoever you end up with will be as happy as one can be, but you should be enjoying life. Live! | |
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| Sad for stupid reasons
Posted: 5/31/2008 4:31:19 AM | | Being rejected is never a good thing. But tis a part of life and it happens. It seems that bad things do happen to alot of good people. They say that You will never have more bad things thrown at you then you yourself cant handle. But I think for me being rejected and not even knowing why is more painfull then knowing the answer to why. But you cry some you sleep some you let it all go thru your mind and then you pick yourself back up and you try to smile and move on. Life throws alot at you. Try and get up each day with positve thoughts and smile it will make you feel better. | |
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| Sad for stupid reasons
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:10:41 AM | Sometimes pain is more intense because a bunch of short relationships didn't work out and a person feels hopeless. I think it's definitely possible to feel heartbroken after a string of disappointments, as well as after long-term relationships. Heartache is inidividual and you are entitled to grieve however you choose.
I can relate to what you're saying, because In the last year I've had 3 men majorly disappoint me. Not that I was in love with any of them, but I was in a place of wanting something to work out so badly, when it didn't, it made me very sad. With that said, I was with someone for several years who majorly disappointed me as well. I can see it from both sides. I think sometimes we just hope and wish that "this time it will be different" and then when a person lets you down, it re-hashes all of the other failed relationships.
Just gotta keep the faith - there's gotta be a good one out there for you :) | |
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| Sad for stupid reasons
Posted: 6/2/2008 3:28:27 PM | Hey, I want to thank everyone who responded and commented on this thread. I read all your posts thoroughly and although I would like to respond to each one respectively, I'll just say it's 'easier said than done.' However, there were many good points and it's helpful in some way.
I just wanted to reply to one in particular:
've been so hurt that I've been too numb to cry, and that was from a woman I never went on a single date with. People might jump in and say it was only infatuation, but I say anyone who says so can go take a flying leap. I fell madly in love with her, was rejected, and felt like a chunk of my soul had been torn from me.
So yeah, it's possible. So don't you for a moment think that it's a stupid reason, because it's not.
It's good to know that I'm not the only one. Actually, I often think that such a heart break is as bad as someone who has had a long-term relationship and breakup. It's just a factor of time and the fact both people had found each other desirable enough to engage in a relationship while the other situation is one in which a person found their feelings unrequited.
Other situations sadden me but I was able to persevere and tolerate it. I try to mentally figure out how to improve things but rejection seems to overshadow other life's dilemmas and problems. Regret does the same. It's easy to say, 'cheer up, that's life' when your situation isn't as bad or your coping strategies is well formulated because your situation is not serious or the problems are under control. Perhaps, you have been able to shrug off rejection and regret but I think it shows someone truly cares when rejection/regret causes deep sadness. I guess it's not attractive (to women), but I guess sincerity and intense feelings for someone else aren't as valued (as some other trait or characteristic?). | |
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| Sad for stupid reasons
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:16:35 PM | been seeing a man for over 4 months broke up with me yesterday. He said he just didn't feel a connection, but loved me as a friend. .. but I've been in bed crying and sleeping since he told me. My heart does ache because I truly cared about this special man. I am very glad we are going to remain friends, but I thought we both felt the same about each other and were working towards a future together.
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My belated empathy for the end of your relationship....but its only been 5 days...I hope you haven't contacted him. And I hope he gave you a good explanation. There is always a chance he will change his mind, so don't slam the door on his tail.
I wonder, how can you remain casual freinds with a man YOU felt so strongly for. I am presuming he in no way offended you, but still, I can't do that so easily (because I think I have been "decieved" or given the short stick, etc). | |
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| Sad for stupid reasons
Posted: 6/5/2008 3:29:34 AM |
What if you are just feeling down in general and just have disappointments piled upon one another? When you're disappointed on an emotional level relating to someone you were interested in romantically or even a friend, that has its own injury doesn't it? Or is this something stupid that you can't relate to or understand?
My God; you need to toughen up; we all have disappointments all the time. Its called life. What you need to do is stop wallowing in self pity and get up and do something to change things. Rejection is a part of life. I've been rejected in business, dating, and in other ways but I move on. Its not that big a deal.
Its called insecurity. At your age you need to find out what that is and get it. Or it will be too late to change. Good luck. | |
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TLC_
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Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 22 | |
| Sad for stupid reasons
Posted: 6/5/2008 3:54:23 AM | i would never call anyone a wuss, man or woman for displaying any form of hurt and pain,regardless if it is a one off occurance or because of ongoing depression.
people with depression need understanding, not the cold shoulder some would give | |
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| Sad for stupid reasons
Posted: 6/5/2008 4:02:29 AM | Sounds like depression and you should see a psychologist or psychiatrist and make sure that it is not a serious issue.
Plastic Sturgeon of you are intimating that people should walk around with untreated depression that is the most retarded thing I have ever heard of, particularly if someone is a parent. It is highly damaging to everyone around the person that is depressed.
Yes, people can learn from dealing with what life throws at them but if they are walking around in a fog, totally going off the deep end when things are not dire, not doing anything about the way they feel or doing stupid shit like cutting, you think this is productive? Oy | |
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tweepz
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Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 24 | |
| Sad for stupid reasons
Posted: 6/5/2008 4:03:14 AM | | sometimes sad is not end up for stupid reason, you learn and use for better in future, if not for self..for others............ is key to happiness. | |
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| You do not "NEED to toughen up"
Posted: 6/5/2008 4:18:43 AM | OP,
When people make comments which at times on the surface appear to be cold-hearted and harsh, if you allow yourself to shift your perspective and re- read the words without personalizing, then you will see at one time or another, just about everyone has had similar experiences, and the ones who have 'made it through' try their best to offer encouragement. The comments with the NASTY undertones are from people who are STILL hurting today, but regardless, are trying their hardest to eek out words of support.
When I read "My God; you need to toughen up; we all have disappointments all the time. Its called life." - I interpreted it as meaning ~Yep, we have ALL been there and we may be there again, so try your best to prepare yourself.
When I read "What you need to do is stop wallowing in self pity and get up and do something to change things." I interpreted it as meaning ~ Since you have no choice but to accept that which you can not change, the best thing to do for your emotional well being is to allow yourself to FEEL the pain, and then make a conscious decision to move on and learn how to work through situations like this because this won't be the last time you will be faced with rejection, so try to shift your perspective.
When I read "Rejection is a part of life. I've been rejected in business, dating, and in other ways but I move on. Its not that big a deal." I interpreted it as meaning ~Look buddy, I've been rejected too, and even though it has hurt, I am still functioning. It IS a big deal, but some of us feel the best way to deal is to try to minimize the pain, or at least try to say things which we think will make others ~BELIEVE we see things that way~.
When I read "Its called insecurity. At your age you need to find out what that is and get it. Or it will be too late to change. Good luck." I interpreted it as meaning ~ When I have experienced rejection, it triggers off my OWN feelings of insecurity. You may be feeling insecure too. The best thing to do is to identify your own feelings and learn to work through them, otherwise you will remain stuck. "Good luck."
OP - Delivery is everything. You have received so many positive posts of encouragement from people who have been faced with / or are dealing with rejection. Regardless of what you may BELIEVE others think/ thought of you, your own opinion counts most. When you love yourself unconditionally, you choose NOT TO allow other's harsh words cripple you emotionally. You are able to interpret them constructively because you hear from a place of 'love', in order to maintain self love and self respect. Life is all about learning.
BEST WISHES ~ | |
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