| What do you think about this...
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:53:49 PM | Ok, so, I work at a building with a lot of people, and one of the girls who works at my facility is very cute, nice, friendly, and just kinda my "type." I asked about her status to a friend of hers and the word back was that she was "single. Kind of." Basically, she lives with a guy who may be a f-buddy, an ex, or a current bf.
After some flirting over the last week I finally got her alone (she travels in packs with her co-workers) and asked her straight up if she had a boyfriend. She said yes, but still wanted me to call her and wanted to go out to dinner with me. She said if I had asked her a week ago then she would have said yes she was single, but as of the moment she has a bf (apparently they have one of those "on again off again" relationships)
I appreciate her honesty, but it's very clear that she is interested. Her bf is (from what I hear) a "loser." No job, always arguing, whatever. She told me to call her, and I know if we went out it would probably lead to some kind of weird "cheating" relationship on her part. Not what I want, btw.
As a guy, my first reaction is: off limits. As soon as she said she had a boyfriend, guy code says to walk away. Even if he's a dirtbag I should just wait it out and see if she dumps him (again...)
As a lonely person, tho, part of me wants to go ahead and call her anyway and see where it leads. I don't get many chances like this, and life is short. Right? And, I think she would be better off with someone else over her current bf. I think she may just be clinging to the person who she knows will be there for her, even if he's a bum.
I know there's lots of red flags all over this, and I kinda already know what I should do, but I guess I thought maybe I would write this out and see if that helps me think clearer, and some good advice would be appreciated as well.
Thnaks all, sorry about the big block o' text. | |
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| What do you think about this...
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:56:56 PM | Well, how loyal do you think she'd be to you further down the road, if she's willing to go out on a date with you right now behind her boyfriend's back?
I would either wait and ask her again when she's truly single, or tell her to make up her mind before you will take her to dinner. That's just my opinion though. | |
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zeeba
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Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 3 | |
| What do you think about this...
Posted: 5/30/2008 4:01:06 PM | | I agree with sweetness-one. Sounds like that gal is still trying to figure what she wants. You don't need to be caught in the middle. Good luck! | |
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| What do you think about this...
Posted: 5/30/2008 4:02:12 PM | Actually her honesty is one of the things I would figure would make her a good candidate, she could have easily lied , but chose to tell the truth.
However the fact that she remains unhappily with a 'loser' is a huge red flag to stay away, obviously not someone that wants something other than what is convienent. | |
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| What do you think about this...
Posted: 5/30/2008 4:07:25 PM | Thanks, you ladies are basically reinforcing everything I was thinking in the span of about two seconds.
I'm pretty certain that she is with her current out of some necessity of hers to not be alone, comfort, and because she is very poor and it's hard to be on your own. I did basically tell her that I wouldn't appreciate it if I was her BF in that situation, and she understood. But, she still wanted to go out with me.
lol, I guess I just want someone to say "Go for it!" because like I said, I am kind of lonely and very attracted to her. I know the right thing to do, but damn it's hard... | |
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| What do you think about this...
Posted: 5/30/2008 4:14:29 PM | I think she is weak.
I've known various people who can't stand being alone, and would rather have bad company than none at all. As soon as you present a serious alternative, she'll feel strong enough to bail out on this loser.
The thing you should think about is if this weakness is just relating to her need to be in company (whatever the quality), or if this represents a wider psychological flaw that may be more demanding on you in terms of the support she requires - and if you can provide that.
As for the 'guy code', I understand and appreciate the sense of honour - but at the end of the day the reality is that this guy has already lost her, it's just a matter of who, knowing or unknowing of the situation, is poised for her to make a safe transference to.
I would be concerned that she has this weakness about being alone, and it even seems a bit unprincipled, though we are social animals and I think some people are just more sensitive to this than others in the absence of family as modern life bounces us around through education and career with little regard for our evolution in tight knit communal society.
You may want to pay attention to her relationships with friends, to get an idea if she is balanced in her life, or if you may end up suffocated by her.
Those doubts aside, I say go for it. If it's not you, it'll be someone else sooner or later; you might as well take the chance at making you both happy.
Best of luck. | |
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| What do you think about this...
Posted: 5/30/2008 4:17:33 PM | | Well if you must....tell her your interested and if she's ever single to let you know. End of story........................ | |
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| What do you think about this...
Posted: 5/30/2008 4:22:27 PM | OP you know, pretty much, nothing about what's really going on with her and her fella.
I've had woman come on to me like this and what they tell you is generally BS. They like the 'honeymoon' period of being pursued and you could be fulfilling a temporary need she has. She may be bored with her b/f (hence he's a 'loser') - I wonder how long before you become 'loser' too if you get together?
This is a situation ripe for some really nasty stuff to happen - and if you get together anyway you will then be in the situation her current b/f is in. Both of you should dump her. | |
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| What do you think about this...
Posted: 5/30/2008 4:46:34 PM |
Both of you should dump her.
I think that's a little harsh, but thanks for the advice just the same. You're right, tho, I do not know what exactly happens between the two of them.
Granted, I do not know her like an old friend, but I do know she is very sweet, and her friends hate her bf. They tell her repeatedly to dump him, and she sometimes agrees with them.
I say go for it. If it's not you, it'll be someone else sooner or later; you might as well take the chance at making you both happy.
That does make me think...
Well if you must....tell her your interested and if she's ever single to let you know. End of story........................
That is how I left things.
Thanks to everyones input. I should maybe not overanalyze things too much, tho. I can see the potential here for a "fling", and it's enticing, but I just can't do it I'm too old-fashioned. | |
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| What do you think about this...
Posted: 5/30/2008 5:02:51 PM | She sounds like a very classy lady. If she is gonna cheat on her boyfriend with you, then if you got with her, you can fill in the blanks there.
Even if you are lonely there are things still called morals and values. If you call her to see where it goes and she has a b/f already, that goes against morals and values.
Stick to talking to her at work. Even if she and her b/f breakup. She is not classy and she ain't no lady.
~Carrie | |
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| What do you think about this...
Posted: 5/30/2008 5:16:06 PM |
She is not classy and she ain't no lady.
I don't appreciate that.
....go with ur gut instinct, besides what can waiting hurt, you have more to lose if you dont.
Yeah, I think that is the best advice. Thanks. | |
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| What do you think about this...
Posted: 5/30/2008 5:27:07 PM | Ok, dude seriously....grow a pair of balls, ok? SHE'S interested...YOU'RE interested....she's TOLD you she's interested....end of story. Her drama is hers to deal with, not yours. Go for it, and let her deal with the stuff she has on her end.
It's apparent to me that she's looking for somebody that's willing to take charge a little, cos obviously "looser-boy" can't get it done. Take the bull by the horns and just go for it.
Let me know how it goes. | |
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| What do you think about this...
Posted: 5/30/2008 6:20:02 PM | Guy law of Dating;
(1) If she is married, don’t even ask.
(2) Lives with a guy, don’t ask.
(3) Involved, don’t even ask.
(4) Single, ask nicely.
(5) Divorced, beg, plead and charm.
(6) Widowed, give her at least two days or morning before you ask. | |
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| What do you think about this...
Posted: 5/30/2008 6:24:14 PM | | OP, just remember this ~ not just about her, but about people in general. If they do it with you, they will do it to you. Pay attention to how a woman speaks of former (or current) relationships, because this is what is down the road for you. As for her being honest with you, I think she only did that because she sees something in it for her; in other words, she wants to get with you. I think it's pure manipulation. Do you think she's being as honest with her boyfriend? | |
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| STOP RIGHT THERE ! I want to know right now... before you go any further.....
Posted: 5/30/2008 6:33:03 PM | Touchdown,
You know exactly where it will lead. You dial that phone and you will allow yourself to be sucked in and tangled up in her dysfunctional little love web and quite possibly be used as a manipulative tool to make her 'on again off again' buckle down and finally commit.
This girl knows where to find you, therefore there is no need to take you for a test drive while she is seeing someone else. Please understand - if she is involved in an on again off again roller coaster relationship with her boyfriend, she knows she is not 100% available to you. It may make her feel good to know that you find her attractive (ego trip), but since she is emotionally unavailable because of the connection she is hanging onto with her boyfriend, she should have been more considerate of your feelings and told it like it is, by saying, "No, I am seeing someone." instead of planning phone conversations and making dinner plans with you on the side.
Please please please please please know you deserve so much more than this. Please know it is wrong to sit on the sidelines waiting to see if someone is going to pick you over someone else. Please know your value and believe that you will meet someone who will know she is the luckiest person in the entire world because you are in her life. Don't ever think you have to lower your standards by allowing yourself to be someone's side dish when deep in your heart know you want to be someone's main dish. Think about what you really want and then compare it to what this particular person is offering. Does it really work for you?
Willingly subjecting yourself to a relationship with someone who has not completely closed one door before opening the next is a recipe for heartache and confusion.
I'll let you sleep on it baby baby ! | |
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| STOP RIGHT THERE ! I want to know right now... before you go any further.....
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:02:48 PM | Thanks, deepblue. I'm not particularly waiting on this one, I have no real deep connection with her, just that attraction. I'll admit that it was nice to feel wanted on my end, too. It crossed my mind that even if it is just a path to getting used, that wouldn't be so bad for a change.
I know you're right, tho. Thanks. :) | |
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| STOP RIGHT THERE ! I want to know right now... before you go any further.....
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:20:12 PM | If you do this, you will end up getting what you deserve, and you will be another one on here, saying, I went with someone that was involved with someone else, and they hurt me soooo bad. She treated me like crap, she went out on me, she went back to boyfriend, she took advantage of my good nature, and generosity, yadda, yadda.
I think you already made up your mind. The's sooo many single, really single women out there, but you just have to have this one, that is actually taken. Unbelievable..... | |
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| What do you think about this...
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:39:49 PM | RUN.............RUN AWAY........DONT LOOK BACK!
I am sure there are plenty of girls out there that would be your "type", and truly single. | |
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